Honeymoon Suite
by TwiliteAddict
Summary: We all wailed a collective 'ugh' at the fade to black scenes during Edward and Bella's honeymoon. This fic is a captivating look at the romance, emotions & imagery of Bella & Edward's honeymoon, the struggles of the pregnancy & birth, and Edward's joy when he bonds with Nessie while Bella goes thru the change. Mostly thru EPOV. A canon story that fills in all the blanks! COMPLETE
1. Forbidden Love

_Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight universe_

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 1: Forbidden Love**

Prologue:

_I don't care if it's not right  
To have your arms around me  
I want to feel what it's like -  
Take all of you inside of me_

_I know that you're no good for me  
That's why I feel I must confess  
What's wrong, is why it feels so right  
I want to feel your sweet caress_

_Rejection is the greatest aphrodisiac_

-Forbidden Love by Madonna

* * *

The peacefulness of Isle Esme was in stark contrast to the conflict that was raging inside of me as the warm water of the ocean lapped at my back.

What I was about to do went against everything I believed. Yet I had promised to do it.

I should be on cloud nine, blissfully happy with my recent joining of my life to Bella's through marriage. Yet I was filled with dread.

Everything I had sacrificed, all that I had fought for and risked, including revealing my family's existence, was all balancing on my actions in the next few hours.

All because I wasn't strong enough to deny my emotions.

For vampires, whose physical being did not change with the passing of time, emotional being was everything. It's similar to when a human loses a sense and the other senses compensate… our emotional state compensated for our loss of physical state. So it defined us – ruled us.

Yet _feeling_ was incongruent with our true lifestyle. To commit such atrocities against humankind necessitated one to disassociate from his or her emotions. There was no such thing as a conscientious serial murderer.

Yet this was where Carlisle had drawn his unwavering, uncompromising line. He refused to denounce his emotions, what he believed to be the only quality that separated us from animals. He wouldn't forsake his compassion. For once we did, as he believed, we would truly become the dead beings we resembled.

So I strived to follow his example. I lived my immortal life seeking to do what was right as a way to justify my unnatural, vulgar being.

However, the restraint and discipline it took to live the lifestyle, and challenges it posed, meant I had to be detached and separate. I functioned in civil society, but it was a life void of any substance. In a way, I was alive inside myself, yet dead to the world around me. An island.

Then I found Bella. Or, fate had her find me.

I tried to deny what fate had set before me. The opportunity... In fact, I mangled it, ran from it, and even tried to end my existence to avoid it. But in the end, I was not strong enough physically... or emotionally... to stay away from her.

How could I? With her the future held hope, promise and, maybe, even happiness. For the first time in my infinite life, I could _connect _with someone. There could be actually be meaning to the eternal blurring endless of days and nights.

However, reconciling our differences almost cost us everything. In her human form, Bella could never truly understand what I felt for her. My love for her was _all-consuming_. It was everything I was… and could be. _My love for her defined me. _She became more precious than anything else; my survival depended on her frail human life.

Hence, my tenuous position. Her frailty versus my strength. Expressing my love physically could in essence destroy me.

The sound of water running in the house distracted me from my embattled thoughts. I listened to the shower running and Bella rifling through the suitcase Alice had packed for her. I had seen in Alice's mind the items she had packed - and intentionally not packed - for Bella. _My poor girl_. Bella took pleasure in the simple things – jeans and a t-shirt, oversized shirts for pajamas. Now she had to deal with a suitcase full of revealing French lingerie. Not that I minded, but I knew Alice would have to deal with Bella's wrath when we got home.

In contrast to Alice's bold actions, I had chosen Isle Esme to start our new journey together hoping it would ease the transition. We could be ourselves. Spending time together with no observers, no unsolicited thoughts and opinions of others, and no curfews.

And so I waited for my wife in the warm ocean water. The water would warm my icy flesh and cool hers. With any luck, we could embrace and pretend we were truly one in the same. But seriously, who was I kidding? I still had to be disciplined…use restraint, for her safety.

Could Bella ever appreciate and understand that for what it was?

My feet shuffled in the fine sand as my anxiety rose to a crest. I knew what she was expecting from me. I promised it and I wanted it, too. She had resented the ground rules I placed on our physical relationship and my relentless enforcement of those rules. Did she know I wanted the physical closeness and intense passion just as much as she did? Maybe more, after all, I have gone without physical pleasure for a hundred years! Not like I ever planned on celibacy being part of my life. As a young, human man I had fantasized about attaining manhood through the glory and sacrifice of war. Then I would become a man worthy of a woman's love and desire. But I never got that chance. As a vampire, it took too much focus and restraint to live the life Carlisle had lain out before me. Passion and sex were not things I had the luxury of exploring. The benefits just could not justify the risks.

However, on my wedding night, I now saw that this inexperience left me at a terrible disadvantage. I needed to perform as a husband, yet I only knew the basic mechanics of the act.

In fact, I had been so desperate for information on my dilemma of inexperience that on the night of my bachelor party, I had actually sought _sexual_ advice from my brothers. We had spent the night hunting big game. Since the house would be full of humans for the wedding day, it was a necessary exercise….as well as fun. In between kills, we sat on an outcropping of rocks looking over the river. It _seemed_ like a good time to bring up the subject.

I didn't really expect any useful advice from Emmett. I had only hoped I could find a tidbit of something I could use out of all his predictable free-wheeling sex-speak, not to mention the graphic scenes of him and Rose I would have to witness through his thoughts.

From Jasper, I expected that pained look he got whenever he had to decide whether to join in Emmett's raunchiness or let his more "sensitive" side show.

As I had predicted, they did not disappoint…

"Seriously, dude, you are in for some major trouble. Isn't sex with a human forbidden by some vampire code?" He let out a laugh, "Unless of course it's the prelude to a hot meal." He gave me a light-hearted shove.

His words miss the mark, and I rankled at the disrespect they implied at our union. Jasper quickly inserted himself between us.

"I think Emmett's less than perfect choice of words implies that taking your wedding night slow might be a better course of action than rushing into it," Jasper smoothed.

"Maybe you should have tried the sex thing before marrying her?" Em continued. "I'm telling ya, you should have taken Tanya up on her offer. She wanted to jump your bones in the worst way. Then you would have gotten some real experience and released some of that pent up angst…

"Hey!" his face brightened with a sudden idea. "You know, it's not too late to make a run to Seattle….it's not a bachelor party without some ladies of questionable morals."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Great, let's get our under-sexed little brother a very breakable hooker, excellent idea." Then Jasper thought, _ditch him and I'll try to give you something to work with…._

Once Emmett scrambled off after his favorite scent, reminding me of how easily a crow is distracted by shiny objects, Jasper had tried his best to make me feel more at ease with my approaching honeymoon.

"Don't let Emmett's cavalier attitude toward sex fool you. Once, when he let his defenses down, he confessed to me that he and Rosalie had it tough in the beginning. Of course he was immediately attracted to her, but after her last human experience, it wasn't just a matter of attraction. He actually had to take it slow with her. She was very traumatized by the sexual assault that, for all intents and purposes, ended her life. Neither of them will ever talk about it, but it took time for him to rebuild her trust and to get her to the point where she wanted and liked to be touched intimately.

"The way Emmett figured, he had plenty of time and the prize was worth waiting for. Now we have to keep their room on the ground floor…Believe me, it's not fun when the plaster on your ceiling falls on you whenever they decide to fornicate!"

We allowed a moment for chuckling, thinking about Rose and Em's zeal for sexual escapades, but then Jasper became serious. "For Alice and I it's, well, our sexual relationship is more...spiritual. But you and Bella will find your niche also."

Then he cut to the chase, "Listen, bro, I know you're unsure, but I feel the love you and Bella have for each other. I know you won't hurt her – isn't that your real concern?"

Before I could answer, Emmett found us – he was sporting a grizzly bear scalp on his head, ending our conversation.

I had also approached Carlisle about what to expect on my honeymoon. He was my creator and I wanted to make him proud of me, and I looked up to him as a role model as well as a father. But, with that said, I certainly didn't want the _details_ I had sought from Jasper and Emmett. Who wants to think of their _father and mother_ in that way? So I stuck to the more _clinical_ questions with Carlisle.

I had asked him what love-making was like for our kind. He had assured me that everything on my body would work the same as it would for a human male, and that it would be very pleasurable. However, as I suspected, he advised me to monitor my physical reactions. Passion and power he said go hand in hand, and that may not be a good thing for Bella. Something, he added with a sly grin, he was glad he didn't have to worry about with Esme. Definitely TMI….

Bella's almost unexpected light footsteps on the sand broke my flashback. She was finally approaching! I could hear her breathing and heart beat – irregular. Was that from the to-be-expected wedding night jitters? Or did she fear the result of our union as I did? Not knowing made me feel even more insecure, tense.

Even with all the questions I had asked, I still had no idea what to expect – physically or emotionally. Was there even an answer out there to be found? After all, there had never been a honeymoon like this one.

But as she slowly made her way to me, I took in a deep breath and tried to accept this moment for what it boiled down to…two young, inexperienced lovers with no idea what to anticipate.

I only hoped our love would get us through whatever followed next….

Without turning, I reached for her hand as she approached behind me and we waded into deeper water.

* * *

_End Notes: I began writing this before I knew about fanfiction because, well, I couldn't stand the fade-to-black honeymoon after reading all those books! It then became a continuing venture and exploration of Edward's emotions and motives..._

_The first few chapters are shorter, setting up the conflict and resolution that Edward experiences in later chapters - so stick with it - I think you will be surprised by what was truly going through his mind._

_Bella's POV is next since we did not get a view into her emotions on that first night._


	2. Expectations

_Disclaimer: SM owns_

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 2: Expectations**

Bella POV

As Edward and I waded into deeper water, my mind reflected on the last 24 hours. It all seemed like a blur now. The wedding and its preparations had been difficult - so many people, so many eyes on me. Very disconcerting. As usual I was consumed with thoughts on how I was going to screw up the proverbial best day of my life. Would I trip on my dress, wrench an ankle in the all-too-high heels Alice had picked for me to wear? Or maybe choke on my wedding cake? The possibilities were endless and at the time, the day felt like a mine field that I had to carefully wade through. But now it was over. I was Mrs. Edward Cullen. I had met his only condition to my change, and did it with style (thanks to Alice, of course).

I glanced at Edward as I trailed behind him, his hand firmly holding mine. I was struck with the thought of what the wedding day must have been like for him. _All those people_. Unlike me, not only had to deal with their scrutinizing eyes; he had to deal with their thoughts as well. How noisy that must have been! How could he focus with their thoughts assaulting him from every direction? I am sure _everyone _had an opinion, too. Pushing away the consuming thoughts, I instead smiled knowing Carlisle and Esme were probably overjoyed. I hoped he had focused on them and let the other thoughts wash right through him.

But now, here on Isle Esme, it would be quiet for him. My mind remained a closed box.

Under the picture-perfect sky of stars, it suddenly it hit me…this was our happy ending, our fairy tale come true. No longer were we careening toward the tragic ending of Romeo and Juliet. My prince returned and whisked me away. Unfortunately, I knew fairy tales made good bedtime stories, but they were not real. So I decided to enjoy my idyllic happy ending as much as I could...

I took in the surreal surroundings with all my human senses. The sand beneath my feet was silky and smooth. The water, though dark and forbidding, was warm and seemed to caress my every curve. It felt very sensual against my naked skin. The air was unspoiled and balmy. And the sky…oh my, it was filled with _billions _of stars. With no big city lights like in Phoenix or the thick, ever-present cloud deck of Forks, the show in the sky took my breath away. Startled by my sudden sight, I looked at Edward. He, too, was looking at the stars. A satisfying look of peace was on his pale, flawless face.

His presence brought me back to the present. I could tell we were both wordlessly anxiously awaiting what would come next. No, there had never been a honeymoon like this one. How many other brides had to consider if their honeymoon would end in broken bones or worse? I'm surprised Edward hadn't arranged for a medical team to camp out on the island!

I had heard the nervousness in his voice in the house earlier. How he said, again in the same tone as always, "I said we'd _try_." Ugh. The way he said "try"... It sounded like even that had _conditions_, too. I was tired of his "guidelines, but my fear of being without him had me agreeing or constantly negotiating every little detail of our relationship. In the end, he always manipulated me so well. After all, he had years of practice manipulating those around him. I suppose it was necessary to keep his secret, but it left me at a definite disadvantage in our relationship.

But he was not getting out of this. This was _my_ wedding night! I had been exercising as much restraint as I could, always working around his restrictions. Now I was done tip-toeing around his conditions ... beside he had made a promise.

Didn't he have husbandly obligations now?

I could tell tension was building between us…something had to give…and soon.

* * *

_End notes: Short chapter, I know. Press "next"..._


	3. Finally

_Disclaimer: SM owns_

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 3: Finally…**

Bella POV

This was it. Edward stopped wading, turned, and pulled me to him. His body was a hard and perfect as ever, but his skin felt invitingly warm. Almost comforting.

I inhaled deeply as to calm myself. But in that moment, I also got a heavy dose of his scent. It was like a shot of alcohol coursing through my system, warming me and filling me with a tingling, dizzy euphoria. I wanted _more_ of that.

_Yes, more_. Something inside me was stirring, growling … something foreign, struggling to make its presence known. _I want more_ it demanded. Edward wasn't the only one harboring a monster on the inside. _My_ monster felt greedy, aggressive, and confident. I looked with shock into Edward's golden-amber eyes as if he might have heard it growling too.

"What?" he said, his eyes widening in imitation of mine.

"Nothing, um, it's so beautiful here, Edward. Thank you." I breathed deeply deflecting his question. "Yessss…" my monster crooned and I let a grin slip across my lips.

Edward's eyes softened in response. I loved everything about him. We were meant to be together, and I knew my scent drew him in as much as his called to me. How could we so drawn together and not be compatible?

_Time to let go, Edward. No restraint, no apologies _I silently prayed.

As if on cue, he started with his usual rhetoric, "Bella, you must tell me if I hurt you. I don't know…."

I cut him off. No restraint, no apologies…not tonight. "Edward, I love you. Now I want…I _need_…to show you how much. Just love me and let me love you_,_" I pleaded. I felt tears welling up in my eyes, but I knew they were not tears of sadness or even of joy. They were tears of desperation, of bottled up tension that I needed to have released. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself so close to him that I formed my naked shape to his. _"Oh, God, yes!"_ my monster rejoiced.

I mashed my mouth to his hoping to steal away his ability to think. Our lips moved together with a sense of uncontrolled urgency. His fingers grasped my arms so firmly, I knew they would leave bruises on my skin. But I didn't care. I just couldn't tell if he was about to tear me away from him or if he wanted to keep me from breaking away from our embrace. My breathing came in short gasps. Did his breathing stop? No, no, Edward, no control….just let it happen! Breath me in, take me in…take all of me…_now_!

Our kissing was intense, more than he had allowed in the past. When our lips parted, I couldn't help but quickly slip my tongue cautiously into his mouth. Oh, the taste was divine! His body responded, pulling me closer to him. When we broke our deep kiss, he moved his mouth feverishly to my neck, kissing and licking up to my ear. "Bella, I _want _you. _I want you so much_," he breathed. It sent shivers down my whole body and I quaked in response.

I swore I heard something snap as my monster freed itself of any remaining shackles. There was no stopping this speeding train! Hungrily, Edward returned his lips to mine. His hands were moving so quickly over my body, caressing my thighs and my hips, locking me in a steal grip while kissing me with such passion I thought I might faint. _Breathe! Breathe!_ I forced the command through my brain, trying to scream it over the loud roar of the monster in my head. I knew if I passed out now, the night would be a devastatingly total loss. It would just confirm all of Edward's fears and hesitations. _"Don't worry…there's no way that's going to happen,"_ the monster's voice confidently assured me.

I could tell now that Edward was taking in my scent. His grip on me tightened further – more possessive. I knew that this should hurt, but it didn't. It fueled a fire that spread quickly. Was the flow of hormones (my monster?) through my brain providing some sort of barrier to the sensation of pain? It made me feel less human – more super-human. All my senses amplified with new-found powers and every sensation against my skin was electrifying. My body was on auto-pilot. All instinct, no control, and no logic. But who needed logic now? I was drowning in pleasure and I needed no rescuing. I only wanted….more.

We seemed to be feeding off of each other's passion. It was growing white-hot in intensity. How much could it build up before it exploded? I let me hands freely roam over his body. They sought to memorize every curve, every inch of his sculpted form. He was so smooth, silky.

Suddenly, with his long fingers holding me around my waist and rib cage, he lifted me high above him. Then, starting at my belly button, he slowly kissed my body as he lowered me down the length of his. At last his eyes met mine. His were an incredible color that I had never seen before. Like molten liquid gold with flecks of black. A smile slowly spread over his face. My breath caught. At that instant I was captivated by him like I had never been before. I knew in a moment I was about to be changed. Not the change I had been begging him for – to join his existence as an immortal – no, this was the change that happened when a woman truly gives herself to someone else, and it changes who she is forever more.

Every cell in my body knew this was something I did not need to fear or would ever regret. I thought about how so many girls rush too quickly to this part of their lives. Not realizing that the gift of giving themselves to another person was the most precious gift of all.

To become one with another... I was glad I waited for this, to be able to give myself to my husband. And he had waited for me.

I gave him a smile that mirrored his own – giving my permission. His hands slid to my hips, down to my thighs and finally he grasped me firmly behind my knees. He drew my legs up around his hips. I locked them there, gasping waiting for what would happen next. At that moment he raised me up slightly, and over much time, slowly entered my body.

Finally, he was even more than the love of my existence – he was my lover.

Our rhythm began slow and patient like the subtle, gentle waves of the water in the cove. We clung fiercely to each other. Our lips pressed together firmly, as if pulled together by an unbreakable force. We moved to the beat of my heart and his breathing. Time had no meaning and I felt incapable of measuring it accurately. All I could think was "don't stop…don't ever stop". And, yes, I wanted more. I would for all eternity…

I felt a sense of urgency coursing through my body that Edward must have shared as well because the crescendo of our movement increased and increased. The water churned around us. Somehow my monster found my voice box and I let out a long, satisfied groan. With that Edward shuttered….and my man of stone became too weak to hold me anymore. He released me and leaned into my arms. I looked at him as he lay seemingly helpless in my embrace. I stroked his hair and his face. I kissed his lips so softly. And _I _protected him.

We spent the rest of the evening on the beach in each other's arms, enjoying and exploring all the wonders of our bodies. Eventually the sky and ocean began to change colors as the sun rose.

Edward pulled me to his chest and began to hum my lullaby. There was no resisting it. As I faded off into an exhausted but satisfied sleep, I decided there would not be any regrets when I gave up my mortal life for him – I had already been to heaven….

I stirred slighted as Edward lifted me into his arms to carry me to the house. His scent swirled around me as the ocean breeze rolled in and I breathed it in deeply. Delicious.

I hoped this day would be as wonderful as last night…

* * *

_End notes: I was going to quit here, as this was the part of the story I had wanted more of. However, I've written another fanfic and am ready to take this story to the next level. Chapter 4 is Edward's POV as they leave the beach and head into the white room. It's more intense with Edward's ever shifting emotions. Read on…_

_Attention those who wish to send me a review criticizing the believability of my "water sex" scene: Yes, I do know water sex is not as easy as Edward and Bella make it (excuse the pun). So, just ponder this: first, this is FICTION and, second, he's a VAMPIRE. Neither is real! Besides, did you expect Edward to have a typical male part? It's a sparkly peen and it does magical things, of course. Hopefully, you are pleased with my explanation. Enjoy the next chapter…_


	4. Consequences

_Disclaimer: SM owns._

**Honeymoon Sweet**

**Chapter 4: Consequences**

YES!!! I could not – _could not_—keep from smiling. As I carried my wife, my mate, across the beach to our room, I thought I would burst from contentment. I was not human, but I was her husband in every sense of the word. We had consummated our marriage. I had fulfilled my promise to Bella. And although my vampire mind could handle multiple thoughts at once, the typically discordant voices were all shouting the same thing _–"yes!"_

As I carried Bella in my arms, I performed a cursory inspection of her physical condition. No obvious injuries. I could only guess at her emotional and mental state, so I tried to read her thoughts through her eyes. She only gazed back at me through heavy-lidded eyes. She breathed deeply and let out a sigh. Exhaustion? Maybe. Satisfaction? Hopefully. I began to hum her lullaby. She would need her human sleep now. And I was motivated to compose.

A new melody was forming in my mind -- swirling with the island breeze, Bella's scent, and the new experience of pleasure I never could have imagined existed. Floating. Drifting. My fingers longed to glide along the soft keys. I felt a strong need to capture this moment, to save it in timeless musical notes and play it sweetly over and over again. Carlisle had told me our physical love would be life changing, but I just couldn't comprehend or imagine truly what he meant, until it happened. It was beyond words -- was it beyond music too?

Bella had wanted a physical relationship, something I longed for and feared at the same time. But now I wondered, was my fear unwarranted? Our lovemaking seemed…almost effortless, natural. Could it really be this easy?

I continued to hum her lullaby softly as we entered the white bedroom of the beach house. I left the French doors open and the ocean breeze caught in the netting surrounding the big bed billowing it out. I laid her beautiful form gently on the crisp white linens.

"Mmmm," Bella sighed again. "Not tired," she mumbled. The moonlight filtered in through the room making all the white objects in the room glow softly. Bella's warm chocolate eyes sparkled as they searched in the low light for mine.

"Sleep now, my Love. All is well and we have much time to enjoy each other. It's just us now." I leaned over and gently stroked her pale skin with the back of my hand. Out of the warm water our skin had returned to normal temperatures – fire and ice. I smiled for her as I sought to reassure and comfort her into sleep. I turned to leave.

"Edward…."

"Yes, my Beloved."

"A kiss goodnight?"

"I would deny you nothing anymore, Bella," I said from the depths of my still heart. I leaned over her again and pressed my lips to hers.

Bella kissed back, more exuberantly than I had expected. There was that sensation again – swirling, drifting – it caught me by surprise. And so did Bella's sudden urgency in her lips. My senses were overwhelmed, flooded and I was being pulled under. Bella's kiss was seeking my surrender. At once, she seemed to be everywhere around me. I felt her emotionally, physically, mentally – she filled me completely.

"Yes, yes my love, all of me," I responded breathlessly to her unspoken words. I kissed her back with a deep need to communicate a message to her. I was hers in every way, changed in every way and I was willingly at her mercy. Curious – another aspect of love I did not comprehend or anticipate.

I had expressed my love by protecting Bella, seeing to her needs, caring for her, and trying to fulfill her desires. As my wife, she would want for nothing. But now, I felt a need to empty all that I was into her. Not to protect or comfort but to give away _everything_. Be vulnerable. How could this weakness be so pleasurable? I did not understand, but I knew I had to be closer to her.

Without breaking our passionate kiss, I gently eased myself into the bed, covering her with my cool body. I sensed everything about her at once. Her rapid, uneven breathing and her heart beat that pounded in my ears. Despite my coolness, her skin flushed as our building tension caused the blood vessels in her skin to dilate.

Without the water to dilute the surroundings, her intoxicating scent exploded around me -- and I burned. Her blood so close to the surface as we moved together. As I kissed her face and neck I could taste the salty sweat that was forming on Bella's body. I was on fire. My control slipping away.

My hands moved to caress every part of her soft, damp body. Strands of her disheveled hair clung to her face. She clutched my upper arms in a steel grasp and arched her body beneath me. So much need, so much desire.

Like a switch had been flipped, the venom flowed heavily in my mouth. Red seeped around the edges of my field of vision. My fingers flexed around her and a low growl was creeping up from the depths of my gut.

"Take me, Edward, my Love…Take all of me now!" Bella cried out.

_Out of control._

It was too much. I had surrendered my control and that which I struggled to suppress tore out of me_. "Take her!"_ My lips danced to Bella's neck. Pulsing, pulsing.

"_It's o.k. She's yours now – just bite. Make her yours for eternity. It's what you both want." _

Our lovemaking was creating so much palpable energy around us that the room seemed to vibrate around me. Bella cried out my name.

_No control._

I bared my teeth. I knew they glistened with venom in the moonlit room. I slid them along Bella's moist neck. She moaned. And I bit down – hard and violently. Our energy exploded like a volcano suddenly erupting into life, launching pieces of everything in all directions.

Bella went limp beneath me.

All around her down feathers, captured in the billowing netting, floated and noiselessly settled. The shredded pillows lay in a heap next to her.

Silence.

Bella appeared to have given all that she had left in her to give. She fell into an exhausted sleep. So peaceful in sleep. And so oblivious to the violence that had surrounded her moments ago. I tore my eyes away from her feeling unworthy to look upon my angel. I was riddled with guilt and repulsed at my weakness.

I had wanted to give myself to her completely, as a human husband would. But I wasn't human and I couldn't continue to fool myself into believing I could be something I was not. Ultimately, I was a killer. In that moment _I knew_, one way or another, I would end Bella's life. Alice had seen that long ago. I tried with everything I had to fight that reality. But I was not going to win this one.

I slumped in the bed, unable to reconcile what I knew to be true with what I had wanted for Bella's life, for her soul. I could not face her in the morning. I could not admit to what a monster I was. I would not tell her what I almost did.

She believed in my strength and my control. I needed it back – for her. I had to rebuild the cage around the creature that I had so carelessly let out. Bella wouldn't understand though. She'll be very displeased with what I knew I had to do. I saw no other way. We could not be together, make love, until…until I ended her life and brought her into my world…for eternity.

_

* * *

_

_End notes: I love writing Edward's POV! I really hope you enjoyed it too. _

_I took a break from this story to write Carlisle and Esme: How the Love Story Began. __But now I am back to this story. I will be adding chapters slowly. Hopefully up to where B&E leave Isle Esme. _

_Please drop a review before you go....and hurry to the next chapter..._


	5. Contradictions

_Disclaimer: SM owns_

**Honeymoon Sweet**

**Chapter 5: ****Contradictions**

**_Author's Note:_** For months now I had wanted to continue this story after many kind reviews. But I couldn't seem to put myself in the dark place Edward would be after realizing what he had almost done to Bella. What a setback for him! Today I find myself in that dark place. This is my little tribute to Michael Jackson whose music was an important part of my younger days.

_

* * *

_Without knowing how I got there, I found myself at my piano. In the dark, it waited silently for my skillful caress. I slid onto the smooth bench.

It wasn't always here though. At first when the family was only Carlisle, Esme and I, this private retreat was a welcoming place. We could be in the open and be ourselves on the tiny island. There was nothing like it.

But as Rose and Emmett and then Alice and Jasper joined the family, the Cullen family trips became an exercise in how invisible I could become. Sharing a secluded paradise with three pairs of lovers only emphasized the fact that I didn't fit in.

I was a misfit even in the vampire world. At 17 years of age, I was not quite a man, but not a boy. Trapped forever in a warped version of Never Never Land.

So the piano was shipped to the island in hopes it could be my companion and keep me returning to the island with the family. Esme knew music was the one thing in this world that, as she put it, 'fed my soul'.

I sneered. _My soul._ Its existence and fate frequently the subject of heated debates with Carlisle and then subsequently with Esme. It was easy for them to believe, to have faith and to hope. They were never sinners. I was.

I had been a killer cleverly disguised as a hero. A vigilante. Though I was taken back with open arms, could I ever really atone for my sins? Could I _ever _be forgiven? And whose forgiveness did I want anyway?

To protect myself and others, I built walls. I kept myself in and others out. In this manner I hoped to avoid the scrutiny of others. But it was a catch-22: The more I retreated the more they began to talk. I heard their words and their minds. I was Edward Cullen the Freak.

This was the world I lived in before Bella.

She was my savior. She was the one who made me feel worthy. Worthy of this existence I was forced into. I wanted to believe if someone as good and pure as Bella could love me, then I had to be good. Bella didn't have to love me. She didn't have to see good in me. But she did. _And I believed in her_.

After what happened tonight I realize I was too blind in love to realize what I was doing: leading Bella on a path to her ultimate destruction. I was blinded by what my family wanted and supported with every bit of their being (well, except for Rose). They wanted this relationship to work because they wanted my happiness. They wanted the walls torn down. So I took that leap of faith. I believed I could be happy with Bella. And I manipulated her to conform to what I saw as the perfect union. To what I thought would be happiness for us. In our marriage I could have her to myself.

Only now, looking back, do I see my selfish scheme clearly. From the beginning I wanted to possess her. Drink of the blood that sang to me. I couldn't deny my true nature. But after saving her blood from spilling in the school parking lot, I began to see Bella as helpless. Yet her fragility was in such contrast to her strong ability to block my gift. I needed to protect her long enough to unlock her secrets. Figure her out.

My curiosity morphed into admiration as I witnessed her ability to see beyond herself, even sacrifice herself, for others. I wanted those qualities for myself. She had to be mine.

Possession and love. I had put these two together. Seen them as the same, yet they are a contradiction. Possession was ownership. Love was adoration, self-sacrifice, and giving.

In frustration at my nearsightedness, I splayed my hands against the keys. The cacophony of notes belied my thoughts. Ugly. The sound was ugly. Inside, I was too.

I stared at my piano in confusion. How could such an ugly sound come from an instrument capable of such beautiful melodies?

I pondered the keys. Black and white.

So much contradiction in my life. Good and evil. Life and death. Love and hate. Faith and despair. Finding my reason to live and knowing I was to condemn her to an eternity of death. Bella made me believe in my goodness and then she asks me to be a killer.

Yes, she believes it is what she wants--to become like me--to share my immortality. But in reality adolescences can be a rash time in one's life. A time when the brain has full capability of the accelerator, but only limited use of the brake. What if she wants immortality now, but later, reconsiders?

Would I one day see in her eyes what I occasionally saw in Carlisle's? _Regret._

He often wondered if he did the right thing. I heard it in his thoughts. And it makes me wonder too. Should I have been left to die? Was that truly my fate and I have been living a life I never should have had? Living on borrowed time. Never truly meant to continue in this world. An abomination to nature.

_Damn this vampiric brain!_ I shook my head violently. My thoughts were chaotic, disjointed and my head spun with the incongruity of my internal conversation. What concerned me the most was the lack of potential solutions. I couldn't hide in my fortress of solitude and I couldn't destroy my savior's soul for my benefit.

However, this I did know: Bella would sacrifice her relationship with her parents and her friends for me. And if I truly loved her, not just wanted to possess her, I would _not_ allow her to make such a sacrifice.

I need to fix this. To love Bella, to give her all that I had promised her, yet not make her chose between life with me and…well, life.

Again I looked down at the keys.

Black and white.

But what of gray? What is the middle ground_? Think, Edward!_ Can there be a compromise? Can I create harmony out of discord?

Time. I needed time.

To make love to her again would mean destroying her humanity. I was not ready for that. Delay. I have to delay, distract her, until I can figure this out.

Delay meant deception and withholding the physical relationship I promised Bella we would have once we were married_. It meant more manipulation…_

I was taken by surprise as the first rays of the sunrise illuminated the room. I dragged myself from my piano bench and back to the bedroom.

In the pale light I gasped at what I saw.

Bella's skin was covered with large bluish-purple bruises.

I seethed. _Monster!_

I raked my hands through my hair. I so wanted to inflict pain on myself. Suffer the pain Bella must have silently endured while I sought pleasure in our lovemaking.

My instinct to run broke though my thoughts. I had done it before. When I first lusted after Bella's blood and again when I left her after Jasper's near attack. _You know that is not the solution! _my mind screamed.

No, I would not be a coward again. I had insisted Bella become my wife. We bound our lives together. I could not leave.

I would find my solution.

I just needed more time…

* * *

_End notes:_ Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read my little story. I appreciate you. If you'd like to leave a review/comment…you know what to do…

More to come....

_Also, if you do like this story, please check out my other love story: Carlisle and Esme - How the Love Story Began. It has some **fun** Edward parts in it too!_

Thank you!


	6. Resolve

_Disclaimer: SM owns. Concepts taken from Midnight Sun and excerpts taken directly from Breaking Dawn are for story enhancement - no copyright infringement is intended._

**Honeymoon Sweet**

**Chapter 6: Resolve**

_Last chapter: I gasped at what I saw. Bella's skin was covered with large bluish-purple bruises._

Now, it was not only a question of whether I should 'change' Bella, it was a question of if I could…

While part of my mind churned out schemes to protect Bella from me (and quite frankly, from herself), another part dwelled on the scene before me.

Everything enclosed in the gossamer netting was covered with down feathers, including Bella.

Reacting to the heat and humidity of the island, she had tossed aside the covers. Her skin glistened with perspiration.

In the faint morning light, I took in the sight of her naked form. The memories of last night washed over me, causing my stomach to coil.

Last night, for the first time, I dared to allow myself to experience Bella with all my senses.

Through my sense of touch I had memorized every curve, line and crease as I caressed every part of her body with my hands. My mouth mapped out and tasted parts of her that had never been revealed to me before.

I committed to memory each time she responded to my touch – in that way I would learn to be the perfect lover.

Her sweet blood coursed through her arteries with each contraction of her frantically beating heart. I could hear the rush of it creating a beautiful symphony when combined with Bella's lustful vocalizations.

It was intoxicating.

But I had neglected my sense of sight in the last twelve hours, so now I drank her in with my eyes.

Her curves-- so rounded, soft and flowing. Different from mine – angular and abrupt.

She looked like a goddess with her dark hair flowing over the pillows and contrasting with the white silk sheets. She was the epitome of womanhood. Worthy of worship.

But instead of worship, I had brought violence upon her. Each bruise I observed on her skin struck at my heart like the end of a whip.

I could not change what had happened, but I _would_ control what happen from this time forward.

I climbed smoothly into bed with Bella. My body could repent for its sins by providing coolness to Bella's slumber. I manipulated her gently as to rest her head on my chest and then I pulled her to my side. I strategically placed my cold palms on her most prominent bruises with the hope of decreasing any swelling.

Then I waited.

Eventually, the change in her rate of breathing let me know she was in the process of waking.

The thought of facing her rapidly gripped me in fear.

_Fear_ -- an emotion that, before Bella, was foreign to me.

I had already faced what most humans consider their worst fears. I had experienced an agonizing death and an equally agonizing rebirth. And while many foolishly feared the loss of their possessions, I had left mine behind without a second thought. Nothing had the power to hold me in the grip of apprehension – until Bella.

In fact, I believe fear was one of the initial emotions she evoked from me…

Curiosity over her silent mind had stuck me first.

Then I was hit by her scent. The song of her blood.

From that day forward, I feared killing her. I tried to master my urges, but when I realized I was in love with her, I found fear once again became my companion. Bella was fragile, clumsy, and at times, oblivious to the danger that surrounded her. I feared my inability to protect her.

But I didn't wear the white hat of the protector anymore, did I. Through my unleashed sexuality, I had become the villain once again.

Bella wanted me to transform her – but now I questioned if could I do that without killing her. And if I tried to transform her and it went wrong, I _would_ become a killer again. I would lose every bit of humanity she had helped me rediscover.

But what I feared the most--at this moment--was Bella's reaction to what I had done to her. How could she not see me for the monster that I was? Once she saw the bruises and felt the pain I inflicted, would those chocolate-brown eyes look at me with contempt? Disappointment? Pity?

_Fear..._

I sucked in a breath as I felt her stir ever so slightly.

To my astonishment, her first reaction sounded like…a giggle?

"What's funny?" I questioned.

Her stomach growled.

Again she laughed, "You just can't escape being human for very long."

_No, Bella, you can't escape it. It's how it should be…_

I could feel her eyes upon me, though I refused to look into them, afraid of what I might see. She stiffened against me and I could feel her inquiries forming…

"Edward, what is it? What's wrong?"

_How would she try to protect me from the truth I wonder?_

"You have to ask?" I said a bit too harshly. I immediately regretted it. It was not her fault, for God sakes.

I looked at her face. Worry lines creased her brow. I reached out to smooth them as if I could wipe away her concern so easily.

"What are you thinking?"

The sooner she spoke the harsh words I deserved, the better. Like ripping off a band-aid…at least that's what I had heard.

"You're upset. I don't understand. Did I…"

_Oh, Lord, here it comes. She somehow was going to take the blame for this! No way…_

"How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth – don't try to downplay it." I was also worried about the injuries I couldn't assess visually.

"Hurt? Why would you jump to that conclusion? I've never been better than I am now."

_And there it was! So completely predictable. We were quite the pair: the self-loather and the self-sacrificer._

"Stop that," I retorted.

"Stop what?"

I felt like Jacob chasing his tail… "Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this."

"Edward! Don't ever say that."

_Something else we were good at: denial_

"Look at yourself, Bella. Then tell me I'm not a monster."

"Why am I covered in feathers?"

I exhaled impatiently, "I bit a pillow. Or two."

_Oh, and Bella, I almost ended your life when I was supposedly expressing my love!_

I continued, "That's not what I'm talking about." I took her arm, "Look at _that_."

"Oh."

_Yes, 'oh'. No denying it now… _

To further convince her of my spur-of-the-moment ability to cause her harm, I placed my fingers over the bruises. They were a perfect match.

The rest of our…conversation…was typical. Bella assuring me she was 'fine'. She even tried to turn the tables by insinuating that she had enjoyed our lovemaking but maybe I had not.

Sadly, I had enjoyed it. It had been the most fulfilling experience of my existence.

But at what cost?

My medical training had taught me to always consider the risks and the benefits of any course of action. My conclusion: the benefit of my pleasure was not worth the risk of killing Bella in a moment of blind passion.

And that was the crux of the situation. If I lost control like I did last night, I wouldn't 'change' her – I would kill her. Drain her completely. Why couldn't she understand that?

She argued the point, but my resolve was set.

Again I put on the shroud of restraint and polite distance. The same one I had worn before when I left her standing in the woods. But this time she recognized it immediately…

"You aren't going to touch me again while we're here, are you?"

It stung that I again had to make the best decision on behalf of both of us. I had to make choice that was best. Bella just didn't know what was truly in her best interest.

I reached out to touch her cheek – to soothe the shadow of the injury I had caused. She misunderstood.

"You know that's not what I meant."

"I know. And you're right. I will not make love with you until you've been changed. I will never hurt you again."

I witnessed her disappointment. It was devastating. I wanted to give her everything.

Jacob's words from our wedding night rang through my head. He had been right after all. _Great. _Damn dog always seemed to know her better than I did. Was there any escaping his influence?

After a human morning consisting of showering and eating, I was determined to still show Bella an enjoyable honeymoon (minus the sex part). I took it upon myself to be the ultimate tour guide.

I was encouraged by a recollection of Carlisle thoughts when he married Esme. He looked forward to showing Esme the world. Being that she had lived her human life in a small farming town, it was something he could give her that was like nothing she had ever experienced. And from Esme's thoughts, I knew she found it to be incredible. It had brought them closer together…

So we discovered the island together.

It was different for me this time. I had never appreciated the beauty of the island until I had someone to share it with. It's like I saw it with new eyes.

We took in the underwater world. I tried to describe to her the beauty of the colors as seen through vampire eyes. The sunlight penetrated the shallow coral reefs displayed an array of shades that I had previously not known to exist. I thanked Bella for opening my eyes to the beauty of things around me, things I had previously taken for granted.

But not matter how much she exclaimed the rainforest amazed her or how charming the porpoises and wild parrots were, the smile she displayed never reached her eyes.

There was only one thing she wanted from her new husband…and it was the one thing I felt I could not give her.

I continued to search for my answer as I sought to distract her with island pleasures. Although she tried to lure me into physical relations through many avenues – begging, bargaining, pleading, reverse psychology, wearing _all_ the revealing lingerie Alice had packed and -- her favorite -- pouting.

Although it was difficult, my resolve stayed firm, my decision had been made: do what was best for Bella.

At the end of every day, I marveled at her ability to eat and sleep. Such human things – and I found them fascinating, especially since I could now witness every moment with her. I loved her company, but I couldn't escape the feeling that I was living on borrowed time – that something would go wrong and I would lose my Bella forever…

Our evenings were becoming routine. Bella would eat dinner and barely make it to the bedroom before falling asleep. Many times I had to carry her to bed.

We were now residing in the blue room as the white room still looked like a hen house that had been ransacked by a hungry fox.

Once she was sleeping peacefully, I would sit at my piano – waiting for inspiration. How do I reconcile my desire to keep Bella human and alive, yet be the husband she wants?

My fingers played out one tragic opera after another – finally settling on Phantom of the Opera. The parallels were undeniable. _Monster indeed..._

My thoughts were so bottomless that I was actually startled by the ringtone of my phone.

The caller ID displayed 'Alice'. Somehow I knew this would not be a simple conversation…

"Alice?"

"Edward!" Her voice sounded more shrill than usual. "Edward, what is going on?"

"I don't understand. It's 3:30am here. Nothing is going on. Bella's sleeping." Then I remembered who I was talking to: "What is it?" My voice was now reflecting the stress I heard in hers. I realized her tone had to indicate a disconcerting vision she experienced.

"Alice!" She could have recited the entire Book of Psalms in the time I had waited for her to respond to my inquiry. Her hesitation only amplified my distress. I jumped to the worst conclusion… "Who Alice?"

"Bella."

I froze on the other end of the phone. I could feel anger filling me up and I knew when I released it, the damage would be beyond belief.

"Edward," Alice tenuously began speaking again, "remember the vision I had when I first knew the decision your heart had made. The vision I saw when you fell in love with Bella?"

"Yes." I spoke between gritted teeth. She was mercilessly dragging this out…

"Remember I saw two distinct visions showing two possibilities. In one you were holding -- um, okay, I'm going to say it -- a drained Bella. The other was Bella and I, but with Bella as a vampire?"

"Yes, Alice, please…"

"Listen Edward," her voice shot up another octave, "It's gone, Edward, it's gone!"

"Alice! You're not making sense! What's gone? What happens to Bella!" I was standing now, shrieking into the phone. After all the time I spent ruminating about Bella's fate, I knew the answer was coming – why didn't she just say it!

"I lost the vision of Bella as a vampire; the only one left is the one of her lifeless body, Edward! You have to do something!"

_So that was it. I was to destroy Bella and my life too._

My mind callously displayed the vision I had seen in Alice's thoughts two years ago and again in Italy: Bella in my arms, pale and lifeless. As well as the image of Bella as a vampire. I had fought against these images with everything I had. But I didn't fight Alice's gift now. It seemed inevitable. I just wasn't strong enough…

But in this moment, I knew which one I would pick, given the choice: I would much rather have her in my life than not at all. I was greedy that way.

I found myself on the floor, still holding the phone to my ear like a lifeline, hoping Alice could say something that would save me.

"Edward! What decision did you make to change my vision?"

"I don't understand, Alice…I haven't decided _anything_…except that I could not hurt Bella again. I have been keeping my distance. But now you tell me I still will kill her." My voice weakly replied to her inquiry.

"No! No! That's why you have to do something! I've been misinterpreting my vision, Edward! You don't kill her, but your decision to not risk hurting her causes _her _to make a decision that results in her death! Do you understand? My vision was always a result of _Bella's_ course of action -- _not yours_ – well, at least not directly."

"_What_?" I straightened up and pressed the phone tighter to my ear as if that would make Alice's words any clearer…

"When you recently made the decision to not be physically involved with her, _she _must have decided to seek _another_ vampire to change her. But it doesn't work out – Edward, she dies!"

* * *

_End Notes: Longer chapter with a twist at the end! See what we humans miss when we sleep..._

_As always, your feedback is appreciated to help me along as this story unfolds_...

_Also check out the latest addition to 'Through Their Eyes' (my story of events as seen through Carlisle and Esme's perspective)._


	7. Revelations

_Disclaimer: SM owns. Excerpts taken directly from Breaking Dawn are for story enhancement - no copyright infringement is intended._

**Honeymoon Sweet**

**Chapter 7: Revelations**

The bottom dropped out from beneath me creating a vacuum that sucked the remaining air from my lungs.

Alice's words filled my head and I systematically processed them one by one. Although I comprehended their meaning, my brain searched relentlessly for loopholes. There had to be a way to prove her vision wrong. But I was stalled on one blatant fact: s_omeone –someone other than me!—would attempt to change Bella._

"Who?" It was the only answer I really needed to know. My course would be set after I secured that name from my omniscient sister. _No one had the right to perform such an act on my wife! She was mine. _Hatred brewed inside of me for the unidentified vampire, who I was woefully aware, would most likely be a family member.

"I don't know. I can't see," she said.

"That makes no sense, Alice."

"Actually, Edward, my gift _in general_ makes no sense," was Alice's agitated reply. "I don't know, maybe it's your distance from me or maybe it's that Bella hasn't completely decided."

Her guesses did not pacify my need to know more. In an attempt to work through the myriad of possibilities, I began identifying the possible suspects and I ranked them by his or her likelihood of committing such an act.

"Alice, Bella trusts you. Could it be you she comes to?"

"No! No, Edward," she blurted in a rush. "I would never attempt something like that on _Bella_! I'd never be able to live with myself if I hurt her." She paused before continuing, "Carlisle seemed willing…" I could hear her guilt over even suggesting him.

"I can't imagine Carlisle failing or losing control, so if your vision shows Bella not…_surviving_," that last word stuck in my throat, "she must not have chosen him."

My logic seemed sound even though we were trying to analyze something that had yet to happen. Then another possibility struck me.

"Alice, what if it wasn't Bella's choice and _that's_ why your vision has missing information."

"Explain."

"What if she's attacked—a conscious decision by the attacker was never actually made. This vampire acts spontaneously." Then I hesitated knowing I was about to tread dangerously on thin ice, "Like what happened with Jasper that night…" My words trailed off. She would know what I meant.

There was silence. Was she contemplating my theory or deciding how to verbally rip me to pieces for making such an offensive suggestion?

"I would see if Jasper…"

I cut her off. "Alice, I need you to look at all possibilities! You didn't see it before..." I softened my tone, "Maybe it's a defense mechanism. Could your mind be protecting you from something you couldn't bear to see?"

Again, I waited through silence.

This conversation was straining us both. Not much ever came between Alice and me. Our special abilities had created a strong kinship between us. As anomalies, even in the vampire world, we always had each other's back. But now I was pushing her to choose where her loyalties were. Could I trust her to protect Bella from Jasper?

"Edward, I'm sorry, but life just doesn't work that way," she deadpanned.

"What are you talking about?"

"Now might not be the best time, but I've got to give you a dose of tough love…or what do they call it now? An intervention."

"You're right, this is not the time. I need to find answers – I need to keep Bella safe."

"She's like an addiction to you, Edward."

"Alice, don't go there," I growled.

"Look, I am glad you found someone to love, but your need to control Bella and everything around her has made you dysfunctional."

"Well _thank you_ for the diagnosis, Dr. Phil-lis," I retorted.

"Do you want to help Bella?"

"Yes, of course I do."

"Then listen – you can't always control everything. And when you believe you can, that's when you really set yourself up for a big fall. God, destiny, fate – whatever you believe in – it doesn't answer to you! Life is a risk, Edward. I know you've never loved anything or anyone like you love Bella--and that scares you. But you've become obsessed with guaranteeing something you have no control over – the unpredictability of life." Her tone was sympathetic but firm.

"So I do nothing? I wait for her to die?"

"No, first you need to do is to let down your defenses. You're not an island anymore – you are part of a team. Let Bella in on your thoughts and decisions. Quite honestly, Edward, your track record of acting alone sucks. Every time you've tried to do what you think is best for Bella, it backfires. Need I remind you that after you left her, you both almost ended up dead? Your reasoning is just not sound because of your fear." She tried to lighten her tone, "God, Edward, look at the four-wheeled fortress you have her driving! Is that really necessary?"

"I can't live without her, Alice. She's everything," my words beseeched her understanding.

"Then don't crush her. I know you want to be her protector, but you've got to be a husband first. And not a 1918 husband! Marriage is a partnership. Either you nurture and help each other grow or the marriage will wither and die. You could lose her despite all your heroic efforts. Have faith in her strength and face this _together_."

"Is this the voice of experience?" I wondered.

"Suffice it to say, Jasper and I have had challenges in our marriage."

For a moment I let her words sink in, weighing their validity.

"Thanks, Alice. Um, by chance, does the rest of the family feel the same way?"

She laughed fully this time, "Yes! Actually Emmett thought you'd be the first vampire to spontaneously explode from internal pressure."

I smiled despite the situation. "You know, you're probably the only one who could have gotten that message through to me."

"Hey, what are sisters for? Now, go talk to Bella and enjoy your time together." She paused and then giggled, "And don't worry, Esme will forgive you…"

"What?"

The line went dead.

I sat in the still darkness replaying our conversation. How much of it was just good counsel and how much was a result of Alice's insight into the future? Did she see my marriage crumble due to my…issues?

I had much to process, so I crawled into bed with Bella to think. She slept so soundly lately. Despite our recent tensions, the island must be agreeing with her.

After wiping her brow, I ran my cooling hands over her. The silky ivory satin camisole set she wore made it hard for me to differentiate between her clothes and her skin.

I became lost in my thoughts of her. My sweet girl. My bride. Trying so hard to get my attention. I suffered guilt for being so distant and physically restrained. She always had my attention. She should never have to question that! Yet, I was making her work, making her doubt her hold on me.

She was a delicate flower that I held in my hand. And Alice was right; I was clutching her so tightly that I was destroying the very essence of who she was. I was so worried about the physical damage I caused that I didn't appreciate the emotional and mental harm I was doing.

But now that was undeniable. Alice's vision showed me that I was pushing her toward a fatal decision.

It seemed the tighter I held her, the more likely I was to lose her.

When Bella finally awoke – after a mere ten hours of sleep -- we ventured to the far side of the island. The air was thick with humidity, but my pace provided Bella with a cooling breeze.

On this side of the island, the palm trees grew large and sturdy and were laden with fragrant coconuts.

Playfully, I slung her across my back and scaled to the lofty top of the highest tree. From that height were awed by the view of endless water that sparkled like a many-faceted gem. The varying depths created pockets of jewel-toned greens and blues while the erratically shifting schools of fish made the ocean floor appear to be constantly shifting. Bella dared to reach up and pluck a few ripe coconuts before experiencing a dizzy spell. Quickly we descended to enjoy our harvest.

My enjoyment came from Bella's laughter as I ended up wearing more of the sticky coconut milk than I could salvage for her to drink. Though my instinct was to be frustrated, her laughter enabled me to see the funny side of the moment. Bella insisted on washing the mess off of me in a nearby shallow freshwater spring and a drenching water fight ensued. Our laughter came naturally and offered the tension relief we both needed.

Seeing my guard down, Bella looked at me hopefully.

Again, guilt bit into me as I acknowledged how much we both wanted to revel in our love and our commitment to each other through the intimate act of sex. Nothing two people shared could be as special, as trusting and honest, as making love. Bodies and souls exposed, delighting in the satisfaction they bring one another.

She waded closer to me. Her soaked tank top clung to her curves and my thoughts scattered in several directions, breaking down my focus.

We wanted the same thing. Could I be strong enough? Did I want to be?

She slowly closed the space between us – each step she took increased my anguish and indecision.

Bella lifted her eyes and reached up to lovingly smooth my wet hair away from my face. "I love you so much. I just so want to show you…" she began, but in that instant, Bella swayed from a new wave of vertigo. I rushed to grasp her shoulders to steady her and suggested we get back to the house.

I scooped her out of the water, but carrying her seemed to make the sensation worse. We walked back to the house arriving well after sunset and her usual dinner time. I insisted Bella rest in front of CNN while I whipped up a new pasta dish I had committed to memory while viewing an episode of Rachel Ray.

While she ate, I built a fire on the beach.

When Bella came out to view my progress, she tried to conceal a snicker, "You know, anything the Cullens find worth doing appears to be worth over doing! Are you sure that inferno won't attract a rescue party?"

"I guess it _is_ a bit large," I smiled.

I reclined on the beach in front of the fire, and nestled Bella between my legs with her back against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her sandwiching her between the opposing forces of hot and cold.

The beach became a stage where we were entertained by the dancing flames and flowing waves as the moon shown down on them like a spotlight.

Bella leaned her head back, resting it on my shoulders. I imagined the starlight reflecting in her eyes as the sea breeze tossed her strawberry-scented hair about my face. A feeling of peace settled over us. My heaven was so close, yet I couldn't dare to reach out and take it.

I had wanted to ask her about the subject of Alice's vision, but the mood was one I think we had both been looking for, so I held my tongue, not wanting to disrupt our contentment. It could wait.

"Edward, before I get too sleepy, I've got something I want to show you back at the house."

"Something I haven't seen yet?"

"I don't believe so, at least not in its _full_ effect."

She had piqued my curiosity…and my trepidation. This day had been thus far free of physical advances from Bella. I knew her well enough to know she had not admitted defeat. I smelled a plan brewing.

"I think I'll head back now," she said standing and brushing the sand off her back side. "See you soon?"

"Of course, my love." I rose to see her off.

She turned to head up the path to house after I saw a sly grin pull at the corners of her mouth. _Definitely a trap _– and she was the bait.

Absentmindedly, I kicked sand on the fire to extinguish it. I saw in the flames the same light I so loved in Bella's eyes. Would I extinguish that too?

I hadn't come any closer to resolving our complex issue, which Alice's vision now made even more complex.

I just couldn't bear to cause any more physical harm to Bella – it so pained me to see her bruised and sore. A vivid warning of my potential to do harm.

Yet, in withholding my physical love from her, I was hurting her emotionally.

And what of her threatened humanity? She was so young, so inexperienced in life. Rosalie's face reluctantly flashed to my mind. She was just eighteen when she was thrust into immortality. Her regrets were a burden we all had to carry. And though she cared for Carlisle deeply, I frequently heard her animosity toward him for changing her. This was especially true during our family discussions. She resented Carlisle's patriarchal decisions and she questioned his right to make choices for others. Yet these thoughts were in conflict with her need to be accepted and loved. Her fear of being alone kept her tethered to our family and to the life she never would have willingly chosen. _Endless and childless_. Would Bella grow to have such regrets after the novelty of being like me wore off?

Could she fully appreciate the immensity of her choice? The reality of eternity?

I reflect on my own infinite existence. With no end, it was often difficult to feel motivated. There was always 'later'. Time was irrelevant and nothing pushed me forward. It was easy to become stagnant. High school, college, medical school -- I rotated through them until they too became a dreaded duty.

But now time was bearing down on me – constantly nipping at my heels. Bella had a deadline for her transformation. She was going to hold to it. Forcing me to chose or lose.

Yet, I knew Bella was not self-centered. She didn't desire immortality for herself, but for me. So would my act of changing her be a selfish act or acceptance of her gift of self-sacrificing love?

_But what choice did I really have?_

Time. Love. They baffled me, yet held command over me.

Dark smoke enveloped me as the flames hissed in protest of their demise. Shaking my head, I dismissed my ponderings -- Bella would be eagerly awaiting my arrival.

I entered our bedroom and was ambushed.

"What do you think?" she said as she posed in a new piece of revealing, Alice-selected lingerie

"_Mine_!" the thought ripped through my mind as Bella displayed her subtle curves in black lace – leaving just enough to the imagination to tease and tantalize any man. The pooling venom reminded that I wasn't just any man. My desires were inhuman.

Swallowing in disgust, I provided a polite, gentlemanly response, "You look beautiful. You always do."

"Thanks."

_Sarcasm._

My response obviously missed the mark – again. I'm sure my restrained response was not part of her plan.

Like a child denied her favorite candy, Bella sulked to the bed and climbed in.

Discarding my smoky shirt, I climbed in next to her to provide her cool rest. I hoped she'd still have me.

"I'll make you a deal," she blurted out in the silence.

_Was this Plan B?_

"I will not make any deals with you."

"You haven't heard what I'm offering."

"It doesn't matter."

And it didn't. Bella would insist on pushing me to take her life. Of this I was certain. So I decided then and there _it would be me to effect the change_. I would not lose her to this unknown vampire in Alice's vision. I would comply would her wishes. I'd let her sacrifice for me so that in some perverted twist, I would in turn save her from complete destruction. No deal was necessary now.

"Dang. And I really wanted…oh, well."

_She's playing me!_

"All right. What is it you want?"

To my utter shock, she described her desire to _stay human_. You've got to be kidding me! I finally acquiesced and she wants to _stay human_!

"Why are you doing this to me?" I ground out. Even though the thought thrilled me, it meant control and safe distance – not what I was thinking while I took in her young form. Her mixed messages of 'come get me' and 'keep me safe' had me teetering on the brink. I grabbed roughly at the black material. "Isn't it hard enough without all of this?"

Then realizing Bella did not have the benefit of knowing my internal dialogue, I released the material. I was probably frightening her. "It doesn't matter. I won't make any deals with you."

"I want to go to college."

I closed my eyes. I so wanted to believe her, but she had always been a pathetic liar and it was hard to take her seriously when the skimpy garment she wore screamed her real motive.

"You make me insane, Bella. Haven't we had this argument a million times, you always begging to be a vampire without delay?"

I couldn't comprehend her plan. My thoughts raced ahead hoping to head her off – where ever her line of reasoning was going.

"Yes, but…well, I have a reason to be human that I didn't have before."

"What's that?"

With that she leaned over me and kissed me. My lips cordially accepted her offering, but not in a way that encouraged her. "You are so human, Bella. Ruled by your hormones," I laughed. She was so adorable when she was trying…

"That's the whole point, Edward. I like this part of being human…"

She yawned and I sense she had given up the fight for tonight. To help guide her to sleep, I hummed her lullaby.

But I stopped abruptly when Bella said she had been sleeping poorly. Though I assured her she was indeed sleeping soundly, she insisted she had been having vivid nightmares.

"What are they about?" I questioned.

"Different things, but the same, you know, because of the colors."

"Colors?" _Nightmares about colors? _It seemed that she was trying to be evasive. Was I the cause of her fears? I pushed her further…

"What is frightening you?"

"Mostly…"

"Mostly?" _Definitely evasive._

"The Volturi."

I cursed myself. First Alice and then Bella reminded me of the repercussions of my hasty trip to Volterra. My lack of good sense thrust the Volturi and their less civilized lifestyle into her psyche. Through my actions, I revealed our relationship to Aro. The memories I willingly handed to him ultimately sealed Bella's fate.

I pulled her closer to me.

What right did they have to decide her destiny? Self-appointed, righteous dictators! Bella should not have to feel pressure to give up her humanity because of their threats and code of vampire secrecy. Bella's face, full of horror as I writhed in mental pain, sprung from my memory. Jane's ability forced Bella to fear for my safety. I knew she would do anything to avoid the wrath of the Volturi. Yet, it was a fact that the Volturi were another factor effecting my decision, the act, I felt I had no choice in any more. Alice's vision, Bella's desire to be like me, and the Volturi were ultimately in control of my actions.

But _I _would be the one to live with the memories of taking her life. Forever _I _would bear the memories of piecing her skin and turning those innocent brown eyes scorching red while her body contorted in agony. We had all begged for death during our transition. How could I endure listening to Bella's pleas for death? Would her mind open to me and curse me? Or would she cry out for the parents who could never comfort her again?

_But what choice did I really have?_

"You'll be immortal soon, and they'll have no reason."

Did she hear the resignation in my voice?

I only saw fear on her face.

"What can I do to help?"

But she dismissed the nightmares and refused to consider leaving the island...at least until the semester started…

I smoothed my hand across her forehead and caressed her cheek. It comforted her into sleep.

Concerned about the graphic nightmares Bella was having, I decided not to hunt or play music tonight. I remained close, losing myself in the sounds of her humanity. The gentle whoosh of air being pulled in, consumed and expelled. Her heart keeping time like a flawless metronome. At times, I even pressed a single finger lightly on a pulse point to feel the life bounding within her.

A few hours into her slumber, Bella's heart rate and respirations increased exponentially. Another nightmare pulling her into despair? Not on my watch! I tried to gently arouse her. "Bella? Are you all right, sweetheart?"

"Oh." She was wide-eyed and fully awake. Shock seemed to be displayed on her face momentarily before she broke out in uncontrollable sobs.

"Bella! What's wrong?" I frantically wiped the tears that flowed in a torrent down her flushed cheeks.

"It was only a dream," she said. For some reason, she sounded regretful.

"It's okay, love, you're fine. I'm here." The words exited my mouth almost like on instinct. Bella's crisis triggered a vague, distant memory of my mother's comforting words from so long ago. My arms enveloped her, like I somehow _knew _my mothers had held me. Ever since Bella came into my life, she had helped me rediscover my humanity, and now she had given me a fleeting memory of my mother.

"Did you have another nightmare? It wasn't real, it wasn't real." I spoke quickly – I needed to calm her, but beyond what I was doing, I wasn't sure how.

"Not a nightmare. It was a good dream."

"Then why are you crying?"

"Because I woke up!"

A fresh onslaught of tears spilled from her eyes as she threw her arms around my neck.

I was confused, but no longer alarmed. I just needed to wait for her to calm down to get the bizarre explanation.

"Everything's all right, Bella. Take deep breaths."

"It was so real. I wanted it to be real."

"Tell me about it. Maybe that will help." _Help me to understand at least!_

"We were on the beach…" She pulled back to look into my eyes. I couldn't read the expression in them.

"And?"

In that moment, I saw her pupils dilate just before she kissed me with a force I had never felt in her before. It caught me off guard and stunned me with its gravity. The impulsiveness and strength of it overpowered me and I wanted nothing more in the universe to succumb to its demands.

But she was emotionally out of control. It would be improper of me to take advantage of her in her current state of mind. Besides, I couldn't have her reckless around me. My vampire qualities presented such risks that abandon could be deadly. I acted to protect her. "No, Bella." I tried to gain control of her physically before addressing the emotions that she flung in all directions.

"I'm sorry," she cried.

_How long could I continue to deny her? _

"I can't, Bella, I can't." I can't promise to maintain control! I…can't…maintain…control…

Alice's words flooded my mind. _Control._

Then, in our mutual desperation, I gave it up. I released my hold on Bella and allowed her world to crash into mine.

I was exhausted.

I was tired of resisting what I so desired and needed. Tired of denying Bella what she wanted and what I had promised. She needed to show me her love. And I was done fighting the inevitable.

_I would welcome Bella into my world. I would have her forever._

My revelation, my overwhelming acceptance of this truth, freed me of a crushing weight that had slowly chipped away at my sanity since I fell for her. I realized that only when I finally refused to carry its burden anymore was I finally free.

Bella wrapped her body around me and I melted into her.

As the external world flew away, Bella whispered, "Don't worry. We can make this work. _Together_."

"Yes." And I surrendered to her. _I_ would be _hers_.

Sensing the tension that usually ruled me had fallen away, Bella unleashed an arsenal of seduction on my body. Her actions gripped me with such power; I was stripped of conscious thought. My senses gladly accepted the role forsaken by my mind.

Her fingers ran scorching tails across my bare chest coaxing a moan of blissful agony from my lips. Bella locked her mouth over mine and devoured my wordless pleas for more.

I fell on my back as Bella breathlessly hovered over me. In the darkness, her eyes resembled my own. Their blackness rocked me to my core. In turn, the desire she saw lurking behind my eyes encouraged her to continue.

"I want to taste you, my love," Bella's voice sliced through the thick haze to find me.

She did not wait for my permission. In slow motion, she lowered herself over me. Her hair fell in a cascade across my face smothering me in her scent before she spoke deliberately in my ear, "I am going to taste you now, Edward."

Her tongue licked at my flesh like a flame from my ear, along my jawbone and down my neck. She rested her lips on my Adam's apple that was vibrating with my guttural growls.

"I love it when you purr, my dear." Her mouth moved over my neck, never losing contact while she spoke her words of temptation.

For the first time in my frigid existence, I burned.

Bella inhaled deeply. "Your scent is so delicious; it makes me what to eat you…"

_And then she bit my shoulder._

Though my body offered only steely resistance, the sensation of her teeth gripping at my skin sent a primal urge surging though my body. It shot to my extremities and I called out to her. It was a cry of warning as much as a vocalization of desire and need.

My hands craved to reach for her and pull her into me. To be one with her again.

But the need that course through me would crush her. The dichotomy of wanting to protect her and consume her threatened to annihilate me.

'No!" I yelled out as my hands flew from where I had kept them sequestered, balled up at my sides. At the last second, they clamped down above my head around the bed frame.

Bella, now straddling my hips, paid no attention to the close call on her life. Her trust in my control still unwavering.

She continued, running her tongue across my chest as my muscles flexed from the overhead grip I maintain on the wooden frame. The lower Bella travelled, the louder the wood protested. My teeth ground together and my jaw muscles twitched. The tension was more than I or the headboard could handle. With a snap, chucks of splintered wood broke off in my hands.

Now freed, they rushed to Bella's body like a magnet to metal. Moved by a force beyond logic.

Her skin flushed with a warmth I so desired that I groaned in disappointment as my fingers groped the course lace.

"This will not due." The material offer no resistance as the seams gave way with a satisfying rip.

Bella whimpered and clutched at my arms for support.

We were at the point of no return. I would have her and she would have me.

The only question remaining was…would Bella still be human in the morning?

* * *

_End Notes: Pant, Pant --Ugh! Yes, I left you with a cliffhanger of sorts – it just seemed like this chapter would never end! Curse that endless circle Edward travels in! Don't worry; the sweet lemony parts will not be missing in my story line! _

_I labored over this chapter, so please provide some words for me… Thank you!_


	8. Paradise Found

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 8: Paradise Found**

Last chapter:

_I would welcome Bella into my world. I would have her forever._

_My revelation, my overwhelming acceptance of this truth, freed me of a crushing weight that had slowly chipped away at my sanity since I fell for her. I realized that only when I finally refused to carry its burden anymore was I finally free._

_Bella wrapped her body around mine and I melted into her._

_As the external world flew away, Bella whispered, "Don't worry. We can make this work. Together."_

"_Yes, love." And I surrendered my control to her. _

_Continued…_

Bella's sobs were now a distant memory having been replaced by a slightly sinister grin that hinted at conquest. She showed no regrets for the remains of her negligee that lay in tatters on the floor.

My eyes were locked on her form as she gazed down at me. Moon beams streamed into the room through the open French doors causing Bella's bare skin to appear luminescent. I was awestruck by how her pale skin and dark eyes so resembled my own. And for a fleeting moment I believed I was gazing at her in an immortal state – painfully, I found it only amplified my arousal.

Bella's sobbing, hyperventilating gasps had morphed into the anticipatory eager breaths I recognized from our previous lovemaking. I began to breathe in cadence with her.

The love and need I saw in her eyes were almost tangible in their intensity. What I had so wanted but had never allowed myself to hope for was right in front of me. I didn't want to be that island anymore. I wanted to trust someone outside of myself. I longed to just be in the moment and accept the gift Bella wanted to give. I wanted to have faith in our fate. _I wanted to just be. _

With that admission and my surrender of control, the blind man who had groped through a century of darkness alone was suddenly restored his sight. Clarity rushed upon me at once, sending my head spinning as I tried to grasp the depth of my sudden transformation. At once, I was enveloped by swirling winds that brought the ocean's flavor to my mouth and the island's aromas to my nose. I saw the billowing curtains dance in the wind's whispered melody. I swam in the very essence of all that surrounded me. Everything around me buzzed with life and energy.

My mind decided, my burden lifted, and my eyes opened to so many possibilities.

To convince myself of the actual existence of my new reality, I raised my hands to take Bella's glowing face in their grasp. Her energized state seemed to calm and settle into my stilling embrace. Was she confident that I would not deny her? Or did she see the anticipation in my eyes? Though I could not explain what we were both experiencing in that moment, I knew both felt that something unspoken yet significant had occurred. Time was momentarily suspended as we gazed at the love behind each other's eyes.

My emotions overflowed from my heart and mind urging me to express them physically. But not quickly – I wished to savor every moment. Between breaths I managed to utter as I let my hands drift lightly to her hips, "Slowly, Bella…I want to make love to you _slowly._"

_Lento, _my musical training whispered from the recesses of my mind, _very slow_.

Music. I had relied on it for so long; did it have something more to teach me? Could it be the key?

In another part of my brain, I envisioned my piano: the fragility of wood, the glossy feel of the polished keys, and the precision and care with which I had to move my fingers to create the exquisite melodies that had sustained me through many difficult times. Despite the emotional havoc that I had wrought on its keys, I had never harmed my elegant instrument. _Not once_.

The insight stunned me. This was the connection I needed to maintain control! My Bella would be the delicate instrument and I would caress her with the same tender strokes I applied to my piano's keys.

I pulled all my focus into this single thought, allowing my fingers to play a gentle tempo over the silky skin of Bella's hips. She let her head fall back and started to move her body in time with the unheard rhythm.

Almost imperceptibly, Bella inched her feet to the waistband of my pants. Hooking her toes under it, she slid my only article of clothing to my feet, extending her body over mine in one graceful, fluid motion. I felt every inch of her form drape over me, covering me like a warm blanket. My body rapidly absorbed the heat she radiated.

Bella was now poised above me, her arms supporting her upper body.

Music glided through in my mind as I ran my hands over her lower back. Such a petite area of her body, my hands encompassed it completely. Slowly my finger tips moved to the center of her back. I played a different note on each vertebra, composing a love song as I traveled up her spine. The song spoke of desire, obsession, want and need, sacrifice and acceptance.

Finally reaching the top of her spine, I glided my fingers up her neck and let them entwine in her thick fragrant hair. The motion coaxed a pleasured moan from Bella as she arched her neck back pushing her head into my hands. I pulled with gentle tension further exposing her velvety throat before me.

The tempo in my mind shifted slightly, changing mood – _appassionato. _Passionate.

My lips ached with longing, my eyes entranced and my nose drawn to the heavenly scent. My muscles went slack as my need for her gathered momentum.

Her throat...so exposed…so inviting. Soft, sweet, innocent. Offering itself to me. I inched my lips closer, my deeper instincts wanting so much to accept the open invitation.

_No._

Freeing one hand from her hair, I only risked running my fingers in a trail down her jaw line to caress the soft, sweet skin of her throat. With just the pads of my fingers I felt it, just below the surface. Racing, flowing like a raging river. Crooning it's song of temptation to me, it called to me. As it always has. I would taste it again. It would be mine and _only_ mine.

I swallowed purposefully.

_But not tonight._

I would resist her blood, but I would partake in the feast of her body.

Needing strength, the song in my head began to crescendo, the increased intensity allowed me to regain my focus. I tenuously raised my head to permit my moisten lips to rest along the side of her neck. The succulent flesh throbbed against my mouth. We groaned in mutual satisfaction.

"Yesss, Edward," Bella sighed.

I placed several open-mouthed kisses on her neck moving to her shoulder, licking and tasting her. In response, Bella's pelvis began to move in circles, her movements also increasing along with the music playing in my mind.

Then a new stimulus pushed through my protective wall of music: the rich scent of Bella's arousal as her body prepared for our anticipated union.

Unable or unwilling to maintain the space between us, Bella released her arms and dropped her upper body against me, her breasts pressing fully into my concrete chest. Her hands quickly found purchase in my hair and she forcefully pulled my lips from where they had been blissfully suckling on the delicate flesh of her shoulder. Mashing her lips wantonly on my mouth, her tongue demanded entrance. I curled my lips tightly inwards to shield my teeth and thrust my tongue forward to greet hers, knowing that her nectar was more delicious than any other human blood I had tasted.

Pulling her into a firm embrace that molded her body into mine, I allowed myself to indulge in this pleasure, grateful to be on my back enabling the copious amount of venom to flow harmlessly down my throat.

We were caught in a rushing current of physical pleasure that swept us away and rinsed us clean of everything that we were, leaving behind just a man and a woman. Being a vampire suddenly became secondary to my nature as a man. I felt only the need to please my wife and to be inside of her again.

I cast off the music from my mind -- I didn't need its anchor anymore. I was just a man.

Her power over me amazed me. She was my strength and with her I could be more than I ever thought I could be. She made me want her body more than I wanted her blood. All control was hers.

Bella broke away from our impassioned kiss, gasping for air. I took her face in my hands and gazed into her smoldering eyes. Pulling her toward me, I spoke into her ear using what little air I could maintain in my lungs. The anticipation with which I spoke made me shudder.

"Bella, make love to me."

At first, it seemed she had gone limp in my grasp and I felt the air escape from her lungs. I had truly taken her breath away! But it was mere seconds before she responded by changing her position. She braced her arms against my chest, pushing herself up while sliding her thighs slowing against the sides of my body until she straddled me. The heat she pressed against me seared my frozen skin bringing my need for release near the brink. Capturing her eyes, I saw that the smoldering was now a wild fire – an unstoppable force.

"I will, Edward. I will make love to you," she spoke with deep feeling in her voice.

Her hips rose and began to move in a searching motion above me. I reached for her and guided her to where I needed her to be.

The contact alone was enough to send me over the edge, but the incredible contrast in our temperatures and the feel of her body squeezing and pulling me in overwhelmed me.

We cried out in a chorus of pleasure and pain – all these sensations still so new and strange – yet longing to be explored and experienced.

My senses became amplified and I could feel every nuance and the very texture of her as I moved within her. The sounds and scents around me all screamed for my attention, but I was mesmerized by what I beheld with my eyes.

Bella, all of her pale beauty displayed before me, receiving pleasure from my body. Captivated by the glorious spectacle before me, I held back my urge to move with her, instead allowing Bella to find a rhythm and motion that pleased her. I ghosted my hands over her graceful feminine curves, content to just share this extraordinary moment with her. Bella was taking for herself, something she so rarely allowed herself to do. It was a changing moment for us both.

"Need to be closer…" she sighed, so I slid my arms around her to gently pull her to my chest. "Edward, help me please you," she whispered in my ear then pressed her lips into my neck.

I eagerly accepted her invitation by carefully taking her hips in my hands and guiding her rhythm. _Tempo giusto_ — just the _right_ speed.

Almost instinctively the music returned to my head, as if it knew I would need its guidance. The melody started off slow, flowing effortlessly, weightless as our motions fell into sync. We clutched each other, tightly locked in a dance of giving and receiving all that we were.

But as our emotions reached a fevered pitch, the physical tension between us gathered speed like a rising tidal wave that pushed forward, threatening to crash and lay to waste all in its path.

Bella's fingernails attempted to dig into my shoulders and she panted into my neck, yet buried her face deeper into my skin.

We were pressed tighter against each other than we ever had before as if we were truly trying to become one, unsatisfied with our inability to get closer.

Our lower bodies moved frantically as we clung tightly to each other, searching for the pinnacle we could sense approaching. Her heartbeat thumping like a bass drum in time with our breathing.

Then we fell.

But as we tumbled over the edge, the alarms again rang out in my head. I released my hold on Bella to grip the splintered wood above my head in desperate hope of bracing myself for the inevitable release I could not restrain any longer.

I cried out to her and I felt her tighten rhythmically around me.

The venting of physical tension returned me full circle to my emotions.

All the love I have ever experienced for her came rushing through me and I streamed words of affection in her ear as she lay spent over me. I folded my arms around her in a gesture of protection.

The words of a song poured out of my mouth at a speed I knew her human ears could never comprehend, but I couldn't stop them. So much needed to be said and I found I could only express it through music.

_I will follow  
Count on me, I'll never let you down  
My devotion  
If love is an ocean I'll surely drown  
You'll be my only possession  
I'll be a slave to you  
We hold the power together  
Just me and you_

Bella seemed to be aware I was speaking to her as she settled contentedly against me with sighs of contentment, touching my skin lingering strokes.

Exhausted, she drifted into peaceful sleep, but shortly after began to shiver. Despite the heat of the island, I was just too cold. Too inhuman.

This fact threatened to claw its way into my consciousness and pull me into the dark place I spent _way _too much time wallowing in, but I fought back. _Not tonight._

I let the lyrics give me solace.

_Just as my life fades to darkness  
you make me see the light.  
Show me that my search is over._

I gently shifted my body move Bella next to me, tucking the bed sheet around her, shielding her from any direct contact with my body.

While she was the vision of calmness, I, in contrast, became more energized. So I spoke to her softly. I still had so much to say.

"Bella, honey, I figured it out! We can be intimate. It just took time for me to think through it, to get used to the sensation and learn what to do. I can control my reactions. You can stay human, Bella. As long as you'd like.

Then, when you are ready, I will bring you into this life – but we'll do it on _our_ terms with our eyes open. Not because of the Volturi, not because you think it would be easier for me and my family, or because we cannot be lovers."

Bella shifted in her sleep and unconsciously flung an arm over my chest. I smiled.

_I just cannot hear or see the world go by  
Someone can love so completely  
One kiss should break the sea.  
Truth can be stranger than fiction  
This love is real. _

_We are one._

I turned my head to kiss her temple, feeling the pulsing of her blood against my lips. "Bella, you are so going to take pleasure in making love as a vampire – at least that's the thoughts I have heard from the women in my house. I guess these intense senses are good for something after all."

I briefly allowed the illicit images of Bella – _immortal_ – pass through my thoughts: running gracefully by my side, powerfully striking her prey permitting its blood to linger on her lips until I approached her and slowly licked it off with my tongue…

_Oh… _

I glanced hopefully at Bella -- still sleeping.

Sleep. I would not grieve the loss of that human trait now that we had so many more…pleasurable activities to do.

* * *

_AN: Thank you so much for reading and to those who continue to follow this story as it evolves. I have decided (with help from your votes on the poll) to continue this story until Renesmee's birth. Edward as a new father is just __**too**__ tempting for this writer to pass up._

_For this chapter, I have some special ladies to thank: DisneyVampire who has given me wonderful support and whose idea it was to change the name of this story to Honeymoon Suite to reflect the importance of Edward's music in this story. Suite: One of the oldest musical forms, consisting of a string or  
series of pieces all in the same key, mostly in various rhythms, sometimes with an elaborate prelude. _

_Also, thank you to the brilliant fanfic goddess EliseShaw and my young apprentice RosaBella75 – you are truly my friends._

_Oh, and in case you are wondering, the featured lyrics are from the song __**'One'**__ by...The Bee Gees. Hear it on my Honeymoon Suite playlist at http://www(dot)playlist(dot)com/playlist/18147810571_

_Check out my __**New Moon tribute video**__ on YouTube at http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=CgneIDUGdNU. I hope you find it emotionally moving. Leave it a rating or comment if you can!_

_BTW, RosaBella75 (aka IslandWoman221) started a thread for this story at Twilighted. Check it out at http://www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=52&t=6768 or the link is located in my profile._

_Your reactions to this chapter are very much welcome!_


	9. Relinquish

_SM owns Twilight and all the characters that I love. _

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 9: Relinquish**

Two hours into Bella's slumber and I had not yet come down from my soaring height. If anything, my elated state seemed to be gathering momentum. And I wanted nothing more than to share my happiness with my wife. I finally felt I had grasped the 'bigger picture'.

From this new perspective, I looked with fresh eyes at our brief yet intense history together. I had been sending such mixed messages to her. I had wanted her to react, to protect herself against the danger I brought to her life and yet, I remained possessive of her, never really able to let go. With such confusing behavior, how had I ever earned her love and trust?

I saw Bella through new eyes also. She had been so right about so many things. Why hadn't I listened to her?

To answer my own question, I thought about how impossible our relationship really was. Once I had tried to explain it -- fate. _Fickle Fate_. At first I envisioned her as was an ugly harpy, dangling a fragile human girl in the crosshairs of an indestructible monster, laughing at my anguish. But as my intentions changed from consuming Bella to protecting her, I had come to see that maybe, indeed, the fair fates had made her for me. How else could I justify the existence of someone with a scent that called to me like a siren song, a rare mind that taunted me with its silence, a disregard for self-preservation, and a quiet inner beauty that captivated me?

I stole a glance at her as she lay draped over my chest and grinned at the irony.

How could it be that my singer was also destined to be my mate? It was cruel, really. How I have been tested by the fates! And how I had fought against seeing what was being gifted upon me by them.

Why had I found it so hard to believe I could have a happy ending? The rest of my family had found theirs, why did I feel less worthy of the same?

Only now I could finally see the events that brought Bella and I together as something other than misfortune and tragedy. For all my degrees, book knowledge, and decades of experience, I had come to realize that I really knew _nothing_. And this sweet, innocent angel laid out across me had the answers all along.

I had fooled myself into believing I was the stronger of the two of us, believing so much in the soundness of my decisions that I failed to consider the possible adverse consequences. And while I ran in erratic circles trying to control our fates, Bella had been the constant force that kept us moving forward, so quietly and so unaware of her inner conviction and beauty.

I believed she needed saving and protecting, yet all the while, she had been gently saving me. Seeing clearly what I needed when I couldn't even see it for myself.

She had always believed in us. And this faith guided her while I chose instead to see her as reckless, clumsy, and weak.

Bella had faith.

As did Carlisle and Esme. I'd seen my parents' faith give them strength beyond the powers our kind possessed. I never understood it, but somehow it allowed them to relinquish control and trust in something greater than themselves. Their belief _freed_ them.

Looking at Bella, peaceful in sleep, I could feel it was time for me to take a leap of faith. Life's lessons finally breaking through my thick exterior.

Only when I let go of my self-righteousness could I finally see its effortless splendor. It had the power and ability to utterly change everything and everyone around it. And I would put my faith in it. I would have faith in_ love_.

So simple, yet so right. Bella was my salvation. How much she had taught me about living – not just existing.

However, my enlightened confession would have to wait. Waking her would be selfish. She needed her _human time_ to herself.

Time to dream.

A sigh leaked from my lips. At times how I had longed to dream, to sleep, to escape the world for just a while. '_Sleep hath its own world, and a wide realm of wild reality. And dreams in their development have breath, and tears, and tortures, and the touch of joy.' _

_Leave her be, _I chided myself. Her nights to enter into blissful unconsciousness, after all, were numbered. As were all her 'human moments'. So with my ample sleepless time, I decided to concoct a list of human experiences I thought Bella needed to have before her sacrifice…_no, not sacrifice_ – gift. _Keep positive, Edward._ After all, that's what Bella would want. I would truly deny her nothing for now I had conceded to the one choice I had consistently refused, and I would not diminish its loving magnitude by thinking pessimistically. All Bella really wanted was me. All she ever asked for was me…all of me.

I would have faith. Let go.

Uneasy, familiar feelings tried to claw their way into my consciousness. Old habits do die hard. Did I really believe it would be so easy to change? Maybe I had accepted bringing Bella into my endless life, but it was still strange and new – being in _that_ place. Guilt, self-loathing, doubt. They still lurked stealthily in the hidden recesses of my mind hoping to crush the yet untested fledgling faith I was struggling to build.

But I needed to spend time in this place. I needed to prepare mentally for Bella's inevitable change and avoidance was a luxury I could not indulge in anymore. Not after Alice's vision. But the harbinger of bad news remained mute. My cell phone sat silently on the bed stand. _Silently_. A triumphant grin tugged at the corners of my mouth – Alice's vision must have changed with my recent revelations. I could see her smiling smugly knowing her 'tough love' advice had been heeded – and that she had, again, been right.

My control had blinded me and threatened to be my undoing. Yet, relinquishing my steadfast control would be like parting with a faithful, albeit dysfunctional, friend. And it would take vigilance on my part to keep my doubts at bay. But if that was what it took to protect Bella from the fate Alice warned me of, certainly, I could be strong enough.

My eyes fell closed. Acceptance felt…peaceful.

A sultry island breeze gusted through the open French doors and Bella's scent danced about me.

Inhaling deeply I wondered if I could possibly allow myself the thought that I _anticipated _Bella's change.

I hadn't allowed these thoughts before, considering them blasphemous – I would be taking a human life. How wrong to revel in these thoughts! Could I kill my personal messiah?

Yet she would rise again. Stronger, timeless, and forever mine.

Oh, the benefits! How I wanted to fully experience the physical pleasure we could bring each other. Instantly electricity shot up my spine thinking of taking her the way I wanted – unrestrained and without worry. To truly show her the depth of my love.

And with Bella in my world, I would no longer dread this half-life existence. Everything I could ever want would be mine.

Take the leap! Let go. It's what we both want.

And if I could find the place where I _actually_ agree to her gift and welcome her as an immortal, might I also find what has eluded me my entire vampire existence – acceptance of what I was? Would eternity cease to stretch endlessly gray and tedious before me?

Yes, this _was_ within my grasp!

Almost like a baby taking its first steps, I tentatively opened my mind to guiltless ruminations of Bella _eternally_ mine. Actually moving toward embracing the thought.

It felt…good. Like a kind of high, tempting me to partake in more.

Like a rush the need to express my love for her overtook me and I reached for her hand and placed soft kisses into her fragrant palm. _Wake up, my dear Bella…_

My nose brushed over the bundle of blood vessels achingly close to the surface of the skin on her wrist. Her blood held the sweet bouquet of the richest, finest wine and the essence of her filled my nose and coursed through me resulting in instant physical arousal.

Yes, I would drink of her, but her gift of selfless love could only be accepted under the most sacred of circumstances. Suddenly it was so clear to me – her change would start while we made love. It would have to be then.

My chest rumbled and involuntarily my eyes rolled and erotic images of Bella's transformation commandeered my brain. A smoldering fire of desire ignited within me as I tilted my head and buried my nose into Bella's hair. My fantasy took on a life of its own and I adjusted myself to ease the building pressure of my growing want.

Then I let the scene reveal itself to me.

Bella, her dark hair flowing across the silken sheets of our bed and her eyes heavy-lidded with anticipation of our union, outstretches her arms to beckon to me. Eagerly I accept their invitation and cover her heated body with mine. Trembling I realize this would be the last time I would hear her heart leap at my approach and feel her flushed skin sear into mine.

Our mouths dance with kisses and the exchange of whispered words of unending love and reaffirming our commitment to each other and to this contract that would bind us forever.

Bella would again assure me of her want for this. She would beg for me to take her in all ways and completely. Breathing the lustful words heavily into my ear, she would spur my desire, sealing her fate and cementing my course.

The pounding of her heart drowns out all other sounds as we feel the apprehension and thrill of what is to come.

But this is not the time to rush. Forever lies ahead but what we experience now would never be again. I would savor every instant of it even as I bid it goodbye. I would experience the sights, sounds and smells of her until I felt I could lose control.

Burying my face in her neck and hair, I draw in the scent that has always unhinged me. Reflexively I experience my duality – man and vampire – as my mouth fills with venom and my erection strains against my own skin.

Of their own volition, my hands seek the soft, pliable curves that I cherish the most – her rounded hips and bottom, her succulent thighs and firm calves. Bella groans in delight as I let my cooling strokes linger in the tender area behind her knee.

Finally I reverently caress the supple skin of her breasts, kneading each one in turn. I feel her desire build as she craves more aggression in my movements.

Knowing my next action would drive me to the brink which is where I need to go to commit the act I both desired and feared I force myself to taste of her. It would be the appetizer to whet my appetite for the meal. Bella's blood would again cross my lips and fill me with an unparalleled satisfaction. I would celebrate and mourn this sacrificial meal.

Bella now writhes under me, wanting release from the tension that threatens to undo her.

But I do not give in, not yet. Her arousal increases her tolerance to pain. I know this and she will need all the protection I can draw out of her body to prepare for what she will soon endure on her journey to immortality.

My attention refocuses on Bella as she whimpers and digs her nails into my back, pulling me into her with increasing urgency. Her desire for me serves as an affirmation of our course of action.

Smiling against the flesh of her right breast, I open my mouth to take it in, lavishing it with rhythmic circular movements of my tongue. Bella approves and thrusts her hips upward to press her need against my hard body.

I pull away from her skin to whisper seductively in her ear, "Do that three days from now and you will probably launch me off the bed, Mrs. Cullen."

Her laugh is throaty and low.

I want to feel it. I rapidly move my lips to her throat, but it startles her and her laughter stops. She misunderstands. Slowly she tilts her head to elongate her neck. Even in the dimness of twilight, as the shadows engulf the room, I can see her blood pulsing under the thin skin that will offer no resistance to my attack. Her heart stills as she waits motionless.

"Not yet, my love," I whisper against her flushed cheek. "I'm not done with you."

I trail my tongue from her jaw to the sweetness of her neck marking my first target with wet kisses.

"Oh, now, Edward, please now…" She weeps with heated expectation.

It's a lustful plea, not fearful.

Breathing deeply I recognize by the scent of her arousal, she is ready for me to enter her.

Agonizingly slow, drawing out one of her last human experiences to its hilt, I slide into her as her hips move in a seeking motion confirming her impatience to be satisfied. I would not deny her any longer on this day. Not prolong what we both had committed to: our immortal future together. And we would begin it as one flesh.

The motions of Bella's hips pull me in quickly and she moves in a familiar pattern seeking her climax.

Logic seeps from my brain to be replaced by the battling primal instincts of man and vampire. But this time they both have a role – they will both be sated.

As much as I desire to play out the pleasure I swimming in, I give in to Bella's demands and quicken the pace of my movements. Somehow I mange to hold on to enough control to avoid crushing her in my barely controlled indulgence.

We are not going to last much longer.

"Bella," I push out between panting breaths, "Tell me…tell me one more time...what – do—you—want!"

She understands what I need. That final push off the edge that will allow my self control to tumble into a free fall. And she supplies it without hesitation…

"Take me, Edward. Drink of me. Make me yours for eternity, my love. Now – do it!" she breathlessly responds.

Her faith blinds me and in wanton recklessness, I crash my mouth to hers. Her lips part in a wordless cry as I suck her tongue into my venom-filled mouth. Her incredible taste spurs me on and I don't hold back.

The combination of my lack of restraint, my devouring of her mouth, and the pain she experiences from the venom entering her body from the multiple tears I was making on her tongue brings Bella to a frenzied climax.

Her body arches beneath me resulting in her head pushing deeper into the pillows. Her neck brilliantly displayed before me – her last human offering.

For the first time, the man and the vampire sing in unison.

As I pulse within her, letting the man have his release, a remnant of humanity leaves my lips as I cry out to her, "I love you, Bella. Forgive me."

And I sink into her neck to quench my forbidden thirst.

The action catches the end of her peak and her whole body convulses in continued climax. Bella screams out and her body shudders beneath me, pleasure and pain clutching my love in their paralyzing grip. It was exquisitely beautiful yet overwhelmingly frightening to observe.

In every way I fill her with my love hoping its presence will linger with her through her lone journey, and somehow insulate her from the depths of agony that would consume her. I pour all of myself into her, moving inside her until she cries out my name.

Her delicious life-giving blood rushes forcefully to the back of my throat with each contraction of her release, drowning me in unspeakable gratification as she also fills me with her gift of love.

Our bodies hum together and our minds are unable to comprehend the oneness we share in this singular moment. It was physical and spiritual ecstasy.

But it cannot last.

I want to move. I need to move, but I cannot. The will, the strength has left me and I drink.

_Stop!_ My scrap of humanity screams recovering from the intense sexual experience to reel in the crazed vampire.

_No!_ Thirst for more overwhelms reason. No waste! Cannot waste it – it will be lost forever. Never more to sing to me…

Surprisingly, it's Bella's strained yet loving voice that reaches out and breaks the trance of my gluttony.

"Edward. I love you."

Again, her faith directs me, reaching into my stone heart to pull out the best in me.

I release my hold on her flesh and press my tongue to her wound to clean and seal it closed.

"See you on the other side, my Bella, my angel."

Gathering her in my arms, I cradle her body and breathe her in as my head bows in silent prayer. Yes, on this day I would pray.

The next sound caught me off guard; it seemed to be carried by the wind…

"How much trouble am I in?"

The voice was small, timid.

Quickly gears shifted in my brain and the image of Bella in my arms bursts like a bubble to be replaced by the dark, shadowed ceiling of the blue room. The fantasy is over.

Reality.

In a rush, the memories of Bella's seduction came back to me and I feel a wicked smile cross my face. She looks up at me with hesitant eyes.

"Heaps," I respond, covertly pulling the sheet over me to conceal the evidence of my shameful day dream.

_

* * *

__End Notes: Shocking what goes on in the minds of men! Edward made me do it! I have read many enjoyable AU stories of Bella's change that were surrounded by love and not so much horror, but thought it was off limits to me in my canon stories. How happy I was to give Edward his bliss while remaining canon! __I also inched further out on the lemon tree limb, not sure how it would be received. So _please_, drop a comment or review. Inquiring minds want to know!! In other words, comments are very much appreciated._

_As always you are invited to share your thoughts at the Honeymoon Suite thread at Twilighted (__http://www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=52&t=6768)_

_Next chapter… the white room gets de-feathered and I was considering the next blue room scene from Bella's POV… _

_Quote on sleep by British Poet __Lord Byron__(1788-1824)…Gotta love those Brits! _


	10. Rhapsody

Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight universe

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 10: Rhapsody**

_Last chapter: "How much trouble am I in?" The voice was small, timid._

_Quickly gears shifted in my brain and the image of Bella in my arms bursts like a bubble to be replaced by the dark, shadowed ceiling of the blue room. The fantasy was over. _

_In a rush, the memories of Bella's seduction came back to me and I felt a wicked smile cross my face. She looked up at me with hesitant eyes._

"_Heaps," I respond, covertly pulling the sheet over me to conceal the evidence of my shameful daydream._

* * *

I tried to tease, but I knew the smirk was giving me away.

"I _am_ sorry. I didn't mean...well, I don't know exactly what that _was_ last night," Bella's voice reflected genuine confusion over her behavior from the previous night.

Before my thoughts were distracted by the amazing memories of our night together, my rational side reminded me that before the seduction, Bella had been quite upset by a dream...

"You never did tell me what your dream was about."

I looked into her depthless eyes. I had accepted that I might never know her mind, but I certainly had other clues on which I could rely to gauge her thoughts and feelings. Since she had avoided telling me her dream last night, I looked for evidence that she might still be hiding something from me. I needed the truth. What had upset her so much?

A distinct glow appeared on her face, a glow that began to darken into a full blush. I didn't sense a lie was on its way out of her lips, but something she found embarrassing or shameful.

"I guess I didn't -- but I sort of showed you what it was about," she mumbled, followed by nervous laughter.

"Oh," _Oh! _Her dream must have been of a sexual nature! It explained her unanticipated assault that previous night. So, it wasn't a distraction meant to keep me from knowing the true content of her dream, but a response _to the true content_ of her dream! I felt my eyes widen with comprehension that Bella's dream from last night was indeed of the same nature of my recent daydream.

"Interesting," I commented out loud as I tried to imagine my blushing Bella having an erotic dream -- about _me_.

Her voice brought me back to the present, "Am I forgiven?"

With the subject of Bella's dream still filtering through my brain, I snickered at the double meaning of my words, "I'm thinking about it..."

Obviously relieved that I wasn't going to ruin the morning with remorse over our activities of the evening, she popped up in bed, then swayed unexpectedly.

"Whoa! Head rush," she exclaimed as I quickly steadied her. So many hours in a reclined position, the sudden position change must have caused a drop in her blood pressure. I sought to reassure her, "You slept a long time. Twelve hours."

"Twelve?" Her brows furrowed and I knew she was searching for a reason behind her rip-van-winkle slumber. The search obviously included a physical check that she tried to hide behind the pretense of a morning stretch.

"Is the inventory complete?" My tone was light, though I felt the barrier that held back my doubt quake just a bit.

"The pillows all appear to have survived," Bella quipped, and I knew we were both starting a dance of avoidance.

"Unfortunately, I can't say the same for your, er, night gown."

Her eyes followed my gaze to the black strips of silk and lace that littered the bed and floor. I let a small smile grace my lips to let her know I wasn't _all_ that regretful.

"That's too bad," she let out an exaggerated sigh. "I liked that one."

"I did too."

Our eyes caught and we smiled like two kids who just shared a very silly secret.

"Were there any other casualties?" she asked, still smiling, but her soft voice had an edge of apprehension.

Shrugging my shoulders, I rolled my eyes up toward the headboard.

"I'll have to buy Esme a new bed frame." I knew I should have felt guilty about the damage, but in truth, I didn't.

However, when Bella eyes took in the damage, her jaw dropped for a second before she regained her composure. The barrier again shook with the force my self-doubt was exerting against it. Bella truly denied the danger she was in whenever she was with me -- until confronted with the violent proof. It mystified me how she could still be so naive. At times it seemed she totally accepted what I was, yet somehow completely managed to deny what I was truly capable of.

"Hmmm, you'd think I would have heard that," she replied casually before returning her eyes to mine. I saw no hint of the shock that had flashed through her just moments ago. I wondered if in this instance I was glad I couldn't hear her thoughts. I suspected they would not have helped fortify my now crumbling barrier.

"You seem to be extraordinarily unobservant when your attention is otherwise involved," I whispered low in her ear as I ran a finger lightly down the length of her arm.

"I was a bit absorbed," she admitted with a sheepish smile, blushing a brilliant red.

Like a moth to a flame, I was drawn to it. I couldn't help but reach out and touch the radiant warmth of her cheek. "I'm going to miss that," I lamented. And through the cracks, Doubt whispered in my brain, _"You will miss that blush that clues you in to her thoughts and feelings. And don't you wonder if her golden eyes will capture you like her rich brown eyes do? And her scent, pity it won't enrapture you anymore once she's been changed..."_

Determinedly, I shoved back the negative thoughts. These were _my_ issues! Yes, I would need time to mourn the loss of my _human _Bella. I fully accept the need to go through the stages of grief and loss -- but on my own. I would not make my journey Bella's burden. And though Bella would change, my love for her would not -- of that I was sure.

For now though, Bella was still needling me for the reason why I wasn't angry with her actions of last night.

"Well...," I tried to put it to words -- the revelation of how music could anchor me -- would she understand? In the end, I played it safe. "I didn't hurt you, for one thing. It was easier this time to control myself, to channel the... excesses. Maybe because I had a better idea of what to expect."

It was Bella's turn to display a smug, crooked smile, "I told you that it was all about practice."

With mock exasperation, I rolled my eyes just as her stomach growled.

"Breakfast time for the human."

But when Bella sprung from the bed, she was hit with a returning wave of vertigo. Before she collided with a piece of furniture, I caught her. "Are you all right?" She tried to deflect the attention with a joke, but I was already calculating a possible cause for her repeated dizzy spells over the last several days. I vowed to scrutinize _everything_ in search of a possible etiology.

I started my investigation with breakfast, which she was hastily cooking. "Since when do you eat eggs sunny-side up?"

"Since now," she said between ravenous bites.

"Do you know how many eggs you've gone through in the last week?" I stated as I tried to piece that bit of information with her dizziness.

Bella dismissed my observation with a wave of her hand, chalking it up to the island. Just like she had done with the vivid dreams. Dreams, appetite, vertigo. What was the connection?

Deftly switching the focus of our conversation, Bella began chattering about Dartmouth.

Hanging my head, I sat next to her at the counter. Time to let her know that although I had won many apparently useless battles, she had ultimately won the war. "You can give up the college pretense now -- you've gotten what you wanted. And we didn't agree to a deal, so there are no strings attached."

However, as I paused before confessing my relinquished hold on her humanity, she snorted, "It wasn't a pretense, Edward, I don't spend my free time plotting like _some_ people do."

_Hmmm, I deserved that._

"What can we do to wear out Bella today," Bella continued in a laughable impression of me. Yet, I deserved that too. How adorable she was and how well she knew my motives. _No one had ever bothered to take the time to know me so well._

We exchanged silent looks and the air seemed to crackle with a sudden electricity.

I saw Bella's pupils dilate as she reached out a hand. In a seductive gesture, she touched my bare chest and her voice dropped two octaves, "I really do want a little more time being human. I have not had enough..."

"For this?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing! In disbelief I clarified, "Sex was the key all along?" _Seriously? _"Why didn't I think of that?" I half muttered to myself. "I could have saved myself a lot of arguments." I looked at her with lustful eyes. Had I know a physical relationship with Bella would be this wonderful, maybe I wouldn't have waited...

"Yeah, probably." Bella's face lit up with laughter. It had been so long since I'd seen her this carefree. The color on her face shown so beautifully when she was joyful.

"You're so human."

"I know," she purred as her hand continued its downward motion to rest on my abs and her eyes glinted.

Was this really happening? Could I really be with her physically _and_ keep her human! It was too good to be true. "We're going to Dartmouth? Really?" My voice was incredulous. Suddenly all the pieces were falling into place. Almost giddily, we discussed our plans for the next few weeks, months and, possibly, years. It was a promising future.

But in a harsh reminder that the world outside still existed, I heard a boat and two minds approaching.

Gustavo and Kaure had familiar minds as they had been in our service for many years. While Gustavo was deep in thought about navigating the small boat to the dock, Kaure was reciting a prayer of protection in her native tongue. I hoped Kaure would behave professionally and leave Bella and I to our blissful charade -- we were just a typical happy newlywed couple.

"So, I was thinking --" Bella began in a tone that I was starting to become familiar with, "you know, what I was saying about practice before?"

Before she had the chance to ambush me with her advances, I held up a hand with a laugh, "Can you hold that thought? I hear a boat. The cleaning crew must be here." _Oh, but how I wished they weren't..._

I expected to see a pout, but Bella gave me an encouraged smile. However, when I suggested a hike, the childlike pout appeared. Bella flat out refused. She preferred a day in -- and I knew what that would lead to. I only hoped the room could be cleaned...quickly.

As Bella headed to the TV to pick out a movie, I went to door to meet our visitors.

I swung open the large wooden door, swiftly stepping back to avoid the brilliant morning sun beams reaching in the doorway, threatening to expose me.

The cursing and praying that burst through Kaure's thoughts at the sight of me was so loud and brazen that I physically yielded to her presence. She was mentally and spiritually a very strong woman. Recovering quickly from her nonverbal onslaught on my character, I began a flustered explanation of the items that needed tending to which included a lame excuse for why the master bedroom had the appearance of being caught in a snow storm.

Politely, I introduced Bella to Kaure and Gustavo as we passed the living area where Bella was picking out a DVD. Again, I suffered the assault of Kaure's mental accusations first in Portuguese then in her native tongue, "_Libishomen! He has brought a girl to the island! They think they can come here and carry out their horrors! This time Gustavo will see -- he'll believe me, know what they are. But how can I turn my back on the poor child he claims is his wife! Libishomen, demons who walk the Earth!"_

I could feel her eyes burning into my back as I led them past Bella. Kaure was struggling to form a way to convince Gustavo that Bella was in grave danger. Unfortunately, I already knew Gustavo would not believe her, he would dismiss her 'superstitious mumbo-jumbo' as he had many times before.

But the tension that she brought into the house was felt by all. I only had to see Bella's face to know Kaure's behavior had not slipped her attention. But I wasn't going to allow Kaure or anyone spoil my happiness. Bella was mine and she desired to stay human. Right now, I had everything any man could possibly desire. I would be honest with Bella, but not sink to where doubt wanted to put me.

"What's with her?" Bella inquired as soon as I reappeared.

Not meeting her eyes, I shrugged indifferently, "Kaure's part Ticuna Indian. She was raised to be more superstitious -- or you could call it more aware-- than those who live in the modern world. She suspects what I am, or close enough. They have their own legends here. The Libishomen -- a blood-drinking demon who preys exclusively on beautiful women," I leaned in on her and widened my eyes in an attempt to make her laugh and hopefully forget the whole thing...

"She looked terrified," Bella continued.

"She is -- but mostly she's worried about you."

"Me?"

"She's afraid of why I have you here, all alone. Oh, well, why don't you choose something for us to watch? That's an acceptably human thing to do," I pretended to focus earnestly on the selection of DVDs.

"Yes, I'm sure a movie will convince her that you're human." Bella moved to take me in her arms which I gladly accepted needing her reassurance. Locking my arms around her I lifted her to meet my lips...only to be accosted wordlessly by cursing and the triumphant thought that I had been 'caught in the act'.

I immediately released Bella in a gesture that wordlessly disproved Kaure's assumption. But the glare I shot in her direction effectively let her know I would not be challenged anymore today and she slipped out of the room.

"She was thinking what I think she was thinking, wasn't she?"

"Yes."

Almost absentmindedly, Bella pulled a random DVD off the shelf and handed it to me.

While the movie cheerfully played, our banter became more and more focused on our _activities_ after the help finished their duties. Confidence, along with the desire of being intimate again with Bella, was slowly filling me and I listened intently to Gustavo's mind anticipating their departure. I deliberated asking them to leave, but feared that would force Kaure into some kind of desperate measure to 'save' Bella.

Finally, they left. Bella conceded to lunch, which surprised me knowing how she had also been impatiently awaiting the departure of our unwanted guests. Maybe she had changed her mind...

"Do you want to swim with the dolphins this afternoon -- burn off the calories?" I fished for what she might be interested in doing next...

"Maybe later. I had another idea for burning calories," she replied in her now familiar deep tone.

I faked ignorance, "And what was that?"

"Well, there's an awful lot of headboard left--"

I didn't let her finish -- I had heard all I needed to know. With all speed, I whisked her to the bedroom hungrily anticipating the events of our afternoon.

BPOV

Edward reverently placed me on the bed in the blue room -- though I missed the bright airiness of the white room, this room had a positive energy. I was also shocked to discover my very human nose picked up on traces of Edward's scent wafting up from the bedding. If I wasn't already completely wrapped in desire for him, his fragrance alone would have sent me over the edge. _God, I wish I could bottle that incredible scent -- what an aphrodisiac..._

"My Bella. My _wife_," Edward crooned in his velvety low voice as he slid into the bed next to me, enfolding me in a steady embrace. I rested my head on his chest drinking him in with deep breaths. A calm contentedness blanketed me as I let go of the world around me. He rocked me gently. I felt no tension left within him.

But when he started to hum a sweet song, I got...worried.

"Are you trying to get out of your husbandly duties by lulling me to sleep, Edward Cullen?" I accused.

His laughter rang out unrestrained causing my head to bounce softly on his chest. "No, love, I wouldn't think of it. I take my new _duty_ quite seriously, actually."

I rolled my eyes while he placed a tender kiss on the top of my head.

"Then what's with the serenade?"

He paused before speaking, "I just find music puts me in a...good place."

I smiled into his chest remembering the last time we made love. The feeling of his graceful fingers moving up and down my body to the soundless melody that made my body sing. Though it saddened me to know he had to find ways to cope with the side of him that wanted to act on instinct, I was encouraged he had found he _could_ handle it -- that we could make this work. Now, if I could just put aside my guilt for having to be a constant temptation, forcing him to berate his nature and hate who he was. So I will allow him to his secret music and we could afford plenty of headboards, besides, this reality wouldn't last forever. Someday we would be equals.

"I love you," I said as his humming began to trail off.

"I love you too..._so much_."

The conviction in his voice when he said "so much" sent a thousand butterflies fluttering through my stomach. I could wait no longer to be with him. I tilted my head to look into his eyes and raised my hand placing it on his cool cheek, "Then show me, Edward, show me _how much_ you love me."

With little effort he pulled my lips to his, taking them with fervor and knotting his hands into the back of my shirt. As he crushed me to his body, his passion sparked my arousal and I began to tug at the hem of his shirt wanting to be pressed against him without any separation. When he finally released me, I sat up, straddling his body. He watched me intently as I removed his form-fitting t-shirt. I grinned as I brought the garment to my nose and breathed in its sweet aroma before tossing it aside. It so filled my senses that my mouth watered.

Edward placed his hands on my hips before sliding them up my body bringing my shirt upwards. I quickly took over once his hands could reach no further. What I revealed made him smile my favorite crooked smile -- I wore nothing under my baggy shirt.

In one fluid motion Edward sat up to face me, our legs wrapping around each other. A moan rushed from my lips as he buried his face in the heated naked skin of my chest, consuming me with such want I gladly surrendered myself to him, throwing my head back in pure bliss.

His hands moved from under my breast to my back and crushed me to his hard chest. As he moved up my body, his lips caressed the side of my neck. His erratic breathing fed my desire and everything around me blurred. Until I felt his muscles stiffen and he froze, snapping me back to reality. Edward released his bold grip on my back and pulled away. My body grieved the loss of his embrace. Though we still sat facing each other, his eyes were averted and the distance felt like miles instead of inches. My blood had again tempted him past his limits.

"Edward," I cupped his cheek in an attempt to pull his gaze back to mine, "Edward, it's ok."

"I just wish..." he shook his head and closed his eyes, pain etched on his fine features.

"Shhh," I took his hands and replaced them around me and he pressed his fingers into the warm flesh of my back. Leaning forward I whispered, "_Play me_, Edward."

His eyes snapped open in surprise.

"Play me..." I begged softly with pleading eyes, knowing he wouldn't refuse my request.

"Bella...." he uttered breathlessly as he eased me to the bed and settled his body over mine.

We made love to the music we created with our rhythmic touches, soft spoken words of endearment and unending kisses.

Afterward, I clung to him feeling something had shifted in our relationship. Somehow I felt we had become closer -- we had made a deeper connection.

The late afternoon sun began to steam into the room, warming my skin and significantly raising the temperature of the bedroom, but I lay contentedly in the comfortably cool embrace of my husband's arms. With Edward's every movement, rainbows danced on the walls as the sun reflected off his diamond skin.

I sighed deeply.

"What's wrong, love?"

"Ab-so-lute-ly nothing," I strung out the words to emphasize my quite satisfied physical and emotional state. In fact, even with all the strange things this island was doing to my equilibrium and dreams, I felt I could remain here happily forever. And I didn't think I was alone in that sentiment. Edward appeared more relaxed with each passing day. How much he must enjoy the solitude that the island afforded him.

At least until Kaure and Gustavo arrived. He had tried to play it off, but I saw the subtle crease in his brow and the way he stiffened – almost as if he was preparing to defend himself. Though his 'gift' provided his family safety and a sense of security, it was also a curse that I could tell took a toll on him.

Edward's fingers gently stroking my hair brought me back to happier thoughts. His voice was low and velvety when he spoke, "I have been waiting for the right time to give you your wedding gift…I thought now might be good." His statement sounded more like a question.

"Edward, I told you –"

"I know, you don't like my gifts because you feel you cannot reciprocate. But I get that now, so I assure you, these gifts are more of the _thoughtful_ kind than the _expensive_ kind. So…can I give you your wedding gifts?"

Then the word caught in my mind, "_Gifts_? As in multiple?" I raised my voice and my fist acting as threatening as I could. "That's not fair!"

"Wait!" he shouted raising his hands in a surrendering gesture, "Remember, they're _thoughtful_ gifts…"

His feigned fear was so endearing that I began to laugh, knowing he had yet again charmed me into complying with his wishes. Then, as if he needed to, he flashed me his dazzling smile. What could I do?

"Okay, let the showering of gifts commence," I said conceded in defeat.

In the blink of an eye, Edward slipped out of bed and into his boxers. Before my eyes could focus on his movements, he had returned to the bed side with two wrapped boxes. One was a small red velvet box with a gold bow. The other was larger and wrapped in gold foil paper with a silk red ribbon. In front of me Edward beamed like a child on Christmas morning.

Shaking my head, I sat up in bed and tucked the bed sheet under my arms. Couldn't I at least been given the opportunity to get dressed for this? No, I could tell he was too excited to wait for anything especially at my human pace.

"This one first," he said handing me the larger of the two boxes.

Reflexively, I shook it and I heard something softly shifting in tissue paper.

"Open it," he encouraged obviously confident that I was going to like whatever was hiding within.

His excitement had become contagious and I hurriedly slipped off the ribbon before tearing into the paper. Placing the unwrapped box on the bed, I lifted the top and brushed aside the light pink tissue.

"Oh, Edward!" I gasped.

It was of the most exquisite amethyst color. I ran my fingers over the garment and was immediately taken by how much it felt like it was made of liquid.

"May I?" Edward asked appearing pleased with my reaction.

"Yes," I whispered still entranced by the material.

He lifted the delicate fabric and it unfolded in waves. The way it shimmered in the sunlight made it look like it was _flowing_ out of the box. When he held it up I realized it was a full length silk negligee.

"I had it custom made to your measurements."

Then he wordlessly gathered up the material and I rose to my feet and lifted my arms over my head. Edward slipped it over me and I felt it cascade down my body, the hem brushed the tops of my feet.

"I love it!" I said as I smoothed my hands over it then I twirled slowly to allow Edward a view of the deeply scooped back. When I again faced him, he looked very satisfied, but I wasn't sure that was due to my appropriate reaction to his gift or because the tailored fit hugged my every curve.

"Beautiful," he murmured.

"I feel so…elegant," I said as I twirled around again, unable to resist watching how the silk swirled around me.

Edward finally moved his gaze to my face and smiled sheepishly, "I saw what Alice had planned to pack you for the honeymoon and I knew it was out of your comfort zone. Of course, you know I couldn't stop her…" He trailed off with a devious grin and for the first time I wondered if he secretly had something to do with the risqué outfits that made their way into my luggage... "So I started thinking of how I would dress you if I could. I knew I would choose something silky to caress your skin, in a rich color like your hair and it would make you feel like the beautiful woman you are."

I felt the tears well up in my eyes, but I blinked rapidly keeping them at bay. "Thank you, Edward. It's lovely." But before I could wrap my arms around him in a gesture of gratitude his ever-darkening eyes twinkled, "You have another gift, but I'm going to open it for you."

"O-kay," I said hesitantly looking over at the small box still sitting on the bed. It resembled a box from a jeweler.

"Please sit," he gestured to the edge of the bed.

I sat silently sensing he had something he needed to say first. As I sat, Edward took the tiny box in his hand and got down on one knee before me. I took in a breath overcome with the depth I saw in his eyes. I stopped breathing as I anxiously waited for him to speak.

"Isabella Marie Cullen, you have given me so much. When time ceases to have meaning, life can drone on colorless and cold. You have brought me a brilliance and warmth I not only never knew existed but I now know I can never live without. I was blind before you but now I see how wonderful life can be.

"I want to share everything I have with you, but I only have one thing of true value. I cherish it because I had to earn it and it stands for something larger than just myself. Bella, I have never felt more humbled than the moment you took my name -- it's the only thing I had worth giving. Today my family and I want to make it official."

He held the box toward me and opened the lid. Inside, tucked in a pillow of velvet, sat a ring bearing the Cullen crest. The crest was carved from ivory and sat on a shiny background of black onyx.

This time there was no holding back the tears. They flowed unbidden down my cheeks as Edward removed the ring from the box and reached for my right hand.

"Bella, would you do me the honor of wearing the Cullen family crest?"

I simply nodded for I knew I couldn't form coherent speech even if I tried. With his thumb, he wiped the tears from my cheeks before sliding the ring on my finger.

"Edward," I finally squeaked before throwing my arms around his neck.

He stood and swept me up in his arms. My flowing tears became sobs as I thanked God for the love of a wonderful husband and a family that I adored.

"Hey, no tears, Mrs. Cullen, you have one more gift," he spoke softly into my ear as he cradled me.

"I don't think I can handle any more," I hiccupped into his shoulder.

"Well, this one isn't as well rehearsed – it's a bit more…spontaneous," Edward hedged and I could tell he was feeling uneasy. "It's been formulating itself in my mind and I've decided that I am going to share more of my thoughts with you from now on – and this is my first offering in that vow."

I was already overwhelmed with emotion, but this gift sounded unique and the thought of Edward actually sharing more of what went on in his head was something I couldn't refuse. "Okay," I sniffed.

Edward carried me to the large room that held his pristine white grand piano. Gently he set me on the bench and slid next to me. His fingers danced along the keys playing the scale before he stopped and smiled his crooked smile. "I have been envisioning the day I would play this for you, but I never pictured doing it in my underwear!"

I giggled, letting out some tension for both of us. After shaking in his head in mock disbelief, Edward reached for my right hand, raising it to his lips to kiss the ring that bore our family symbol. Replacing my hand in my lap, he began to play.

I listen intently, sure there would be a message in the music.

It began almost choppy and disjointed – a jumble of notes. But then it relented and softened, finding harmony in the discord. I closed my eyes and swam in the beauty that enveloped me. As I opened my eyes, I glanced from Edward's agile fingers to his face to see his features darken as did the melody. The music was so sorrowful. It made me feel lost and alone. The same emotions played over his face and I struggled to understand why the music had taken this sudden turn. Its depth of sadness made me reach inside looking for when I too felt this desolate_. When we were apart _was the only conclusion I could make.

I swallowed hard as the realization of the meaning behind his song hit me _– he was playing was our story._

It was all there -- our rocky start, falling in love and our separation. "We will never be apart again, Edward. Never," I whispered knowing he would be able to hear me.

His eyes met mine and his fingers froze.

"That is what I have come to accept. I want you to be with me forever, no matter how selfish that seems," he spoke the words very deliberately before dropping his eyes to the keys and the music resumed.

As I tried to decipher the meaning behind is words, I became distracted by the new feeling of the music. The melody had become very complex yet it was clear, harmonious and uplifting. I began to rock to its hopeful rhythm. He played this joyous part over and over again until I was able to memorize its pattern.

Then he abruptly stopped.

"Do you hear it in your mind, Bella?"

I found I had again closed my eyes, experiencing only sound and its feeling.

"Yes," I whispered quickly not wanting to disturb the beauty that continued to play in my head.

"Good, now stand up," he said appearing at my other side to take my hand. I stood, allowing him to guide me to the open center of the room without question. "Now, concentrate and hear it…feel it."

I did as he said and found myself swaying gently to the music in my mind. I felt him place my right hand on his shoulder. He then wrapped his left arm around my waist and took my left hand in his, extending it slowly.

"Now dance with me, Bella."

"But –" I stammered, my eyes flying open.

"Bella, you have helped me overcome barriers I never thought I could. I want to do that for you. Trust me, trust in yourself…and _dance_."

And I did…

* * *

_End notes: Thank you for reading! Another relatively blissful day for our honeymooners -- I just couldn't resist! Don't worry, Bella does have a special gift for Edward -- any guesses? Of course, it is modest, but filled with meaning..._

_Thank you to **Chel88** for assistance in naming this chapter. I stuggled to summarize all that took place -- the way they managed to work together to make the intimacy happen, Edward's relentless doubt, and the pure beauty and vulnerability of Edward's gifts. She reminded me of the importance of music in this story. A Rhapsody is a musical __composition that is often irregular in form, emotional in effect, and improvisational in nature (just like Edward's gift!) but it is also __an expression of intense enthusiasm which I think is where Edward and Bella now are..._

_I write to touch your heart and I would so enjoy if you would share your thoughts/feelings/comments with me in the form of a review!_

_Come visit the Honeymoon Suite Thread at Twilighted (http://www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=52&t=6768)_


	11. Reflections

_Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight universe. Aw, shucks!_

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 11: Reflections**

I didn't have the luxury of forgetting.

Although memory loss was something humans saw as a flaw and a mark of old age, it was something I frequently wished for. Then I could avoid seeing the same miserable mistakes over and over in my mind. At times I felt they pursued me, forcing me to see them repeatedly as they gained strength from my agony. They caused my often paralyzing doubt, and because of them my judgment and decisions were often…skewed.

But tonight…_tonight_ I never wanted to forget.

On this night I was the man I wanted to be…not for myself, but for Bella. I was the husband she deserved.

I had made the right decisions. I touched her heart with my gifts, as meager as they were. Somehow, not only had she accepted them, they seemed to inspire her confidence. My Bella was dancing!

A balmy breeze swirled her scent around me as we glided in the moonlight to the music in our heads. Music that had no words yet told an unlikely love story. A love story that could never be expressed through words or images -- only feelings -- only music. I was flooded with the need to express my love and gratitude to the woman I tenderly held.

But as we continued to move together, I struggled to maintain proper dance posture, finding myself increasingly distracted by the sights, sounds and smells surrounding me.

The rounded softness of her curves under the silky gown and the slow swaying of her hips made me insane with want. Suddenly she was at too great a distance from me for my liking.

Bella gently broke our formal dance pose and slid both her arms around my waist – effectively closing the space between our bodies. I enfolded my arms protectively around her wishing I could keep her here with me on this peaceful island paradise for always. It seemed so much easier here without other minds, voices, opinions and the clutter others heaped upon us.

I knew I could not _forget_ the Volturi, the constraints of the treaty I would eventually have to manipulate or Jacob Black -- who somehow seemed tethered to our destiny – but I could push them to the background and ignore their constant din for a while. _Pretend_ they didn't exist. Enjoy a moment of perfection.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?"

"I have a gift I'd like to share with you," Bella spoke softly into the silence.

"I have all I need right here, right now…"

"Now, don't be like that," she chided. "I was a good girl when you wanted to give your gifts. You need to do the same for me."

Sighing, I released her from my arms. "You're right. I just enjoyed feeling you dance. You know, you're not _that_ bad."

"Not that good, either," she admitted wrinkling her nose at me.

"Still, I think there is promise there..."

Pulling her close to my body, I dropped my lips to her ear adding, "I could be convinced to be your private dance instructor…"

"Sounds very tempting, but somehow I think we'd only end up dancing between the sheets..."

"True," I conceded with a grin as I moved in to steal a kiss. But Bella halted my action with one hand on my chest.

"Stop trying to distract me! I've been working up the courage to give you my pathetic wedding gift and you are in danger of me abandoning the whole thing…"

"_Pathetic _wedding gift? Why is it pathetic?"

"Because I had to make it. I'm poor, remember?"

"You _were_ poor and I think you should let me determine the _patheticness_ of it myself."

Sensing I was running the risk of never seeing this gift, I gave her a quick dazzling.

"Stop that – It's over-kill!" she laughed finally taking my hand and leading me the white room where our baggage had remained.

I flipped on the light as Bella crossed the room and opened a side compartment of her suitcase. She pulled out a wrapped package which from the size and shape of it I thought it resembled a photo album.

She unceremoniously handed it to me and stepped back, biting her bottom lip and staring at the floor. I didn't need to read her mind to know the doubt she was feeling in regards to the _quality_ of her gift.

"Come sit on the bed with me while I open it," I coaxed reaching for her hand while I cradled the package in the other. I sat down on the edge of the freshly made bed complete with new pillows and pulled Bella down next to me.

"It's not much, but I hope you like it," she tossed in as I slowly unwrapped her gift.

It was indeed a scrapbook. The cover was made of supple brown leather with the word _Memories_ embossed in gold script.

Opening the cover, I was greeted by a pleasant surprise. A candid shot of Bella and I dancing in the gazebo at her prom. I had no idea it existed.

"Angela took that," Bella explained.

"I like it. We look happy."

I kept looking at the picture. Even after all my years, I was not used to seeing my image. For obvious reasons, my family generally avoided being photographed. We were always absent on picture day and never participated in activities in or out of school that would result in 'photo opportunities'.

No matter where I went, I left no evidence, no traces of my existence.

This image somehow made me feel..._more real_.

"Um, can I turn the page?" Bella prompted.

"Oh, sorry. I just, well, really liked that picture. You looked beautiful that night..."

As the page turned, I was shocked to see more unfamiliar images of me. Actually, a whole collage of pictures taken without my knowledge from our graduation ceremony and graduation party.

"Angela?" I inquired.

"Yep. She was so excited about us, you know, as a couple. Knowing my dislike for pictures, she took them on the sly. But before she could give them to us, we..." Bella stopped speaking abruptly, her lips pressed together in a tight line and her eyes remained on the photos. Our idyllic moment interrupted by regrets from the past.

It still wasn't something we talked about -- my leaving her. The feelings we have about that time apart run too deep and are too raw to bring up. Through Jacob's mind I saw the pain and suffering she endured. I felt guilt everyday for causing it and no discussion or absolution from Bella would ever change that. So why ever talk about it? Nothing could be gained.

"Then I left you," I said completing the sentence that still hung in the air, placing the blame where it belonged.

Bella seemed to be composing herself in the silence. Finally, she looked up from the album.

"When you were...gone, I realized how easy it was for you to completely erase your existence. I couldn't accept that. So when you came back, I decided to not let that even happen again. No matter what happens between us."

My gut twisted as another consequence of my foolish decision to leave her made itself apparent: would she always feel insecure? Could Bella ever believe I will _never_ leave her again?

"Angela gave me these after our engagement. I'm so glad she saved them." Bella ran her hand lovingly over the pictures. "It led to the idea to make this book. And then, of course, Alice got in on it saying I would have asked for her help eventually..." she shrugged and smiled at the thought of my enthusiastic sister who always managed to push Bella to the brink of her comfort zone.

Refocusing on the album, Bella turned the page.

This page was full of the memories of our evening at the Seattle Symphony. I had perfect recollection of that memorable night together. How glowing Bella looked in the teal-colored satin cocktail dress I surprised her with and how her eyes sparkled at she gazed in awe upon the glowing atrium of windows of Benaroya Hall.

But to observe the care she went through to preserve _her_ memories of that night and for me to _see it_ through her eyes -- that was the real gift. Our ticket stubs had been secured behind a picture postcard of the symphony hall. Alice must have snapped the picture of us as I held the car door open for Bella. The photo was cropped to fit over the bottom corner of the symphony program that Bella had secretly saved. To finish off the masterpiece of memory, Bella had drawn musical notes around the page's border.

One single night. That's all it was. It had not cost me much. But this single page of mementos, thoughtfully collected and assembled, told me that that one night had meant so much to Bella.

How much more could I learn from the contents of this book? I eagerly took charge of turning the pages.

Subsequent pages held more treasures for me discover and they served as a key to unlocking the mystery of what made her _truly_ happy.

Pressed flowers from bouquets I had sent her after our engagement and on the anniversary of our first date accompanied by the small cards that were sent with the flowers. But what held the most excitement for me was reading the handwritten notes Bella placed next to the photos and souvenirs of our days together. In them she detailed what we had done in that captured moment, how she felt, and her wishes for our future. All the thoughts that, until this point, had been kept from me -- safely tucked within her impenetrable mind.

I marveled at the pages of preserved memories. Tangible proof that I not only existed, but I had meaning to someone. I could not fathom ever receiving another gift as precious as this one.

It was with sadness that I realized I only had two pages left to relish. They were simple and beautiful.

On one page was an 8X10 picture of Bella and I taken by Alice shortly after Bella had began wearing her engagement ring. Preserved on the opposite page was our wedding invitation. Under it, Bella had written out our wedding vows followed by a note to me.

Edward, my eternal love,

I've learned that it isn't enough for you to live only in my dreams, memories and my heart.

For dreams end, human memories fade, and hearts become still.

To that end, this book serves two purposes:

First, to document our love and our journey together. There are many more pages left to fill and I look forward with anticipation to filling them with the special days we will spend together as husband and wife.

Second, when we take that next step, and my memories leave me and my heart stills, I can again relive and cherish our days gone by.

Yours yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever,

Bella.

I closed the back cover and shut my eyes, picturing it all over again.

"Edward Cullen...are you...speechless?" Bella uttered.

"Yes. Your wedding gift has left me speechless," was all I could say, though I wished my heart could speak in order to tell her just how wonderful a gift this was.

"Really? You really like it?"

_Doubt has many acquaintances…_

"Yeah, I really like it."

"Good because…" The rest of Bella's sentence was interrupted by a wide yawn.

"Bedtime for the human?" I suggested.

"I shouldn't be tired after sleeping half a day away….maybe if I took a quick shower, I –"

But this time I was the one to interrupt, "Sleep, my angel."

"Will you stay with me?" she asked stifling another yawn.

"Of course, love," I assured her, easing her into the bed.

"Come here, handsome lover," Bella said as she snagged my shirt and pulled me on top of her.

"Bell-la…"

Nuzzling her face into my neck she purred innocently in her low tone of voice, "Yes, my love?"

I began to melt into her, my will to resist nonexistent. But my words gave one more feeble try...

"You need to sleep."

"Um-hmm. But I can sleep anytime," she hummed, stroking my cheek with a warm hand.

"I need you to sleep, dear. I have…another requirement I really have to tend to. It's been a while…"

No matter how much I had convinced myself of late that I could be Bella's husband in all ways, I couldn't deny my nature any longer. If I continued to try, it might have dire consequences.

Bella's eyes widened as she looked into mine, recognizing what was there. "Oh…I understand."

"But I can wait," I soothed and rolled onto the bed, pulling Bella next to me. "I can stay here until you fall asleep."

"I hope I dream of you..." she said sleepily now that I had given her permission to drift away.

Running my fingers through her hair, I kissed her forehead and whispered into her sweet skin, "_Sleep like the waves that crawl to a lagoon and still themselves for peace and rest*_. Pleasant dreams, love."

Softly I hummed _our song._

* * * *

The full moon glowed so vibrantly it blotted out the stars.

While I was pleased I had lasted two weeks without hunting, I also chastised myself for being so reckless.

I decided to take the boat to the mainland to prolong my need to at least _feel_ human a bit longer. Effortlessly, the small lightless craft cut through the dark silken water. I anchored it one mile from the coast and entered the water for the last leg of my trip. I hoped prey would be easy to find as I was eager to return to my sleeping Bella. It saddened me to miss hearing her talk in her sleep tonight. After all it was my only opportunity to peer into her thoughts.

Once ashore, I scanned my surroundings by opening my senses to their fullest, taking a moment to be certain there was no indication of human presence. After waiting so long to hunt and pushing my will to its limits during intimacy with Bella, I feared I had little control left.

I neared a marshy area and immediately noticed a large python moving swiftly away from me as it caught my scent. Smart creature. Emmett would be so jealous as he has had quite the hankering to wrestle with one. What a sight that would be.

The density of the jungle made it clear it was not inhabited by humans. Pristine, virgin land for the hunt. The scents of wild, nocturnal animals permeated the air. I drew in the foreign smells with deep breaths. Primal instincts coursed through my body, but felt oddly _different_.

How to describe it? I felt almost..aroused.

My body and mind were momentarily confused by the sudden rush of need _and_ desire. The result was visions of Bella flickering through my brain like a slide show on fast forward: Bella in my arms in the warm ocean, dripping wet in the freshwater spring, sprawled naked and sleeping in our bed, clad in revealing black lace, dressed in silk moving slowly against my body...all these images mixing seductively with the overwhelming scent of a top predator.

As I tried to comprehend the unfamiliar sensations, I remembered the times I had accompanied my family on hunts and intercepted sexual thoughts between couples. How had my brothers neglected to tell me how the hunt would become...sensualized...after I had learned the pleasure of lovemaking? Had they forgotten this elicit benefit or did they actually permit me the pleasure to discover something erotic on my own?

My breathing quickened. It was very clear this hunt would be different. Satisfying in a unique way as it appeared the hunt feeds more than just one physical need...

I sensed my prey was very close...watching me.

_Stalking me. _

Very unwise.

My stance instantly changed and I darted between the trees, a most silent and deadly shadow. The scent became more powerful as I moved. In the thick jungle even my vampiric sight had trouble seeing far. Although opaqueness encompassed me, it was far from silent. The night sounds were so dense -- layers and layers of noise created by those who chose to hunt under the cover of the darkness created by the jungle canopy. It was difficult to isolate the signature of the animal that was keeping vigil over my movements.

Shifting tactics, I crouched and waited_. Let the chase begin..._

Then it gave me a clue. A low growl.

I knew that sound. I would never forget the sound of one of my most rewarding, fulfilling meals. Jaguar.

One of the strongest members of the big cats, known for dragging off prey weighing over 800 pounds and jaws so strong they pulverize bone. A formidable foe.

A thrill pulsed up my spine and I lurched forward toward the sound. Although a clever hunter, the jaguar had given itself away. A fatal mistake.

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty. Come out and play," I crooned in anticipation of the meal that would satisfy the desires that were rapidly building within me.

Pausing under a tree, I searched above me. "There you are. Shall I come to you?"

It glared brazenly at me from above.

But as I began my vertical leap, I was broadsided by a force of at least 300 pounds moving at no less than 50 miles per hour.

The force knocked me to the ground, tumbling out of control and disoriented.

There had been two! One served as bait while the other ambushed me. I underestimated my prey.

Locking my arms around it's well-muscled torso, I hung on as the momentum of the jaguar's attack rolled us across the jungle floor.

But before I could orient myself, I felt the crush of its jaw on my upper arm as it attempted to break free from my grip. My arm splintered under the force.

Landing on my back with its jaws embedded in my arm, I shoved my feet into its belly and launched it off of me. With a howl it struck a tree with a smack that echoed through the forest and sent all types of winged creatures into flight.

The large cat remained on the ground slightly dazed, but eyed warily me as I rose to my feet, cradling my injured arm.

No sooner had I stood did I hear the rush of paws behind me. Whirling around, I caught the beast by the neck as it leapt upon me. If it wasn't for the yellow eyes that blazed inches from mine, I would have sworn that night itself had attacked me. The deepest black cat I had ever seen let out a vengeful cry as it clawed at my body.

Slamming it to the forest floor with my good arm, I threw my body onto his, completely pinning it to the ground. Venom filled my mouth as I lusted for the hot, satisfying fluid it would unwillingly give to me. The victor of the hunt.

A mournful wail pierced the night.

Startled by the intensity of the cry, I looked into the eyes of my victim. But I saw nothing but defiance in them. The lonesome sound again filled the deadly silent air. This time I discerned its origin -- it came from the jaguar that still lay under the tree.

Was it grieving? Grieving the loss of...it's mate?

My throat constricted and my grip loosened. "Maybe another day, my friend."

I released my prize and in a blur, the two disappeared into the blackness between the trees.

My emerging human side had cost me a meal, but made me think about another possibility...a soul.

Almost mechanically, I let my senses lead me to a smal lgroup of tapirs drinking at a freshwater hole. Without thinking, I downed the largest one, my teeth piercing his carotid artery with surgical precision to let the warm sustenance pour into my waiting mouth and down my parched throat.

As I drank my mind was suddenly inundated with sensations from my last night with Bella. The feel of her skin, her delicious heat wrapped around me as the animal's scorching blood pumped down my throat, the taste of her fragile fragrant skin when I drank James' venom from her.

I groaned in longing and frustration. I 'd had fought these images in the past, but never as intensely as I was now. I _knew_ how she tasted, smelled and felt in all ways possible.

As an outlet of my rising tension, I reveled in my kill and let the ecstasy of this drink consume me until the fountain ran dry.

Rising from the carcass, I caught sight of myself in the still waters -- covered in animal blood and the tattered remains of clothing. The reflection seemed _unreal_.

How I hated living this dichotomy. The constant chore of pretending I am something I'm not, yet to so despise what I really was, that the façade has become my greatest wish.

_

* * *

_

_End Notes: Comments/thoughts/feeings? I like them all, so do share!_

_Even more, I would enjoy hearing your thoughts on what you did and didn't like about the realization of the pregnancy and the events following. I know many readers would like to have seen the whole Nessie sequence of events left out! I've heard others say they would have liked BPOV or EPOV through what happened. I will try to give you some of both. Along with involvement of my most favorite couple: Carlisle and Esme._

_So consider sharing your input: what do you wished had been included in BD? Visit the Honeymoon Suite Thread at __http://www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=52&t=6768&p=753883#p753758__ (link provided in my profile)._

_To view a magnificent picture of Benaroya Hall, go to __http://www(dot)seattlesymphony(dot)org/benaroya/view/photo(dot)aspx?groupID=0&photoID=1 (or find the link on my profile)_

_*Raj Arumugam, Sleep Tender Heart_


	12. Paradise Lost

_Disclaimer: SM owns all of Twilight_

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 12: Paradise Lost**

Climbing aboard the boat, I had one single, driving, pulsing thought: I needed to hold Bella.

The swim that left my clothes dripping had cleansed me of the blood that conveyed my irrefutable violent nature, but there was no evading the monkey on my back. For the unforeseeable future, as long as Bella chose to stay human at least, I would have to straddle two worlds.

My hunt left me feeling more in control of one aspect of myself, yet anxiety took possession another. Leaving Bella alone on the island was gnawing at my every last nerve. The engines roared to life and I pushed them to the max, training my eyes on the tiny island in the distance.

The sun was making a glorious birth from the ocean. Rays stretched like the make-shift arms of an artist, painting the sky in various hues of oranges and pinks. Dolphins broke the sparkling water surface in celebration of the new day of hunting that lie ahead.

As I neared the island, the sun reached me warming my frigid skin and welcoming me home. The thought of another day with Bella warmed me from the inside.

Securing the craft to the dock, I felt the pull of her. Breaking into a run, I was driven to be in her arms again. That was the one true home I was being called to.

When the house came into view, alarm stuck in the pit of my gut. Light streamed from every window. Again I cursed my nature -- the reason I had to leave her alone. Why had she woken while I was gone? The lit house indicated she was afraid. Had the nightmares returned? If so, the note explaining my absence would be of no comfort to her.

Would she have left the house in search of me?

Why had I brought her so far from home? Her strange onset of symptoms still nagged at my brain. Bella was not well-traveled. Maybe this trip had upset her balance and her symptoms were just a result of home sickness? Whether the symptoms were psychological or physical in origin, it didn't really matter; I had concluded it was time for us to leave our insulated tropical paradise.

As panic continued to push my thoughts and my legs faster, I burst through front door, bending the hinges in the process.

Shedding the tattered shirt that would only complicate her troubled emotional state, I tossed it in the trash bin as I moved through the kitchen. The pungent smell of hot oil and cooked meat permeated the house despite the wide open windows.

Just as her fragrance hit me, I saw her. My feet stopped and relief washed over me.

She was sleeping on the couch, covered in a sheen of perspiration that reflected the flickering light of the movie credits scrolling across the TV screen. The camisole and boy shorts clinging to her damp skin reminded me of how humid the island was. The full-length negligee must have been torture for her to wear in this heat!

Slowly I slid onto the couch to surround her with my coolness.

I placed my nose to her hair and drew in the drug of her scent. Like an addict suffering from withdrawal, the edge I had been experiencing eased and calmness blanketed me. Gloriously she filled and sated my need, but there was something else in its essence. Something _unfamiliar…changed._

Closing my eyes and focusing all of my concentration, I again breathed her in to tease apart the smells.

But that was a mistake.

The extra large dose of her singing blood hit my brain like a charge of dynamite. Venom rolled down my throat as it sought to extinguish the burning. My skin buzzed with electricity and my focus blurred. I snapped my eyes open in attempt to break the bewitching spell.

_Too much input, you idiot! _

Swallowing, I made another attempt, but with a smaller sample. And then analyzed...

Ah, my Bella. Sweet strawberries and freesia, salty sweat and sea water, the siren call of her blood -- I ticked off the recognized scents.

But the next recognition struck me below the belt. My scent -- still clinging to her skin, evaporating into the air with her perspiration.

It marked her as mine._ My mate._

This threw my thoughts on another tangent…

While Bella continued to evoke humanness from forgotten crevices in my being, I had underestimated the depth of my innate responses -- the responsesfrom my true, albeit motionless, heart.

_Mate_. A word a thousand times more meaningful than _husband_.

Yes, Bella was my wife. In the human world it meant she had legally bound herself to me, took my name, and stood before her God and made a promise.

But in my world, she did so much more than that. She answered the call from deep within me to be my eternal mate.

Love was often transient in the human realm. Couples fell in and out of love at the drop of a hat. And quite frankly, anyone could be a spouse.

What Bella accepted when she married me was an eternal commitment that could never be reversed by legal decree or severed by religious annulment. Mating was a bond that lasted forever in our eternal domain. So much so that even if a mate is somehow lost to final death, a once-mated vampire never took another mate. The union was timeless and beyond most humans' comprehension -- only similar to what I had come to understand about imprinting.

Upon reflection of Bella's inconceivable commitment to me, a bond that had her likewise straddling two worlds, feelings of overwhelming gratefulness enveloped me and I folded my arms firmly around my slumbering Bella, wishing I could physically pull her into me so that we could truly become one.

The rhythm of her breathing changed -- I had inadvertently woken her in my ardor. Forgetting the investigation into her altered scent, I spoke to her.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into her ear, not wanting to frighten her by my sudden presence. Easing my hold on her, I wiped the perspiration from her brow. "So much for thoroughness. I didn't think about how hot you would be with me gone. I'll have an air conditioner installed before I leave again."

With her back against my chest, I could not read the emotions that played across her face, but I felt every muscle in her body tense like a compressed metal spring.

"Excuse me," she blurted out before bolting from my lax embrace.

"Bella?" _What the ..._

At first I thought to wait and see her destination to know if I should follow, but then thought better of it. Catching up to her, I swooped in to support her around the waist a split second before she vomited.

"Bella? What's wrong?"

It was actually a desperate question I was asking myself more than I was asking it of her. The list of unusual symptoms was progressively getting longer and more perplexing.

"Damn rancid chicken," she spat out in disgust as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Are you all right?" Stupid question upon further consideration. Obviously she was not. I just hoped she didn't say f --"

"Fine. It's just food poisoning. You don't need to see this. Go away."

"Not likely Bella." _Why_ c_ouldn't she predict that by now?_

"Go away," she groaned in embarrassment, attempting to push me away as she lurched to the sink.

But I had to do something. Wrapping my arms around her, I completed a basic assessment. Heart rate and breathing had slowed, muscle tension reduced, no fever. I scooped her up in my arms, noting her lack of protest and carried her to the bed, careful to keep her head elevated.

"Food poisoning?" I brought the topic up as she noticeably relaxed into me.

"Yeah. I made some chicken last night. It tasted off, so I threw it out. But I ate a few bites first."

_Was this a separate symptom with its own etiology or part of the ongoing syndrome?_

"How do you feel now?"

"Pretty normal. A little hungry, actually."

I was tempted to believe this statement since it was more than the usual response of 'fine'. Still something tugged at my brain. I was missing a piece to the puzzle that I could feel it was fully within my reach, yet too close to be seen. Bella would surely nap after this episode of illness -- a call to Carlisle was warranted. At least I could take solace in the fact that if there was anything...serious...going on, I would have heard from Alice already.

Bella abruptly got out of the bed and again I trailed behind her. Halting in front of the refrigerator, she pulled open the door and peered inside.

"I think I'd like some --"

"Eggs, yes, but maybe we should let your stomach recover first. How about a glass of water and rest first?" I placated her.

After keeping water down, I cooked for her and had her rest again. I held Bella's head in my lap as CNN droned on about whether Pluto qualified as a planet. But I was too sidetracked by how I was going to convince Bella we needed to leave for her health -- and my sanity.

While I had expected her to sleep, she actually began fidgeting, eventually looking up at me with..._that _look.

But as I began to acquiesce to her unspoken request, she tensed and dread widened her eyes. Faster than I had ever seen her move before, Bella launched herself into the kitchen and vomited in the sink. I swept up behind her and again braced her with one arm around her waist and one bundling her hair at the nape of her clammy neck.

_That's it!_ We were leaving. I calculated that it would take me twenty minutes to pack, prep the boat and load our belongings.

_Boat_. Sea sickness.

_Damn!_

Seaplane -- better idea. I could hire one out of Rio.

"Maybe we should go back to Rio, see a doctor?" I posed, deciding on a gentle tone as not to upset her more.

Rinsing her mouth, Bella moved stiffly toward the hallway mumbling _that_ word I'd grown to detest. She stepped into the bedroom and shut the door on my face. I hung back and listened from the other side of the door. She brushed her teeth and unzipped her carry-on.

Then silence. No movement...nothing.

Puzzled and concerned, I knocked.

"Are you well? Did you get sick again?"

Though I would have heard her getting sick, I had to do something to get her to talk to me. I was grasping at straws now -- my medical background had failed to produce an answer to her symptoms and my experience with human sickness was nonexistent.

"Yes and no."

She sounded terrified.

"Bella? Can I please come in?" I begged, my hand already crushing the doorknob.

"O…kay..." she responded hesitantly.

Her appearance was pathetic. Sitting on the floor, folded upon herself -- so small and frail looking, utter disbelief showing on her face.

Dashing to her side, the words tumbled out, "What's wrong?"

I placed my hands reassuringly on her shoulders. She appeared to be having a mental breakdown.

"How many days has it been since the wedding?"

"Seventeen. Bella what is it?"

Her lips moved and she motioned for me to wait, but I couldn't stand it -- what the hell was going on?

"Bella! I'm losing my mind over here."

Without verbal response, she reached into her bag, producing a box of tampons as if this package was the answer to my question.

"What? Are you trying to pass this illness off as PMS?"

'No, no Edward. I'm trying to tell you that my period is five days late."

Late? _Late?_

_Explanation – there had to be another explanation!_

_Stress. _Definitely a contributing factor...

Recent change in diet could cause changes in the body...

_Think, Edward...._

_Another reason for a delayed period!_

In the background Bella was thinking out loud. Her analysis pushing me in the direction I refused to go and I only heard her in broken spurts.

"...the dreams...sleeping so much...the crying...all that food..."

My brain quickly continued the litany of symptoms: ...the nausea, the vertigo, the cravings...

What I had been missing became painfully clear. I just hadn't consider it because I thought it --

"Impossible," Bella whispered, finishing my thought.

With the full force of my vampiric brain, everything I knew medically about reproduction, conception, pregnancy, fetal development, vampire anatomy, and genetics pushed like a tidal wave from one side of my brain. The wave roared headlong toward the wave of thoughts traveling from the opposite side of my mind. It contained all my knowledge of the incubus and the undeniable lack of evidence of their existence _-- no living mothers to tell the tale, no living children as proof._

When the two walls of water collided, there was total annihilation. My mind blanked. I saw nothing, heard nothing, and moved nothing. There was complete devastation within me.

In my mind, I walked amid the rubble of everything that been, but was no more. Gone. It was all gone. Happiness, laughter, trust, hope, future… Bella.

As if broadcast on a loud speaker, the words blared in my head -- NO MOTHERS, NO CHILDREN.

The words grew louder and louder booming over and over until they crushed me to the littered, wet ground of my mind. Curling into a ball, I begged for it to stop. But the words only took on a pounding quality that pummeled me physically. They left nothing but crumbling ruins of my stone body scattered among the devastated landscape.

Here I would remain -- in shatters.

Hope had been my undoing. Pretending I could be something I was not. I was and would always be the perfect killing machine. Even in love, I wrought havoc.

No children. No mothers.

_I was a God-damned incubus!_

As lost as I was in my own self-destruction, Bella's words reached out to strike me like the punch of a prize fighter --

"...something moved inside me just now."

_Moved?_ Moved!

No baby developed that quickly. Unless...it wasn't a baby at all.

_Pull yourself together! Bella's in danger. You did this to her -- you fix it!_

Blinking once, I snapped my head up to see Bella's frightened look. _She needs to you fix this!_

She held my cell phone in her hand and I could hear Carlisle's anxious voice, "Bella? Are you still there?"

Carlisle. He'd fix this! If ever I needed his skills, it was now. I reached for my savior.

Gripping the phone too tightly, I pressed it to my ear, asking the one question I needed to know, "Is it possible?"

"Edward. I didn't think it was possible. I'm...I'm not sure what to say. The genetics...they are just not compatible. You and Bella are genetically _too_ different -- the chromosomes would not pair up evenly at meiosis. There _should be_ no viable product from mating."

I could almost feel the mental anguish he was experiencing as he tried to comprehend how he left us vulnerable to this atrocity.

"There are the myths, the stories, but never in all my centuries have I ever, _ever_ had an ounce of proof. But from the symptoms, she sounds pregnant, Edward. I'm just....the movement. That shouldn't be perceived by the mother before eighteen weeks of pregnancy -- this doesn't bode well for the child's makeup."

"And Bella?" My arm moved protectively around her as I braced for the final blow.

"Edward, I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but I don't know what we are dealing with except that it is growing at a much accelerated rate. Because of that, it may pose a danger to Bella. I'll prepare here. I don't think I need to explain the options, and time is working against us. Get her home as soon as possible."

"Yes. Yes, I will," I said with conviction. All my focus would be on this singular goal -- a goal that had to keep me moving forward. Carlisle was my only hope right now.

Immediately following his edict, I called the airport in Rio.

"What did Carlisle say?" Bella asked quietly.

Emotion had already been shoved into another placed for now. It would only cloud my ability to complete my task. _Get Bella home_. I barely glanced at her as I responded, "He thinks you're pregnant."

"Who are you calling now?"

"The airport. We're going home," I said flatly.

In the back of my mind, I felt it. Gathering strength in the gloom, my personal tormentor stirred. The barrier had been destroyed, a causality of the calamity that I brought upon my love. But I had to hold it at bay. I had to be strong, at least until Bella was safe. Then doubt would punish me, devour me. This time though, I deserved it. I would not fight.

* * *

_AN: Ugh. Well there it is -- the shit hits the fan! It took a while to get inside of Edward's head -- to know what he was thinking when he went all catatonic on Bella. Did you agree with my interpretation? _

_I have had some wonderful input on what readers would like to read in upcoming chapters, considering at this point, BD shifts to Jacob's POV. I was going to write exclusively from Edward's POV, but had some requests to include what Bella was also thinking. Right now I have some conversations with Carlisle and Esme snaking their way through my mind. C&E are my favorite couple, so they had to make an appearance sooner or later!_

_Thank you so much to those who have read this story -- your opinions/comments/reactions are appreciated. You can also stop by the thread at __http://www(dot)twilighted(dot)?f=52&t=6768_

_Finally, thank you to RoseBella75/IslandWoman221 for pre-reading and being a wonderful source of support. Check out her juicy AH/AU Bella/Edward-centric fanfic, set in a Roman-esque setting titled_ Forbidden Desire_. Complete summary and link is posted on my profile._


	13. Laid Bare

_Disclaimer: SM owns Twilgiht and the dialogue between Edward and Bella contained in this chapter. I own copies of the books, the DVDs, the Scene It Game, and my original ideas of what happens in between the pages._

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 13: Laid Bare**

"But you don't seem to understand. This is an emergency," I growled into the phone.

It was difficult to speak Portuguese through clenched teeth.

"I'm sorry, sir," the female voice responded in a typical 'customer friendly' tone.

This was the third airline I had spoken to and none of them could find two seats out of Rio to the States? Raising my voice had not worked, nor did pleading. I switched tactics quickly -- after all, money was fluent in all languages.

"I'm willing to pay for your extra effort in securing two seats on any flight to the US."

When again I was denied, I hung up and dialed again. If another agent answered, maybe he or she could be bought...everyone had a price.

As I haggled, I packed and calculated the details of departing the island. Tasks kept my mind off of the other voice, the one yelling in the background. Doubt wanted my full attention.

_Just wait. You'll get your chance. But not now._

At last I secured a flight from Rio to Houston. There we would have to switch planes and airlines before arriving in Seattle. I called Carlisle to arrange for our pick up. He assured me he and Esme would be there for us.

My focus had been so intense, I didn't noticed Bella had slipped out of the room. She must be so frightened, an unknown taking root in her body.

A voice pushed into my consciousness. _What have you done? Disgusting, self-satisfying monster! You've contaminated her -- finally succeeding in destroying her with your vile seed._

_Not now!_

_Once she realizes what you've truly done, she'll hate you._

Clutching at my head as if I could silence the voice through physical force, I left the bedroom in search of Bella.

I found her gazing out the kitchen window.

"Bella?"

She turned, expressionless, but with tear stained cheeks.

_Monster!_

"Bella! Are you in pain?" Rushing to her, I looked deeply in her eyes, holding her cheeks so she could not turn away from me and attempt a lie.

"No, no --"

Clutching her to me, I tried to soothe her fears, "Don't be afraid. We'll be home in sixteen hours. You'll be fine. Carlisle will be ready when we get there. We'll take care of this and you'll be fine, you'll be fine."

My words spilled out at such a rapid pace, I wasn't sure if Bella understood what I was saying. And I used that word...I told her she would be 'fine'.

She looked up at me, and I swear her eyes had changed color, becoming an even deeper brown.

"Take care of this? What do you mean?"

I grasped her shoulders firmly, hoping to convey the assurance I didn't actually feel, "We're going to get that thing out before it can hurt any part of you. Don't be scared. I _won't_ let it hurt you."

"That thing?"

_...Damn!_

Kaure's blatant, determined thoughts preceded any sounds of their approaching. I didn't have time, nor was I in the mood for dealing with...anyone.

"I forgot Gustavo was due today. I'll get rid of him and be right back,"

I ran my hands down her arms before heading to the front door. She was so stiff and cold.

I opened the door before Gustavo could knock. His hand froze in midair, shock on his face.

Seeing my menacing expression through his mind, I quickly switched to the facade I wore like a second skin. Flashing a smile, I spoke in my most polite Portuguese, "Thank you, Gustavo for making the trip out today, but we will not be needing service. My wife and I will be leaving today. Could you return tomorrow to clean and secure the house?"

Gustavo bowed slightly and nodded, but was elbowed harshly in the ribs by Kaure, who carried a covered dish which let off a most repulsive scent.

"Ah, Mr. Cullen, Kaure has brought you and your wife a homemade dish for dinner. But we can leave it here with you..."

"Please," Kaure stepped forward and interrupted Gustavo, "may I present this to the young lady of the house?"

Her words kind, her mind set.

I dug in.

Using my most 'customer friendly' voice, I smoothed, "Your generosity is appreciated, however, we are on a very tight time schedule. We will not be eating dinner on the island today. Thank you."

But as I moved to close the door, Kaure wedged herself between me and the door jamb. She had not the forethought to do this, it was almost like she had acted on instinct, and it caught me off guard.

"Mr. Cullen, I would most like to thank your...wife...and wish you safe travel," she spoke timidly, but her steely stare cut through me. Her thoughts rumbled through my head, "_I will reveal you. You killed her, didn't you, lobishomen?" _

My eyes widened at her nerve. I decided to call her bluff.

Bowing slightly, yet feeling the waves of resentment rolling off of me, I wordlessly gestured for her to enter and pointed to the kitchen.

As I closed the door behind my unwanted guest, Kaure had sudden second thoughts. She feared if she did find Bella murdered, she and Gustavo would surely be next. She froze in the foyer as Gustavo eyed her warily. They both sensed the unease in the house.

Acting oblivious to their hesitation, I lead the way to the kitchen, thankful for the opportunity to prepare Bella for their arrival.

I approached Bella and wiped her tears and spoke into her ear, "She's insisting on leaving the food she brought -- she made us dinner. It's an excuse -- she wants to make sure I haven't killed you...yet."

Kaure's need for self-preservation dueled with her determination to prove her conclusion about my family. Hesitantly, she approached the kitchen with Gustavo behind her. His thoughts seemed to be holding their breath in anticipation.

Her eyes grew in size as they took in Bella and her thoughts were confused. She was shocked Bella was alive and appearing well. But she sensed her emotional state and her eyes bounced from Bella's to mine. The tension in the room amped up.

As Kaure tried to decide her next move, she placed the dish on the counter next to Bella_. I thought for sure..._

I suddenly grew very tired of her game, my patience was short-lived.

"Please leave now," I practically barked at her.

Haughtily, she turned to leave, still unconvinced I was anything but a demon. The only thing that saved her at this moment was the relief she felt for knowing Bella was alive, if not well.

I watched her intently, but caught Bella's lurching movement in the corner of my eye.

Forgetting our invading guests, I flew to Bella's side to comfort her, try to ease burden I had selfishly laid upon her. Guessing the trigger of her nausea, I quickly removed the offensive dish.

Bella continued to spasm over the kitchen sink, each jolt felt like a hammer driving a nail into my coffin. All I ever did from the beginning was cause her suffering. I was her addictive drug as much as she was mine. How dysfunctional our lives had become! It was sick, really. We were so intertwined in a spinning dance of destruction, it nauseated me.

When the food smell dissipated, Bella's muscle tension eased and she drooped in exhaustion against me. I turned her away from the sink and held her to my chest. Her hands jumped to her abdomen and I again cringed in the pain I knew she must be enduring.

_You bastard! You impregnated her? _

Kaure's mental shouting slapped me with a cold, hard hand. I spun around as her mind pledged to never allow Bella to leave the island with me. _She actually planned to stop me at any cost -- even her life._

I instinctually pushed Bella behind me to shield her from the assaults she could not hear. Kaure exploded like a volcano under pressure for far too long.

"I see it your eyes lobishomen! Your guilt, your admission! I see it! I don't care anymore if I am the only one who sees you for what you are. I will stop you somehow. You will not succeed in bringing another unholy being into this world at the expense of this young girl. How are you controlling her? What magic did you use to blind her to your nature?"

She shook her fist at me and defiantly jutted her chin, but the terror in her eyes was incongruent with the anger she recklessly displayed in my presence.

Then her thoughts clarified her behavior. She didn't fear me at all, _she feared Bella's fate_.

If she knew -- actually knew -- what was happening inside Bella, she could help me! This woman hell-bent on driving me away, could actually be my saving grace.

Desperation drove me toward her. I fought back an urge to grab her and rape her mind for everything I could get out of it -- forcibly find my answers. Bella's hand clutching fearfully my arm granted Kaure a reprieve. I would not be any more of a beast than I had already been.

I dropped my charade and laid myself bare before Kaure, willing to grovel at her feet if need be.

Switching to her native tongue, I purged myself. "It was not my intention to do this to her. I love her. Please, I beg, can you help me spare her?"

I was aware of Bella and Gustavo's confusion and lack of understanding of the words I spoke.

At hearing her native language, Kaure resolve faltered. She didn't know what to make of my show of respect or plea for Bella's life while denouncing of the growing being inside her.

"You freely admit it? You are _lobishomen?"_

All I could do was nod. I had never been so disgraced to admit my true nature.

Although Kaure battled with her Christian teachings, as evidenced by the way she crossed herself, and her native beliefs, there was a sense of _relief_ in my admittance, but she still questioned whether I could be trusted. She began to back away.

"No! Please, don't go. You have to help me. Help Bella at least, you can tell me to go to Hell."

"You are from Hell! Your kind do not _love_! What you have done to her..." Her ire was steadily escalating, jumbling her thoughts and feelings into an irrational mixture making it difficult, if not impossible, for me to predict her behavior.

In exasperation she finished, "...and you say you love her? You do know you have condemned her."

"Please, if there is anything you can share with me -- what your people's legends have told you about _lobishomen _and human mating. I will do anything to spare her -- even sacrifice myself -- so if there is _anything _I can do, woman, please tell me now. She is my wife, my only reason for existing."

I sensed she finally acknowledge in some small way that we were on the same side -- we both feared for Bella. Her eyes moved to Bella's and she made a gesture with her arms around her abdomen indicating pregnancy.

Bella's eyes widened and she nodded almost imperceptibly.

Kaure's tone became softer as she questioned me, "How long has she been in this state?"

"It was conceived on this island."

"Have you tried anything to remove it?"

"No, I wouldn't know how, but my father, Carlisle, he is a doctor."

She held her tongue, but her thoughts gave me the information I was looking for: _According to stories, there has never been a successful removal. The ending is always the same._

"Is there anyone who can tell me what to do -- anyone who has witnessed this same situation?"

She shook her head sorrowfully.

"Kaure, what happens to the mothers?"

"They die."

In her thoughts, she blessed Bella and turned to leave, the pain of the inevitable truth overburdening her. She silently wished she had never seen us knowing she would remember Bella's young, innocent face in her memory for as long as she lived -- and had been able to offer nothing to save her.

Blackness seeped into my field of vision as I listened to Kaure leave, amplifying my feelings of desperation. My world was closing in on me. _What if Carlisle can't fix this?_

After all we have been through, all the obstacles we have fought our way past, was it to end like this? I was to destroy her from the inside.

Bella's jerky movements again caught my attention.

She looked pale -- had she understood Kaure's words? I reached for her as she seemed to be walking in a stupor. "Where are you going?"

"To brush my teeth again," she replied, her voice as cold as her skin.

"Don't worry about what she said. It's nothing but legend, old lies for the sake of entertainment."

"I didn't understand anything," she answered in a monotone voice. Shock was setting in, I was sure of it. Denial would be first. Then anger would be next. _That's when she will leave me..._

"I packed your toothbrush. I'll get it for you."

How much longer before we broke? Our dialogue had lost all emotion. It was flat and mechanical.

"Are we leaving soon?"

"As soon as you're done."

I waited not so patiently for her to return from the bathroom.

"I'll get the bags to the boat."

"Edward..."

Her tone, the way she said my name sunk in like the blow of a hammer against my chest.

"Yes." _Please, please...don't leave me Bella..._

"Could you..."

I swallowed and braced myself for what I deserved yet dreaded.

"Could you pack some of the food? You know, in case I get hungry again."

Relief washed over me. Yet, I felt she had not spoken what was on her mind. _It was only a brief reprieve._

"Of course. Don't worry about anything. We'll get to Carlisle in just a few hours, really. This will all be over soon."

Over. All over.

It was in that moment I realized she looked at me differently. Her eyes had lost faith in me -- I could see it. Not able to bear what I saw in them, I grabbed the bags and turned away.

Heading to the boat I tried again to make sense of it. Why would fate allow us to come this far only to be driven asunder? Our immediate future had been so clear -- Bella wanted to stay human and attend college.

Leaving destroyed her, staying did also. My options were now very limited. _Carlisle had to save us._ If he could not, I would have no choice but to change her. But even that had gruesome consequences -- it would entomb the burgeoning demon in her womb forever.

I knew now. I knew without a doubt, things would never be the same.

The damage I did was irreparable.

Rosalie POV

Snapping my phone closed, I let it fall to the floor with a thump. I staggered backwards until I felt the edge of the bed against the back of my legs. I had to sit down, the weight of my promise was too much.

_What have I just done?_

_Initiated World War III!_ I answered myself.

I sat motionless staring out the window for I don't know how long, only coming back to reality when I heard Emmett's voice from the hallway as he approached our bedroom.

"Hey Rosie, want to go hunt?"

Emmett entered our room and climbed on the bed behind me, snaking his arms around my waist. Pressing his warm lips to my neck he whispered, "Alice and Jazz already headed out. Alice said a _thunderstorm_ is brewing..."

When I didn't reply, he appeared in front of me. "Rose, what's with the vacant look?"

"Em, I think I'm getting involved in something that might..." _Might what? Might tear the family apart? _

"Baby, what is it?"

"Bella's pregnant," I blurted out.

"Huh?"

"Pregnant -- you know, with child, preggers, bun in the oven, knocked up!"

"From Edward?"

"Yes, from Edward, what kind of a question is that?"

"Geez, Rose, simmer down! Isn't that what you tried to convince her to do? Stay human. Have choices. Or is this about the whole 'I can't have a baby' thing?"

Emmett didn't always use the most eloquent words to express himself, but his concern for me was always there. Somehow he stood by me, even though I had made a very serious decision for him when I begged Carlisle to save his life. None of us came into this existence willingly. I would not have chosen it for myself, yet I selfishly chose it for Emmett.

And that was what I had tried to get Bella to understand. But she was so head over heels in blind love with Edward; she couldn't see any of the future consequences clearly. She didn't truly understand what she was to become and the burden of always having to deny it. A wolf constantly donning sheep's clothing.

It was a difficult limbo to live in – always a challenge to keep your blood thirst in check and true nature hidden. It took constant work and vigilance. And what was the reward? Being able to look at your perfect reflection morning after endless morning and not feel remorse? Sometimes...that just didn't feel like enough.

"Yes, she wants to stay human. She wants to have the baby."

Emmett's eyes twinkled mischievously. I knew what he was thinking: _playmate_. My man was forever a playful child in an over-sized body. We balanced each other.

"That's great news! A little Eddie or Bellie running around. Didn't think Edward had it in him...no practice and yet he shoots.. _and he scores_."

When he came back from his little jaunt to manland long enough to note my expression, he paused. "It's more complicated than that, isn't it?"

"Edward wants Carlisle to terminate the pregnancy." The next words caught in my throat, they were almost painful to speak. "He wants his child to die."

I knew the tears wouldn't come, but my eyes and nose stung none the less.

"How do you know all this?" Emmett finally asked, looking totally confused.

"Bella just called and told me. She's terrified. So terrified she asked _me_ to help her."

"Help her do what exactly?" His tone deepened as he began to put things together.

"She wants me to help convince Edward to let her keep the pregnancy and have the baby."

Emmett snorted and began pacing the room. "Change Edward's mind? Seriously? It would be easier to stop the world from spinning."

"I know. He won't listen for shit to what I have to say. I told Bella that too."

"And?"

"She cried, Em. She completely freaked. She begged me to protect her baby, not her, the baby."

I slumped, overwhelmed, but I had made my decision. No one had ever relied on me -- until now. Not only did Bella need my help but she entrusted me with the protection of her unborn baby.

What stunned me was the feelings that rose up on the inside as a result of that decision. I agreed to save her child no matter what the cost. In essence I was to act _in every way_ like the mother of that child. To do what any mother would do if her child was threatened.

I knew my heart and my head were in agreement on what I needed to do. What scared me was what that decision ultimately meant for me, Bella, Emmett and my family.

Emmett sat down next to me and looked into my eyes. He knew me better than Edward. Sure Edward sucked everyone's thoughts out of their head, but that's all they were -- black and white thoughts. He didn't seem to grasp that those same thoughts had emotions behind them. It was similar to receiving an e-mail and trying to guess the tone with which the composer wrote them. He often missed the big picture. But Emmett always read my emotions first and then knew my mind.

"Your gonna do it, aren't you, no matter what the personal cost."

"Yes, I have to. I've never done _anything_ of value in my life, Emmett. Someone actually needs _me_ and I won't let her down. I can make a difference -- I can save an innocent life -- a helpless child. I can't turn away from that. I can't say no."

Emmett sighed and circled his large arms over my shoulders. They were almost as heavy as the burden Bella asked me to bear.

"Then we help her," my husband stated matter-of-factly.

"_We?_"

"Rosie, it's always been _we_."

I rested my head on his wide chest and exhaled the breath I didn't realize I had been holding. He would help me carry this load. _God, I loved him so much._

"What do we do now?" he inquired with the enthusiasm of a football player about to learn the game plan.

"I heard Carlisle on the phone before he left. He and Esme are picking up Bella and Edward at the airport. I plan to go too."

"Do you want me to tag along?"

"No, no need to call in the National Guard...yet," I teased, trying to smile for him.

"I'll tell you one thing, Bella sure has a way of shaking things up around here," Emmett shook his head. "It's been very interesting so far."

"You'd better buckle up for this one, big boy, it's going to be one hell of a ride."

* * *

_A/N: I would like to thank Adirondackmommi for the suggestion to peek into the infamous phone call from Rose's POV -- that was a brilliant suggestion!! We are all led to believe that Rose was selfish in her motives, but was she? We only get Rose's actions from the male perspective in the books -- so the interpretations may have been slightly -- skewed... Something tells me we need more estrogen flowing in the next chapters! What do you think -- Maybe we need to hear from Esme and Bella?_

_Big hugs out to my prereader and BTF (best Twi friend) RoseBella75 and my NEW BETA RowanMoon. Check out their awesome stories: _Jungle Cat _and _Broken Doll _by ROWANMOON and _Forbidden Desire _by ROSABELLA75._


	14. Misconceptions

_SM owns, I play..._

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 14: Misconceptions**

BPOV

With a violent gasp, I jolted into consciousness.

I felt my eyes blinking, but I saw nothing but blackness. Scrunching my eyes closed tightly, I opened them again. Still I saw nothing but blinding darkness and heard nothing but deafening silence.

As I lay _somewhere_, confused and disoriented, I tried to recall my most recent memories for clues to where I was and how I came to be here. But my mind was clouded and sluggish. Memories lurked out of my grasp. Instinctively I called out.

"Edward?"

He had to be near -- somewhere close.

Feeling vulnerable, I blinked rapidly in the inky blackness desperately trying to regain my sight. At the same time I groped at my surroundings, hopeful the tactile input would clarify where I was. The material that encircled me felt and smelled familiar. Willing my brain to put things together, I finally placed it - I was in Edward's bed - our bed. With a grateful sigh and release of tension, I concluded I was safely at my new home.

But how did I get here? I searched my memories again as some of the fog had begun to lift. I flushed with warmth as I remembered sultry, salty breezes, star-filled night skies, bright colors and intimate images of my recent honeymoon. All too soon a rush of coldness followed as my mind flashed recollections of hidden faces lurking inside hooded cloaks, a child in trouble, angry words in Portuguese, and Edward's pained facial features.

Lastly, I remembered a nudge in my belly.

I was recalling sights and feelings, but only in jagged pieces like a jigsaw puzzle dumped from the box -- all the pieces were there, but their order presented no cohesive image. What was real and what was imagined? Actually none of them seemed to fit reality -- but what of my life did?

_The real question was which were part of my dream come true and which part of a fleeting nightmare?_

Frustrated, I called out again into the suffocating shadows, "Edward!" I very much needed something concrete to grab on to and ground me in _some_ reality!

A screaming pain shot through me like the slice of a sharp blade as I sat up. Clutching the source of the pain, I doubled over and panic engulfed me. Why was I in so much agony? Did I fall and hit my head? _Wouldn't surprise me._ But why would my stomach hurt?

Something had gone terribly wrong - I was missing much of my memory and I felt _different_. I vaguely remember feeling complete and now I was feeling...achingly empty.

Someone had the answers_. Damn it! _

I moved to throw my legs out of the bed, knowing I would have to grope in the blackness to find the door. But my body did not respond. I frantically reached for my immobile legs, grabbing and squeezing them to assure myself they were there - they were, but I could not feel my hands upon them.

_What was happening to me!_

"Edward! Edward! Help!" I screamed, feeling like a prisoner, not only in this room, but also in my own body.

I struggled to pull myself to the edge of the bed with my arms, cringing in pain and yet knowing I would have to endure much more as I would have to fall to the floor before I could attempted to drag myself to the door.

"Someone help me!" I called out again. _Damn vampires_ - they had to hear me!

The blankets were wrapped tightly around me, hampering my movement. Suddenly, the room pitched and rolled about me and waves of nausea demanded all my attention.

As the sensation passed, I opened my mouth to cry out again... Just that quickly and silently, he was at my side, freeing me from the jumble of bindings.

"It's okay, Bella. All is well now," he soothed in his velveteen voice, pulling me to his familiar hard chest and stroking my hair.

"It's so dark, I can't see! And I can't move my legs!"

"Shhhh, you'll be fine soon. Let the medication where off. You need to rest. It's done."

_Done? What's done?_

Immediately, almost instinctively, my hands flew to my aching abdomen. "My baby," I whispered. Wordlessly, Edward's hands gently folded over mine. Without speaking, he had confirmed that part of my memory was real! My nightmares and dreams colliding. My baby _was_ real - it was all coming back to me now through the _drug-induced_ fog.

I grabbed at Edward in a hysterical panic as his words from the island tore through my mind, _"We're going to get that thing out before it can hurt any part of you. Don't be scared. I won't let it hurt you."_

"What did you do? What did you do to me, Edward?" I shrieked at him as fear threatened to constrict my throat closed. I shoved him, wanting to flee from what my gut knew to be true but my mind could not reconcile.

I pushed against him so hard, I tumbled to the floor, bringing down upon me a pile of bedding. I struggled in the cavern of covers, clawing at them for release.

"Bella! Stop! You are going to make it worse. You need to heal," Edward's urgent voice boomed around me.

_No! My baby! Our baby! Have to protect it! _My safe haven had become the house of horrors!_ My child forcibly taken from me!_

Without warning, the covers were ripped away and I again was blinded. This time by the sudden, intense brightness that blotted everything from my sight.

My arms flailed still seeking escape as my mind raced, but Edward easily locked my arms to my sides and I lay powerless, wracked with pain, on the floor as my eyes adjusted to the lighting.

"Stop, Bella. It wasn't a baby - it was a _thing_..."

My eyes finally focused on Edward's face as it hovered only inches from mine. His intense crimson eyes filled my sight.

"No, Edward! No!"

My world froze before spinning violently and nausea gripped me again. I had been betrayed, rendered unconscious and raped of my child. It was the blood of my baby reflecting in the blazing redness of Edward's eyes! All that remained of what we had created in love was glaring with malice at me as I writhed in vain under Edward's steely grip.

"It had to go, Bella! Carlisle and I removed it the only way we could..."

"No! How could you _do this_ to me!"

The physical and emotional pain flowing uncontrolled through my body congealed in to one force that shattered all that I believed to be true about the man I loved. My protector had betrayed and violated me. I relented. The fight had poured out of me and my whole body went limp. I had nothing left, not even hope.

* * *

EPOV

"No! Edward!"

Bella had been sleeping soundly since the flight left Rio, however, she suddenly started vocalizing in her slumber. The same heated crucifying words whispered over and over again.

Then the words changed as did the volume and feeling in which they were spoken.

"No! How could you _do this_ to me?"

Each word slashed through me, injuring me more than anything physical ever could. Her subconscious was speaking the truth her too-kind conscious would never vocalize.

Her arms began to thrash, her breathing escalated, and her heart rate kicked into overdrive.

Alarmed, I touched her to wake her, but she was clutched too tightly in her vivid nightmare. I could feel the eyes of the passengers on the plane shifting to us. I did my best to block out their burning inquiries-- and my own internal berating voice. "Bella, honey, wake up," I pleaded urgently as I moved to catch her arms lest she harm herself.

When her eyes flew open the look in them was wild and defiant -- it frightened me to my core. It was as if she didn't recognize me -- or indeed, was seeing what I really was for the first time. In shock, I freed her arms immediately.

Her hands moved rapidly to her abdomen, frantically rubbing the bump that was increasingly noticeable under her shirt. She ran her hands over it, comprehending the nightmare was real. She was pregnant.

For the first time since we left the island, I dared to touch her affectionately. I deserved the punishment of restraint when it came to touching her -- it was too much to ask after defiling her body in such an inexcusable way. I had made my existence _literally_ her burden to bear.

Yet I felt the need to somehow bring her comfort.

I let my hand come to rest on her hands where they lay on her slight roundness.

She recoiled from my touch. It was subtle, but present none the less. I retracted my hand.

We sat again in silence, the apology that left my lips too soft to be heard by human ears.

"How much longer until we land in Texas?" she inquired after fifteen minutes and forty-five seconds of muteness.

"Another hour. Do you need anything?"

"I'm cold."

Reaching overhead, I rang for the flight attendant.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen?"

"My wife needs a blanket, please."

"Of course, I'll get one for you."

The attendant moved fluidly to the first-class overhead compartments with a congenial smile, though her thoughts dwelt on how we looked too young to be married and our lack of color concerned her. Seeing Bella and I through her eyes haunted me -- Bella's paleness mirrored my own and we both bore the same dark shadows under our eyes.

In a daze I took the light blanket from the woman. I opened it and lay it gently across Bella. Without looking at me, she pulled it around her like a protective shield, shifting toward the window and curling into herself -- shutting me out. Though she feigned sleep, I could see her open sallow eyes reflected in the glass of the window. A new fear gripped me: how long did I have to save her? What harm was being done to her body to already be seen in her eyes?

We traveled in mostly silence. Our conversations reserved for only the most basic inquiries. It was agony. Not knowing her thoughts, yet too afraid to ask for them. She feared me, she feared the future and yet here I was -- ever present, close to her when I'm sure she only wanted to put as much space between us as possible.

As we boarded our final flight, I contemplated staying behind in Houston. Carlisle and Esme would be there to greet Bella at the airport in Washington -- they would care for her.

I started to slow as we walked though the bustling terminal to our gate, eventually coming to stop. Bella continued several more steps before glancing over her shoulder in realization I was no longer walking next to her. She stopped and looked back at me. Her face was an emotionless mask, her eyes dull and tired. Her fire extinguished.

"Edward, the gate is this way," she offered in a curious but otherwise flat tone.

I started to shake my head slowly, not knowing what I was going to do.

To my dismay, Bella returned the look. She seemed unsure as well. _What the hell are we going to do now?_

_Coward! _It yelled in my head_. You infect her and then leave her? She does deserve better than you! Go ahead, let Carlisle clean up your mess -- again. Run, run away like you always do..._

"No," I stated out loud. "Not this time."

"What?" Bella asked, obviously confused.

"Nothing, just talking to myself, I guess," I dismissed my outburst and quickly caught up with her. I may not deserve her and she may opt to leave me, but I would not abandon my responsibility this time.

"I'm so very tired, Edward," Bella whimpered once we began toward the gate.

Tentatively I reached around her to support her, hearing in her voice that she did not want to admit she needed assistance. I bore most her weight to the flight gate, thankful I was again able to secure a first class seat. We boarded immediately upon arrival at the gate. I wrapped Bella in a blanket and she quickly fell into a deep, silent sleep until our landing...

"Bella? Bella, wake up. We've landed," I weakly shook her shoulder.

"We're here? Home?"

"Almost. Carlisle and Esme are waiting for us."

"Anyone else?"

"I don't think so...I don't know for sure." I tried to isolate the minds of my family to confirm who was here, but there were just too many excited thoughts surrounding me on the plane. So many plans and overflowing anticipation of happy reunions -- it made me sorrowful. I would be reunited with my family -- then Bella and I would again be the object of pity.

Gathering our carry-ons, I ushered Bella ahead of me to the front of the plane.

The female flight attendant beamed at us as we approached the door.

"Good bye Mr. and Mrs. Cullen -- and _congratulations_!" Her eyes flashed to Bella's hands as they clutched her budding belly and winked knowingly at her.

Bella stifled a muted cry and moved quickly passed the woman. I shot her a wounding glare, immediately feeling remorse for frightening her like that.

Gliding up next to Bella, I placed an arm around her waist. She still appeared very tired despite her nap and she moved stiffly. I searched impatiently ahead of us for the familiar minds of my parents. Finally hearing their presence brought a much needed sense of relief...until I sensed another familiar, though unwelcome, mind.

Why the hell was Rosalie here?

CPOV

Once at the airport, we waited for Edward and Bella in the baggage claim area. I had already retrieved their bags having identified them by scent. I stole brief glimpses at Rosalie, still wondering why I was standing next to her and not the more likely candidate on this mission: Alice.

Esme gasped audibly when she saw them and I quickly realized why. It appeared Bella had truly become a Cullen - her skin was chalky pale and the shadows under her slightly sunken eyes were dark. My gaze moved rapidly from Bella's to her husband's. Edward's eyes were already fiercely locked on mine. I didn't need his gift to hear his pleas of urgency.

Bella trailed behind Edward as he held her hand. She offered us a tentative smile as they approached.

Although Esme reached out to Bella, in a burst of energy, Bella charged into Rosalie's open arms.

"Let's go home, Bella. Don't worry, I'll take care of you," Rose crooned as she placed an arm around Bella's shoulders and escorted her toward the exit.

Esme and I were dumbfounded by this unlikely scene and staggered for a moment deciding whether to catch up with Rose and Bella or retrieve Edward who seemed to be rooted to the spot where Bella had just left him.

"Edward?" Esme called to him, but he appeared to be in a state of shock. Her words jolted him back to reality. His wide eyes met ours, but his voice was of utter disbelief. "She's protecting it."

Several passers-by began to eye Edward's unnaturally immobile form. I closed the space between us and murmured, "Son, start walking."

He stumbled forward as I grabbed their bags. Esme and I flanked Edward as he continued to mumble. "She won't let us touch her. She thinks it is her _duty_ to protect it."

"Edward, whatare you talking about?"

He froze and looked at me incredulously. "Rose's mind is set. She won't let anyone near Bella or...the baby...as she thinks of it."

I grabbed him by the upper arm to keep him moving. We needed privacy - and quickly - Edward was falling apart.

When our stunned little group caught up with Rose and Bella, they were already in the back of the Mercedes. I loaded the suitcases in the trunk and hurried to the driver's side of the car, pausing only to snag the parking ticket that fluttered on the windshield. What was the point of a loading zone anyway?

Edward leaned in through the still open back door and glared at Rose, who maintained an arm around Bella. Esme came up behind Edward and spoke into his ear, "Sit up front with Carlisle. There's more room. I'll check on Bella."

Still reeling from the sudden turn of events, Edward slowly moved up front as Esme slid in next to Bella and shut the door. I sped away concerned that World War III was about to break out - vampire style. Edward's hands trembled on his knees as he sat stoically next to me. I glanced in the rearview mirror to see Rose stroking Bella's hair as Bella rested her head on Rose's shoulder.

Then the momentary window of silence was shattered.

"You have no right, Rose," Edward hissed through clenched teeth.

"Neither do you, Edward," she replied with venom in her voice.

"Need I remind you that I am her husband?"

"You don't own her! She wants this baby. End of story. Or are you going to rip the baby out of her against her will, dear _loving_ husband?"

"Rose, stop," Bella pleaded. I was unsure what troubled her more, the arguing or the visual Rosalie had just created.

Edward plowed on, "What do you know of what Bella wants? All I hear is you speaking poison in her ear."

Edward stiffened in his seat and a look of agony crossed his face before Rosalie resumed her defense.

"Afraid I'll tell her the truth, Edward? That she doesn't have to do everything you say? That she can make her own decisions? This may be her only chance to have a baby - before her humanity is _taken _from her." Rose's voice was escalating.

"We don't know what _it _is. I won't let it consume Bella for its needs." Edward was again speaking through his teeth but his voice somehow louder than Rosalie's.

They both were drowning out Bella's requests for the bickering to stop.

"No you won't, Rose!" Edward responded vehemently to Rosalie's unspoken thoughts.

"Really?" she mocked. "You try to stop me." It was not a threat, but a promise she spoke.

"I'll _destroy_ you before I let it harm Bella." Edward's tone left no doubt he would follow through with his threat.

"Emmett may have something to say about that," Rose smirked.

"Enough!" Esme shouted over the bickering as Bella gestured she was about to vomit.

I pulled over and Bella leaned over Rose's lap to heave out the car door.

"See, you're upsetting her!" Rose's accusation flew at Edward while she held Bella's hair.

Edward's fingers began to curl into fists, but his anger was now secondary to Bella's suffering.

Bella leaned back into the car, wiping her mouth. "Please, Carlisle, can we go home?" she begged hoarsely.

"Of course, dear. Buckle up." I switched off the headlights and slammed the gas pedal to the floor. This twist in events was unexpected. My eyes searched the rearview mirror for Esme and I tried to read what she was thinking.

"She's thinking of her son. Her _real_ son," Edward offered up in a hushed tone.

His face was set like stone - he was preparing for something I hadn't anticipated. This was a battle for life and death. Bella would fight for the life of the baby. Edward would fight to avoid the death of his wife.

Minds were set, lines had been drawn, and our family was to be splintered.

* * *

_A/N: As a reviewer on Twi said, "_And the adventure begins._.." So well put._

_What was it that Rose thought in the car that put Edward in such agony? That will start the next chapter...so stay tuned._

_This story has a new banner custom made by m81170 featured on the thread at Twilighted -- check it out. As always, you are invited to hang out at Isle Esme at www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=52&t=6768)_

_Big hugs to my prereader RosaBella75 and my beta RowanMoon -- Two lovely ladies I consider friends and help me overcome my numerous insecurities._

_Your thoughts/comments on this chappie? They are always welcome, so please hit that little button (the review button!) and **sock it to me**!_


	15. The Games We Play

_SM owns Twilight. No copyright infringement intended._

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 15: The Games We Play**

EPOV

The relief I had experienced at seeing my family at the airport was short lived.

The perplexing scene of Bella rushing into Rosalie's arms was taking on a harsh clarity in the car. Rosalie's thoughts pulsated with unity of purpose: defense. Flashes of my face and a specific set of hands occupied her mind. Upon closer scrutiny, I recognized the hands as Carlisle's.

We were the enemy and she would not _allow_ either of us near Bella.

"You have no right," I had growled at her once I could no longer handle the terrorizing images of me inside her head.

"Neither do you, Edward."

How could she be so blind? Bella was facing a perilous medical situation. Carlisle and I had five medical degrees between the two of us, yet Rose believed she knew what was best for Bella?

"Need I remind you I'm her husband?"

"You don't own her!" came Rose's 'clever' reply to my attempt to put her in her place, but what she said next stopped me in my tracks: "She wants this baby. End of story."

_What_? No … that could not be correct. Bella was _afraid_. I could see it her facial expressions, in her guarded manner, and of course, it was revealed in her bad dreams. She would not want something she feared. The more logical conclusion: Rosalie wanted this 'baby'. She always coveted what she could not have, believing she should never be denied anything.

I decided to call her bluff and moved to expose her feigned concern for Bella for what it was – a self-centered plan. Never had Rosalie acted out of concern for someone else without an ulterior motive.

"What Bella wants? What do you know of Bella's wants?" I demanded, confident she would back down.

But that's when Rosalie played her ace.

_You are such a fool. Have you even asked her what she wants? Or how she feels? When will you understand she is _not_ an extension of you? She contacted me from the island. Bella wants protection – from YOU._

Single-handedly, Rose had struck a devastating blow not only to my ego, but also to my thin tether to hope. I had wanted this situation to be resolved quickly.

Rose's continuing blather jarred me out of my moment of self-pity.

"This may be her only chance to have a baby – before her humanity is _taken _from her."

Could it be true? Does Bella want a baby? Do Rosalie and Bella believe there is a sweet little infant growing in her womb? No, I needed to nip this in the bud right now…

"We don't know what _it _is. I won't let it consume Bella for its needs."

My self-doubt seized the moment: _how would my changing her be any different? Is one monster any more justified in its existence than another?_

In the brief silence, while my internal crucifier danced in victory, Rose shot me an ultimatum: _you try to harm this child, I will take Bella away from here. _

"No you won't!" I roared at her, exploding in rage. No one threatens to take Bella from me – not James, not Victoria, not the Volturi and certainly not some half-cocked, self-absorbed, poor-excuse for a sister!

"Really?" she purred, picturing in her mind a very dark-eyed Emmett and thinking_ he's with me…_

Red colored my thoughts and vision until images of a newborn baby pushed through the haze. It was so small, helpless, and blue tinged its lips. Esme's stifled cry from the backseat informed me of who's fated child I was seeing.

I had failed to listen to Esme's thoughts, but now I could hear this discussion had opened the wounds her child's loss had on her heart. Out of respect, I held my tongue.

But then I wondered: was this how it would be? Each member of my family would choose a side? United we had faced a whole army of crazed newborns; would we be divided by some unborn creature that was damned?

My hands curled as I firmed my resolve, just as Bella vomited out the car door. She was suffering again, because of me.

Then it occurred to me – ultimately, the one thing -- the only thing-- I failed to protect her from was me.

* * *

The rest of the car ride home was quiet, and Bella drifted off to sleep. Once home, Rose didn't hesitate to gather Bella into her arms and carry her to the house with Esme close behind. I watched them go, feeling detached from this reality.

"Edward? Are you coming?" Carlisle peered through the passenger-side car window.

Meeting his eyes, I decided to fill him in on a question that had been repeating in his mind. "According to Rose, Bella called her from the island requesting protection after I vowed to have the thing inside her removed."

Carlisle visibly flinched.

I felt the need to justify the words I had spoken to Bella, which in hindsight, were quite insensitive.

"I just don't understand. How could Bella not fear the unknown growing inside her?" Shaking my head in disbelief, I questioned, "How long does it take to understand how a woman thinks?"

The corners of Carlisle's mouth twitched. He chose to answer me in his thoughts rather than speak the traitorous words.

_Even with my three hundred years of experience, I have yet to unlock that mystery. For men, mortal or immortal, it's the elusive Holy Grail. But Edward, try to remember this: the feelings behind thoughts are just as important as the thoughts themselves. _"Come to the house with me. We need to know what we're dealing with to figure out how to proceed. I've secured an ultrasound machine." _Don't ask any details on where it came from; I'm not proud of them…_ "I'll negotiate with Bella's bodyguard."

I nodded and exited the car. Carlisle placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder as we walked toward the house. "Cool heads will prevail."

"I'll take one that can see the future. I need to talk with Alice," I told him, confident that between the ultrasound and my all-seeing sister, I could gain a sense of control over this situation.

Carlisle paused, "I don't know if she'll be much help to you, Edward."

I stopped and turned to face him, "Why?"

"She was the first person I spoke to after talking to you and Bella on Isle Esme."

The memories of the call were fuzzy – I had experienced some sort of shock and couldn't remember much of it. Carlisle saw my puzzlement, and continued, "Alice was experiencing a vision of Bella when it abruptly blanked out. She suddenly couldn't see anything of Bella's future. In a panic, Alice called your cell fearing Bella had…"

"Died." I finished his sentence, knowing Carlisle still chose to often sugarcoat things.

"Yes, Alice thought Bella was dead."

"But now? Now that she knows Bella is alive?"

"She still sees nothing."

"What does that mean? It's over? Bella has no future!" Leaving Carlisle behind, I flew into the house. "Alice!" I shouted as I entered.

"Stop!" She flashed before me appearing suddenly at the bottom of the stairs. "Come with me," she said, her face stern with warning.

Her firm commandment snapped me out of my frenzied panic attack.

I glanced over her to see Rosalie standing by Bella as she lay sleeping on the sofa. Emmett was gently covering her with a blanket, tucking all the edges under her.

I gave Alice a quick nod and silently followed her into the kitchen.

Whispering, for Bella's sake, I snapped at Alice, "Why can't you see Bella's future?"

Alice's stern look dissolved into an expression of exasperation. "I don't know for sure, I keep trying. All the time -- trying! It's maddening…" Her hands fluttered to her temples.

"You have to see, Alice. I need to know what to do, how this all ends. If Rose isn't lying through her barbed teeth, then Bella has made a decision – so you should see the outcome!"

Alice pressed her fingers into her temples and closed her eyes. "I can't! It hurts!"

"_Hurts_? Are you feeling pain?"

"Yes! It's like Jane's relentlessly poking me in the brain. It doesn't stop, Edward." Her eyes opened, pleading silently with me. "Since Bella's arrived home, the pain has increased ten-fold, she added in a whispered voice that conveyed not only exhaustion, but also regret.

"Could it be…what's growing inside Bella causing you this pain? Is it trying to block you like some kind of defense mechanism? Does it possess power like Jane?"

"I don't know. I'm blind, Edward. Completely blind."

"And so am I."

We wordlessly regarded each other. Alice may be petite, but she was always a formidable force. Now she seemed somehow smaller, weaker.

"Where's Jasper?" I asked, hoping he could offer her the comfort I couldn't.

"He's in the forest waiting for me. I told him I wanted to explain to you. Explain why we might not be around much."

Nodding I understood. "You both are in pain."

"Have you noticed the change?"

"What change?"

"Bella … she smells different."

"I did. I didn't understand at first, but it must be a result of the pregnancy."

"Her scent is calling to Jasper in the worse way, and the conflicting emotions in this house have overwhelmed him…"

Alice's lower lip began to quiver, "Don't be upset with him, Edward, Jazz feels terrible about not being able to help. And so do I. Please tell Bella I love her and I'm sorry."

In a blur she was gone, the kitchen door left ajar in the wake of her hasty exit. But her thoughts remained with me as she fled. They contained dozens of pleasant memories of time spent with Bella and revealed that at first Alice had cared for Bella out of love for me, having seen Bella would be my mate. But quickly she began to love Bella like a sister. It was crushing her to not knowing what would happen to Bella if …

Then the images abruptly ended as Alice blocked me, pulling herself together as Jasper rushed to greet her in the dark woods. Now I only saw his solemn face reflected in her mind.

"Edward?"

Carlisle's voice startled me as was recollecting the happy memories Alice had just gifted to me. Turning to face him, I saw his plan before he spoke, "Rosalie and Bella agreed to the ultrasound, but if you're…"

"I know, if I am going to be there for the procedure, so will Emmett. His presence balances the power." I was sick of the game Rose was playing. It would _not_ continue. "I'll comply because all that matters right now is getting answers."

Carlisle nodded and I followed him up the stairs, shocked to find his study converted to an exam room. I passed Esme as she hovered in the hallway, concealing her thoughts from me. I wasn't sure who she was trying to protect, me or herself.

In the room, Emmett stood in the back like a terra-cotta soldier. I eyed him, displaying my displeasure.

He shrugged_. Sorry, man._

I rolled my eyes. How did such a physically strong being end up kowtowing to someone half his size? I shook my head, wishing he could hear my thoughts: _Hey, Emmett, betcha wish that bear had finished you off – at least the hellish mauling would have ended and you would have gotten some peace!_

My cynicism was interrupted by Bella's quiet whimper as she climbed up on the exam table.

"Are you in pain, Bella?" Carlisle asked in his assessment tone.

"Not exactly pain. It feels more like trying to stretch a stiff muscle. Kinda crampy, I guess." She held her abdomen under her baggy shirt and looked around the room at our faces, obviously uncomfortable with the attention from her uninvited audience.

So I intervened on her behalf. "Maybe Bella would be more comfortable with just Carlisle present."

"No!" Rose and Bella said simultaneously and the rush of thoughts from everyone in the room slammed into me. No one would be leaving. Carlisle's thoughts were a mixture of hurt and annoyance. Knowing Carlisle as well as I do, I knew he wouldn't allow this to continue much longer either...

"Bella, lie down on the table, raise your shirt and lower your waistband." Carlisle said with resignation in his voice.

Bella looked very uneasy and stole a glance in my direction before dropping her eyes to her hands as she wrung them in the hem of her shirt. "Edward, could you leave for moment, please."

_Leave_? Bella was sending me away? Not Rose, not even Emmett, just _me_.

I was stunned and speechless_. It was over_. We were over, so soon. Because of what I had done. I knew I should respect her request, yet I was rooted to the spot, neither able to flee from her nor fight for her. I stared at my shoes as if the decision was theirs.

"Bella, I love you. Please don't send me away." I mumbled, unsure if my words were spoken loud enough to be heard by her ears. Could I bear to look in her eyes for the answer? Steeling myself, I raised my eyes. Tears were streaming down Bella's face and her eyes begged me to hear her thoughts, sparing her from having to speak.

"Dammit, I need to speak to my wife – alone!" I blurted out in barely restrained anger.

"Oh, Edward, give it a rest. You know we'd hear you anyway," Rose stated flatly.

My shoulders sagged in frustration. This just wasn't happening…

"Emmett, let's step out for while. Bella, talk to Edward, and then I'll be back to do the ultrasound, okay?" Carlisle turned toward the door fully expecting Emmett to follow him. Emmett glanced at Rose who gave him a quick nod, her thoughts revealing she was confident she could take me on if need be.

My brain calculated in a split second the force I needed to launch myself over the exam table and take Rose out. As if reading my mind, Rose back up a few steps and narrowed her eyes before strolling to the other side of the room. To my surprise she turned her back to Bella and me. I guess this was as much privacy as I was going to get…

Bella stared sadly at me from the table. "Edward, I love you, too."

"But not enough to want me to stay."

"It's not that, really."

Bella slipped to the floor and stood only five feet from me, but hesitated to move any closer. Rosalie briefly glanced over her shoulder before choosing a book from Carlisle's bookshelf, flipping through it casually.

It hurt so much to be achingly close to Bella, to see her hurting emotionally, and know that I was not the one she wanted comfort from. Rose was an inconvenience I could overcome, but Bella … I would not force myself upon her. So the distance between us would remain.

"I don't blame you for being angry with me for what I did to you. If it means anything, I'm sorry."

"Edward, that's not true at all," she said as fresh tears flowed from her widening eyes. "I'm not mad at you! I'm just trying to protect you."

"Protect me? From what?"

Bella peeked in Rose's direction before lowering her voice, "You want to protect me from everything. But you _can't_. I am not afraid of this," she moved her hand to her belly. "I'm _happy_, actually. I don't want you to protect _me_ from our baby, I want you to protect our baby."

I shook my head. "Bella, you already know this is not a normal pregnancy, don't pretend it is."

"No, it's not typical, but that doesn't mean it's bad – just different. Unique like you and me."

Quickly I ran through my choices and the possible consequences. I decided to pick my battles carefully. I chose the option that would allow me to stay with Bella. "Let me stay with you. We will get some answers from the ultrasound and we'll decide from there, okay?"

"I just don't think you'll like what you see. It may make you act all crazy," Bella hedged.

"What I might see on the ultrasound?" I was confused, but it was clear she was hiding something and from me specifically.

"No. I don't think you'll like what you'll see under my shirt."

In a millisecond, my mind conjured up dozens of images of what Bella could be hiding from me – whatever it was, it had to be horrific for her to feel the need to hide it. Something in me snapped.

I moved quickly toward her -- but not quickly enough.

Rose collided into me before I could reach Bella. With both of us moving at top speed, the resulting impact sent a shock wave in all directions. Bella shrieked and fell back against the exam table.

Rose had broadsided me and our momentum took us into a bookshelf. Splintered wood, books and medical papers flew in all directions, but my hands still found their target. I grabbed Rose around the neck as she pushed me harder into the wall until I could hear the studs snapping.

I actually feared what I might do to Rose. I had lost all ability to be calm and consider Rose was acting under Bella's direction. The only thing I knew was she was standing between me and my determination to keep Bella safe.

"Edward, Rose stop!" Bella wailed.

At the same time, Emmett and Carlisle sprinted into the room. Emmett immediately wrapped his arms around me and they tightened like steel bands. As he crushed me like a twig in a vice, he spoke his words slowly, "Let her go now, Edward."

As soon as my fingers released their tight lock on Rose's neck, Emmett's bear hug lost its ferocity and he moved his hands to firmly grip my shoulders. _Rose is just doing what Bella asked of her, Edward. _I knew what Emmett thought was the truth, but it didn't make my responsibilities to Bella easy to accomplish.

So I turned to Carlisle, "Something is happening to Bella. She's been hiding it!"

Bella looked dazed up and was near hyperventilating as Carlisle moved to her side. Rose moved just as quickly to join him.

"Bella, it's okay. Edward and Rose are fine. Lie down and calm yourself. Deep breaths."

She nodded and climbed back on the table, curling into the fetal position on her side. "Carlisle, your books..."

"Bella, they are just things. We are worried about you. Will you let me look at you now?"

To my relief she nodded again and laid flat on her back. Rose's thoughts were so full of curiosity she didn't try to interfere with Carlisle's movements. He raised her oversized shirt and inched down her sweat shorts exposing her bulbous belly.

There were collective gasps as we all saw an abdomen, in what could only be between two and three weeks of pregnancy, bulging outward like Bella had swallowed a cantaloupe whole. It was round, firm and ... it was squirming. The stretched skin covering the protuberance was discolored, an array of blues, greens and yellows.

If I still had my own blood coursing through my veins, it would have draining from me right then and there. After I took in the sight of her misshapen midsection, my eyes sought hers. Her head was turned in my direction and she whispered, "It's okay. I'll be fine. You have to trust me this _one_ time, Edward, please." She was worried about _me_. Bella never could put herself first. Never could see the danger she put herself in -- especially when I was involved.

My knees shook. A human baby at two and a half weeks would be as big as the point on a pencil! To hell with the ultrasound! This sight combined with Alice's symptoms told me all I needed to know. _It was not human and should not be borne by a human._

I heard Carlisle swallow hard. _God be with us_ he prayed wordlessly.

"Will the ultrasound let me see him, Carlisle?" Bella broke the uncomfortable silence and the intense stares of everyone in the room.

"Yes, it should give us an image, a little like an x-ray but with movement. By the size of your womb, the fetus should be around twelve inches long." His words skillfully not disclosing his concern.

Rose reached out to take Bella's hand in some sick show of excited anticipation. I felt queasy -- afraid of the terror I would see on the monitor. Would it look hideous? If so would Bella scream in alarm, crying out for Carlisle to remove it? Would she curse me for implanting hell's child within her?

Carlisle moved swiftly, squirting gel onto Bella's abdomen below her belly button. The coldness of the substance made her jump.

"Sorry, didn't think to warm it," Carlisle apologized.

Coating the transducer in the puddle of gel, he moved it in small circular motions, anxiously eyeing the monitor. Everyone leaned forward to look at the monitor, yet it displayed no image. Carlisle stopped to check the equipment. It appeared to be working correctly.

My jaw clenched as realization hit us at the same time -- the equipment wasn't the problem. The problem was the contents of Bella's uterus.

It blocked Alice's attempts to understand it and now it was blocking Carlisle's efforts.

This had to be dealt with sooner than later before we learned too late what other treacherous games it could play.

* * *

_EN: I loved writing this chapter! So many emotions -- action! -- and lots of Cullens getting into the picture. No wonder the tension is jacking up!_

_I asked for input on the Honeymoon Suite thread and the next chapter will be ... (wait for it....) ... IN ESME'S POV!! What does she think of the situation? What would she advise Bella to do? Will Esme share more of her past with Bella?_

_As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter (it feeds my soul). Many thanks to RosaBella75 for prereading and Rowanmoon for beta'ing --and of course holding my hand._

_You are also welcome to the Isle Esme (aka the Honeymoon Suite thread) to stretch out on the white sand beach. Link to it through my profile!! _


	16. Forgive Us Our Sins

SM owns.

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 16: Forgive Us Our Sins**

EsPOV

"Bella's pregnant."

It had only been twenty hours since Carlisle uttered those implausible words after speaking with Bella and Edward long distance, changing everything. That one phone call had thrust us all into a quiet chaos.

Unexpectedly I was caught between my present and my resurrected past. Blurred visions of buried memories skidded through my mind, but my disconnectedness went unnoticed as each member of my family had become absorbed in their _own_ thoughts and hushed conversations. In fact, Carlisle had been so intensely focused on his preparations for Bella and Edward's return, I was often able to watch over him completely unnoticed.

Yet amidst the shared anxiety and scurrying, no words of a plan were ever spoken. What was it we were so hastily preparing for?

One hour before Carlisle and I were to pick up Edward and Bella at the airport, I sat idle at my desk pondering the storm I could feel, but couldn't see, when I observed my husband walking slowly toward the woods behind our home. I leapt up in pursuit.

As I caught up to him, I paused to call his name. With how preoccupied he had been, I was acutely aware I might startle him.

He turned and greeted me with a small smile.

"May I accompany you?" I asked.

He seemed relieved. "I am comforted to see you. Please come."

I glided up next to him as he resumed his ambling pace. "Where are you going?"

"Nowhere in particular. I just had one more task I needed to complete before we head to the airport. I need to talk to God."

I slipped my hand into his and we headed deeper into the peaceful seclusion of the trees.

We paused in a clearing and I silently watched Carlisle's face as he prayed. I could tell he was profoundly troubled. Once he opened his eyes, we began a slow silent trek back to the house. I knew he would eventually share his concerns, he always did, so I waited, hoping I would have the right words of reassurance once he did.

After several minutes, he finally spoke, "Thank you for your understanding. I didn't mean to shut you out. I've just been preoccupied with the choices I may have to make and the consequences."

"Strange. I've been distracted by similar thoughts. The choices I've made and the consequences."

This time, Carlisle took my hand. "Ladies first," was his simple encouragement.

I shook my head, wishing I could take back the words I just spoke. "They are selfish and unproductive thoughts. Regrets, actually. I waste time wondering how life may have been different had I made different choices."

Carlisle knowing my mind so well, waited patiently for me to continue. With a sigh, I spilled my thoughts in a rush of words and feelings, "This is such a joyful occurrence. Bella and Edward have created _life_. God saw it fit to bless them with a miracle. Yet, I can only think of my own losses and inadequacies. Had I not played God and tried to end my life, maybe I could have given you a child. You are so beautiful and you would have made a wonderful father. We could have been a _real_ family and I could have fulfilled my role as a woman."

Then my tone turned very sour, "To be forever youthful and forever barren. It doesn't seem fair – to either of us."

Immediately I felt ashamed. I knew he had so much on his mind, yet I burdened him with my useless 'what ifs', selfishly seeking his comfort.

"I know." He stopped and pulled me to him. "I know it doesn't seem fair. I can't explain why God took your son, but He must have had a reason." Carlisle hesitated as if considering his next words carefully. When he spoke again, his words were filled with emotion, "I hope this doesn't sound cold, but without his loss and your suffering, I don't know if we would have ever found each other. You mean everything to me and I thank God everyday for sending me to you. I have _never_ thought any less of you because you couldn't bear children, Esme." He paused and looked to the darkening sky. "All things happen for a reason, we are just too small to comprehend God's plan for us. I guess that is the definition of faith."

While I enjoyed the sensation of safety he provided, I knew it was my turn to offer comfort. However, I still didn't know what concerned him. "Why has Bella's pregnancy upset you so much?"

His features clouded over. "To my knowledge, this pregnancy should have been impossible. But it seems I was wrong. What Bella has conceived is unknown. Certainly it isn't developing like a normal _human_ pregnancy. Her symptoms are extremely accelerated. I worry the child may threaten Bella's well-being."

Carlisle began walking, his pace quickening as the root of his concern flowed out of him, "I've played God too many times, tethering you, Edward and Rosalie to this life. But I justified it all by assuring myself I was _saving_ life. What if I have to end a life or stand by and watch one end? And how would I decide who should be sacrificed? How could I live with that kind of choice? Would I ever be forgiven?"

He looked at his hands as if to curse them for actions they had yet to take.

"Everyone is counting on me to have the answers. I don't have them, Esme."

The anguish in his voice and his dismay caught me off guard. He was the rock we all depended on, how difficult it must be for him to feel so helpless when needed the most.

"You really think this baby poses a risk to Bella?" I struggled to find the right words to ease his mind.

"It might. I pray I am wrong, but I worry a difficult choices lie ahead."

"Then Bella and Edward will make those choices if and when they need to. One step at a time. Do your tests, learn what you can, and then advise them. Just as you would any other patient."

"Your right, except, Bella isn't any other patient. She's family. And Edward…"

"We we will stand by them in their choice, but the choice will have to be _theirs_."

"I don't know if I can separate the doctor from the father, Esme."

I squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Don't worry; I'll be there with you..."

That was what I had promised him all those hours ago, yet here I stood, pressed flat against the wall in the hall as the storm gathered strength and let lose its rage in Carlisle's converted study. The tiny thread of hope I clung to for Edward and Bella was quickly becoming uncontrolled turmoil.

Uncertain if I could contain my feelings of loss and envy, I had chosen to remain away from Edward's open mind, but now I was slowing getting sucked into the drama unfolding in the room.

Edward and Carlisle were glued to the ultrasound screen, coming to the same conclusion. While I saw the disappointment on Carlisle's face, Edward spoke first, "The amnion cannot be penetrated. It's somehow deflecting the sound waves."

"What does that mean?" Bella abruptly asked, alarmed by Edward's flat declaration.

"Is the baby all right?" Rose swiftly questioned.

"That's all that matters to you, isn't Rose? You're a selfish bitch!" Edward uncharacteristically cussed. The maelstrom of his emotions was making his behavior unpredictable.

Rose crouched in defense. Glancing at the gaping hole in the wall I wondered if more destruction was inevitable. Everyone tensed, but before either Edward or Rose could make another move, Emmett slid between them. "Problem _little _brother?" he said dryly.

"Yeah, your wife is the problem," Edward exploded, still looking for an outlet for the adrenaline that was coursing through him. "She doesn't care about Bella – just that thing inside her!"

To his credit, Emmett remained calm.

"How can you be so sure? Why don't you ask yourself why Bella wanted Rose's help anyway," Emmett challenged.

"Rose only agreed because she hopes to benefit, not for Bella, for herself!" Edward began to shake.

"Take it out of here!" Carlisle finally bellowed, breaking the stalemate and drawing everyone's startled gaze.

Edward swallowed, reining himself in and acknowledging Carlisle would have him removed if he continued his volatile behavior. He deliberately turned his back on Rose and Emmett to again stare at the blank screen. "What now?"

"No image, no further understanding about the fetus. I could attempt an amniocentesis. The fluid would contain DNA that I could examine."

"Carlisle, explain. What's going on with my baby?" Bella's skin was pale and her voice was strained and filled with frustration.

"Bella, the fetus must be surrounded by a membrane more characteristic of something vampiric than human. The ultrasound is ineffective. But I could try to insert a needle –"

"A needle?" Bella squirmed.

"Can it harm the baby?" Rose fired. Edward stiffened.

"There are some risks. But the information gained could be very useful," Carlisle reasoned.

"Useful how?" Rose asked, drawing an annoyed look from Carlisle.

"It can tell me if the fetus is more vampire or more human."

"And what difference would that make for the pregnancy?"

I saw where Rose's reasoning was going. Carlisle wanted his answers -- he wanted investigate and be sure of his course. However, Rose was acting as Bella's advocate and right now, she was really pushing the envelope. She had challenged Edward, and now she was standing between Carlisle and his quest for information to help his patient. The tension in the room increased exponentially. I could feel the breaking point was very near. Something, or someone, was going to snap.

Surprisingly, it came in the form of a reticent confession from Carlisle. "I don't think a vampire fetus would be compatible with Bella's human body. The pregnancy would need to be terminated."

While Bella had remained relatively in control during the tense moments, this release of information threw her into a cyclone of fear.

"No! No!" Bella cried and clutched at her abdomen protectively. "I won't let you kill my child!" She looked at Edward with panicked eyes. "Please Edward! I'm strong enough! I can do this! Help me do this!"

The room abruptly spun around me. Bella's distressed pleas swung open a door I had long barred shut, and the flashback hit with such force my knees buckled. I grabbed for the doorjamb to steady myself as my own humanly desperate voice echoed through my head.

"_Please, doctor, you have to save my baby! There has to be something that can be done! He can't die – he's all I got…he's all I got left!" _

The sympathetic faces of the nurse and doctor as I flew into hysterics over the realization I was to watch my child die in my arms replayed vividly before me.

Like Bella, I had begged for help from everyone around me, willing to give _anything_ to protect my child's innocent new life. But he got no reprieve from death. I quickly chose to join him -- the only being who had every really touched my heart and showed me joy in my short human life...

My steadfast decision jolted me back to reality.

"No needles!" Rose pronounced as she inched closer to Bella, a mother bear perched to protect her young.

In a chain reaction, Emmett moved closer to Rose. Edward lurched toward Bella, the pain from Carlisle's words still present on his features. Carlisle threw his arms out in a feeble attempt to keep everyone from descending on Bella.

_Oh, what I wouldn't give in this moment for just an ounce of Jasper's ability!_

"Enough!" I shouted, surprising everyone, including myself. Heads whipped around as they took in my larger-than-usual presence in the room.

"Esme," Bella called to me outstretching her hand in my direction, her skin so pale she appeared to be drained.

I gave her a weak smile and moved across the room to take her hand, every eye upon me. "Yes, dear?"

"No needles. I'm so tired, please, can I sleep now?"

I felt Carlisle tense. The physician in him needed _something_ to work with. Noting the measuring tape around his neck, I made a small request.

"Can you just let Carlisle get a few measurements? It may tell him about how big the baby is and maybe even when we can expect his or her arrival." I glanced at Rose, gave a terse nod. Edward was obviously in an unreachable state. I wondered if this was what Bella had seen from him on the island…

Within seconds Carlisle collect his data and Bella had already started drifting off.

"Sweetheart, let me take you to your room so you can sleep comfortably," Rose almost cooed reveling in the recent small victory.

Bella gripped the sides of the table in a sudden display of terror. "No, I want to sleep here."

"But you'll be more comfortable –"

"No, Rose, I want to sleep here – alone. Please, everyone, just go." Then she squeezed my hand tightly, "Esme, can you get me a blanket?"

"Of course."

"Just try to sleep on your left side, Bella," Carlisle gave one more piece of doctorly advice as the occupants reluctantly began to file out of the room. Rose stood her ground until Carlisle stepped out pushing a unresponsive Edward ahead of him. As they passed, I whispered to Carlisle, "Try to get him to hunt. He looks horrid."

Finally Emmett took Rose's hand and led her out of the room after she stole one last look at Bella and me. It appeared I was trusted alone with Bella – at least for now.

"I'll be right back with a blanket. Do you want a pillow too?"

She nodded and I flew to Edward's room to retrieve them from the closet, not stopping to glance at the untouched bed or unpacked luggage that should have heralded a happy return home.

When I returned, Bella laid curled on her side, so peaceful in sleep. I moved quietly to her side and spread the blanket over her before turning to leave.

"Esme?" she whispered.

I stopped to face her, "I'm sorry I woke you. I'll see you after your nap, okay?"

"Please stay." She beckoned for me to come closer.

I could feel her eyes watching as I closed the door and pulled a chair up to the exam bed and sat down.

"I wasn't sleeping," she said very quietly, "I was faking. I'm sad to say it was much easier to trick them than I thought it would be."

"You never much liked being the center of attention."

"No, nor the cause of controversy," she lamented.

Giving her another brief smile, I let my eyes move to the bulge under the protection of her hand. "I guess the honeymoon was a success?"

She blushed and a smile formed on her lips – then just as swiftly, it faded.

"Bella, I know you probably want your mother here, but considering the circumstances, it's not possible. And not that I can take her place, but I am here if you want to talk."

Bella blinked rapidly, but the tears still escaped her eyes. Retrieving a tissue, I leaned very close to her whispering, "Tell me what's going on inside your head."

Quicker than I thought humanly possible, Bella's hand shot out and she grabbed my hand from my lap. Her hands were not as warm as I expected them to be.

"Esme, they want to kill my baby!" Alarmingly Bella began to hyperventilate, her eyes widened and the tears disappeared.

"Shhh, dear, calm down," I stroked her cheek, keeping my expression calm. "Edward would never hurt you, you know that."

"I know he loves me, but he hates the baby. He's convinced it's going to hurt me and wants it…removed." She trembled. "He doesn't understand."

"Understand what?"

"What it's like to have life growing inside you. A life Edward and I _created_. Why doesn't he see that worthy of protection?"

She took my hand and placed it on her womb – the child within kicked at my frigid touch.

What I felt physically paled in comparison to what I felt emotionally. I had expected to feel the shame of jealousy or at the very least, anguish, but what I felt was closer to…pride. This was to be _my_ grandchild. In some way, a part of me.

Finally I felt the joy for Bella and Edward bloom in my heart. I smiled broadly.

"Tell me about your baby, Esme."

I drew in a sharp breath and jerked my hand away. I did _not_ want to go there…

It had been so long since I pictured him; let my mind recall the feel and smell of him. It was much easier to keep those memories in the past. To not feel his memory at all. I didn't think I could handle it any better now than I had then – actually I didn't handle it at all. I had escaped from it.

"Please, Esme. What was his name?"

Her eyes pleaded and I could see why Edward often gave her whatever she wanted.

"His name was Benjamin."

"What did he look like?"

At first the images of him were fuzzy, like my mind had forgotten the visual details, retaining the emotions. But then as I willed the sight of him, he came into view.

"He had dark blue eyes, blue like the crayon in the Crayola box." An unrestrained grin grew across my lips as his beautiful face became clearer. "He had fuzzy light brown hair that stood straight up when you rubbed his head."

We shared a muted giggle at the image. I found the courage to open the door a little more.

"And that baby smell! Nothing like it. But most of all, I just loved to watch him sleep. He looked like a chubby little cherub."

I let the experience wash over me and warm me. It had been so long since I had acknowledged his brief presence in this world and it actually felt comforting to share my burden. I barely noticed Bella had started rubbing the back of my hand.

"He sounds adorable, Esme."

"He was. But he was sick. A simple infection. One that would be so easily cured nowadays. Fluid built up in his lungs making it impossible for him to breathe. His pink plump lips turned blue. There was nothing anyone could do but watch him…" The stabbing pain stopped me from continuing. "I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have gone that far."

"It's okay; I shouldn't have forced you to talk about it. I just wanted to know _someone_ understood how I feel. You can help me. You can make Edward understand, Esme, please?"

Her soulful, pleading brown eyes nearly melted my resolve, but experience from decades of marriage told me otherwise.

"Edward loves you very much. You've already put Rose between the two of you; I cannot be put in that position, Bella. You need to talk to him."

"I'm scared he won't listen. All he can see is that I am putting myself in danger again. He never understands the reasons I do things."

"He can be stubborn and narrow-sighted at times. Black and white. But you have changed him so much. I have seen him change in ways I didn't think possible after all these decades. You have more power than you think."

"He swore he and Carlisle would take care of it." She made air quotes with the last few words and her tone was filled with such dread I rushed to reassure her.

"Bella, Carlisle would never force you to do anything you don't want. I can promise you that."

"I want our baby, Esme. I _know_ this is right." Bella again placed her hands over her abdomen which almost appeared to have grown since I first saw her at the airport. "I just know."

Her eye lids sagged and the darkness under her eyes was more pronounced.

I stood and brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear.

"Sleep now, Bella."

With a nod, she pulled the blanket over her shoulder and tucked it under her chin and closed her eyes.

Before leaving her, I closed my eyes and spoke to God, "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

CPOV

I had relocated my study to Esme's office and headed there immediately after leaving Bella, calculating as I went. I documented what I had learned through my limited assessment. Already knowing my thoughts, Edward entered and slumped into the chair across from Esme's desk. I spoke out loud as I continued to scribble details in a notebook.

"So if she conceived after your first act of intercourse that would put her at day 18 of her pregnancy. But from all the signs, she's at least between 16 and 20 weeks pregnant."

Groaning, Edward hung his head and raked his fingers harshly through his hair, almost as if he was trying to inflict pain upon himself.

"A term pregnancy is 38 weeks. So it appears one day equals one week in the progress of her pregnancy. If my assessment is accurate, her estimated delivery date would be between September 19th and the 23rd – or as early as 18 days from now."

In the silence that followed, the reality of my words became heavier and heavier until Edward couldn't bear it any longer.

"Carlisle, this is obviously not a human baby. Can Bella survive the rapid growth rate? I need to know."

I wished I had better news to tell him, but I knew my thoughts would betray any lies I would tell him. The truth was the only way – even if it did cause him distress. But I had to convey the details carefully – Rose would be listening. I wordlessly conducted my end of the conversation…

"_I don't see how her body will be able to maintain itself as the fetus takes the sustenance it needs from her. She won't be able to replenish her stores quickly enough. In addition the rapid growth of the child will outpace her body's ability to accommodate its increasing size."_

I watched him burn. The pain in his eyes so intense I felt the sting of it.

In a blur of movement, Edward snatched a notebook from the desk and furiously wrote on it. He held it up for me to read, his determination visible in every line of his of his face: _How do we end this?_

"_What do you mean?"_

_How do we remove the fetus? _He wrote furiously in the notebook.

"_Edward, Bella doesn't seem interested in that option – have you forgotten the bodyguard arrangement?"_

The pen nearly cracked from the pressure of his writing. _It's not an option, it's necessary or _your_ patient will die! My wife will die! Help me!_

I dragged my fingers through my hair. I didn't like my choices: risk the death of my patient -- my daughter-in-law, my son's reason for living -- or terminate a pregnancy, a life, against Bella's wishes. I couldn't predict the fallout from _that_ action.

"I'll deal with that," Edward replied. "It's all my fault, I'll accept full blame."

Hesitantly, I nodded my head. _"Okay, yes. I'll help you." _But added, "_Edward, she may never forgive you for this."_

"I know," was his simple reply. Then he wrote on the notepad again and tossed it on the desk in a gesture of defeat.

_She's all I've got. She may hate me and leave me, but at least she'll be alive. Why is it that no matter what I do, it seems I am destined to take her life? Her number was truly up when she met me." _

The agony on his face, the self-loathing, was more than I could take. I knew I possessed no words to override how he felt about himself, but I had to try. As I took in a deep breath to voice some words of comfort, he silenced me with one word, "Esme."

"Bella's sleeping quietly. She's physically exhausted." Esme reported as she entered the room. She walked up behind me and placed her hands on my shoulders attempting to knead away the tension rapidly building in them.

Her eyes fell on the notebook still lying in front of me. Once she comprehended the words on the paper she snatched up the notebook and stabbed a finger at Edward's written words. Anger colored her voice. "You can't. It's wrong!"

I held my finger up to my lips in a shushing gesture, but Esme was not about to be silenced.

"As men you cannot understand how Bella feels. She has bonded with this child. It's part of her. You have to let her decide. Besides, Carlisle, you know patients have the right to refuse treatment."

"Not if the patient is mentally compromised," Edward adamantly refuted, digging his fingers into the arms of the leather chair.

Esme's head whipped around to look at Edward. "Prove she's compromised," she shot back.

"Look at her choice! Why would she forsake her life for an unknown? For some genetic defect that will slowly devour her? Why would she choose _it_ over life? It doesn't make rational sense!" Edward's voice cracked.

But Esme's face softened and she walked over to Edward, crouching down so she could look him in the eyes. "No, dear, it may not make sense. Love often doesn't. She loves you and loves what the two of you have created just as passionately. As a result, Bella's nature is to protect her child – _your_ child – even from you. Just as I protected my child from his father." She stood and touched Edward's cheek gently. "I think you should refocus your efforts. You need to figure out how you're going to support this pregnancy, not terminate it."

Without another word, she left -- leaving in her wake a gray area. Through our medical practicality, Edward and I had made everything black and white. Factual. Honestly, that was an easier reality to deal with than the one Esme left us with.

Just that quickly, the power in the house had shifted. The decision had been made.

"Forgive me, Edward," hanging my head, I mumbled the traitorous words to the floor. I was abandoning him and he knew it.

My son crumpled in front of me like a marionette cut free from its strings. Cradling his head in his hands, he moaned long and low before looking up at me -- his savior no more. Searing agony forged his eyes into burning black holes.

Inescapable.

Fathomless.

Infinite.

Cold.

Devouring every ounce of light and hope within my son's soul.

* * *

AN: Emotionally exhausting, you think?

This chapter was emotional for me outside of what the Cullen's were going through. Having lost a child in miscarriage and experienced flashbacks after being robbed in my own damn car, I feel I could address some of these issues from a first hand perspective and make them real for the readers. Amazing how SM gives us rape, domestic violence, abortion issues, and suicide all in a young adult series, but maybe it's good if it gets people to talk about these important issues. I have not had to deal personally with many of these situations, and hope I did not mishandle them in any way. If I did, I apologize.

Bella and Edward will have their heart-to-heart -- which I sometimes think is so OOC for them. But the readers are wanting it! "Enough already" I can almost hear you saying!

Please gift me with a review/reactions/thoughts/feelings. It is much more about being connected to the readers than anything else. Otherwise it's kinda like writing for a black hole...


	17. Boiling Point

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 17: Boiling Point**

EPOV

Unseen walls swiftly closed in around me, suffocating and crushing me with a strength I couldn't wrap my head around. In contrast, my insides boiled with helplessness and frustration, forging an unstable pocket of malevolent energy that would not be contained much longer.

The only question screaming in my head was which force would win the struggle – either I would be rendered impotent, reduced to nothing by the smashing of my last vestige of hope to save Bella or would I detonate, lashing out at those who claimed to love me and Bella, yet would stand by and allow her to be destroyed?

"_Go_!"

Carlisle's booming thoughts directed me and I obeyed, functioning only at most basic instincts. They were the last line of defense against the chaos devouring my mind. But as I followed the command of my coven leader, I felt my father fade.

Like a trapped animal seeing a chance for escape, I bolted. Esme's mind called after me, but Carlisle must have restrained her physically from following me.

"Let him go. My inaction just condemned him to a second death –"

I cared not about his declaration of guilt nor would I accept the appeal for absolution that would surely come from his turn-coat lips.

I blistered in the heat of rage I felt toward him and the family who had closed their eyes and minds to the reality of what _had_ to be done.

Was destroying the being inside Bella horrific? Yes. Preserving life was what brought this family together and, at the same time, separated us from the rest of our kind. It gave us the illusion of retaining some scrap of humanity in our stone-dead bodies. I had no doubt it was wrong.

But as ugly and immoral as it was to kill what grew inside Bella, it was worse to delude ourselves into thinking "everything would work out fine". Its nature was clear to see just from just looking at Bella! She was nourishing a vampire-offspring with her very self in the ideal parasitic relationship. It knew no mercy or compassion, only its needs and drive to exist. It was ruled by unrestrained, deadly vampire instinct.

Bella would be destroyed only to reveal the inevitable – whatever she bore would also need to be destroyed. Our history had taught us that lesson already.

But my family still chose ignorance instead of having the courage to face the raw truth: _Bella would be sacrificed for nothing!_

Once freed from the confines of the house, I ran blindly into the forest. I was the desperate hero carrying the ticking time bomb out of harm's way. As the final seconds ticked off, I picked up speed.

Bracing for the inevitable explosion, I hurled myself into an ancient oak tree. The resulting impact shattered the mocking tranquility.

This time I would not go down peaceably. My ire at my fate, at my messed-up existence and naiveté that led me to believe Bella and I, human and inhuman, could find compatibility, exploded in sound and splintering wood. The tall giant groaned in protest to its undeserved demise.

I tore at the columns desperately straining to hold the oak upright. It would fall. Destroyed, no longer alive, prideful and strong, but laid out – broken, useless, and dying.

Loud cracking echoed off the remaining trees and hillside signaling the tree's final cry for mercy before lurching to the right, taking out all that stood in the shadow of its death fall.

I looked without pity on the collateral damage. In fact, I envied it. Maybe it should _all_ be destroyed. The whole lot of it.

With blind insanity taking control, I ripped and tore at everything that stood in my path, unintelligible words shot rapid-fire from my mouth. But before another object could perish at my lethal hands, she was in front of me. I felt her, heard her mind, before my sightless eyes saw her.

"Esme, leave me alone!" I ground out between clenched teeth.

"No."

Her jaw set in steadfast determination. Didn't she realize what peril she was in?

"Are you here to rescue me from hell? Save yourself! Your words of comfort can't reach me where I am." My words and tenor unmistakably revealed the complete madness within me.

"You're right. What would _I_ know of abandonment, fear and loss?"

She stepped aside, but assaulted my mind with images – her first husband's striking fists, the family that turned away from her, a dead infant in her arms, and waves crashing over dark rocks below her. Scenes from her past that she habitually shielded from me.

The demoralizing memories were an equivalent to a slap across my face, and I swallowed back the revulsion welling in the back of my throat. Esme had been to hell and I would not insult her by minimizing her experiences.

But I was still angry and very much out of control, my world crumbling around me. I hurled venomous words in her direction.

"Why, Esme? Why condemn me to losing her as you lost your son? Let Carlisle help me – he knows she won't survive. Why do you punish me? How could you abandon me?"

My accusations struck a nerve deep within her. In that moment, the darkness I saw flash in her eyes peeled away any doubt she was every bit the volatile vampire I was. I had pushed her too far…

"Abandon you?" she spat at me, visibly trembling. "You _dare_ speak those words to me? Who sought to save you from your vigilante murder spree once upon a time? Who convinced this family to accompany you when you foolishly decided to leave Bella behind? Who stands before you now?

"My actions have _proven_ my loyalty and love for my favored son, yet you see fit to question me? I'd sacrifice myself to protect you, Edward. And I'd do the same for Bella. Don't ever question that again."

I shrunk back from the ferocity and certainty of her words. I owed her a debt of gratitude I could never live long enough to repay.

Her tirade of truth doused the fire within me, leaving me to face the emotion I had buried under the façade of rage: paralyzing fear of what lie ahead.

Exposed, I fell to my knees in supplication before her, breaking under the release of sobs I could no longer hold back.

"_Help me, mother_."

Mercifully disregarding the injuries I had callously inflicted upon her, Esme responded to my collapse and plea without hesitation. She closed the distance between us, pulling me to her body in a tight embrace. Bowing to kiss the top of my head, she sighed, "You must have faith, Edward."

I couldn't stifle my scoffing response.

"If I have learned anything in this existence, it's there is no benevolent God watching over us. The wicked and the good are punished equally. The faithful suffer just as much as the sinful. It's pointless."

"Then go change Bella. Now."

Her blunt statement shocked me and my eyes darted up to hers.

"What?" she shrugged. "No God, no soul to fret about. Isn't that what keeps you from changing her – the fate of her soul?"

"I don't wish to debate religion with you today, Esme."

I collapsed to sit dejectedly on the littered forest floor. Esme gracefully joined me.

"Well, I'm just pointing out how you can't have it both ways; believe in some parts and not others. And actually… I never mentioned God. I spoke of faith."

"I don't understand your point."

"Do you rely on anyone besides yourself, Edward? Where do you place your trust?"

My answer came quickly and without thought, "My family."

"Even now?" she questioned. "After Carlisle's decision, Rosalie's interference, and Alice's absence?"

The mention of Alice's name sliced into me. I missed her so much.

Esme continued, "Reach down inside. Do you still believe in them?"

I felt deflated, exhausted, stripped bare. We were all flawed, myself included. But Esme saw what I had never sought to define: What held seven misfit vampires together?

Plainly I saw it now - our faith in each other. Our trust, acceptance, sacrifice and love.

"Don't abandon _us_, Edward."

I knew what her statement meant. I had done it before, walled myself off from those who would be more than willing to share my burden, fooling myself I was strong enough.

Mindlessly I picked at the debris on the ground, unwilling to share the remorse in my eyes with Esme.

"There is one more person you need to have trust in. You expect her to trust in you, yet you do not afford her the same."

"Bella takes too many risks," I attempted to defend myself.

"True. She did marry a vampire. Not very logical on her part."

Shaking my head, I recalling Esme's earlier words and I repeated them back, "Love isn't logical, is it?"

"No, it isn't - neither is faith. But without love and faith, life would hold nothing for me. To gain them means taking risks. And we can only answer for ourselves how much we are willing to risk for the reward."

"Her life isn't worth the risk, Esme."

"So says you. Bella's faith tells her otherwise."

I now stared wide-eyed at her, the question on my face all too obvious.

"Yes, I know how she feels, why she has chosen to carry this child. Shouldn't you?" Esme smiled sympathetically, "I won't lecture you on marriage, Edward, but you can't judge its success simply on how much you love each other. You have to let go and trust your mate. It can't be one-sided, no matter how strong or right you believe yourself to be."

I stood abruptly, brushing off my backside and offering a helping hand to Esme.

"Would you accompany me back to the house? I think I need to talk with my wife. Any last minute advice on how to deal with Rosalie?"

At this Esme laughed, "You two are more alike than you'll ever admit."

RPOV

Staring out my bedroom window, I could hear Edward's merciless path of destruction outside.

He was a moody, brooding, arrogant S.O.B and we were used to it, but raging and destructive, not so much. I more expected that type of behavior from Jasper, and actually, I think I would even welcome it. His gun powder was packed so tightly, I wished he would just pop off and get it over with. It was the unpredictability of his potential fury that unnerved me. And for some irritating reason, Alice never seemed able to pre-see any of Jasper's "slip ups". Too close to see clearly I guess….

"Is Lumberjack Eddie done?"

Emmett's voice was humorous, but I heard a tinge of concern there too. I refocused my eyes on the glass of the window to see Emmett's form reflected behind me.

"It's quiet now…think he's still out there?"

That was the root of Emmett's concern. Edward's usual tactic for handling adversity was to escape, avoid. Em worried Edward had fled again.

"I don't think he has the strength to leave Bella. He's not far," I responded casually.

"I heard Carlisle say he doesn't think Bella can survive the pregnancy."

"He doesn't know that," my voice snapped like a trap. "He just doesn't want to risk it. The doctor would rather play it safe."

"Rose, baby, how can you be sure? Are we doing the right thing by helping Bella risk her life?"

"You always did like her, didn't you?"

There wasn't jealously in my voice, I just wanted better insight into _why_ this family was so eager to have Bella join the living damned when so few of us would have willingly chosen this life.

Em slid up behind me and enfolded his arms around my waist misreading my intent.

"Never a dull moment with Bella around, remember? Besides, Alice adores her and that makes Jazz ease up on the angst a bit. Carlisle and Esme carry less guilt and concern regarding Edward's self-imposed solitude. It's a win-win – for the most part."

"I'm just getting tired of the drama."

"It would be easier if she was one of us…"

Emmett let the words hang knowing how strongly I felt about Bella's ultimate sacrifice for Edward.

No one stood to oppose her decision that night, except me – and Edward. He fixedly worried about the fate of her soul. I worried about her regret. What she stood to gain paled in comparison to what she would be giving up. She's too young and inexperienced to appreciate everything a human existence has to offer.

Regret would come with the passing of time. Unfortunately once made, this choice is irreversible and a change of heart would only result in bitterness and anger which could never be fully resolved. No one understood this fact the way I did.

"Well, it appears it is out of our hands now."

Spinning in his arms, I placed a quick peck on his lips as I searched for an excuse to be alone, to think and to wash the pain from my eyes.

"It's stupid to let her sleep on that poor excuse for a bed. I'm taking her to Edward's room."

Em gave me a knowing smile and released me.

Padding down the hall, I found Bella asleep in Carlisle's study. Gathering her up in my arms, I carried her carefully to Edward's room. She had been so opposed to sleeping here, and I wondered why.

The shadows were lengthening across the bedroom floor as I placed Bella in the center of the large bed. She looked so small, like a child. Upon contact with the mattress, she rolled on her side, kicking the blanket off. Her shirt had ridden up and her discolored abdomen was exposed.

"Oh, Bella. I'm sorry," I felt the words rush out of my heart. The blatant risk she was taking now made me question if I had chosen what I knew to be best for her or what merely I had wanted for myself. The lines between our fates were beginning to blur.

Tentatively, unsure, yet compelled, I extended my hand toward her belly. Upon contact, her smooth, warm, tight skin pulsed with life under my palm. I felt a shifting sensation and my other hand flew to her to appreciate it to its fullest.

Bump.

Bump.

Bump.

The child tapped rhythmically against my hands. "I feel you," I cooed.

The next shift I felt came from inside me.

Bump

Bump.

Bump.

My heart in my chest.

My foot on the floor, bouncing Henry on my knee.

_Rosalie, look at you! You're a natural! Henry adores you," Vera chuckled at her little boy's springing locks. "You and Royce will make beautiful babies together someday."_

Henry's glowing smile filled my eyes while I lightly stoked Bella's skin, drawn protectively around her precious miracle.

"Someday…"

"Never, Rosalie."

Edward's voice shattered my maternal thoughts. _Damn him_!

My hands sprung from Bella's middle and quickly arranged the blanket around her before I turned to face him.

In the doorway Edward stood - eyes dark and menacing. I had set myself up to be the object of his resentment, but I would stand and take it to shield Bella. With the anger in his eyes and wood splinters peppering his clothes and hair, he genuinely looked wild.

Firming my stance next to the bed, I wondered if my proximity to Bella was actually protecting _me_ from Edward.

"_Never_. Never will you have that…." His eyes shifted to Bella's roundness.

"_Child_, Edward. Say it! Bella carries your _child_."

He shook and his muscles tensed.

"You hope to benefit from my mistake…what I did to her. Don't count on it."

Ugh! If I knew it would grow back, I'd pull my hair out by the roots. He was so infuriating! Why couldn't he see what he could have – so close – he could have it all. But he was too blind to see it and too arrogant to see what I was doing for him with my choice. By standing between him and Bella, I was saving him from a lifetime of regret.

I wanted to project images to him to _show _him I did care for Bella, but regrettably, I had nothing to show. All I had to prove I cared was my act of placing her in his bed.

"Thank you," he pushed out with effort.

Satisfied he was under enough control to not physically attack me, I turned to make my way to the leather couch and wait out Bella's nap.

Edward remained in the doorway, regarding me with intensity. No doubt coming to another warped conclusion...

"I'm trying to understand what is going on between you and Bella. It seems to me you two are using each other for your own selfish purposes."

"Stop playing me, Edward."

"But it _is_ a game, Rosalie. Bella knew you would be the only one she could manipulate so easily."

"Shut it!" I snarled. I hated when he pushed my buttons sending my thoughts into a tailspin. He was in full snake mode moving in for a kill. The way he used my own thoughts against me had me questioning my own motives and Bella's. How deep into my mind could he dig? Did he find the shallowly buried thoughts I didn't want to admit to myself, the ones that wished for what she had? He easily sent me spiraling into a place where my mind became devoid any cohesive thought not related to attack and protection.

"She knew how you felt about babies, didn't she? And you believed you could really have a role in caring for it? Do you also know Bella is afraid of you? Do you really think that will change?"

His voice was cynical. Immediately I tried to erect a barrier between us as I could feel him slithering into my psyche…

"A sweet, soft baby," he purred while inching toward me. "A human baby, Rose? Is that what you envision? One with dark eyes and curly hair?"

"Get out of my fucking head, Edward!" I growled at him threateningly.

"That's what you want out this deal you made with Bella behind my back. Admit it, Rose! That's what you wanted. And all the better if Bella dies in the process…"

"No! That's not true!" My voice rose above the low vampire murmur we had been conducting our banter. Immediately I wondered if my over-emphatic protest gave me away. The bitter truth was bubbling up to the surface. I didn't want to admit to myself I _had _thought about it – raising the baby as my own if Bella didn't survive. Edward would hardly be in a place emotionally to raise the child…

But I _didn't_ want Bella to die.

With conviction I solidified my course - if she were given the chance to bear out this pregnancy, the sacrifice of her human life for a vampire existence would be justified. A child was worth dying for – worth burning through a thousand transformations.

"I saw it Rose – I saw it in your head. But the picture is wrong. It's not human or sweet. It's something _else, _something monstrous and it's killing her! You will have her blood on your bands if you don't stay out of this. It's not your business. Just walk away now. Please."

"No, Bella asked me –"

"What if Bella changes her mind? What if she asks you to go, will you?" I felt the other foot dropping, pinning me to the floor. I stalled giving an answer in an attempt to think, but he kept coming at me and my thoughts whirled in a tangled snarl.

"Rose, if she tells you she doesn't want your intrusion anymore, will you go? Answer, it's a simple question," he barked at me.

"Yes, if Bella doesn't want me, I'll go." And it would be the hardest thing I've ever had to do…

"Thank you. I won't be far. When Bella wakes, I need to speak with her."

He turned and left, but I didn't feel relieved. Damn, he was his father's son – my head spun like I had just been cross-examined by a very skillful, cunning lawyer.

Bella slept an enviable eighteen hours before Carlisle woke her.

"Bella? Can you hear me?"

"Carlisle? Is everything all right?" She blinked rapidly, gasping and gripping the sheets as she took in her surroundings.

"I'm here, Bella." I leaned into her field of vision, pleased to see relief flood over her face.

"Oh, Rose. Good. Where's Edward?"

"He's coming with something for you to eat and drink. We have to keep up your strength. Can I measure you again?" Carlisle reached into his pocket and pulled out his fabric measuring tape.

Bella nodded and laid compliantly on her back. Carlisle pulled back the blanket and raised her more snuggly-fitting shirt.

I saw astonishment flash in Carlisle's eyes before his professional demeanor took hold. Smoothly and swiftly he acquired his data before covering her up.

Bella's face lit up and I turned in the direction of her eyes to see Edward moving into the room with a tray of food. From the look and smell of it: orange juice, milk, water, eggs and whole grain toast with butter.

"I'm so hungry, but I need a 'human moment' _very_ badly."

I moved to help her up and she staggered, nearly toppling forward. Edward practically tossed the tray in attempt to catch her though Carlisle and I had it well in hand.

"Your center of gravity has shifted. Changes are happening rapidly, so take it slow," Carlisle advised.

Bella straighten from our arms and looked down at her bulging abdomen.

"Oh, my! How long have I been asleep? I've…grown."

And she had, visibly.

"About eighteen hours. You've added several centimeters to your measurements. How do you feel?"

Carlisle's question sounded more curious than clinical. Edward was frozen in silent alarm.

"Okay. Stiff. Sore."

Bella headed to the bathroom with a slight waddle before calling over her shoulder, "Edward, can I eat that in the kitchen, please. I think I'll be more…comfortable there."

When the bathroom door shut, Edward pounced.

"Carlisle! She growing too fast!"

"I know," Carlisle's eyes remained on the closed bathroom door before he turned to face Edward. "Make sure you get something in her stomach. Alice and Jasper came home this morning. I'm going to see if they can help me step up my research. Emmett's already following some leads."

Bella emerged, obviously having splashed water on her face and brushed her hair. "I might need to start wearing Emmett's clothes," she laughed, tugging at her close-fitting garments. We were still all too stunned at her growth to respond in any way.

"Um, I'll check on you later, Bella," Carlisle dismissed himself from the room.

Edward moved to greet her with a gentle kiss on her forehead and took her hand. "To the kitchen?"

"Yes," she replied with energy.

Escorting her out to the hallway, Edward added, "As you wish. Rose, could you get Bella's tray."

I stuck my tongue out at his back as I retrieved the disarranged tray to follow close behind them.

The kitchen was brightly lit with morning light and Bella eagerly grabbed a fork once the food was set before her.

As she ate and drank ravenously, Edward smiled and stroked her other hand. I watched the serpent warily as I cleaned up the mess Edward had left from preparing Bella's meal.

"Bella, I was hoping we could spend some time alone today," he started.

"Watch a movie?" Bella suggested.

"Sure. Just you and me in our room. In our bed. Finish our honeymoon," his voice took on a dripping quality. It made my skin crawl.

Bella's chewing slowed, but she did not look up from her food.

"Or in the family room…" she offered.

_Good girl, Bella. He's clever._

Edward tilted his head to the side. He knew I was on to him. He was the manipulator.

Unfazed, he shifted gears, applied more pressure...

"Bella, I would like to talk to you alone. We have… a lot to discuss."

Bella set her fork down. "Yes we do. But none of it is a secret, besides, it doesn't matter where we talk, this house has ears – vampire ears."

Edward took Bella's hand and raised it to his lips, placing a lingering, seductive kiss into her palm. "Is it wrong to want to be alone with my new wife?"

Bella's eyes moved to her hand, but did not meet Edward's. _Be strong, Bella. Resist._

"Bella, love? Be with me, please…"

"I just…I just don't trust you right now, Edward." It hurt her to say it, and she pushed her plate across the table.

"Bella, I love you. I would never hurt you. You don't need a guard dog to protect you. I will," Edward's voice was emphatic.

I was pissed. If it was possible to hiss in your thoughts, I managed to do it. _Don't ever call me a dog!_

"I know you will protect me, Edward. I remember you saying it was 'your job'. But you've also lied to me in the name of protection. You lied about Victoria coming when we went to Jacksonville, you lied about not wanting me when you left me –"

"I had to! To keep you safe!"

"I know, you will stop at nothing to protect me, you've proven that. The problem is you see this baby as a threat to me, do you not?"

She nailed him good!

He shot me a deadly look before returning his attention to Bella. He appeared more desperate now as his attempts to isolate Bella, to control her, were failing miserably.

"Please Bella, listen to me, Rosalie or not, you cannot continue with this crazy notion you can pull this off."

"You didn't think we could make love either, but we did," her voice was sweet and she leaned toward him in a gesture that begged his understanding.

"Because I controlled myself. I can't control what's inside you Bella. Neither can you. It is what it is."

"Then you have to trust me, Edward. I know I can do this. We can have a family of our own."

"All I want is you, Bella. You're everything. I can't lose you – not because of me."

Distress blanketed Edward's face. He was scared. And that set off my internal alarms.

"You will save me."

"I'm trying now. Let Carlisle remove it. He can sedate you and you won't feel or see a thing, I promise."

"Edward, this is the embodiment of our love. Conceived in love for us to love! Can't you understand that? Our own miracle."

Edward slammed his open hands on the table and the dishes jumped with a clang, startling Bella. He moved toward her and stilled me with a look. He pulled up her shirt and spoke harshly, "Does this look like love?"

The bruising had spread and angry stretch marks were now visible across her sides.

"Stop!" Bella shrieked, pulling her shirt down, the color in her face draining.

_Edward, calm down._

It appeared he heeded my thoughts. Breathing deeply, he knelt before her.

"Please, Bella. I'm being selfish but I can't live in a world without you. You know that. Please, please – choose me."

Tears welled up in her eyes, but her voice was frustrated. "By choosing our baby, I _am_ choosing you. I've seen your soul Edward. There is no way our child is evil. I have to do this. I love him and he needs me. Please understand, choose us too."

Bella began to tremble and her color continued to thin. Still, Edward ploughed on.

"Bella, wake up! See me for what I am - a deadly, blood-thirsty hunter. You cannot deny my nature, my being. It's just a fact. _That _is what is growing inside of you. It will destroy you. And you will not leave me to witness my own destruction."

"Don't ask me to kill our child. I won't do it. I will keep my heart beating long enough for you to save me."

She squeezed his hands as dawning emerged in his eyes.

"You don't plan on surviving this, do you?"

"We'll be together for eternity, but this will be my last human gift to you. Let me give it while I am able, Edward."

"No! No, you said you wanted to remain human. You decided!"

"Yes, I did, for a while at least, but you know my change was inevitable. Alice saw it long ago. It will just be sooner than we planned. You have such a capacity for love, Edward. You'll be as wonderful a father as Carlisle is."

Then the snake struck, firing his venom into Bella's heart. His death blow.

"It's a damned immortal child, Bella! It can't exist – it's not meant to be. If not now, it will be destroyed later. Let it go. Let me save you now."

What little color Bella maintained leaked out of her completely. Her body locked and her eyes went vacant. Then it burst from her like a volcano expelling hot ash and rock. Bella violently ejected everything she had consumed.

She tried to stand and lurched for the sink as wave after wave of stomach contractions ripped at her. Edward leaped up and held her at the sink while I yelled for Carlisle.

"Bella, end this, please," he whispered in her ear.

Gasping for breath, Bella collapsed back into Edward's arms, and rasped, "I promise, the end will be just the beginning."

* * *

_End Notes: I know, this chapter took waaaayyyyy too long to post. My sincere apologies -RL, kids, job hunting...not to mention the emotional place I had to go to. Hopefully, you found it worth the wait (?)_

_Edward lovers, don't hate me! Remember how manipulative Edward got in Eclipse? But as all his efforts to control fail, he becomes the 'burning man' - _

_All my love to my prereader and best friend, Rosabella75, and my wonderfully quick beta RowanMoon. Check out their stories (they are lemonific): __Forbidden Desire by Rosabella75 and Broken Doll by RowanMoon (links on my profile page)_

_Your comments are very welcomed..._


	18. Contemplation and Condemnation

_Disclaimer: SM owns._

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 18: Contemplation & Condemnation**

EPOV

Could anyone explain where the love of God goes?

If He exists...

Because it appears I have only attracted His fury….or His mockery.

To earn His favor, must a man suffer the pain of hell?

I had experienced the burn of a thousand suns at the hands of my sire.

Must he be willing to sacrifice his life for the purest love?

Did I not willingly offer myself in Voltera?

Or was the key to God's love and mercy in the doing of good deeds?

I had done no good deeds in my existence. All the assistance I had given to others was ultimately for my own personal gain. And all those I had gravely harmed, I harbored no regrets.

Then there were those who suffered simply because of my _existence_. Upon my shoulders rested the fate of all the innocents who suffered and died in the wake of Victoria's vengeance against me. Yet, in truth, if given the choice, I wouldn't have sacrificed Bella to save their lives. Without doubt, I was an unrepentant sinner and a selfish scourge upon this earth worthy of punishment.

While I could find reason to be undeserving of divine mercy, I couldn't comprehend with my infinite mind why Bella had been forsaken. Why she had to atone for my sins and the seed of sin that was my offspring. Was the pit of evil festering within her the reason God had turned his back on her? Could He not love the bearer of malevolence? Was this why my parents had to perish also? Did they have to pay for my foul existence with their lives? Their souls? I had corrupted them and they were denied salvation. Because of me. My fault.

While the pure of heart, my Mother and Bella, had seen fit to give me life, their good deeds had not bought me favor with _any_ higher power.

This was my fate...

In the push and pull of the universe, balance must be maintained. Give and take. Light and darkness. Life and death. Evil and goodness.

I was to be evil from the beginning. It was my unavoidable destiny.

No matter how much the lion wished to be a lamb, it was not possible for it was against nature.

And so it continues as it has throughout history - the eternal battle between good and evil, forces so evenly matched yet always seeking superiority over the other. But balance would be maintained as dictated by ultimate law. As Bella and I discovered for we reenacted this classic battle every day in our own microcosm of the universe, unwittingly believing our love could alter the ancient forces - that our love was great enough to tip the scales and disrupt the balance. How naive and pitiful.

I was darkness, she was light.

I should have known Bella would believe the being within her as innately good. Just as instinctually, I would view it as evil. Bella, as part of the force of good, would simply be unable to comprehend true, unadulterated evil. She was destined to always see good in others. Even in one of our first conversations, I had tried to warn her:

_"What if I'm not the superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?"_

_"You're dangerous. But not bad. No, I don't believe you are bad."_

_"You're wrong."_

Little could Bella have known I had seen ultimate of wickedness behind my own eyes and had committed acts of unspeakable harm - and felt _justified_ in them, the ultimate mark of an evil heart and mind beyond redemption.

It did not matter I turned away from that way of life - wasn't an addict always an addict? A taker of life was always a killer, no matter how justified or merciful? The only difference was a matter of degree.

The simple truth was this: the good never kill. Bella would never kill another. Therefore, she had no other option than to sacrifice herself and believe the "child" she nurtured was good, worthy of life. She could no more deny her nature than I could deny mine.

I am a killer and I knew one when I saw one. Black, soulless, consumer of the virtuous. Always striving to perpetuate the darkness in others, for then, by comparison, one could feel less evil. After all, why repent when others were worse, more evil? In bringing others down, we stand on their backs and raise ourselves up.

Darkness consumes, erodes the soul, and leaves nothing but a hateful shell.

What of Bella and I would remain in the end when evil was done wreaking havoc on my dream fulfilled and then laid to waste?

_Oh, Bella_.

Through my want, contorted and misinterpreted as love, I have destroyed you. Evil is not capable of true love! It is sick and deluded, seeing what it wants to see, taking what it desires and rationalizing it all away without conscious. Fortunate the evil man without conscious! He is free to hate without remorse, he need not question nor deny his nature, that which he is powerless to change. Woe belongs to he who has conscious and lives to regret yet cannot change. Like me.

Hell rose up before me - vindictive in its final judgment of me.

And I burned.

BPOV

I was so cold.

But I stayed very still.

It wasn't often I could observe Edward without his knowledge. He believed I was asleep on the pristine sofa in the Cullen family room surrounded by the foreign scent of Emmett's clothing I had taken to wearing, but I was watching him through barely parted eyelids as he sat across the room.

My mind still frustratingly soundless to him.

I couldn't see Rose, but I knew she hovered nearby. Always close.

Sleep was both a burden and a blessing. It came, whether I wanted it to or not, my body not strong enough to resist its pull. Day and night blurred together. Yet, I secretly preferred the obliviousness of sleep to the torture of consciousness. In slumber, I was released from Edward's constant gaze – watching, pleading…drifting away.

I knew now where to look for the truth. Within his eyes the truth always resided, no matter what his words claimed. And what I saw in them frightened me to the core of my being. He had given up, and with every look he was taking me in and bidding me farewell. He was letting me go. And planning his fate…

Was that what he was so deeply contemplating as he sat vampire-still, staring blankly out the large wall of windows? Occasionally his brow furrowed and his angelic features contorted, scattering the light that reflected off his ageless skin. His eyes darkened more every day, and though he needed to hunt, he would not leave my side.

Yet he was so far away.

As if in response to my emotional discomfort, the baby rolled and stretched. It felt almost like a grinding against my insides as he pushed to increase the space available to him. My body was resisting. I wondered if his rapid growth was as painful for him as it was for me. Would I be able to accommodate his growth?

A small shiver crawled down my spine. After 24 hours of nonstop vomiting, hyper emesis Carlisle had called it, I was left no other option than to accept IV fluids. Was the coldness I felt from the colorless fluid flowing into my veins or from the growing distance between my husband and me?

Edward's eyes told me everything. And in them I could see he believed I had abandoned him. Forsaking him for someone I didn't even know yet loved unconditionally. He could not understand. And how could I explain? It made little sense to me either. But I knew once I felt that first nudge everything had changed, shifted into a new perspective Edward did not as of yet share.

I loved Edward with every part of myself. And now I held a piece of him inside of me. I don't know if what I felt would be called "maternal instinct" as Rose had referred to it, but whenever I looked into Edward's grief-filled eyes and I longed to ease his pain by relenting to his wishes, my chest would clench and I was filled with a strong urge to resist. I knew I couldn't end our child's life and the thought of it made me physically ill. I held something so special within me and I was responsible for nurturing and protecting the physical part of Edward that miraculously was truly _alive_. And this bound me to my child regardless of the personal consequences. Just like Jacob appeared bound to me… would Jacob be able to understand and help me defend my position?

I was never a religious person, but I _wanted_ to believe in angels and miracles. I had my angel and our miracle conception would not be dismissed. Somehow, I would make him see. I just had to hold on a bit longer. I could be strong enough; this frail human body's last offering…

But I had gnawing doubts. When had I _ever_ been strong?

_I was scared. _

And I had to keep this all a secret. I guess it was a blessing Edward couldn't read my thoughts and Jasper was too preoccupied easing Alice's pain to take notice of my emotions. If my insecurities were revealed, it would probably drive them to action. I prayed my body and my face would not reflect the weakness inside me.

Guilt was there too, threatening to add more weight to the load I was already toting emotionally and physically. I was causing my new family so much pain and had inadvertently pulled the whole family into what should be between Edward and I alone. It was testing their bonds and dividing the closest family I had ever known. All my fault.

I could carry no more.

And I was losing the energy rapidly. Nothing stayed in my stomach to sustain me physically. Emotionally, I stood alone. How long will I be to keep up the defense? Support the facade of confidence in my conviction? Nourish the developing child within? Keep my heart beating?

A strange sensation suddenly caught my attention. It came not from my belly, but started at the base of my head. It felt as if electricity was jumping across my skin and was accompanied by a tingly, numb sensation. It felt almost pleasant, until I got a terrible feeling of foreboding and then my eyes rolled back…

EPOV

Bella's gasp jarred me out of my deepening wallow of self-pity.

Something was going very, very wrong.

Only the whites of her eyes were visible, her breathing hitched and her body locked, arching her back and lifting her off the couch.

"Bella!" Rosalie screeched as she knelt at her side, holding her face. "Bella!"

Bella's body began contracting and pulsing violently. She was seizing.

"Move!" I yelled at Rose as I grabbed Bella by her shoulders. Rose hissed, and clamped her hands down on my arms.

"I'm trying to help her, Rose! Back off!"

The commotion alerted Carlisle, and he and Esme were before us in a heartbeat. Esme eased Rose back with a reassuring glance and tug at her shoulder.

"Get her on her side," Carlisle barked out, allowing me to render the aid I knew Bella needed before being thwarted by Rose.

I moved her to her side and was horrified by the reality of what Bella was experiencing. My love was trapped. Kept away from me by a body and brain that were malfunctioning. Her beautiful facial features misaligned into a painful grimace, hacking me to pieces. There was nothing I could do to protect her, to rescue her. In spite of all my _abilities_, I was helpless.

And just as quickly as it had started, it was over. Bella sighed and her body relaxed.

Her eyes fluttered and opened, she looked confused, but spoke very clearly, "Carlisle, I want to talk to Charlie." Then sleep claimed her.

"Carlisle, she's got eclampsia. We can't let this go on any longer!" I knew he had to deduce the same diagnosis. Again, I placed my hope in him. I had very few other options.

"Not so fast, Edward. There could be other causes. Esme, get my medical bag."

Rose looked uneasy as she sized up the odds once Esme left the room and her mind flooded with anxiety. She had nothing to fear, I would never think of traumatizing Bella in such a fragile state!

Esme returned quickly with Carlisle's bag and he continued vocalizing his thought process as he worked.

"I think the cause of her seizure was most likely metabolic. Possibly hypoglycemia or an electrolyte imbalance - compounded by the extreme physical and emotional stress. I'm stopping the IV. I'll get a blood sample and take it to the lab at the hospital. "

Carlisle took Bella's temperature and blood pressure before drawing the blood he needed. Rosalie and Esme averted their eyes and distracted their thoughts as Bella's dark red blood bubbled into the small glass tube. With quick movements, Carlisle tucked the precious fluid in his bag and covered Bella's puncture site.

I knew we were already running low on options. I stopped him before he turned to leave. "Bella wants to talk to Charlie. I don't think that's a good idea."

"I know, but it may relieve some of her stress, and…"

He couldn't finish the sentence, but he couldn't hide his thoughts either – this may be Bella's last chance to speak with her father. My jaw and hands clenched as I moved away from Carlisle.

"Edward, I'll call Charlie from the hospital. I'll think of something to tell him. Bella's is now a part of our family and part of our secret. I need to protect all of us."

I could hear in his departing thoughts his regret at having to hide Bella from her father in order to keep our cursed family secret. We both despised our existence and our cowardice.

I looked back at Bella on the couch. Rosalie and Esme had repositioned her into a more natural position and tucked the blanket around her frail form. The circles under her eyes had deepened and it appeared she had aged a decade in the days since we returned home from our honeymoon. Her skin was sheet-pale contrasting strongly with pinkness of the lips I loved so much.

I had changed her without ever sinking my teeth into her. Killed her without ever striking a blow. Romeo's lament turned in my brain…

_O my love! My wife!_

_Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath,_

_Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty;_

_Thou art not conquer'd; beauty's ensign yet_

_Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks,_

_And death's pale flag is not advanced there._

And while I wasn't sure how Carlisle would keep Charlie at bay, I knew one thing without doubt: Jacob would not be kept away as easily.

His arrival was now imminent.

* * *

AN: All right - so this chapter was a quickie (was it good for you? ; D). I thought you may prefer a quick fix just a bit shorter. But the stage is set now, it seemed like a good place to break.

So, did I give you angst-lovers enough Burning Edward? How about the new perspective on Turmoiled Bella? Do tell!

I promise to work on the next chapter soon, but I've got two collabs going, a camping trip for the 4th of July, and I am meeting several of my Twi-besties in RL in 2 weeks! I so can't wait! Shout out to RosaBella75, Gasaway Alley, GoldenMeadow, Viola Cornuta, TwiFanUK, and Winterstale - you h00rs rock!

Thank you as usual to my prereader and BF RosaBella75 and beta RowanMoon.


	19. The Ties That Bind

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 19: The Ties That Bind**

EPOV

The Mercedes tires spat gravel in Carlisle's haste to leave. Lost in thought, I continued to listen to the car fade in the distance until Esme placed a tentative hand on my shoulder. Turning to face her, I caught sight of Rose's expression before I looked at Esme. They both looked at me with pain-filled eyes.

"Don't!" I shrugged Esme's hand from its place. "Don't act like this isn't partly your doing. You worry about her, but continue to allow her to endure this?" With a parting glare, I fled the room. The time for talk was over.

My retreat took me to "our" room, at least until we left for Dartmouth this fall. But all those plans were just foolish musings now. Instead of entering, I found I could only hover in the open doorway.

The bed was now neatly made. Our luggage had been unpacked and the suitcases tucked away. In the center of our bed lay the memory book Bella had given me as a wedding gift. I looked at it with mixed emotions. It may soon be all I would have left of her. Pictures of prom, graduation, and events we experienced together along with mementos that held meaning beyond the realm of words. Memories of times past that would fill me with longing every second of my remaining existence. They would continue forever between the pages, questioning why I did nothing to stop the madness.

I buckled under the weight of their future inquiries as I slumped against the door frame.

I was so weary.

While I had pushed Bella to have as many "human" experiences as possible as a condition her change, I now wondered what this life still held for me? Hadn't I experienced it all? I had travelled to faraway places, pursued an education, bore witness, loved, and lost. In all honesty, what more was left? I cared not to loop endlessly around a track leading to nowhere and to nothing. I felt … done. Exhausted and disengaged.

This time the thought of ending my life was eerily comforting and welcoming.

If I truly had a soul, then at the very most, I could hope to be rejoined with Bella. At the very least, there would be the merciful release to nothingness – no more pain.

Dying would be easier and faster this time as a clear plan formulated in my mind.

I wasn't afraid of my life ending, what I doubted was my strength to witness what lie _before_ my end: Bella's slow merciless destruction from within.

As it gestated, it consumed my Bella's light. It was taking the parts of her that shined the most – her eyes, her hair, her skin – all had become as lifeless and cold as a porcelain doll's. The beacon in my darkness, my lighthouse to safe harbor, was slowly fading. Once extinguished, I would not drift and search as I had the hundred years' time before her. It was time to scuttle the ship.

My back slid down the wood molding of the doorway until I reached the floor. My decision had brought me little relief; it was, after all, a coward's way out. I was capable of taking action but denied the opportunity to do so. I had once warned Bella she was no match for my strength and my speed, yet it was she who has rendered me helpless.

Useless.

Condemned.

A Twice-dead man walking.

The next sound I heard was the front door opening and closing and the familiar sound of Carlisle's footfalls. How long had I zoned out alone on the hallway floor?

"Bella? Wake up, open your eyes for me," Carlisle spoke softly.

"Mmmm, trying," Bella mumbled back. I heard her shifting on the couch. "Where's Edward?"

"I'm not sure, but I need to let you know some things about the tests I ran on your blood and my conversation with Charlie."

"You spoke to Charlie?" Bella's voice was suddenly alert. "You talked about me? What did you say?"

I crawled closer to the stairs fully intent on eavesdropping on their conversation.

"I told him you and Edward were home, but you were very ill."

I could hear Carlisle rustling through his medical bag and the sound of something liquid.

"I hate lying to my dad."

"I know. I am so sorry I didn't have you and Edward take precautions. If I had any idea this could happen…" There was silence before Carlisle resumed, "I'm going to hang another IV."

Bella groaned.

"You are still dehydrated, severely anemic, hypoglycemic, and hypokalemic. Hopefully this will correct your imbalances and make you feel better."

"So the baby's okay?" Bella anxiously questioned, showing no concern for herself as usual.

"I can't directly assess the health of the fetus, Bella. I can only treat you."

I heard the concern in his voice before Rosalie cut in.

"Don't worry, Sweetie, whatever Carlisle does to support your health will help the baby. It will be all right."

Carlisle's response was stern, "Rose, I don't know that and neither do you. All I can do is try to support this medically."

"Carlisle, don't…" Rose interrupted.

"No, Bella needs to hear this. I don't know what the outcome of this pregnancy will be, but I do know the risks."

"Carlisle, I know you think I am making the wrong choice," Bella's voice was meek. "I'm sorry I'm being difficult. I am grateful for everything you are doing for me and EJ."

"EJ!" Rose squealed in excitement. "Bella, did you pick a name for the baby?"

_Yet another nail driven into my coffin._

Bella's voice almost sang, "Yes, Edward Jacob or EJ for short. Do you like it? I just decided on it today."

"Well, you know my feelings for the dog, but if you're happy with it, so am I." I pictured Rosalie and Bella enjoying a ridiculously happy embrace.

"Ouch!" Bella suddenly yelped and I sprung to my feet before freezing at Carlisle's response.

"Sorry, I thought I'd get the IV needle in while you were distracted."

"Why is the fluid yellow?" Bella questioned.

"It's called a 'banana bag'. It has vitamins, minerals and some glucose in it to help correct your chemical imbalance and give you some nutrition."

"Just vitamins and minerals? No medication?" Rose's voice oozed with her suspicion of Carlisle.

"What are you implying?" Carlisle had not missed her meaning. "You think I would _drug_ her?"

"Carlisle, what did you tell Charlie I was sick with?" Bella jumped in quickly to distract from the brewing conflict.

"I told him you had rhinitis, acute dyspnea, and bouts of sternutation."

"English, please, Doctor."

"In essence, I told him you have a severe cold – runny nose, difficulty breathing, and sneezing. But the terms were enough for me to convince him you had some rare, contagious tropical disease. I said you were quarantined and couldn't have visitors until you passed the contagious phase, but I was ambiguous on how long that might take."

_We were such goddamn perfect liars!_

"How did he take it?" Bella queried.

"Not well. Chief Swan can be quite…insistent. You may be married, but you will always be his little girl."

I imagined Bella blushing…and Charlie wanting to wring my neck for putting Bella in danger – yet again.

"Here. Call him."

"Are you sure, Carlisle? I don't want to put this family at risk because of me."

"You have things you want to tell him."

Carlisle's comment sounded more like a statement than a question. I was shocked he was allowing this but it seemed he was speaking as a father, not as a doctor or vampire who had too many secrets.

"Go ahead, Bella."

I heard Bella pressing the familiar sequence of numbers on Carlisle's cell phone and ringing on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Dad. It's me. How are you?"

"Never mind me, Dr. Cullen told me you are sick. I want to see you, but he said I couldn't."

"It's not bad, really, I'll be fine. I'm just contagious. We couldn't have you getting sick, poor Forks would be defenseless."

"Ha, ha. Seriously, Bells, what's going on? What do I tell your mother _this_ time?"

"Don't tell mom! I'll be fine. It's just going to take some time to get better. Mom doesn't need to worry."

"No, that seems to be reserved for me lately..."

"Dad, I'm sorry for everything I've put you through, but I'm so glad I came to live with you. You've been a great father. I love you so much."

Bella's voice cracked slightly and another nail punched into my coffin. _She was saying goodbye to Charlie…_

I had failed Charlie too – I didn't protect Bella. I had fought for her protection from the beginning, and there had to be a way to fight now! Inaction was grating against my bones and grinding my nerves.

But force was of no use. Like falling dominoes, each action I could make would set off a chain reaction. Any attempt to free Bella from the killer within her would result in Rose's defense and pull Emmett into the fray. Esme had tied Carlisle's hands.

Methodically crossing the names off my list of resources, I came to who remained: Charlie and Jacob. Both of them loved Bella and she loved them, therefore, there was potential. But there were two others. Two who I knew were suffering and I had tried to show mercy by giving them their distance, but I would leave no possibility untried.

I decided.

APOV

For our kind, the rite of marriage was mostly a scoffed practice. Mating bound two individuals together for life. It was the joining of two halves suddenly made whole, and that sense of completion was usually enough. But Jasper and I wanted what we saw in Esme and Carlisle's relationship – not a codependency between two individuals, but a partnership where we could both be whole. And in our wholeness, find the strength to carry each other when necessary.

But the weight of current events was crushing us both and neither Jazz nor I could catch our breath long enough to carry the other.

So, at first, we left. We believed the incapacitation of our abilities rendered us useless to the family, especially Bella and Edward. I couldn't see what the future held for them and proximity to Bella was agony.

In our time away, I was shocked to find out that Jasper, although claiming to be dangerously effected by Bella's altered scent, was actually unbearably afflicted by my pain. As it was rare a vampire to experience chronic pain, Jasper unfortunately learned the more familiar he is with an individual, the more acutely he feels the emotions. He _literally_ felt my pain as if it were his own.

But he had chosen to keep that information from me and allowed me to believe our leaving was due to his weakness and shortcomings, instead of mine. Always the southern gentleman.

Though we had fled from the pain, a more crippling affliction soon replaced it: the guilt of abandoning our family in a time of need. To say I had abandonment issues was an understatement! I had been left behind by my human family, though I liked to believe had they know what awaited me, they never would have left me in that hell-hole masquerading as a hospital.

Knowing what Edward and Bella would be enduring gave me a longing to go home. I didn't have the answers they desperately sought, but I had to be there in some capacity. Once I shared my desire to return home, I found Jasper felt the same way.

So we devised a plan and came back.

Physical distance from Bella eased my pain, but without a doubt, Jasper was carrying me.

That was never more evident than now as we tried to make love in our "penthouse suite" as we jokingly termed the stuffy attic we resided in. Unfortunately, our intimacy always broke down the barriers of our abilities and Jasper's protection of me faltered. The pain screamed in my head and Jasper's golden eyes clouded over.

I couldn't find my connection to him as he tried to love me, and it was all too much for him to manage. His mind opened to all emotions filling the house. As a result my emotions bounced around, foreign to me as they weren't my own, but his as he struggled to filter out the feelings and cope with my pain.

Our inability to find comfort and connection in our intimacy worried Jasper. I felt it among the other emotions he projected.

Then the emotion shifted. He was feeling frustrated. As I sensed he was about to break our physical connection and end our love making, I pressed a hand into his lower back keeping him within me for just a moment longer. With the other hand I caressed his cheek and whispered, "It's okay. We will come through this stronger than before. It's only temporary…"

But my words trailed off as I realized their implication. This "situation" would end soon, but the result may produce an emotional backlash that would ripple through this family unlike any tragedy ever had before. Briefly I wondered if a family divided before tragedy could ever be repaired after. Were we already too damaged to recover? Was there light at the end of the tunnel – and would it only be an oncoming train?

Jasper lowered his body to mine and rested his head on my shoulder, turning to press his lips to my neck before sighing, "Edward is escalating again."

My hands dropped to my sides.

"He's feeling hopelessness yet is determined - in an angry sort of way." Jasper shook his head, whatever Edward was feeling didn't make sense to him either. "It's all very disjointed, fluctuating and overwhelming."

Tenuously, I opened my mind to Edward's future.

"Jasper, Edward is coming to us…" I searched for an index of time… "Now!"

Jasper groaned his disapproval of Edward's timing, but the "life" of our lovemaking had _withered_ a while ago. We sprung to our feet and dressed quickly. Instinctually I scrambled my thoughts prior to the knock on the door.

"Come in, Edward," Jasper drawled, his shoulders sagging under the emotional weight he tried to carry.

Edward entered haggard-looking and hair wilder than usual, no doubt from his involuntary habit of tugging on his hair when stressed.

"Sorry, Jasper," Edward mumbled, intentionally not making eye contact with either of us. Jasper must not have been able to hide his thoughts as successfully as I had. Maybe on purpose...

Jasper scowled and Edward began rapidly pacing…and tugging.

I spoke up in the uncomfortable silence. "Esme's been keeping us informed on how you and Bella are doing. I am so sorry we haven't done more to help ..."

I stopped talking as Edward had stopped pacing and fixed an intense look at Jasper. My husband's scowl deepened.

"What?"

When neither of them moved or responded, I flew to Edward and shook him by the shoulders. "Edward, stop it! What?"

His eyes finally broke from Jasper's to look down at me, but his crazed expression didn't change.

"I need to speak to Jasper." His voice was dead flat.

"Go ahead, Edward, speak," Jasper replied drawing Edward's glare again.

"Alone, please."

I blinked several times trying to absorb what was taking place between my husband and my brother. A mixture of emotions flashed over Jasper's face, foremost, suspicion.

I knew the gentleman in Jazz would typically honor another man's polite request, but the strategist in him suspected a set up. I knew Edward's appeal for privacy meant more secrets, something I felt would ultimately be this family's undoing.

I shot Jazz a look of warning, but I would let him decide.

Jasper's jaw set before he addressed Edward, "I think it would be best if you let both of us help you. You're not in your right mind –"

"_You owe me_, Jasper! I need to speak with you. Alice, a moment, please?"

He aimed his intense eyes at me, and just like that, Edward lobbed the ball in my court. But I was too shocked at Edward's choice to bring up the unfortunate night of Bella's birthday to respond verbally.

_Divided we fall, Edward…_

The three of us stood like marble, no one able to decide on the right course of action.

"Shall we all stare at each other until it's too late? What are you afraid of Jasper that you need to hide behind Alice?"

"_Stop_!" I saw it, but my frantic warning was a split second too late. Edward's tactic had backfired horribly, and Jasper threw himself at Edward, quickly pinning my mentally distracted brother to the floor sending vibrations rumbling through the house like thunder.

"I will not be called a coward nor will I be manipulated," Jasper hissed through clenched teeth, his face only inches from Edward's. "I will release you, but you _will_ show some respect."

Jasper stood, but never took his eyes off Edward. I knew Edward's pride had been injured and I braced for his unpredictable reaction.

Jasper spoke quickly to keep Edward off balance, "What is it you want from me? And how am I to settle a debt I had believed, up until now, had been pardoned?"

Edward stood, brushing the attic dust from his sleeves. Pulling himself to his full height, he answered, "I apologize for my behavior. But I need help only you can give."

_Of course, Edward! What do you and Bella need? How can we help you?_

Edward glanced at me and I knew he heard my thoughts, but they seemed more of a distraction to him than a comfort. Again, his wild dark eyes closed in on Jasper. "I need you to help Bella understand what's at stake."

"You're asking me to influence her emotions." Jasper responded point-blank.

"I'm _asking_ _you_ to save her life."

"By skewing her own emotions?"

"Will you help me or not?"

"You are asking me to repay my debt by forcing your wife to feel - _what_? Fear? Hate for the child? You ask me to become the catalyst for the death of the child she loves? And how do you suggest I am to live with that afterwards?"

His voice clearly showed he was taken aback by Edward's request, horrified even.

Then Edward reeled backwards, staggering as he saw Jasper's mind. "Jasper, I know what you know! _No mothers survive_. You've looked into the Ticuna legends and you know how this will end! You would condemn her to death when you have the ability to help?"

"Please, don't ask me to be a killer, Edward, and don't ask me to be the puppet master. I'm sorry, but the repayment price you ask is too high."

Engulfed in his dismay of denying his brother aid, Jasper's focus moved inward and I fell to my knees in a wave of pain. I covered my mouth in attempted to smother the scream blaring in my ears. It took a moment to realize the cry had not come from my mouth…

* * *

A_/N: God, I love cliffies! Sorry - and sorry about the wait. This canon timeline and details can be tricky! And I aim to please - APOV was requested as well as the convo between Charlie and Bella (reader input is always considered!). Big thank yous to this story's beta, RowanMoon and my prereader/advisor, RosaBella75._

_I am getting so excited for the upcoming chapters - Edward hearing the baby's mind has got me bouncing in my deskchair!_

_I had a blast meeting 6 of my Twi-besties in Atlanta earlier this month. We got along famously and saw Eclipse twice. Next year, we plan to meet in Charleston!_

_For something new and in anticipation of the miraculous (albiet gruesome) birth, I invite readers to stop by the Honeymoon Suite thread to post your vision of Nessie - whether it's a beautiful baby pic or your fave manip of Bella, Edward and/or Nessie, go post (um, please)! Address for the thread is: http:/www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=52&t=6768 (or pop by my profile for the link)_

_Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. Reviewing is the best way to get this story noticed, so thank you so much your support!_


	20. Showdown

_SM owns. Some dialogue reproduced directly from Breaking Dawn - no copyright infringement intended._

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 20: Showdown**

EPOV

Bella's blood-curdling scream tore through me and I flew in its direction. It echoed with ten-times the amount of pain than her screams from James' bite.

Would this be the last sound I ever heard from her lips?

My own consuming thoughts crowded out everyone else's. When I arrived at her side seconds later, Carlisle and Esme were already there. Rosalie stood aside with the same wide-eyed look Alice just had.

"What is it?" I barked at Carlisle.

"The fetus was weakened, as was Bella, but I think the infusion has restored its vigor. I think it...kicked her."

Bella was curled on her side in a ball and I could see a tear leaking out of her tightly shut eyes.

All my feelings rushed to the surface. As much as I wanted to yell, destroy, and run, Bella's lone tear, now trailing down her face, washed it all away. Deflating me.

"Does it still hurt, love?" I whispered.

"No, he's quiet now."

I gathered her in my arms under Rose's watchful scrutiny and cradled her in my lap. I stroked her damp, tangled hair and kissed away her tear of pain. But I would not speak words of comfort. I couldn't lie - I couldn't tell her "it will be all right". Not this time. This time I had no control over the outcome.

Bella wrapped an untethered thin arm around my neck and pressed her forehead into my neck.

"Cool," she muttered.

"Edward," Carlisle drew my attention. "I think I need to arrange for some more equipment and supplies, especially as the fetus grows..."

I swallowed the lump that rose in my throat and nodded.

Over the next few days, Carlisle's study took on the appearance of a Level 1 trauma room, while Rose, Bella and I inhabited the living room. Esme would come and go checking in on our needs as did Carlisle along with taking measurements and blood samples. Sometimes Bella used the IV, but most times she tried to eat - usually unsuccessfully. Rosalie took to spoon feeding Bella cans of vanilla Ensure. As she thinned, her abdomen ballooned. But mostly, she slept.

Emmett and Jasper ventured in and out of Carlisle's make-shift study in Esme's office, often speaking in hushed tones and guarding their thoughts.

It didn't matter. There appeared to be nothing that could change the course of events even though Carlisle knew both Bella and the fetus were wasting.

Today Rose carried Bella to the bathroom for a bath. Esme and Rose helped bathe Bella, but I was relegated to hall duty. I paced as I waited; Bella's every waking moment was precious to me.

The bath had chilled her and Rose wrapped Bella in a cocoon of blankets before placing her on the couch. Removing the towel from her head, Rose moved to comb out Bella's hair. But I intercepted. I combed her wet tresses until smooth before securing them in a loose ponytail at the nape of her neck. We barely spoke. Each of us had made our decision and there was no middle ground, no room for compromise. It was all or nothing. Bella wanted it all, but I dreaded being left with nothing.

So we spent our time together in relative silence. Waiting.

Bella was still shivering when I finished with her hair. Without fear of chilling her through her several layers, I climbed next to her, pulling her close and wrapping my arms around her.

"Kiss me, Edward."

Bella's request felt...strange. Although still under Rose's constant vigilant watch, I was becoming used to having physical contact with Bella again, yet the affection I had been giving to her was unromantic. I was more of a caregiver to her than a husband.

When I failed to respond, Bella made her request again, "Edward, please, kiss me. I know I look hideous - I saw myself in the bathroom mirror, but please show me you still love me as you did before."

Motivated to ease her anxiety, I gently angled her face and placed a light, long kiss against her cool, colorless lips.

"I love you so much," she whispered when I pulled away.

The words hurt. I loved her with all that I was, but I couldn't reconcile her decision with how much she claimed to love me.

"Then why, Bella? Why do this? What I did to you was a mistake, but please...please don't punish me this way."

Rose squirmed in her seat. I ignored her and her intrusive thoughts.

"Edward, soon you'll understand. Just a bit longer."

"No more time. Don't leave me, Bella. Stay with me."

"Play for me. Play our song."

"I can't. Please don't ask that."

Time was pressing down on me and every moment seemed like it could be the last. The last time I'd hold her, kiss her, hear her speak my name. But the last time I had played our song was one of the happiest nights of my lifetimes. I played and Bella danced on our honeymoon. I needed it to stay that way. Pure and right.

My wife, my name, and my music - they were the only things good in my life that I chose to define myself by. Without Bella I knew there would be no music for me. All that would remain was an empty man with a name...

"Please, Edward, play -" Bella stiffened in my arms, "-ugh! Lie down!" She clutched at her abdomen. "I need to lie down!"

I jumped up and lay her flat on the couch tearing at the layer of blankets to examine what was happening to her.

Bella weakly shoved at my frantic hands. "No, no! It's okay. He's just rolling. Stop, Edward!"

But I wouldn't heed her words. I needed to see for myself what was going on under all the covers and layers of clothes.

At Bella's command to stop, Rose jumped to my side to retrain me. Before she could, I saw Bella's bare abdomen. How many days had it been since I had seen it? Bruises of various stages and colors marked her whole midsection. The skin stretched so tightly it shined. And then I saw it _move_. From within her, it rolled and lurched, thrusting a fist, elbow or foot outward just below her ribs. The room spun around me.

Bella's hand flew over the protrusion and I heard her suck in a breath and hold it. She wanted to cry out in pain, but refused to let it out. Red clouded my vision as I watched Rose cover and calm Bella. It was Emmett's arms now retraining me.

"She's okay, Edward, calm down," Emmett instructed.

"Okay? Okay!" I yelled back at him.

Emmett clamped down on me as he heard the strain in my voice.

Bella turned away. "I didn't want you to see - it would just make you worry. I'll be -"

"Don't say it, Bella! Spare me what little is left of my sanity." I slumped against Emmett.

Our argument had drawn Carlisle and Esme into the room. They began to speak to me, but were drown out by another voice shouting in my head.

"Son-of-a-bitch..." leaked almost silently from my lips when I recognized the tenor of the voice and the determination of his plans.

Emmett released me as a crazed desire overtook my mind. "Bring it on, Jacob," I muttered. Without another word I made my way to the front door to intercept him.

He wanted to challenge me, he was going to get his chance. I needed relief from everything building up inside, all the powerlessness I felt had created a powder keg waiting for a spark. And if Jacob wanted to make that deadly sacrifice, so be it. His choice.

His bike was approaching slowly and I knew the rest of my family would hear it. His thoughts and threats got bolder and louder.

Venom flowed and every muscled readied as I reached the door.

"Stop! Edward, don't!"

"Dammit, Alice! Not this time!" I didn't glance back as I heard her feet flying down the stairs. I was done being told what I "needed" to do. And no _man-child_ was going to threaten me ... and my family too! Now he was out of bounds! He'd never have the chance to get near this house. Unless it was in _pieces_...

But as I grabbed the door, I was struck from behind by a force that nearly blew me though the door. For the second time, I cursed. Alice had never slowed her descent from the stairs and had launched herself full-speed into me from behind. The smack of our collision resulted in a startled scream from Bella.

The scene that followed was sheer chaos.

No one else was aware of the threats made against them by Jacob's mind, and I struggled to free myself from the grasping hands of my family as Alice shrieked disjointedly about my impending death.

I surged forward. Nothing mattered to me except what lie beyond the front door...

But in the second that followed, everything changed. I was crippled by a wave of nausea, fear and confusion unlike I had ever experienced. Gasping, I looked at my family around me. All appeared effected - Alice, Esme, Rose, Emmett and Carlisle were doubled over. Only two stood erect - Jasper and Bella, who clung wide-eyed to his arm.

As I made eye contact with Bella, the sickness in my gut twisted again as I realized her eyes reflected the feelings paralyzing me! Jasper was acting as a conduit - absorbing Bella's current emotional state and projecting those feelings on us.

I struggled to quantify the emotions, so numerous they short-circuited all my functions - fathomless fear erupting from total powerlessness over the devastating rift between the ones she loves, heartbreaking guilt at being the cause, crushing loneliness from my perceived abandonment of her, and desperation to hang on to what she believed with all her heart was possible.

And then it was all gone.

Having accomplished his goal of gaining out attention and ceasing the madness, Jasper wordlessly released us. In the dazed quiet that followed, Bella spoke hurriedly, "What's going on?"

Bella's skin paled to the color of bleached bone and she shook with violent tremors. The emotional upheaval was hollowing her out. Forgetting my mission and blocking Jacob's incessant smack-talk, I rushed to help Bella to the couch. Rose hurried to cover her and hand her an emesis basin, while Esme hovered nearby communicating with a flash of her eyes to Carlisle. It was Carlisle who spoke first. "What the hell is going on?" He fixed a look on Alice and then me.

Defeat again kicked me like a mangy dog and I looked away. My chance to face Jacob and shut him up for good was gone. I swallowed hard.

"I had a vision of Edward. He was badly injured - ripped apart!" Alice blurted out.

"Alice, that's ridiculous!" I countered.

"Jacob is coming here and he's barely controlled," Jasper added. "Alice and I put two and two together."

"Jacob's here?" Bella's voice rose above ours. The anticipation in her tone made me cringe. She _wanted_ to see him. After all he had done to her on our wedding night! What if she knew his thoughts and intentions now? I toyed with confronting her with what her precious Jacob was thinking, she needed to chose a side once and for all.

"Jacob doesn't need to be involved," Carlisle spoke assertively, again shooting a firm glance in my direction. "I'll take care of this."

We all heeded Carlisle's dictate without question, but the way Bella's face fell cut into me. Why couldn't she let him go?

_"He says he loves her, yet he kills her!" _Jacob's shouting resonated in head stirring the doubt that had momentarily been masked by rage.

He was right - I should have been the one to let _her_ go.

Was it too late to give her what she deserved? I had told Jacob I'd step aside if Bella chose him, maybe Bella just needed my permission to make the better choice. It would save her life and that was all that mattered now.

I watched Carlisle step though the door to confront Jacob.

The conversation on both sides of the doors flooded my head as I passively listened to their words and minds.

Jacob's pure hatred for me and my family - his desire to kill us all - was born out of his love for Bella. His thoughts were so black and white. The limited insight of youth and inexperience...

Bella was arguing with Rose about Jacob.

And Carlisle wanted Jacob to leave. He worried Jacob would only complicate an already complicated situation. Carlisle knew changing Bella was inevitable, that she would not survive the birth. I listened intently to his medical mind as he rapidly ticked off the delivery options. It had to be delivered by caesarean section, the alternative was too horrific, but scalpels would never cut through the membrane encasing it. Only vampire teeth could only accomplish that job. Teeth meant venom. That is if she made it that far. Either way, Bella would not survive a full-term pregnancy human - of this he was certain.

Carlisle also knew freeing the fetus and saving Bella through the transformation meant violating the treaty. For him, there was no solution that included keeping his family safe and whole if Jacob was involved.

But Bella didn't comprehend the consequences. I moved toward her, but there was no time to explain, her disagreement with Rose had reached a breaking point. "Why not?" Bella challenged Rose. "Are we keeping secrets from Jacob too? What's the point?"

She wanted all she shouldn't have. Without hesitation, she called to him, "Come in, please, Jacob."

Her choice pushed me to decide. I would give her what she deserved and save her life, after all, she said she wanted to remain human...

My plan aligned with my goals. I would make use of Jacob first for Bella, if that didn't work, I'd use him for my own purposes.

The upheaval in the minutes before Jacob entered the room upset Bella greatly and she vomited shortly after his arrival. _If only she could purge herself of me so easily_. I fell to my knees at her side.

Jacob's thoughts bounced from murderous, to elation at seeing Bella "alive", to complete confusion. Guilt flattened me - I couldn't be the one to offer the explanation for her condition. It swallowed me, and in my shame I wished to be dead.

As I longed for flames to consume me, Jacob and Bella talked as if no one else was present in the room. He was so focused on her, he missed the tone of finality in her voice as she thanked him for coming to see her.

Then Bella offered to show Jacob my disgrace. What I had done to her put on display...

As she stood before him, his confusion rose and quickly crested in a wave of realization and disgusted while his mind damned me in the way everyone else should have, but in a way only Jacob could.

_"Whatever was inside her was taking her life to feed its own because it was a monster. Just like its father. I always knew he would kill her."_

The revulsion I felt for myself exploded to the surface, and as much as I wanted to destroy him, he was right. And now he was my last chance to save Bella. "Outside Jacob."

He was only too eager to comply, seething hatred roiled in him. "Let's do this."

Emmett heard the words and Jasper felt their meaning and both of my brothers advanced to defend me. But Bella defended Jacob. She clawed at my arm to hold me back, but she relented as I assured her I only wanted to talk to him.

I walked ahead of Jacob, leaving prying ears and eyes behind. Desperation choked me as I again knew Jacob would be the last lifeline I could toss to Bella. Jacob's murderous threats had no effect, I would soon drop to my lowest level - he could have my life. I only hoped he would be merciful enough to take it and not make me live in hell without her as punishment.

"I'm not ready for you to kill me _yet_, Jacob Black. You'll have to have a little patience."

But my facade began to slip as I realized the full extent in which I would have to lay myself out before him and beg for Bella's life. _My last chance_. I had to convince him.

"Patience is not my specialty." He was close to his wits end when I spun to face him. I swear her turned pale as he looked into my eyes. _Yes, Jacob, it's that bad. _

Again, he saw it all clearly. "It's killing her, right? She's dying."

Jacob struggled with the disconnect between the calmness of his voice as he acknowledged the end he had anticipated from the beginning of our forbidden relationship. A deep sense of loss was creeping into him. He would truly lose her this time - because of me.

"My fault." As if admitting it made any difference now. What was left of my pride blew out of me and I fell to the ground before him. I only hoped it would be enough. "Yes, yes, it's killing her."

His concern switched immediately to Bella and I mindlessly responded to his barrage of questions - and accusations.

"You should have left Bella with me."

I hung my head. Jacob and I had competed for Bella's love, often ruthlessly placing her in the middle. A tug of war, may the best man win. But I cheated. I had more experience, money, time and abilities. Jacob was the best man for Bella - and she herself said she loved him. I just wouldn't let go, wouldn't concede. I guess love did have a selfish side...

But I would forfeit now. I must to save her life, and in doing so, finally do the right thing for her. But first, I had to convince him we were on the same side, united against the "life-sucking monster" as he thought of it. He had to _listen_ to me.

"Yes. We didn't know...I never dreamed. There's never been anything like Bella and I before. How could we know that a human was able to conceive a child with one of us -"

"When the human should get ripped to shreds in the process?" he added flatly.

I explained the incubus and the succubus as his mind revolted.

"Even you, Jacob Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate myself. Killing me now doesn't save her." I led. Would he follow?

"So what does?"

"Jacob, you have to do something for me."

The _hell_ I do, parasite!"

"For her?"

I snagged his attention, but he struggled on the line.

"I did everything I could to keep her away from you. Every single thing. It's too late."

No! I wanted to shout and shake him, but that would be tantamount to all out war. So instead I let out the secret I had tried to deny. He knew her better than I did. He connected with her on a level I could never achieve myself. He could get through to her - he had to. _My last chance._

I dove straight to the point explaining I had to hide the fact that I was behind what I was asking him to do. That he had my permission to pull out all the stops. He could give her what she wanted without interference from me. But the light bulb was not going off.

"You have to make her see reason, Jacob. She won't listen to me anymore. Rosalie's always there, feeding her insanity - encouraging her. Protecting her." Adding more punch, I rephrased it, "No, protecting _it_. Bella's life means nothing to her."

I tried to whip him into a frenzy, to get him to react and rally to Bella's aid. What I was suggesting was unconventional, but necessary.

He played my desperate words over in his head: "_She can have puppies if that's what it takes." What was he saying? That Bella should, what? Have a baby? With me? What? How? Was he giving her up? Or did he think she wouldn't mind being shared?_

"Whichever. Whatever keeps her alive."

"That's the craziest thing you've said yet," he mumbled.

"She loves you." There, I admitted it, out loud. A few more words of convincing and his mind ran with it - in the most painful detail.

In his thoughts, she was beautiful. Glowing, healthy and happy. Her cheeks were plump and her body rounded with new life. The way she'd never look with me. I only offered death.

He shook, pushing the image from his mind, the temptation breaking him.

"At least try."

I pushed and he pulled, doing his best to protect what little held him together. The night we pulled away from the house destined for our honeymoon was the moment he truly began to grieve her loss believing she'd never survive. Now, I was asking him to reinvest all that he had in Bella to potentially lose her all over again. He tested my commitment to releasing her.

"But it won't work."

"Maybe not. Maybe it will confuse her, though. Maybe she'll falter in her resolve. One moment of doubt is all I need."

"And then you pull the rug out from under the offer? 'Just kidding, Bella'?"

"If she wants a child, that's what she gets. I won't rescind."

He took the bait, but he still had no trust in me. I counted on that.

"...If she won't listen to you, you'll get your chance. The moment Bella's heart stops beating, I will be begging for you to kill me."

"You won't have to beg long."

"I'm very much counting on that."

We shook on it like the gentlemen neither of us was.

On the way back into the house, Jacob vacillated between temptation and reality. But he finally committed to speaking to Bella. That would be all it would take. His heart would reach out for her, he wanted her as much as I did.

It took a little maneuvering to allow Jacob to be alone with Bella. But I was motivated. I knew he didn't want other ears to hear what he was eventually going to propose, and I certainly didn't wish for my humiliation to be broadcast to my family.

Once outside of the house, Carlisle and Esme disappeared in the distance. Rose hovered between me and the house.

I turned to find Emmett, Alice and Jasper behind me with eyes that inquired. I could only shake my head. How low I have stooped! I felt shame for what I had asked of all of them, including Jacob. I had manipulated all of them into fixing the selfish blunder I had made.

Alice moved toward me and gently pulled my hand from where it had locked in my hair and placed a feather-light hand on my shoulder.

"Alice, dear, why don't you and Emmett take a break and hunt?" Jasper suggested.

A knowing look moved between the two of them before Alice bolted with Emmett close on her heels.

"So, can the mind reader and the emotion reader _truly_ give Bella and Jacob privacy?"

Again, I could only shake my head. This was my last chance to save her, but could I handle her decision?

"Come on, Edward. Walk with me."

I followed Jasper robotically. We walked away from the house in silence.

_I know you are remorseful over what happened earlier today. I forgive you._

"Thank you, Jasper. I'm out of my mind, as you already know. I don't know which would be worse - her accepting Jacob's offer, the one I put him up to, or her refusal. Either way, I've lost her."

_The two of you have been through tough times before. Maybe you sell her short, maybe she is strong enough._

"Carlisle doesn't think so."

_Bella does. And she's the one whose opinion counts._

"Has Alice seen anything? Anything at all?"

_No. Although she's tried._

Jacob's angry thoughts spun me around like an invisible hand and I headed quickly back to the house. But Jasper moved in front of me.

"It's all right. He won't hurt her. He's just frustrated."

I blurted out a self-absorbed request. Something I could have asked Jasper all along, but I didn't want to violate Bella's privacy... and I questioned if I really wanted to know the truth. But now, I needed to know...

"Does she love him? Would she be happy with him?"

Jasper dropped his head and I pushed into his mind.

"_Don't_. I'll share with you. Just listen to my words, please."

Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself for whatever he had to say.

"Yes, she loves him. Deeply. But it's different than the love she has for you."

"What does that mean? Does she love him _enough_? Should she be with him? Did I steal her away from where she rightfully belonged?"

I knew the answer. Deep down I knew all along. I was just _better_ at getting what I wanted - vampire trumps werewolf. I pulled at my hair with two hands.

"Listen to me, Edward. It's difficult to explain and your anxiety isn't helping!" Jasper's annoyance showed. "It's difficult because Bella is just as confused about her feelings where Jacob is concerned."

"What?"

"Bella feels drawn to Jacob. She knows she wants him near, but she doesn't understand in what capacity. It's almost as if they are a part of each other, neither able to leave a piece of themselves behind, yet not knowing _how_ they exactly fit together."

I began to pace. I wanted to be back in the house with Bella, but I had to understand! It would determine my next actions.

"However, she is more than clear on her feelings for you, Edward. She loves you with passion and conviction. It is strong and it's the strength she will draw on to get her through this. She cannot separate her love for you and her love for the child because she feels it is one in the same. The child is representative of your love."

"Look what my _love_ has done to her, Jasper!"

Jasper's hands tensed into fists at his side as he pressed his lips in a firm line. He closed his eyes for a few seconds. I knew I was testing the patience of a sympathic, centuries old vampire - not an easy thing to do. For a split second he considered strangling me...

"I know this isn't what you would have chosen to happen, but your solution cannot be to give her up while you wallow in self pity and black doubt. Stop manipulating and blaming, and make a choice, Edward! If you love her as much as I _know_ you do, stop fighting her choices because what you are doing isn't helping Bella one damn bit!"

I opened my mouth to dispute his statement before I could digest it, but I was startled by the sound of Jacob's phasing and the smell that was carried on the wind.

Jacob had failed.

My last chance was now a brown blur vanishing rapidly into the woods.

* * *

_AN: Please forgive my timeline on getting this chapter posted. I have to admit, Edward's angst is killing me! Apparently, it's getting to Jasper too (lol). We are getting there though! To lighten my mood, I spent an afternoon making an angst-relieving vid with my ample Rob images lilbrary (ah, lovely distraction...). View it here: http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=dT7aeJfrZv0 (or find the link on my profile)_

_Thank you so much to my prereading goddess, RosaBella75 and the awesome beta'ing RowanMoon. Both ladies turned around this chapter in a day. They put me to shame!_

_Thoughts/comments welcome!_


	21. Recognition

**Honeymoon Suite**

**Chapter 21: Recognition**

CPOV

Pacing the floor of the room that had been my study before I crammed it with high-tech medical machinery, neonatal equipment and triple-sealed bags of O-negative blood, I waited for Bella's decision.

And wondered how it had come to this...

Our life had become a tragedy play, complete with a tragic theme, a heroic struggle, and the forewarning of the downfall of the main character. I had unwillingly been cast in this play; however, I was but a minor character. I had little control over the events carried out on stage by the main characters: Bella and Edward. The ending yet unwritten, I could only watch it play out before me and react as best I could to the unfolding, unpredictable scenes.

Yet as a physician and a father, I felt responsible. And I carried blame. I did not have the foresight to warn them, and Edward continually glanced at me with eyes that not only conveyed his disappointment but also accused me wordlessly of cowardice.

I bore responsibility yet wielded not an ounce of control – a role I was neither familiar with nor comfortable in. Especially when it came to my family. In a short period of time, my family had been divided and redrawn with new alliances formed and old bonds cast aside. My Esme was beside herself as she tried to be the glue to hold everything and everyone together, all the while knowing our house of cards rested squarely on Bella's survival.

But as my daughter and patient slipped through my grasping fingers, her unborn child along with her, I also saw my first son slipping away - chained to her fate. He fought valiantly for her life, but it was a losing battle. Even when Jacob got pulled into the drama of our tragedy play, the outcome appeared unchanged despite their combined best efforts to change Bella's mind regarding her perilous pregnancy.

Now Edward waits passively. He has gotten to the point where he doesn't even have enough faith to keep up appearances for Bella. He has already concluded how the last act in this play would end, but felt obligated to stay for the final curtain.

And so the small cast was complete, and the actors were becoming masters in their roles: the star crossed lovers agonized, the antagonist continued to push the envelope, and the supporting players hovered and fretted.

Then our drama developed a subplot: vigilante wolves.

I knew it was only a matter of time until the wolf pack learned through Jacob's mind that Bella did not plan to survive this pregnancy human and this fact would put our truce to the ultimate test. But in an unexpected twist, they took their interpretation of the treaty a step further, presuming the fetus was a threat to humans - enough of a threat to justify the murder of a human - Bella.

Divine intervention came in the form of a young man forced to make a serious sacrifice. If not for Jacob...I wouldn't allow myself to dwell on what could have happened...

Raking my hands through my hair, I struggled to find focus. How could I fulfill my roles and responsibilities as a father, physician, and coven leader? A war was brewing within the walls of my home and now beyond. Failure cocked an eyebrow at me no matter what decision I considered to avoid violence and needless deaths.

No matter where my thoughts started from, they eventually circled back to the same thing: _Bella_. She was the linchpin in the drama that was our lives now.

With this realization, my main focus had to be sustaining Bella's body. But the demands being made upon it were incomprehensible. She was a shallow well the fetus was sucking dry. As she ballooned, I was forced to recalculate her estimated due date several times – always moving it up. It was almost as if the child was gaining momentum.

Which brought me to this point. When IV fluids failed to meet Bella's needs, I attempted to convince her and her guard to try TPN, a fluid I could formulate to meet her specific nutritional needs. Now I awaited their final decision.

"Carlisle?"

Rose's soundless appearance in my study meant a choice had been made...I turned to face her.

"We agree to the procedure. When do you want to start?"

"Bring Bella up here immediately. Time is working against us."

Pushing all thoughts out of my head, I stepped into my doctor role and mechanically began to assemble the needed equipment.

Rose carried Bella in and laid her on the bed while Edward lingered a few steps behind. Once Bella was prepped, I enacted a no-vampire-present edict, doctor exempted, of course. The catheter had to be inserted into Bella's large subclavian vein in her upper chest and I couldn't rule out the chance of blood loss. A potentially out-of-control vampire was just _not_ something I wanted to deal with.

Unfortunately, I forgot I was already was dealing with a couple of uncontrollable vampires…

As Emmett hovered watchfully in the hallway, Rose weighed the options. She viewed the equipment and fluid skeptically, stealing a questioning glance at Bella. As much as she distrusted Edward and me, she knew as well as I, her limits around human blood. This room was too small for the scent of Bella's blood to be diluted, and I could almost hear her questioning her control. So I pushed her in the right direction, "Rose, look at Bella. You know they need to be fed_. Trust me_."

She reluctantly conceded to leaving the room – on one condition, Edward also had to leave.

Edward, however, proved to be harder to convince as he carried Bella's pregnancy like a cross on his back. He felt if Bella was to suffer through the procedure, he would endure with her.

Of course, this would tip the scales of power in Rose's view, and she quickly backpedalled, making it clear she would be present if Edward remained. I couldn't help but hang my head in frustration, feeling weighed down by every single one of my 300 plus years.

The bickering lasted another four minutes and twenty-five seconds until Edward's fear of Rose's loss of control around Bella forced his choice. In the end, the two agreed to glare at each other in the main room while I conducted the minor procedure behind closed doors in my make-shift hospital room.

Strangely enough, this was the first time I was physically alone with Bella since she and Edward arrived home from their honeymoon.

"Bella, honey, I need you to be very still. I cannot sedate you, but I will numb the area."

She laughed weakly, "You need to tell the baby to hold still. He moves _all_ of me when he moves."

Indeed her belly was like a mountain capped by the snow white sheet covering her. The more it protruded the thinner Bella became and her facial features displayed the gaunt look of death I had witnessed too many times.

I watched her abdomen roll and shift, causing her to grimace.

"Jacob said I always love the wrong things," she whispered. "I have put this family in danger from the beginning and made so many poor choices. First James, and the newborns ... Then _this_ and poor Jacob ... the wolves threatening everyone I love... I never should have come to Forks, what a mess I've made!"

Bella was ramping up into a full-blown anxiety attack. I set down my instruments and met her eyes intent on calming her. But in that moment I saw her in a new light. I saw a young girl who had come of age. Though the decision she had made was not what I would have chosen for her, I had to admire her conviction, her willingness to fight for what she believed and for what she loved. The benefits of her presence on this family outweighed the risks we have faced. She needed to hear this fact and this might be my only chance, so I took the opportunity.

"Bella, I would be lying to you if I didn't tell you I'm afraid. Not for our safety, but for your life. I see you wasting away and I don't know how to make it stop. If TPN doesn't work, I don't know of anything that will. But I want you to know I am proud to have you as a daughter. You _are_ strong and I love you."

Her tears flowed silently but her smile showed such gratitude and love in return that I simply took in the moment without further words.

She swiped at the wet trails on her cheeks and resolutely said, "Let's do this."

The insertion was challenging due to her dehydrated status, but with the milky fluid flowing into her, I silently prayed for its effectiveness.

Rose and Edward quickly retrieved Bella and got her settled downstairs, but she was nearing the limits of her body and according to her measurements, the pregnancy was nearing term. I had set up a hospital-type bed to hold Bella and the assortment of monitors I now had hooked to her. Technology now monitored her heart, oxygen levels, blood pressure and any signs of contractions.

While I felt more reassured, the scene in my living room resembled a death watch in intensive care. The visual input of all the equipment pushed Edward closer to the edge of his sanity. I imagined this was the worst kind of torture for him. To helplessly watch Bella fade away when he _could_ take action. To stand by while he knew without her, he would not continue to exist. To know that in his expression of love for her, he created something that ultimately caused her death, forcing him to accept that his child would destroy his wife.

The conundrum overwhelmed and suffocated me. Needing air, which in of itself was a ridiculous thought, I headed outside - only to be faced with Jacob's haunted eyes. He had forfeited so much for Bella and my family with so little gain. Jacob was sucked into our drama by his desire to have what he knew would never be his. It tethered him to us. The least I could offer him was a sincere thank you. Unfortunately I instead found myself venting my anxieties to this young man who already carried to much weight on his broad shoulders.

Unexpectedly, Edward appeared on the porch with an agitated Rosalie in tow.

"Perhaps we've been going about this the wrong way. I was listening to you and Jacob just now, and when you were speaking of what the…fetus wants, Jacob had an interesting thought," he said.

Edward had a spark of purpose in his eyes that I had not seen for some time. It looked like…hope?

He continued, "We've been trying to get Bella what she needs. And her body is accepting it about as well as one of ours would. Perhaps we should address the needs of the…fetus first. Maybe if we can satisfy it, we'll be able to help her more effectively."

"I'm not following you, Edward," I responded.

"Think about it, Carlisle. If that creature is more vampire than human, can't you guess what it craves – what it's not getting?"

I was shocked by what simple sense it made! Blood. The elixir of existence for my kind. Brilliant!

But how to administer it? A blood transfusion could overload Bella's fragile circulatory system, and a direct transfusion to the fetus was impossible – no needle would penetrate the protective barrier.

So, with Bella's approval we decided to tried the simplest way. She drank it.

With that I witnessed nothing short of a miracle. Almost immediately Bella showed improvement. Over the next twenty-four hours I closely monitored her and the fetus. While it was obvious she had improved by just observing her color and demeanor, I was also encouraged by the improvements I saw in her blood pressure, strength, and ability to keep food in her stomach.

Although we all were breathing a much needed sigh of relief, no one was happier than Bella, and she pleaded to have the tubes and monitoring discontinued as soon as possible.

However, there was an unexpected complication: the fetus gained vigor also and its erratic, more forceful movements resulted in Bella suffering broken ribs and more contusions.

We had turned the corner, and as more days went by, both mother and fetus has gained strength. It was time to plan a delivery – _and soon_.

Even though Bella showed no signs of impending labor, we could not risk waiting to attempt a vaginal delivery. The Ticuna legends were clear on how that scenario would end.

I would need to perform a c-section. Which meant another issue – just as this pregnancy was nearing an end, so were Bella's days as a human. I just hoped we could remove the child from her body before we needed to effect the change. Timing would be crucial. If we miscalculated anything...

How would we hide her death from her chief of police father? Any examination of her body would reveal the signs of a pregnancy that could never be rationally explained. And no one would believe a gravely ill girl would just up and disappear from under my care. If Bella did not survive in some form, someone in this family would have to take the fall.

Spurred by this thought, I quickly formulated a plan for the next twenty-four hours. Bella was consuming all the blood we had stored for her. I would need more for the delivery, but having withdrawn all I could from the local facilities, I would need to expand my search at least to Seattle to avoid suspicion. Once I returned, the delivery date would be upon us.

I sought out Edward finding him sitting at his piano, black eyes staring blankly at the white keys while Bella slept. He turned to face me; his features blatantly displayed how carelessness I had been with my planning. I was just too emotionally fatigued to master my thoughts.

"I always said I'd take full blame. I'll deal with whatever comes," Edward sighed, keeping his head bowed.

"I'm sorry. I had tried to keep these thoughts from you as I knew you needed to focus on Bella, but I need to anticipate … any outcome."

After an awkward pause, I pressed forward with my original purpose for our conversation unable to change my past oversights. "With Bella's dramatic improvement, we need to plan for a birth. I'll need your assistance. We'll need to do a c-section." I tried to suppress the picture of the violent birth Emmett and Jasper described from their research into the Ticuna legends. Edward's eyes flashed at me and I feared I had failed. "But I need to know, with no uncertainty, can you control yourself around her blood?"

Then I let the images of what the birth would entail flow through my mind freely. He needed to know the _exact_ challenge he would face. _Edward, you will need to use your teeth to free the baby from her womb._

I had no doubt Edward would already have deduced this fact, but had he assumed I would perform the action? I would if necessary, but much preferred if he would – it just seemed too intimate an act.

But more importantly, the biting of an internal organ would very quickly begin transforming Bella, something she had expressed she wanted from her husband, not me. However, he would need to show _incredible_ restraint under pressure. Bite and stop. Bite and free his child from Bella's fragile human body.

"The venom will make her whole again, Edward, just as it did for Esme," I assured him as I saw my thoughts weighing on him. But as he raised his eyes to look at me, his words caught me off guard.

"Carlisle, could God love what we've created? A demon child? Has He abandoned Bella because of me?"

I knew I could quote several lines of scripture to assure him of God's unwavering love, but instead I decided on something from my heart, not my head. "God would never abandon someone in her _or his_ time of need. Sometimes His reasons for suffering are not clear to us at the time. But I have to agree with Bella – what is conceived in love must have a good purpose. Where there is love, you'll find God, son. Of this I am sure."

He was silent and I watched his features, hoping to see a sign he was taking my words to heart. But as I looked more closely, I could see his eyes were distant, distracted. I knew that look. "Whose thoughts have your attention?"

"Jacob's," he replied, listening intently.

"Care to share?"

**EPOV**

"He's coming to tell us it's safe to hunt. He's about a mile away and is traveling in human form."

But there was more. The same words played over and over in his head. He wanted to reject them, dismiss them as if they had never been said. But he couldn't because they smacked of the truth. And they were placed there – directly into his head – by Leah. Her voice now echoed in my head: "Because you always want the very most of what you can never, ever have … That's the funny thing about knowing you can't have something. It makes you _desperate_."

I heard the haunting words over and over again as they now replayed like a broken record in my mind.

"Edward?"

_Carlisle_? I had forgotten we were in the middle of a conversation…

"Could you excuse me?" I spoke hastily.

Not waiting for his reply, my thoughts moving faster than my legs could propel me to the front door and onto the porch. I began to pace across the wood planks as Jacob hastened his pace toward the house. Jacob's tortured monologue possessed my thoughts and my mind synchronized with his.

_Protecting choice…Rosalie not having options. _

_Was she _actually _protecting Bella? Protecting the choice Rosalie had been stripped of? No way, Blondie wasn't _that_ selfless …. _

_Wanting most, more, what I can't have… Bella, desperate to have what she can't have and shouldn't love … it killing her. _

_Why do I subject myself to this torture? How desperate am I? Enough to plead for _him!_ To consider his offer for Bella to have babies with me … _

_He has no right to be with her either, to have her love – he wanted to kill her – murder her, but he couldn't – veggie vampire and all. But he still wanted her, couldn't leave her well enough alone, could he? Had to have her in some way. Desperately. _

_Well, I guess we all love the wrong things…the things we can't – or shouldn't - have._

Bella's mind, her blood – wanted, couldn't have, denied. How desperate was _I_? My thoughts quickened also...

_A child, the product of a husband and wife's love. My parents dead, Bella's separated when she was young. How desperate was _she_ for a family?_

"Oh, God!" Bella's wail stopped me in my tracks before I broke into a sprint.

"Carlisle!" Rose cried a half second before I reached them.

Bella was curled on her side with her knees pulled up as she cradled her protruding belly. I was sure I heard a pop.

"What's happening?" Carlisle didn't hesitate to question once he arrived.

"I heard a pop or a crack – something might be broken."

"Where does it hurt, Bella?"

"Here."

Bella ran her hands down the bottom of her abdomen. Carlisle looked at me, "Could just be round ligament pain."

"Or her pelvis is broken!"

"I didn't hear a thing, Edward, you're over reacting," Rosalie insisted.

"Better play it safe, Bella," Carlisle spoke to her.

"I know - more x-rays," Bella sighed with a half-effort at a smile.

Rose swooped in and carried Bella upstairs. I hesitated as Jacob's close thoughts alerted me he had arrived, but I needed to know Bella was okay before I dealt with his presence.

By the time I reached the upstairs room, Carlisle has already positioned Bella for her x-ray and covered most of her body with a lead apron. The weight of it made her face contort in pain. But it made me wonder just how much radiation it would take…

The machine hummed and clicked.

"Okay, Rose."

Rosalie whipped the apron off of Bella with Carlisle's clearance and helped her roll to her left side. I moved to Carlisle's side to examine the results.

"No breaks," he announced.

Bella smiled, "I can do this." She looked to Rose for her support.

"See I told you I didn't hear a crack. You need your ears checked, Edward."

My fists balled up and, again, I wondered about possible uses of radiation... When this was over, I could probably get Jacob to do one more favor for me: take Rose out _before_ me. His thoughts downstairs echoed as much and I managed a slight grin. Lately we'd been on the same page. United against one enemy that inhabited the woman we both loved. I moved to her side.

"Bella, do you want to rest here in bed? I'm sure Jacob would understand if…."

"Jake's here? I want to see him," she responded with the same glowing excitement that I couldn't comprehend.

And from the thoughts of those around me, I wasn't alone in my confusion. Rosalie quickly began planning her verbal assault on "the mutt". From the sound of it, she was preparing a dog joke; it was definitely distasteful and vulgar. She wondered if it would upset Bella.

With Jacob's pronouncement to Carlisle that hunting was clear of any wolf encounter, my family jumped at the chance. I was relieved to hear them make immediate plans to hunt – they had silently begun lusting after Bella's cups of human blood. Too much temptation with no relief in sight was wearing them down. I was proud of their strength and resistance, but they were reaching the end of their collective ropes. So much so, I wasn't surprised when they didn't hesitate or argue when Rose and I declined to join them. Their thoughts dwelt only on quenching their thirst.

_Edward, after I hunt, Esme and I are heading to Seattle for more supply for Bella. We should return by noon tomorrow.  
_Hearing Carlisle's plan, I gave him a quick nod before they all bolted.

The noise in my head decreased substantially as my family, relishing the feel of running, soon vanished from my radar. But to my disappointment, I realized what I had been left with – two _children_ intent on a game of insults.

"Ew, someone put the dog out."

If not already weary from the most recent scare, I night have had the strength to launch them both out the window as their banter began in earnest. Instead, I tuned them out. It was easier than I thought possible.

It should have left me in silence with only my own thoughts. But it didn't. I soon realized I was hearing … something.

The sound was similar to the fuzzy interference on an old transistor radio. A voice was saying something, but was too garbled and mixed with background noise to understand.

As I focused on the sound, trying to isolate it, Jacob broke through, "Has she heard it?"

"No." _Now shut it. _

I buried myself in the voice as the bickering and movement continued around me.

Who was it? Where was it coming from? How long had it been there, but I had not heard it due to all the other cluttering sounds and thoughts around me?

_Or was I in fact going insane?_

Or…was I hearing_ Bella?_ Was she always there, just on a different frequency, dismissed by my brain as background noise?

Like fine tuning a dial on a radio, I concentrated on the sound, isolating it, zeroing in on it, examining its texture…

It was _blind_ - no images with the thoughts! This was completely foreign to me – thoughts had always come with images.

Silence fell around me as Rose vanished from the room and Jacob drifted into sleep.

Suddenly a voice shot through like the crack of thunder after lightening flashing overhead.

_"Bell."_

Snapping to alertness, I searched the faces of those around me. Only Jacob and Bella.

"Did you say something?" I asked. It was a question directed at both of them.

What I heard seemed like a thought - was it Jacob? I looked at him. No response from the sleepy dog.

_Wait!_ There were no images, so it wasn't Jacob. Maybe it _was_ Bella's mind breaking through! I looked at her with wide eyes.

"Me?" she responded to my intense look. "I didn't say anything."

The voice came through again, louder this time.

"Bell - ahhh."

Bellah? _Bella!_

I _was_ hearing Bella! I moved in a burst to her side and stared into her eyes - something new was definitely happening!

"What are you thinking about right now?" I practically shouted at her.

"Nothing. What's going on?"

I didn't have time to explain, too afraid I'd lose the moment - lose the isolated voice.

_"Bella, Bella, Bella"_ the bouncing voice chanted rhythmically when she spoke as if ... happy.

"What were you thinking about a minute ago?

"Just...Esme's island. And feathers."

Again the joyous voice chimed in my head, _"Bell-ah Bell-ah Bell-ah!"_ Bella's hand reflexively moved to her stomach as it did whenever the fetus moved.

_No. _

No, no, no.

_No way_.

Could it be? I paused, poised to test my theory. _Was it possible?_

"Say something else," I urgently requested in a hushed voice.

"Like what? Edward, what's going on?"

Again, her hand went to her belly as the voice sang out, _"Bell-ah Bell-ah Bell-ah."_

The bottom dropped from underneath me and I tumbled in a free-fall. The truth, the realization of where the voice was coming from was right before me - within my Bella! But I was frozen, disoriented, and so awestruck, words escaped me. _I had been wrong all along! _Blind to the possibility because I had never known or experienced what I heard and felt emanating from Bella's womb: innocence.

The voice that sang within her was so innocent, so pure, and so alive with wonder!

Not a trace of malevolence or hatred existed there. No knowledge of evil. It rejoiced at the sound of Bella's voice. She meant everything to it..._everything_.

Of the thousands of minds, countless thoughts, ambitions, personal agendas, and greed that flooded my mind every day for over a century, I had never heard what I knew in this moment. Did something this wondrous _really_ exist?

This light at the end of the dark tunnel felt like salvation. I wanted to be bathed in that light - so kind and loving. It was everything I had heard about heaven...perfection was within my reach.

_So I touched it_ - with my unworthy, sinful hands.

Reverently.

I caressed what I never envisioned or conceived possible in this selfish world - _coming from my unborn child._

Bella's skin was warm, lovingly embracing the life growing within with her body.

I looked into her radiant face, the face of the woman who believed with unwavering faith in what we had created in love. I felt ashamed of my nearsightedness. She always saw in others what they did not see in themselves. She saw my family not as monsters, but as loving, flawed beings who struggled everyday to be good. She saw me as someone who could be loved, and deserved love - even after all my past transgressions. My Bella, my wife, the mother of my child...

Finding my voice at last, it was full of awe as it left me and I revealed what I now knew, "The f-"

No, not a faceless, soulless being anymore!

"It...the baby likes the sound of your voice."

The minds around me went blank and all was soundless until Bella shrieked, "Holy crow, you can hear him!"

Colors burst in my mind from his thoughts and Bella winced.

"Shhh." I communicated with my child, rubbing and speaking to the area of Bella that had been jarred by his sudden, alarmed movement. "You startled it...him."

Each time I referred to it as "him" or "baby", the images in my mind whirled in transformation. The creature, hateful and bent on destroying my love, faded and a brilliant cherubic face with Bella's features took its place.

Bella's small warm hand covered mine and love flowed from her mouth, "Sorry, baby."

_"Bell-ahhh" _

Contentment.

"What's he thinking now?" Bella excitedly asked.

"He's...happy."

Our eyes met and all I had known, believed before, shifted. I saw Bella and my world anew. I didn't want to hurt or hate anymore; there was something in this world to make me believe...

Bella's eyes overflowed with tears I wanted to share. So much, I wanted to shed them, feel the stream of water during my baptism into a new world.

Bella's eyes fell to her roundness as she cooed, "Of course you're happy, pretty baby, of course you are. How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so much little EJ, of course you're happy."

"What did you call him?" I feigned ignorance.

"I sort of named him. I didn't think you would want ... well, you know."

She was right, up until this point...

"EJ?"

"Your father's name was Edward, too."

"Yes, it was."

_"Ed word."_

" What -?"

I had forgotten there was another voice in this conversation.

_"Ed-word Ed-word."_

The lilt of the voice was different, more reserved in its joy, almost testing the waters. I thought about the harshness of my past words. What damage had I done? "Hmmm."

"What?"

"He likes my name too." I fibbed a bit. I wasn't sure of the emotion lurking behind the words. Behind _my_ name.

"Of course he does. You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn't love it?"

"_Love_," the sweet voice hummed in my head.

"Traitor!"

I had blocked out Jacob's increasing agitation, but the edge on the brutal thought invading my consciousness was sharp as a knife and plunged deep before twisting. I knew where it came from without looking. Jacob and I had been on the same team. Unified in hatred and in love. But I had defected. Gone to the other side. He stood alone in "enemy" territory.

"Do you have a backup plan?" Rosalie's voice distracted me from Jacob's smoldering ire. "What if he's a she?"

Sniffling, Bella answered her, "I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renee and Esme. I was thinking...Rhu-nez-may."

Rosalie and Bella babbled about baby names while I tried to focus on the reactions and thoughts happening within Bella's body - I wanted to become familiar with the child's mind, _my child mind_. But there was too much going on - voices, thoughts, movements - it was frustrating me to no end.

"What's he thinking now?" Bella asked.

In effort to shut out all the noise and provide her with an answer, I leaned forward and placed my ear to Bella's belly.

_"Love ... Bellah."_

I wasn't Jasper, I wasn't a reader of emotions, but they _were_ there! Emotions with the words and the imageless thoughts. I could _feel_ them ... maybe because he was part of me... we were connected in a special way.

"He loves you. He absolutely _adores_ you," I confidently answered Bella's question.

Suddenly my brain whizzed with electricity and I jerked my head up to look at Jacob. He was on his feet about to phase. His thoughts of betrayal and anger boomed so loud in my head they impaired my own thought processes and dazed me for a split second. The contrast between the baby and Jacob's thoughts was so drastic it was almost beyond comprehension.

But then I saw Jacob as if seeing a reflection in a mirror. Jacob was me only a few short weeks ago when I reacted to Carlisle's words - when I saw my father as a traitor unwilling to help me save Bella. I remembered those feelings: walls swiftly closing in around me, suffocating and crushing me with a strength I couldn't wrap my head around while my insides boiled with helplessness and frustration, filling me with energy that would not be contained much longer. But before I could lashed out, Carlisle had given me one command: _"__Go__!"_

That word freed me and I had grabbed the opportunity to flee and vent my anger.

I would do the same for Jacob, with complete empathy, I would give him freedom. I would give him the freedom to move as fast as he wanted. Without haste, as his phasing was imminent and I feared for Bella and my child, I bolted to the table drawer and threw him a set of keys. The keys to the Vanquish.

"Go, Jacob. Get away from here."

* * *

_A/N: Am I hearing any applause? Maybe more like - "It's about damn time!" Yes, baby Nessie has spoken - sort of - and Edward is out of Angstland for the time being. It was a real challenge to come up with a *plausible* way to have Nessie communicate. I figured she'd start by repeating the words she hears most. What more obvious than "Bella", "Edward", and "Love"? And as an added treat, Edward experiences some quality of her feelings - that got me right in the gut *sniff*_

_So let me know what you thought - and I promise some more bits of bliss before the birth. A review is considered a gift._

_Finally, Edward's line: "I didn't want to hurt or hate anymore, there was something in this world to make me believe..." was inspired by a beautiful song my husband introduced me to titled "Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam. I've included the lyrics (which you will hear echoes of in the next several chapters) and the address to the video (a direct link can be found on my profile)._

_"Just Breathe"_  
_Yes I understand that every life must end  
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go_

_I'm a lucky man to count on both hands  
The ones I love  
Some folks just have one  
Others they got none_

Stay with me  
Let's just breathe

Practiced are my sins  
Never gonna let me win, aw huh...  
Under everything, just another human being  
Yea, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world  
To make me believe

Stay with me  
You're all I see

Did I say that I need you?  
Did I say that I want you?  
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see  
No one knows this more than me  
As I come clean

I wonder everyday  
As I look upon your face  
Everything you gave  
And nothing you would take  
Nothing you would take  
Everything you gave

Did I say that I need you?  
Did I say that I want you?  
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see  
No one knows this more than me  
As I come clean

_Nothing you would take  
Everything you gave  
Hold me 'till I die  
Meet you on the other side_

http:/video(dot)pbs(dot)org/video/1333048905/


	22. Connections

_Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight and all its characters._

**_Honeymoon Suite_**

**Chapter 22: Connections**

EPOV

Jacob snatched the lifeline I tossed to him in the form of car keys and disappeared without a look back.

"Jake?" Bella called in barely a whisper after him. I turned to see her confused eyes and furrowed brow. "Where's he going?"

"I know how much you care about him, and wish he could share in this happy moment with you, but he just can't."

I heard the rumble of the Vanquish before it pealed out of the garage. From Jacob's irate departing thoughts, I doubted I'd see it again...at least not in its pristine, one-piece state. The strange part was - it didn't matter. Not anymore.

"Don't let it bother you, Bella," Rosalie rushed past me to Bella's side and rubbed her back. "We're a family now that Edward _finally_ understands. Everything will be fine, just you relax." For added insurance, Rosalie shot me a glare over Bella's shoulder with an equally ugly mental threat: _Don't screw this up for her or I'll rip off your head and shove it up your uptight –_

"What's the baby thinking now?"

Ignoring Rosalie, I knelt on the floor at Bella's side placing my hands on the sides of her roundness. But before I bowed my head to listen, I reached up to smooth the furrow between her brows. "Don't worry. Jacob will be back. I promise."

She took in a deep breath and nodded.

Quiet took over the room as Bella now held her breath in anticipation. I placed an ear to her belly and waited.

Then clacking around in my head like she wore three-inch heels was Rose: _I wonder if the baby knows my voice? Auntie Rose – sounds nice. Can Edward tell if it's a boy or a girl? I so hate pink..._

Rose's mental rambling was just too _bouncy_ for me to block out. Raising my head I spoke to no one in particular, "I can't hear anything – except Rosalie."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bella bite her lower lip and look at Rose.

"Like it's my fault..." Rose mumbled and awkwardly moved several steps backward. Rosalie never moved awkwardly. She simply kept moving backward until the back of her legs bumped into the armchair across the room and she abruptly sat down. "I'll try to keep my, um, excitement to myself – over here." She pulled her eyes from mine and gazed out the wall of windows.

Bella continued to worry her lip between her teeth.

Tipping my head forward again, my ear didn't even reach Bella before Rosalie's thought involuntarily rang out.

_Third wheel. Great! Now I'm a damn annoying, squeaking third wheel. After all I did..._

Her berating thoughts were gaining momentum and escalating in volume effectively drowning out my child's more muted thoughts. My head shot up to lock her in a glare, shutting down her thoughts.

"Rosalie. Just stop."

"Edward, what's going on? Rose?"

"It's nothing Bella," Rose responded to Bella after an uncomfortable moment of silence, our eyes still locked. "I can see I'm not needed anymore. Edward has come to his senses, at least acting like the father he is, so I guess I'll just...go now – unless you _want_ me to stay."

Again an uncomfortable silence hung in the room, and I started to believe Bella would soon chew a hole through her lower lip.

"Bella, do you want me to stay?" Rosalie repeated.

I kept my eyes locked on Bella, not wanting to take this one on. It was clear to Bella and I that Rosalie was looking for validation. She had played a pivotal role in getting to this point – the point where I realized just what a blind fool I had been. I cringed thinking I actually owed Rosalie a debt of gratitude for the protection she had provided until my eyes were opened.

In my defense, things usually did not go well for me. How could I see this pregnancy as anything else but another curse in a long line of disasters that was my life? Deep inside, I was convinced I would always be alone, - undeserving of anything good. And Bella was too good to be true – the answer to everything I could desire. She was destined to be just another promise of hope that would dissolve into another tragedy.

Although Rosalie had planted herself squarely between Bella and I, thwarting my attempts to save my wife, I now looked sympathetically at Bella. Rose was going to get hurt.

It was a no win situation – I saw it in Bella's eyes. She didn't want to dismiss Rosalie, but she so wanted to hear our child and fully experience this moment she had been hoping for...

"Rose, um, it's okay. What we discussed, it finally happened. Besides, you deserve a break. Go be with Em. I can tell he misses you."

"Thank you, Rose," I added in the most sincere tone I could muster.

In a blink, she was gone.

I never meant to injure Rose. At least not this way…emotionally.

Bella and I sat in silence. How long had it been since she and I were alone together?

Humming white-noise filled Rosalie's thoughts, but the flashing of green told me she was running quickly through the trees behind out house.

"I'm a terrible person! I asked Rosalie for help and then I discard her. So much for our progress! Some sister I am," Bella moaned.

"She'll forgive you – and me. After all, if protecting our baby was her goal, she did a great job."

Bella's face lit up and I saw new life in her eyes. "_Our_ _baby_. I've waited so long to hear you say those words."

Bella's previously spoken words rushed back to me: _Edward, soon you'll __understand. Just a bit longer._

"You knew? You knew this would happen – that I would hear the baby?"

"Didn't know, not for sure, but I had hoped. Thank God he's not defective like me." Bella tapped on her head.

"You're not defective...you're wonderful! Amazing! And strong, Bella. Very strong."

"I love you, Edward, so much." Tears rolled down her cheeks, tears of joy and relief.

With eyes closed, I pressed my cheek to hers and we shared her tears. The warm drops cooled quickly as they rolled down my face.

I couldn't remember _ever_ crying.

I must have as a child. Now I wondered if I had shed them when my parents grew fatally ill. Had I maybe even grieved for my own life being stolen away at such a young age?

But as Bella's tears coursed down my stone skin, leaving a moist trail marking their journey, I saw life through different eyes.

It was a journey, not a destination. A series of paths initially chosen by those around us who love and care for us - like my mother and Carlisle had done - with the hope to mold and prepare us for our own journey by sharing with us their knowledge. Esme and Carlisle had guided me on my journey. And now, at long last, the path lie illuminated before me – lit by the beacon of Bella's faith in love guiding me home.

"I'm here, Bella," I whispered in my epiphany. "I won't ever leave you again. You have renewed me and created life from a part of _me_. A gift I could never have imagined and I finally understand. Our child is the best part of each of us. It is worthy of love."

_Love Ed-word_.

The sound of my child's mind echoing my words created calm laughter.

Bella pulled away and stared at me with wide eyes.

"You're so beautiful when you laugh. You know how I was thinking of … feathers earlier…"

I nodded to encourage her to continue as I pulled her lower lip out from between her teeth.

"I just wish we could be closer, share our joy together … like we did on Esme's island, um, like we did when we made love."

_Made love Bell-ah_

"Oops! Watch what you say in front of the baby," I cautioned.

"What? Oh! Can you hear him again? What did he say?"

Opting not to shock her with our child's rather mature words, I stuttered, "Well, he knows our names very well and can connect them with our voices I think."

"Seriously? He's already a genius. Smart as daddy, you are," she cooed stroking her belly proudly.

She glowed with contentment, but I still worried.

"Bella, how much does it hurt?"

"Really, only when he rolls and stretches. That's probably typical, don't you think? There's a lot of pressure too."

"May I?" I asked as I lightly tugged at the bottom of her thin undershirt. She had taken to wearing layers of clothes so when she was hot, she would just shed the right number of layers until comfortable. She wore just one layer now. "May I look at your skin?"

Her eyes pleaded. She was afraid of my reaction, yet I could tell she didn't wish to hide from me the intimate miracles of this pregnancy. I think she was just as proud of herself and her strength as she was of our baby.

"Our progress today...it...you'll... I don't think it's a good idea, Edward."

_Ed-ward_

I smiled. "He's getting better at pronouncing my name..." I spoke the words in a taunting voice knowing she would take the bait.

"He is? He said your name? Just now?" She looked with disbelief at her roundness. "Say 'daddy.'"

"Well, it seems we are on a first name basis right now. We are, um, Bell-ah and Ed-ward."

"No way!" she mouthed silently, but still her muted excitement was contagious.

"Would I lie to you? Wait, don't answer that..."

Bella smacked me playfully and flashed a lopsided grin. "What else? Tell me more!"

I tugged again at the hem of her shirt and looked at her expectantly.

"No fair, Edward," she groaned, her tone more serious.

"I want to be as close as I can to him, Bella. And to you. I think I can feel some sense of his emotions. Would you deny us a chance to start bonding?"

Resignation was displayed on her face, but I would wait for the words. I would wait for her permission.

"Are you sure you can handle it?"

I nodded, uncertain really what my reaction would be...I was afraid too.

"Go ahead."

She relaxed her posture and resting her head back to gaze at the ceiling. Her decision to not observe my reaction came as a relief. Slowly I stretched the material out before lifting it to exposure her third trimester-sized abdomen.

The sight assaulted my eyes. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Bella, so sorry."

_Sorry Bellah_

My child's voice echoed mine and was filled with the sorrow I felt.

"You have given so much, and I have taken. How can I ever repay this debt of suffering and sacrifice? It overwhelms me." I started to shake, doubt and fear pulling at me from a bottomless abyss - until Bella grabbed my hands...

"No, Edward! Stop now. Just...don't, okay?" She tugged at my chin, lifting my face to meet her eyes.

"It will be worth it. We'll be a family and you'll heal me. I'll be better, not so breakable. What you see now is just my human weakness."

"Bella, time is running out. I have to ask you one more time: are you sure? Are you ready to surrender your soul for us?"

_For us Ed-ward_

"Yes," I spoke directly to my child. "Yes, for us." As I spoke I smoothed my hands over her bare roundness.

Simultaneously, several things happened at once:

The baby spasmed against its constricting confines and Bella cried out in pain before sucking in a breath.

My mind was assaulted by flashing, blurred images. One after another they flicked by at a speed that even my mind could not make sense of. Frustration filled me as they made _no_ sense at all. While I wanted to leave my hand in place until understanding dawned, Bella's pain pulled me in the opposite way.

Torn in two directions, I literally fell back and a shout flew from my mouth.

"No!"

Immediately I felt remorse that my need to protect Bella caused me to verbally accost my child.

Her belly stilled and Bella finally exhaled in relief.

"What happened?" she asked breathlessly.

"I-I don't know. I think my hands - the coldness - startled him."

_Coldness Ed-ward_

I momentarily ignored the baby's most recent words, still trying to absorb the images I saw just seconds ago.

"I think...I think I saw something..."

"From the baby?" she gasped.

"Yes, but the thoughts were fragmented and shadowy. I can't make sense of any of them..."

To my surprise, Bella burst into laughter, "Of course you didn't recognize anything! You're seeing the inside of my uterus!"

"Oh." Her words sunk in and I smiled. "I guess you're right!"

We both laughed freely at the obviousness of my blunder.

That is until the baby turned again.

"Ugh!" Bella doubled over and blanched in pain.

"No!" I said using a stern tone, before adding in a more gentle approach, "No. Stay still or you will hurt Bella."

The movement stopped.

_No Ed-ward no hurt Bellah_

"He understands you?" Bella asked.

"Amazing. I think he's actually..._learning_."

"Special baby," Bella stated in a sarcastic tone arching an eyebrow at me.

"Yes, dear, I was wrong. You were right - as usual," I responded mimicking her tone. "There, now do I sound like the perfect husband?"

"Don't!" Bella smothered a smile. "I'm afraid to laugh."

_Laugh Bellah_

"Don't be. He likes it."

Awe displayed on her face as her jaw dropped and tears welled up in her eyes. "Now you're going to make me cry. Damn hormones."

But then her smile faded and a vexed look crossed her face.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"All this excitement has made me...thirsty."

"What about food, Bella?"

"Um, not now, just...the other for now."

I nodded and rose to get what I knew would be close to the last of the blood supply.

"Do I disgust you? I see shadows cross your eyes whenever I request…it."

"No, I'm not disgusted. It just makes me sad, I guess. But that's my burden, Bella, not yours."

I turned to leave, but Bella blurted out, "I'm scared too."

I wanted to comfort her… "Bella, I –"

_Cold_

"Do you need the blanket?"

"Huh?" She looked perplexed over my abrupt change in topic. "Actually, I _am_ cold. Yes, thank you."

The baby was learning and applying concepts, not just repeating words randomly. He was aware of his environment. The setting sunlight caught my attention as it broke through the clouds illuminating the room in a brilliant yellow-orange light.

"Bella, can I try one more time before you cover up?" I asked as set the retrieved blanket at her feet and I held my hands out in front of me.

She smiled invitingly.

I rubbed my hands together at vampire speed, friction warming them before I reached out to touch her skin.

"Oh!" she jumped. "Your hands are almost hot!"

"Does it hurt?"

"No, it feels nice."

With intense concentration, I opened my mind - listening and looking. I wanted to peer into his mind…

"Warm," I spoke gently.

The shadowy environment had brightened and I was looking at something moving before his eyes, it glowed a soft pink.

"I see…"

"What? What do you see?" Bella's anticipation made her strain to remain still.

"It's…Bella!"

"What?"

I looked into her wide pleading eyes seeing my amazement reflecting in them.

"Five perfect fingers. I saw them!"

Again her jaw wordlessly dropped.

"My love, I saw his hand. His eyes must be open and he was looking at it!"

Bella grabbed my hands in hers and squeezed them in joy, but they were already cold again. Wanting more, I quickly rubbed them together and returned them to Bella's skin.

"Warm," I spoke again as I settled my hands on her.

Colors swirled in my mind and I gasped as his hand came into view. I watched raptly as it rotated and moved slightly away from his face, and like a lightning bolt illuminating the night sky, images burst forth: tiny fingers, feet at different stages of growth, the length of the cord that tethered him to Bella…and feelings! Curiosity, contentment, need and satisfaction flashed in breakneck speed through my mind. Overloaded, I dropped back in shock.

"Oh my God, Edward! What just happened? The look on your face!"

Gathering myself up and processing the experience as quickly as I could, I had only one explanation that fit: "I think we connected."

After several unnecessary but calming breaths, I continued to explain, "When my touch warmed your skin, I think he reached out toward the heat and we…touched."

_Warm Ed-ward_

"Yes, warm," I agreed.

"This isn't fair!" Bella complained. "I want to see his thoughts! I'm the one carrying him around…"

"It was different though," I added as I worked though the sensations. "I didn't feel I was so much _hearing_ thoughts but more like they were being _put_ there…just like Leah's thoughts in Jacob's mind…" My voice trailed off. What exactly had happened? How to quantify it?

"So…that is good, right?" Bella asked tenuously not sure how to interpret my crazy-sounding explanation.

"Not good or bad…just different." The words to describe the occurrence escaped me. It was totally unlike anything I had experienced before – with any human or vampire.

_Good Bellah Ed-ward_

"Okay," I chuckled, "it's good."

"Are you talking to me or the baby?" Bella asked, irritation slightly coloring her tone, before it lowered to ask another question, "Did you see anything like – is the baby a boy or a girl?"

"No, he – or she – didn't show me _that_ area."

"Oh."

"But, I hope it's a girl, Bella. A warm little girl with your soft eyes and brown hair. One I can hold in my arms and see you looking back at me."

Bella blushed and ducked her head. I could tell she was wiping her eyes.

"Bella, I think it's time. When Carlisle returns, we need to consider delivering."

She looked up and her eyes darkened while her skin grew paler.

"Are you sure?"

"His mind seems developed and from what I could see and what you can feel, the baby has run out of room. Your last measurements are close enough. But are _you_ ready for what will come next?"

"I don't know if I'm ready to be a mom but I think we'll have plenty of help from Ro —"

"That's not what I mean."

"I know. I have given it much thought, Edward. My change. It's here."

"I don't see any way around it, Bella. If I could – if there was anything —"

"Do you want to know my thoughts? I believe our finding each other was not a random occurrence. I have literally been stumbling though my life. Never fitting in, always on the outside looking in. With you – with your family – it's different. I know what I want and where I belong. I am ready now."

"And Charlie, Renee and…Jacob?"

"I have to live my life for what I see is best for me."

"So this isn't _just_ about me?" The words didn't quite express what I had meant, quickly I rephrased the question: "This is something you want for yourself – for your life?"

"For us," Bella's hands affectionately caressed the circumference of her abdomen. "I know I will be happy."

It felt like gravity released me, just a bit as a glow returned to Bella's smiling face.

I let go.

"Okay."

With a nod I sealed Bella's fate.

I knelt next to her. She needed to be prepared for what the delivery would entail, not that I was prepared to give her the graphic details.

"Bella," my tone conveying the seriousness I felt as I fumbled with the words in my head to describe the process. "Your change with be effected when Carlisle and I de – Oh, for the love of all that's holy!"

The sound of paws drumming against the ground was muted by the heated pulsing thoughts in her head – Leah's head.

The door unceremoniously flew open and slammed into the wall.

"May I come in?"

I jumped to my feet, covering Bella with the blanket.

"Sorry to disturb this cozy scene, but I just saw Jake literally flying by. Care to tell me what happened because right now, I find myself in the middle of a war zone _with no Alpha_!"

"Leah, calm down," I slowly moved to place myself between Bella and Leah. She bristled at my actions.

"Shut up, Leech! I'm tired of you and your leader's polished orator skills. Your smug elitism – with your big white house and unlimited gold cards! You've messed with my pack – you've messed with me!"

Leah pointed an accusatory finger at me and then directed it at Bella.

"I want to hear it from her."

Behind me I could hear Bella's heart rate and breathing accelerate. The kick of adrenaline her body pumped out turned up the volume on my child's thoughts.

_ED-WARD!_

My name being called in distress triggered a fierce protective reflex and I flew into Leah's face with intentions I could barely comprehend. It took every ounce of restraint I had to not launch her through the door from which she just entered. The only thing keeping me back was the faint glimmer surrounding her – she would phase if provoked any further. I couldn't risk that happening with her close proximity to Bella.

"Don't make me, Bloodsucker…" Leah hissed. "Now back off!"

I took several steps back before bumping into Bella.

"Leah!" Bella called to her as she stood behind me. "Jacob wasn't harmed."

"Oh, wasn't he? Exactly what kind of game are you playing?"

"I don't understand," Bella responded.

"Yes, you do – I hear everything, remember? Pack thing. And from where I'm standing, I can see it perfectly. You're stringing Jake along. Pulling him on a damn leash behind you!"

I tried again to intervene as Leah's voice grew louder, "Leah, this isn't necessary. Bella never—"

"I said shut it or I'll phase all over your ass! I want an answer, Bella, why can't you just let Jake go? He can never be happy watching you and your reeking husband play house. What has he ever done to you to deserve his torture? Wasn't he good to you? Or didn't he have enough to offer like your stinking rich vampires? Why couldn't you just have picked him?"

Flashes of Jacob's distorted expression as he drove past her in the Vanquish mixed with images of Sam's face.

Bella's cracking sobs tore my attention from Leah. I hated to turn my back on her, but Bella needed help. She had lapsed into full hyperventilation and teetered on her feet as she grasped for the arm of the couch.

"I'm – I'm s-s-sorry!" Bella pushed the syllables out between uncontrollable violent gasps.

I grabbed her and steadied her while her hands flew to her abdomen. Pain screamed from her eyes.

I had never felt so panicked, so out of control and trapped. Bella was nearing unconsciousness and her eyes began to roll. Under her hands I could see my child bucking against Bella's womb. Red crept into my vision as Leah continued her tirade.

"Enough!" I shouted as I eased Bella to the couch.

"Oh, I haven't even started on what I want to say to you—"

I felt my control slipping before rescue sounded in my head.

_Edward, we're almost there. Don't do anything – almost there. Calm down!_

Jasper's pleas boomed over all else in my mind, and within thirty seconds he sped through the open door. Immediately waves of tranquility coursed through me. I tried to fight it back. I needed my edge right now.

Rosalie, Alice and Emmett froze just inside the door several feet behind Jasper, confusion displayed in their bright, well-fed eyes.

Leah spun to lock Jasper in her sight.

"Spare me the parlor tricks, freak," she spat at Jasper. "But I see I have overstayed my welcome. Besides I can't stand the stench."

Knowing my siblings had things well in hand, I knelt at Bella's side. She still whimpered in pain though Jasper's interventions had slowed her breathing.

"Relax, Bella. She's gone. I know you never meant to hurt Jacob. I know. Please relax."

"Ugh! I can't, Edward!" Bella pushed out between clenched teeth. "Please, tell him to stop!"

Bella's emotional upheaval had sent the baby into a fit.

"No!" I commanded, but I could still see the violent movement beneath her skin. "Jasper! I need you."

"Edward?" Jasper appeared at my side, a perplexed look on his face.

"The baby is upset – he's responding to Bella's emotions. I need you to calm him!"

"But I—"

"Trust me! Just put your hands on her and calm the baby!"

Jasper responded, gently placing his hands on Bella. Bella watched Jasper's face while I focused on the movement under his hands.

"Shh...It's okay. Everyone is safe," he spoke out loud. I could tell by his thoughts he wasn't totally convinced he would have any effect. "Be calm."

_Calm_

The baby's movement slowed and then ceased.

"Did you sense anything?" I rushed to ask Jasper. I needed to know if he also could perceive the baby's emotions.

"I felt varied emotions, but they were so escalated in this room, isolating the child's would be like picking out a lone voice in a cheering crowd." _Sorry, Edward, I know you wanted more than that._

"It's okay, Jasper. Thank you for your help."

Then he smiled, "Although I did pick up one emotion that seemed a bit out of place…" He glanced accusingly at Alice.

"Sorry! It was just so sweet seeing Jasper talk to the baby," Alice confessed.

"So what was that all about?" Emmett reminded me not everyone was in on what had happened.

"Leah felt the need to come to Jacob's defense in his absence."

"She's right. I have been hurtful and selfish where Jacob's concerned," Bella sniffled.

"Bella, you know Jacob would never have approved of Leah's actions," I tried to reassure her.

"You look so pale!" Rosalie unfroze and rushed to Bella's side, gushing more like Esme than I had expected possible. "I'm getting you something to drink," she stated before bursting up the stairs.

Emmett's voice answered my quizzical look, "Rose is fine now. She just needed a little extra reassurance, that's all."

I nodded in his direction. I owed him too.

As Leah's shielding effect wore off, Alice's pained look returned and Jasper moved to usher her upstairs. As he did he glanced back and winked at me, "Finally I can say congratulations to you _both_."

Emmett cracked a smug smile before glancing through the open front door. "You want me to make sure she doesn't return?"

"No, I think she got off her chest what she wanted to say. Besides, I'm not convinced this was _entirely_ about Jacob…"

Rosalie had returned and was supporting a shaky Bella as she thirstily drank from a bent straw.

"You're exhausted, Bella. You should nap," Rose suggested coaxing Bella to lie down.

Relieved, Bella nodded and Rosalie fluffed her pillow and lovingly tucked the blanket around her.

"I need you too, Rose," Bella whispered to Rosalie's retreating form.

"Of course you do," Rosalie quipped as she swaggered toward the staircase. Emmett closed the front door and followed her up the stairs.

Although alone again with Bella, my headed buzzed with my siblings' excited thoughts. Leah's interruption was unsuccessful at dampening their joyful well-wishes. Thanks to Rosalie's knowledge of my hearing the baby and Jasper's reading of my emotions, their relief and happiness for me, for us, was palpable.

I felt a different connection to them, to my family. A new understanding.

_What a difference a day can make._

Yet one large hurdle remained: a safe delivery.

As Bella quickly fell asleep, I sat across from her watching and contemplating the next twenty-four hours. Carlisle would return by noon prepared with all that we needed to deliver the baby.

Over the centuries, Carlisle had delivered hundreds of babies - and even a few fortunate farm animals. But never a human-vampire hybrid.

Fear gripped me – what if our baby needed specialized care? What if Bella had complications venom couldn't fix? What if I had to choose between saving her life or my child's?

Terror sent me racing to Carlisle's vast collection of texts and journals. Searching every reference I could for special cases, I spent hours reading, searching medical journals on-line, and preparing.

Just as the shadows began to fade from the room, I heard a familiar purring approach the drive.

So, the Vanquish made it home after all, as did Jacob. But I sensed his strong disappointment – he did not find what he was looking for. Of course he didn't - she was here with me.

I drew in a deep breath. I had much to discuss with Jacob: Leah's unacceptable outburst, my commitment to my child's safe delivery, and my acquiescence to Bella's transformation. None of it would be easy.

However, I needed something from him. For the safety of my entire family, I needed to secure what only Jacob now could provide. He had to give his blessing to Bella's change. Only he possessed the authority to do so.

Problem was, he didn't believe that yet…

* * *

_AN: Oh, just soak in Bella and Edward's happiness for just a while... _

_Ahh, okay, now that that is done, time to prepare you - a birth is coming up next chapter. And we already know how graphic it was from JPOV, but Edward will see things somewhat differently. It will be bloody, have no doubt (for all you medical folks - don your PPE!) *sinister nurse laugh*_

_Hope you will return for that - and, oh my, the last few chapters!_

_Endless thank yous to the prereading RosaBella75 and beta'ing RowanMoon. They helped me so much with this chapter and are awesome writers themselves. Check out my profile for links to their smexy B&E stories!_

_Thank you to everyone who has read/reviewed. You have inspired me. Please consider leaving a review before you go -_

_All are invited to the Honeymoon Suite thread (see my profile for the link)._


	23. Sire

_I do not own any of Twilight, but I love it so. Text taken from Breaking Dawn was used for story enhancement. No copyright infringement is intended - really_.

**_Honeymoon Suite_**

**Chapter 23: Sire**

EPOV

Closing the screen on Carlisle's monitor detailing emergency c-sections, I sprinted down the stairs to meet Jacob.

But I couldn't resist a brief detour to check on my wife and child.

Bella wore a small smile and appeared to be sleeping peacefully after the day's excitement. I wanted her serenity to continue as long as possible - she would need all the rest she could get in preparation for tomorrow's events.

Darkness was quickly descending but I sensed Rosalie's presence among the shadows in the room. With the family home, save Carlisle and Esme, I knew hearing the baby was probably impossible, and I did have matters to tend to with Jacob, but I could at least have a swift, one-way conversation. Leaning over Bella's sleeping form, I addressed her belly in a hushed tone, "Calm. Be calm and no hurt Bella."

Then, in what I can only describe as an impulse based on some new instinct, I leaned further over and kissed the top of her roundness before rushing off to the garage - I did my best to ignore Rose's teasing thoughts...

BPOV

Bright pastel colors swirled in my mind. They took no distinct shape or definition, just mingled about and played on the blank canvas of my slowly awakening mind.

As I lingered in that state between sleep and wakefulness, I bathed in the happiness I had recently found. A new family came into being today.

Edward knew my love for him, although he didn't understand it. He couldn't see himself as someone worthy of love due to his vampire nature. And for an unbearable amount of time, he applied that philosophy to our child. Unworthy. Unlovable.

It was not easy for me to stand against his beliefs, to get him to see beyond outward nature to the truth, the beauty, that dwelt inside. Until our child reached him. A small, lone voice, a piece of _himself_ calling out to him. That small miracle enabled Edward to glimpse past the ugliness, hatred and evil. The innocence of a child's pure love opened his eyes, heart and mind to so many possibilities! I had no doubt our child would teach Edward to see himself differently. And it would be glorious!

So much was now within my reach. I only had to endure the delivery and my transformation - and my inevitable newborn irrationality, of course.

The colors in my mind abruptly became static and took on wilting shades of gray. So much would change in a matter of hours...

I'd be a mother - an eighteen year old mother. I would be immortal - a blood-craving, out of control newborn.

Would I frighten my baby?

I tried to picture myself lovingly carrying out the tasks of early motherhood: changing diapers, late night feedings, soothing a crying baby - while my bright crimson eyes lusted for blood. No, no - not right!

Panic squeezed my insides - would I be a danger to my own child?

Distress overtook my thoughts and I forced my eyes open with a gasp. I awoke to find Rose hovering over me in the darkening room.

"Bella?" she whispered.

"Rose. I'm okay."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied forgetting there was no fooling the highly perceptive immortal. My heart raced and my accelerated breathing gave me away. I cringed secretly hoping I would come to possess some mighty vampire gift - I sure deserved some kind of advantage after all this! It would only be fair.

"Rose, can I ask you another favor?"

"You already owe me big time, you know?" A smile twitched in the corners of her mouth.

"True. This is really for him, I guess." I placed a hand on my tummy and saw Rose's face become serious.

"Anything," she responded with conviction.

"Protect him after he is born -"

"Bella," Rose rushed to reassure me. "No one -"

This time I cut her off. "Protect him from me."

She looked perplexed so I continued, "You once told me there would be only one thing I would want more than Edward once I was changed: blood."

Sadness shown in her eyes, but she nodded once, "I promise."

Straightening to a stand, Rose shifted and swiftly changed the topic, "Are you hungry?"

"Thirsty actually."

She disappeared up the stairs and returned just as quickly with a lidded cup. The tangy smell of its contents made my mouth water and I reached for it eagerly.

EPOV

The sound of air being sucked through a straw caught my full attention. Bella was awake. The need to be with her grabbed me and pulled me to her. I knew Jacob would follow.

Our man-to-man discussion went well, though I had not secured the "blessing" I was hoping to get from him. He was still uncomfortable with his recently realized rightful place of authority. But still, time was our enemy; he couldn't procrastinate for long...

"Bella, love, I thought you were sleeping. I'm sorry, I wouldn't have left."

"Don't worry. I just got so thirsty-it woke me up. It's a good thing Carlisle is bringing more. This kid is going to need it when he gets out of me."

She looked even more fragile, paler, and thinner yet larger than she did just a few short hours ago. Distracted by her change in appearance, I was only half tuned in to what she was saying, "True. That's a good point."

"I wonder if he'll want anything else."

"I suppose we'll find out."

It was a good question. Exactly how much of our child would be human, and how much would be vampire? Obviously the baby was growing and changing...and craving blood...but I couldn't let my thoughts diverge at this point. I needed to keep focused on getting the baby and Bella through the next several hours - alive.

I was suddenly distracted by Bella's bright smile. I followed her gaze to the object of her pleasure. Jacob had made his way into the room. Just as quickly, Alice burst onto the scene.

"Finally," Alice groaned, as her face became less pinched. Her thoughts had become increasingly anxious throughout the day and I worried she was somehow sensing the future.

Apprehension was quickly overtaking me as well. It didn't help that Alice now planned to spend every remaining "human" moment with Bella. As she dwelled on taking in all of Bella's soon-to-be-past human attributes, her eyes shot over to me wondering if I had picked up on her plan. Leave it to Alice to be fretting over what she had so boldly told me not so long ago - that Bella's becoming a vampire was a foregone conclusion. But now that it loomed so closely, even Alice worried.

I raised my eyebrows at her in confirmation.

_I wish Carlisle was home_ she directed toward me.

Jacob's irritated thoughts bumped and scraped against Alice's concerns. He still wondered why Bella responded in such a joyful way to his presence. It injured him more than anything and made him feel - helpless. Wanting to go, yet lacking the strength to completely break away from her.

Bella began immediately making her obligatory apology to Jacob as he played his usual role of forgiving her. But his thoughts were divided. Time, or lack thereof, was gnawing at him. Though his exterior was casual, he was nearing an internal boiling point. Warily I watched him as the incongruity grew wider.

I knew his emotions because I was feeling them too. Fear for the outcome of the delivery and change, grief over the loss of her soft humanness, and the unknown - how would she be different?

But we both knew we'd still love her just as much.

Then his mind abruptly collapsed like a wall of playing cards. _Fine! Go ahead. Save her. As Ephraim's heir, you have my permission, my word, that this will not violate the treaty. The others will just have to blame me. You were right - they can't deny that it's my right to agree to this._

A weight lifted. My family would be spared an ugly, unfortunate battle.

"Thank you," I emphatically whispered, drawing questioning looks from Alice and Rose.

"So, how was your day?" Bella's voice interrupted the brief stagnant silence.

Her valiant, yet odd attempt at casual conversation while so much was happening behind the scenes jarred everyone's mind.

Jacob recovered quickly, "Great. Went for a drive. Hung out in the park."

_Tell the dog he can keep the car next time he runs away_, Rose's thoughts snarked.

"Rose?"

Rose's eyes popped as she thought for a split second Bella had heard her thoughts, then she understood. "Again?" _Seriously? Edward, I own you for this..._

"I think I've drunk two gallons in the last hour."

Jacob and I moved to the side as Rosalie eased Bella up for another trip to the bathroom.

"Can I walk? My legs are so stiff."

"Are you sure?" I questioned, looking to Rosalie for some backup.

"Rose'll catch me if I trip over my feet. Which could happen pretty easily, since I can't see them."

_I'll keep her upright_ Rose reassured me as she set Bella on her feet.

"That feels good. Ugh, but I'm huge."

Her tone of astonishment and attempt at humor was amusing, and despite the havoc my child was wreaking on her small body, I allowed myself one brief moment to glimpse her as Jacob had earlier - round with _my_ child. So human, and able to change, create and sustain life within her. It was wondrous and beautiful. The warmth of love for her and for _our_ creation so filled me with awe, I actually believed in the promise of the future.

"One more day" we echoed together.

But my joy was Jacob's tragedy. We always pulled in opposite directions.

"All righty then," Bella exclaimed as she oriented herself.

My medical brain engaged a split second too late. Her center of gravity had shifted so quickly from the rapid growth of the baby, she didn't have the time to compensate for it. Added to that, she had spent so much time lying down, her sudden upright position would certainly cause hypotension - a sudden drop in blood pressure. I moved toward Bella just as she reacted, stumbling back and knocking over her cup onto the couch.

"Whoops - oh, no!"

As the life-sustaining liquid oozed from the toppled cup, everyone jumped, including Bella who clumsily reached out in attempt to stop the flow of fluid.

Then we all heard it. A squelching sound. The distinct noise jogged my memory so vividly, my stomach lurched. It took me back to a time I wanted so badly to forget - the dark time when I was a judge and executioner.

I recognized the telltale sound of damage being done to an internal organ.

"Oh!" Bella gasped before clutching at her abdomen and crumpling like a marionette cut from its strings - right into Rosalie's speedy grip. Snapping out of my shock and disbelief, I scrambled the rest of the way to her side. "Bella?"

She was unconscious and not breathing, but she still stirred violently in Rose's arms.

_Edward! _Rose's voice shouted, whether out loud or in her thoughts I didn't know...

_Ed-ward hurt! _wailed like a shrill siren in my head.

I stared at Bella's face looking desperately for answers. In reply her eyes flew open and a scream burst from her - I knew that sound also - it was a dying scream. It was cut abruptly short by a sharp convulsion and Bella's body erupted in a fountain of blood. As her body locked in spasm, the blood she had consumed projected from her mouth with such force it flew in a stream across the room, splattering everything in my quickly narrowing tunnel vision.

Bella again fell mercifully into unconsciousness while the voice of my child pleaded louder and he struggled for freedom from within her. In response, Bella's fragile body snapped like a matchstick from the internal force. A switch in my brain flipped, and every horrific image from Kaure, Carlisle, and my brothers' minds of a human birthing a hybrid flashed through my mind in a nightmarish display of agonizing death.

"Edward! Now! It's time - now!" Rosalie's rapid command snapped me to attention and we flew up the stairs with Bella to Carlisle's make-shift trauma room where I had painstakingly prepared everything I could for this moment. A moment when a new life would enter the world and another life would end.

My beautiful, young wife, her body wasted, misshapen and stained with blood, jerked violently under the harsh operating lights.

I had to stop this fight from inside her! I had to stop her pain! "Morphine!" I shouted at Rose while I tried in vain to comfort Bella in a protective embrace.

Rose ran to where I had arranged several syringes. The amount of morphine laid out before her easily equaled a lethal dose for a human of Bella's size. I promised I wouldn't let her suffer. I would use it if I ran out of options...

"Alice - get Carlisle on the phone!" Rose screeched as she thrust the first syringe into my outstretched hand. With the other I attempted to cradle Bella.

The minds in the house were all screaming discordantly. Their push and pull clawing at my brain and shredding any emotional composure I struggled to maintain. My child's voice was muted in the clamor but I could _feel _his fear. It crawled inside of me and cried out for me to rip through everything that stood between him and me. He cried for rescue. For life.

Venom pooled in readiness, flooding my throat and mouth. _Please, please don't make me choose!_ I mentally begged of him. If I acted on this impulse, Bella's heart would certainly stop before the change could begin. I would lose her.

Voices, thoughts, and my deepest fears imploded in my head and chaos whirled within me.

"He's suffocating!" I cried out as I tried to calculate the odds of saving _both_ my child and my wife. It was a race against time.

Again, to my surprise, Bella burst into consciousness with instructions: "Get him OUT! He can't BREATHE! Do it NOW-" she sputtered as blood continued to flow from her mouth.

But to tear into her body - the incredible pain! "The morphine..." I tried to reason with her.

"NO! NOW!"

Her eyes were clouded and unfocused, yet she knew what needed to be done.

The events leading to this point fell into place in my mind: her sudden movement downstairs, combined with the strength of our child caused an abruption of her placenta. Inside her womb, the baby had become disconnected from its only source of oxygen. At the same time, any space that remained around the baby was filling rapidly with blood that had no means of escape. This series of events would set off a complicated cascade of consequences, and from the red spots showing in her eyes, it had already begun. Bella was going into DIC - all the clotting factor in her blood was being used up in attempt to stop the massive internal bleeding from the hole left by the sheared off placenta. If the process continued, her blood, void of material to make clotting possible, would flow like water out any portal it could. She would bleed out. No blood meant no heartbeat and, therefore, no way to infuse her system with venom.

Rosalie gasped as she witnessed the process begin - Bella's blood had begun seeping closer to the surface, and her skin took on a deep reddish-purple color.

A sharp defensive hiss escaped my lips as Alice darted into the room, her thoughts muddled by bloodlust.

_Edward - too much blood!_

Seeing Bella in such dire distress cleared Alice's head like a dousing of cold water. She moved hurriedly to Rose, attaching a Bluetooth to her ear. Hyperaware of my defensive posture, Alice immediately backed out of the room.

As I eyed her, I vaguely heard the rapid conversation between my father and sister, the squeal of the Mercedes tires, the fear in Carlisle's voice and his panicked instructions. The flash of metal caught my attention as Rose came quickly at Bella with a scalpel.

"Let the morphine spread!" I ordered; Bella needed just a bit more time.

"There's no time! He's dying."

Rose's hand carved out a midline classic c-section incision into Bella's abdomen.

Her body, in a fight for its survival, gave little resistance, and her thinned blood flowed like a river from the deep gash over Bella's body, saturating the bed before pouring onto the floor.

The wall of scent slammed into me. But it was not the sweet, beckoning scent I knew. It was tainted with adrenaline and morphine, yet it still sang to me. But its song made me grieve. It sang a sad tale of a young girl full of life and promise giving all she had in an outpouring of self-sacrifice for those she loved.

A dying song for my child and me.

Carlisle's frantic voice interrupted my mourning, and I quickly discerned the cause: Rosalie, who had several times killed with a crazed vengeance, yet never partook of human blood, had inadvertently overstepped her limits of control. True predator, caught in the powerful grip of blood's siren call, her mind was blank as instinct ruled her. Her deep black eyes glinted with malice as her lips curled back.

"No, Rose!" I boomed hoping to reach her logical mind, but her eyes reflected only the unquenched desire lurking behind them.

Bella still gasped and gurgled in my arms as she bled what little of the precious fluid remained. Her heart raced with the need to perfuse her body with the resource that was rapidly being exhausted.

I held up my hand in defense, knowing it would be of little consequence against the onslaught of Rose's attack.

In a blur, Jacob was there, literally throwing himself upon her. As they struggled, Bella lapsed into unconsciousness, her body beginning to shut down as she slipped into circulatory shock.

"Bella, you stay with me! Please, I love you - _both_. Please!" I begged.

In a fierce realization, I understood I needed to take control of this chaos if Bella and the baby stood any chance at survival.

"Alice, get her out of here!" Knowing that Jasper's thoughts had blanked from my head, I concluded he must have fled. "Take her to Jasper and keep her there! Jacob, I need you!"

Jacob appeared, rich, pungent blood dripped down his arm breaking my focus only momentarily.

"CPR?"

"Yes."

"Get her breathing. I've got to get him out before -" With a brutal shudder, Bella's body released a loud snap. Her extremities lost tone and flopped in an unnatural position. "Her spine."

Another devastating assault to her body - could venom ever put her back together again?

"Get it _out_ of her!" Jacob flung the scalpel at me and it bounced off my chest and landed on the bed. "She won't feel it now," he bellowed.

Harshly spoken, but true. Bella had lost feeling as well as control over most of her body.

Jacob's mind beseeched Bella to keep her heart beating and I placed my trust in his love for her. Snagging the scalpel, I continued the incision Rosalie had started. Once through the layers of skin and fatty tissue, I inserted my fingers into the incision to tease apart the layers of muscle. The bleeding continued and my eyes blurred with wetness.

But I found it - the shiny dull gray surface of the membrane that separated my child from this world.

With my next action, _everything_ would be different.

_Edward, my love, save him. And then return for me..._

A voice spoke - it was _Bella _reaching me somehow. I knew it was!

With her blessing, I reacted, sure of my course.

Inserting my teeth into the final layer, I ripped downward letting the venom flow freely into her body. The beginning and the end.

A flood of liquid -blood and amniotic fluid- exploded from the opening I had created. The scents and tastes of Bella and my child combined.

_Coldness_

His thoughts greeted me and provided more relief than any initial newborn cry. _He had made it!_

Separating the rigid sides of the membrane with my hands, I reached into Bella to release my child from her nurturing body. It could sustain life no longer.

The extreme heat of his body took me by surprise - definitely more human than vampire, yet too hot to even be human. I grasped the wet squirming form, feeling for the torso and head, and pulled.

No amount of preparation could have readied me for what I held in my arms.

Nothing less than a miracle.

In my child's face, I saw God.

_"Renesmee."_

* * *

_A/N: *wipes brow* Okay, you may not be happy with my emotional cliffie and I did plan to cover more in this chapter, but ladies, I'm emotionally spent! Don't worry - I will not short change you on wonderful Daddyward! But there is more to this emotional rollercoaster - stay tuned, we are almost to the finish of this story._

_Speaking of which, Honeymoon Suite has been nominated in The Sparkleteer Awards for Best Angst (Diamond in the Rough) and __Best Up and Comer (Flawless Pearl). I would love if you would vote and help bring more attention to this story canon which I have been giving birth to for a year and seven months now! And while you're there vote for all your faves! Link for Sparkleteer Awards is available on my profile._

_Extra serving of thanksgiving to **RowanMoon **and **RosaBella75 **for assisting with this chapter. Your support makes all of this worth it! I love you!_

_As always, your input is much appreciated!_

_Maybe two chapters left._


	24. Forever

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, but I do possess one soggy kleenex after this chapter._

_**Honeymoon Suite**_

_**Chapter 24: Forever**_

_**EPOV**_

_Renesmee_

Her name resonated through my mind.

_She was real_.

Her skin glowed with life and she wiggled like a tiny flame dancing in my arms. The sound of her rapidly fluttering heart filled my ears with a melody sweeter than the most pitch-perfect symphony.

_She was mine._

However, as her perceptive Bella-brown eyes locked with mine, though they squinted under the bright light, I acknowledged a new reality: _I was indeed hers._

Recognition shined in her eyes, and her thoughts rang out clear as a bell – _Edward_.

_We knew each other. _

Speechless, I simply nodded.

"Let me… give her to me," Bella whispered with effort.

Quickly clamping the cord in two places, I severed the physical connection between Renesmee and Bella. Then, numb with wonder which had torn me down in preparation to be built anew, I responded by placing our child on Bella's chest. Skin to skin.

"Renes….mee. So…beautiful."

I couldn't take my eyes off the little miracle snuggling into Bella.

Renesmee's thoughts began to coalesce as she took in her new surroundings. I realized she had one single focus: _thirst_.

I snatched her away a moment too late, Bella gasped in surprise and pain as the small crescent-shaped bite on her left breast oozed. A feeling of connectedness and soothing emanated from my child. No maliciousness or desire, just a simple contentedness that comes with satisfying a need.

"No, Renesmee," I sternly spoke the word I knew she would understand, expressing disapproval on my face.

Her eyes widened, understanding and confusion were reflected in them.

_Renesmee love Bella Edward. No hurt…_

My throat seemed to constrict. I had injured her. She didn't understand her own nature – nor did I.

"What are you waiting for?" Jacob's voice boomed bursting the bubble where I had dwelled with Renesmee.

My wife's heart sputtered jolting me into action. Our child needed her mother. I needed her too.

"Take the baby," I instructed Jacob who was pumping Bella's chest, the cracking and crunching of her ribs punctuated the urgency of his attempt to save her.

She needed an infusion; too little of her blood was left to perfuse her body and vital organs. It was already too late for Carlisle to arrive with the needed blood supply. I had very few options now.

"Throw it out the window!" Jacob shrieked, his mind cursing our child's existence – the cause of Bella's dying. Jacob was breaking, crumbling. Grief filled his thoughts, and a deep fear of loss was quickly overtaking him. Not just the loss of Bella, but the also the fear of loss of self. It was more than love Jacob felt for Bella; it was a connection, an interdependence. Although this was a new insight into their relationship, I understood it now even less than I had before.

"Give her to me."

Jacob and I growled in unison at the sound of the intruder's voice. Instinct told me Rosalie was not to be trusted. Bella's blood filled the air in the room – and covered Renesmee.

"I've got control. Give me the baby, Edward. I'll take care of her until Bella…" _I'm sorry, Edward. She is a beautiful girl. In my way, I loved her too. Be with her now._

I shook my head as if to rid it of the bleak thoughts Jacob and Rose where forcing on me. All was not lost! Bella would survive. Gears engaged and roared like thunder in my brain.

Renesmee disappeared from my arms, and I threw them into action. Grabbing the syringe that was set apart from the rest containing medications, I charged back to Bella.

"Move your hands, Jacob."

"What's that?"

I had no time to explain or respect his protective stance over Bella. He needed to move, for her sake and his. My course was clear and required no thought or explanation. Knocking his hands aside, I plunged the large-bore needle directly into her heart, hoping the feeble, uncoordinated beats would still provide enough circulation to infuse her core.

"My venom." I breathed as I removed the needle. What I had tried so diligently to keep out of her body, I now wished I could bathe her in. She had faith I would save her, if not her soul, her physical being. _My Bella._ She would always be my Bella. Nothing could change that.

The syringe clanged to the floor as Bella's heart cried out in rebellion against the poisonous assault.

"Keep it moving," I snapped instructions in as few words as possible. I knew Jacob would respond; he couldn't have lost all hope yet…

Jacob's strength was now an asset as the venom hardened her heart and stiffened her arteries while he struggled against the warring forces of mortality and immortality. My only solace was knowing the morphine had a head start.

My focus switched to Bella's extremities. Her dying heart, despite Jacob's best efforts, would not be able to perfuse her entire body.

I had to keep telling myself it _had_ to be done…

A strange heaviness blanketed me as I seemed to step out of myself. My body worked separate from my mind. I was of two entities as I viewed myself from a distance doing the unspeakable. Teeth penetrated her skin, infusing her body with an elixir of pseudo-life and agonizing death. Stripping away her humanity, binding her to this Earth, and grudgingly snatching her soul from God. My heart was torn between desperate hope and hateful anger for the actions I passively observed.

Still, from this vantage point I wondered how it felt to sink my teeth into her neck. Questioned to what extent would her consumed blood be reflected in my eyes? Her wrists, her arms…so thin and fragile. Her brittle skin ripping open at every pulse point, taking in what I gave and then sealed within it.

No resistance. No fight. Victimized.

I felt I would collapse, overwhelmed by what was happening before my eyes, at my hands.

Cowardly, I was thankful for this separation of mind and body, the only thing that saved me now. I could never live with the eternal memory of the slightest enjoyment or satisfaction from what I was unleashing upon her. What she would now endure in the name of love.

At the same time, I knew I had no other choice. _This was fated from the moment I saw her._

Nevertheless, in this moment, I came of age - no longer living perpetually at seventeen. My hundred and seven years of existence couldn't hold a candle to what _this_ experience had done to change me - in an instant. Bella and I had truly bound our lives together in every way possible, as she had desired. Physically I took her in and she took what I had to offer, emotionally through our marriage and intimacy, and spiritually through the exchange of our very selves, resulting in a new life.

Too soon, Jacob's thoughts sucked me back together, reassembled I slammed hard against his reality: _She's gone._

No!

…_a corpse…_

Rage burned within me at his traitorous thoughts. He was _betraying_ her with his repulsive verdict! She was not an empty shell! Not dead! Not my beautiful, strong, life-giving Bella.

She said she would fight!

As Jacob's fire cooled and faded, his compressions slowed. I would _not_ tolerate his surrender.

"Go, then!" I revolted, shoving him aside. I began compressing Bella's chest rapidly. "She's not dead."

He wondered bitterly how I could seriously convince myself otherwise. He pitied me. I wouldn't look at him. I would not acknowledge what surely was showing in his eyes.

"She's going to be fine!"

But exactly who was I trying to convince?

**CPOV**

The panicked phone call from Alice had ended abruptly, leaving me to envision the worst-case scenario. All I knew was that something serious was happening with Bella. Esme tried urgently to reach someone at home, but the rings went unanswered. I pushed my darkened car through the night at its top speed of 155 mph in a mad sprint for home. The steering wheel cracked under the strain of my grip.

But at least I had driving to occupy my mind. Esme looked like she would jump out of the car at any moment. "Edward knows what he's doing. We'll be there soon. Soon enough," I tried to assure her – and myself.

When the car skidded to a halt in front of the house spitting gravel in all directions, Esme and I raced to the front door, but Esme beat me there. She entered the house, and came to such an unexpected stop I nearly crashed into her.

"_Oh, my…" _she whispered in a trembling voice.

To my horror, I realized the reason for her abrupt halt. The smell of blood was _everywhere_, hitting us with a wall of throat-searing scent. A large pool of blood lay at the bottom of the stairs. It had already begun to congeal.

"No! No! _No!_" I cried out, flying up the stairs after the trail of blood. I moved so fast I barely touched the steps. How could this happen? There was enough blood in the entryway to fill two humans! What could Bella have left to keep her heart beating?

I strained my ears to hear her heartbeat – I had to hear it! It had to be there!

I recognized Jacob's, knowing its familiar sound. There was another beating sound, like a thrumming of humming bird wings. But both distinct sounds came from below. I heard no beating ahead of me.

The scene as I entered my transformed study halted me in my tracks. It resembled what I had only ever seen on a battlefield. Blood was everywhere. Bella lay open on the bed, red stained nearly every inch of her and her vacant eyes stared unblinking at the ceiling. My mind refused to believe this was the same vibrant girl I had come to love as a daughter.

_Oh, God, no_. This could _not_ be how the story would end!

Edward was straddling her lifeless form, furiously performing chest compressions.

He didn't notice my arrival over his hysterical pleas to Bella.

"Don't leave me! Bella! Don't leave me!"

He repeated the words over and over again.

I could see the bite marks on her wrists and neck. On the floor next to the bed lie the used metal syringe Edward must have filled with his venom. I could see her womb no longer held the child she was willing to die for.

There was nothing left for me to do. Nothing...but wait.

"No, Bella…no, I love you. Come back to me…" Edward sobbed as he collapsed onto her chest.

I wanted to move toward him, to help or comfort, but I was still in an immobilized state of disbelief. It just couldn't end like _this_.

My hands moved of their own volition to my heart and then to my eyes, covering them.

Only the sounds of Edward's wretched, imploring cries filled the room.

And then it caught.

It caught!

The sweetest possible answer to a desperate prayer!

A frantic pounding filled the room with the most glorious drumming sound.

My hands moved back to my heart and Edward jerked up and looked at her unbelieving. "Bella?"

Slowly her eyes closed as her transformation began.

Unfrozen, I finally bridged the space between my children and me, before I silently touched them both.

"Listen! Listen to it, Carlisle." Edward breathed in a rush of relief still gazing in disbelief at Bella.

I shed a laugh as all the stress pushed its way out of me. As I listened to Bella's heart preparing for its eternal demise, I again was distracted by the contrasting delicate thrumming I heard earlier from below.

"Edward?"

Stroking Bella's blood-smeared cheek, he stepped down from the bed and looked at me with such joy, I actually laughed again.

"I'm a…father…" his voice a mixture of apprehension and jubilance – just as it should be. "She's perfect, Carlisle. She has Bella's eyes," he gushed, wonder alight in his eyes. "Her name is Renesmee. I…I have… a family."

"Yes, yes you do," I clapped him on the back and shook his hand, "Congratulations, son. You did it. You saved Bella and your child."

He looked back at Bella with such awe, I felt humbled. "She was right, Carlisle. She knew. She's incredible, isn't she?"

"Indeed, when everyone doubted, Bella was strong. You are truly blessed," I agreed.

But then his eyes sobered and the smile faded as he continued to look at Bella's still form. The reality of what she would now endure becoming clear to him.

Silently I walked over to where Edward had prepared the emergency supplies. I threaded a suture needle and returned to his side. He acknowledged my plan with a nod, and I discreetly covered Bella with a sheet before rapidly stitching up her torn womb and closing the external incision. It wasn't necessary, as the venom would have made her whole eventually, but I did it out of respect for her body. And I did it for Edward. No husband should have to endure seeing his wife so physically traumatized.

When I finished, we stood for a while in reverent quiet. It was Edward who spoke first…

"Why is she so still, Carlisle? Do you think I did something wrong? Was I too late?"

"Did the morphine have a chance to get into her system?"

"I believe it did. I tried...but I don't know. It all happened so fast."

"From the sound of her heart, she is in transition, Edward. The morphine must be providing relief for her. I'm sorry, but all we can do is wait. The venom is in control now. It will bring her back."

Edward hung his head. I hoped my words would reassure him.

"Carlisle, I…I think I need some time alone with Bella. I want to prepare her for her return."

"Of course. Do you want my help?"

"No. I think this is something I need to do…alone," he said.

"I understand." Sensing his mixture of emotions, I added confidently, "We did everything we could, Edward. She knew she would not survive this human, but this was what she wanted. What she chose."

He nodded and I left his side, gently closing the door behind me.

While I looked forward to meeting my new granddaughter, I lingered for just a moment outside the door. I listened to Edward prepare a basin of water and begin to bathe his wife. He spoke loving words of reassurance to her. He expressed his adoration for her, described their new daughter, and promised an eternity of happiness, love, and togetherness as a family.

When I began to feel ashamed for eavesdropping on such a personal moment, I moved toward the stairs with barely contained excitement to greet the newest Cullen.

**EPOV**

Was the temperature of the water right? For a human, warm water would be most comforting…but the fire of transformation…had it started yet? She had been infused with much venom, surely it would all begin quickly. Maybe cooler water would be more comforting?

"I'm sorry, Bella, I'm lost."

Even in this short interim before she would reawaken to a new reality, I was uneasy with loneliness. I focused on the rapid pounding of Bella's heart, savoring each and every beat, as I settled on using the now lukewarm water.

Squeezing the water from the cloth, I placed it first against her cheek, gently wiping to clear away the vestiges of the final battle of her human life. She fought for us, for what she believed in, and for the life that was innocently waiting within her.

Everything she gave, and nothing did she take.

"You did it, Bella. You were strong enough. Our daughter is perfect, healthy."

Her face was clean, except for her lips. They were cracked, and dried blood clung to them. I patted them with the moist cloth before leaning down to kiss her. Her lips were pale, firm, and not as warm as I remembered them to be.

"Bella, I know what you have sacrificed to be with me. I promise not to let a day of our eternity go by without proving my endless gratitude for what you have done. I promise to love you more with each passing day. You will want for nothing – even if I have to turn the very world upside down to guarantee your happiness. I swear it."

As I tried to make amends for what Bella had given up – family, friends, human pleasures, any vestige of normalcy – the sight of the reddening water and the all too visible raw crescent-shaped marks on her neck, arms, and legs tore trenches into my heart. They would forever be a reminder of what I took from her.

My mind broke away and wondered how Carlisle dealt with seeing the scars he inflicted on us, relentlessly reminding him of his decision to force us into this being. A sign of his benevolent choice (often our ungrateful regret) emblazoned upon our skin for all time. Retrieving a clean basin of water, I mentally filed these thoughts away. I would speak to him about this later, before Bella's reawakening…

Bella's hands were coated in red. I placed each one in the basin, gently and thoroughly cleansing every tiny crevice before meticulously drying them with a clean towel. All her fingers were bare. She had removed her rings, fearful they would be lost, as her thinned fingers had become untrustworthy to hold them in place. I had found the two rings sitting in a dish on our bedside table days after our return home. That's when I began to carry them with me. Secure in my pocket, I found their presence comforting. Such small and inexpensive tokens, yet priceless in meaning. My birth mother's ring and the ring bearing the Cullen family crest symbolized all who have loved me and all who I have loved in return. The love of my family would continue with the sharing of these items with Bella – and then eventually with Renesmee.

I could not allow Bella would to awaken without them.

Kissing her right ring finger, I slipped on the familial symbol of courage, faith, and perpetuity. Repeating the same ritual with her left hand, I returned the symbol of my unending love to its rightful place.

"Forever, my Bella."

Folding the sheet covering her in sections, and as lovingly as I could, I cleansed every part of her body, finally placing a pure white, unstained cotton sheet over her. The sound of her frenzied heart filled the room with sound, but I tried as futilely as ever to reach beyond its rapid drumming into her mind. I needed to know it now more than ever becoming more desperate by the moment for some small sign of reassurance. My mind was tortured as I strove to hold on to my tenuous calm. Was she hurting? Was she afraid? Was she already regretful?

"I'm here, Bella. Right by your side." I spoke softly into her ear. "Forever."

Pushing harder and reaching deeper, I narrowed my focus hoping to hear even the slightest hum of her mind. However, beyond the strained, staccato pounding of her heart, I heard nothing but the clamoring thoughts of those below: a wild jumble of excitement and surprise, which merged into a rising and falling buzz of white noise – no one thought could be distinguished from another.

Repeatedly I tried, but no matter how hard I tried to reach inside for Bella, there was nothing but continued silence. I _had_ heard her though. She told me what she wanted…

Or did I merely hear what I would have wanted her to say in the last moment of rational decision?

Rubbing my hands into my eyes, I felt as if I had been wrung out and hung to dry.

Lost in my strain and worry, I wandered without conscious thought back into the bathroom attached to Carlisle's study carrying the final basin of soiled water. As the large silver bowl hovered over the sink, my chest heaved. This was the last of it. Watered down and destined to be discarded as worthless, it was the last remnant of the blood that sang to me from the first moment I caught its captivating aroma.

At first, I had loathed it. Not only for the power it had over me, but also because it was a reviled reminder of what I was, what I had been at my worst, and what I always was to be – a soulless predator. But as I was encouraged by some to submit to my bloodlust, to see Bella as inevitability fated to be taken for my satisfaction, the more I fought with all my being against the idea.

In hindsight, I must have known there had to be more. Why would someone be created so perfectly matched to my desires to simply be drained and cast away, never to be experienced again except as a brief vivid and violent memory?

In my quest to discover this answer, I had become her protector.

In finding the answer, I became her lover.

Her blood was not a curse, but indeed a gift. Now as part of me and part of Renesmee, it would continue to be cherished.

Setting the full basin on the counter, I searched through the vanity drawers for a hairbrush.

Returning to Bella's side, I sat next to her on the bed and tended to her hair. Each stoke smoothed the tangles and loosened the debris clinging to its softness. I arranged her thick tresses down along her face before fanning them out across the pristine pillow I placed under her head. She looked much like the sleeping goddess I had beheld in our honeymoon bed not so long ago.

Another memory of our time on Isle Esme unexpectedly invaded my brain. My daydream. The one time I allowed myself the indulgent fantasy of drinking and changing Bella at her passion-induced command. The words I spoke to her and the action I took in that waking dream seemed appropriate as I looked upon her again draped in white.

"See you on the other side, my Bella, my angel." I knelt beside her and bowed my head to pray, not a prayer for myself, but for Bella. And then I would wait.

Soon, however, my name was being called by the thoughts of someone very near. I knew immediately to whom they belonged. She was the only person who thought my name with such loving concern and pure affection.

"Yes, Esme?"

"May I enter?"

"Yes, of course."

Esme opened the door slightly, only enough to peer in at me.

"How are you holding up? Carlisle said Bella was touch and go for a while, but she will be fine."

I wasn't sure how to answer.

"From the darkness, there has come a great light," she spoke kindly before fully entering the room. In her arms she cradled a baby wrapped in a small pink blanket. My child.

Esme's face beamed with pride and love as she approached. "Edward, she's beautiful. She has your hair and Bella's eyes! Rosalie and Alice bathed her while you were taking care of Bella. Do you want to hold her?" Esme held the tightly wrapped bundle out to me. I could see she was…sleeping.

"She sleeps?" I asked, amazed.

"Yes, she has many human attributes. She sleeps, she cries – very little - and she messes her diapers, much to Emmett's bizarre delight," Esme laughed. "She also has several other non-typical traits."

My eyes snapped up from the face of my dozing child in alarm. "What traits?"

"Well, she currently appears to want only blood to drink. Her heart rate and respirations are much accelerated, even for a newborn human. And her body temperature is also unusually high. About 105 degrees. But it appears to be normal for her. Carlisle doesn't detect any distress."

Again, Esme held Renesmee out to me. When I failed to react, she frowned.

"Edward?"

Her thoughts suddenly became fearful. She questioned why I would not want to embrace my child. Slowly she began to back away, alarmed and suspicious of my reluctant behavior. She pulled Renesmee closer to her chest.

"No, Esme. Don't be afraid. I'm just…I'm concerned. I've never held a baby before. They seem so…breakable."

Her features softened. "I'll help you."

Again, she approached me. "Hold your arms like a cradle."

I did as instructed. Gently, supporting Renesmee's head and bottom, Esme laid her into my arms.

"Now just form your arms around her and pull her a little closer to your body."

As I looked at Renesmee's angelic face – her button nose, pink lips and rosy flushed cheeks against her alabaster skin, and tightly curled bronze-colored hair - a smile broke across my face. I melted around her.

"Congratulations, daddy," Esme's voice trembled with emotion.

I bowed my head closer to her to draw in her scent. How much of her would smell like Bella? To my delight, she was sweet and I knew immediately Bella's blood pumped through her. Yet, she had a fragrant floral scent, like the wild flowers of the meadow.

My mind strayed to Bella's scent and colors began to swirl in my head. But as I tried again to focus on Renesmee, the colors continued.

"She's dreaming," I conveyed what I concluded to Esme.

"I know. Aren't the colors splendid?"

The smile disappeared from my face, replaced with curiosity. "How do _you_ know about the colors?"

"Edward, why don't you come downstairs now? The family wishes to celebrate with you. And there is much to...discuss."

Esme was scrambling her thoughts and I looked at her with misgiving. "What is going on?"

In response, she grinned and held out her hand. "Come." She walked to the door, turning to see if I was following. I was not.

"Okay," she relented. "Take the time you need. I told everyone you probably wouldn't be willing to leave Bella just yet. When you are ready, however, Alice said she'd be glad to sit with Bella."

"Esme," I called to her as she retreated from the room.

"Yes?"

"Thank you." Then with a slight smirk, I added, "Grandma."

She held her hands to her chest, the gesture we all recognized as the way Esme wordlessly told us she loved us and we were always in her heart. She then closed the door behind her with a concluding click.

And I was alone with _my_ family.

Renesmee sighed, peaceful and content in my arms. My eyes searched Bella's face, it too was peaceful. Still. Could I breathe a sigh of relief? Was the trauma of birth now just a memory? Moreover, was Bella's silent change a blessing and not of an indication of something gone terribly awry? I replayed Carlisle's assured words through my head again: _From the sound of her heart, she is in transition, Edward. The morphine must be providing relief for her. _

Uncertain what to do next, I spotted Carlisle's small leather couch by the window. With as little motion as possible, I crossed the room to take a seat. The sun had risen and its warm light was streaming through the window in what I embraced as a sign from above at the joy of Renesmee's birth.

Completely mesmerized, I studied every detail of her I could perceive while she was wrapped in her cozy pink cocoon. Her skin was luminescent in the direct light of the sun. Tiny fingers reflexively clutched and stroked the softness of the blanket, and her lips twitched and puckered adorably. Held in blissful sleep, tiny eyes slipped back and forth beneath thin eyelids with fluttering bronze lashes.

Time passed. It didn't matter. I was where I wanted to be, and never more sure of it. Bella had given me purpose for living, and Renesmee had given me life worth living. I pressed my lips to her perfumed forehead. "I love you."

She stirred at the sound of my voice and startled me with a big stretch and yawn. Her eyes shrugged off sleep and opened slowly. I held my breath in anticipation of her reaction. She blinked rapidly, appearing to bring my face into focus as I held her cradled close in my arms.

"Hello, sleeping beauty," I spoke in a hushed tone, afraid I might alarm her. After all, we had only met briefly.

_Edward! _her thoughts rang out with excitement and she...smiled. A full smile revealing two rows of glimmering, little white teeth.

"Well, look at you!" I responded in shock. I knew she had bitten Bella, but I hadn't given _teeth_ much thought. Recollecting Esme's parting words, I had a feeling I was in for many more surprises. "Welcome, Renesmee. I'm your..."

But I couldn't finish the sentence. Overwhelmed with the reality and the emotion that encompassed my next word, it got wedged in my throat. Swallowing hard, I tried again...

"I'm your daddy."

_Edward_

"Yes, my name is Edward, but I'm your daddy. And there is someone else you need to meet."

I rose and carried her over to Bella. I angled my arms so that Renesmee's head was raised as we stood at the foot of Bella's bed. "This is Bella. She's your mommy."

_Bella mommy!_

Renesmee cried out in her mind and began to squirm and writhe in my arms. Her distraught thoughts flashed urgently in my head. I saw Bella, as she had been shortly after Renesmee had been birthed – bloody and broken.

"No, no." I responded protectively. My heart ached realizing Renesmee possessed such graphic memories, her only memories, of beautiful Bella.

Instinctively I pulled her to my chest, tucking her head under my chin, blocking her view of Bella. I wanted those images to leave her head – and mine - immediately.

With surprising strength, Renesmee freed her arms which had been pinned against me, and her small hands sprouted up to touch my cheeks.

With a whirl, her emotions rushed through me, and I felt her confusion and concern as the images played agonizingly over and over.

A wave of nausea followed and I pulled Renesmee away from my body and our wide eyes met. "How did you do that?" I gasped.

Tiny hands opened and closed as they reached and begged for me. Slowly I brought her back towards me until she settled her hot hands against my face.

_Bella hurt!_

Again, the intensity of her emotions, her fear and guilt as she again showed me Bella in distress, clutched hard on my stomach. It was clear what she needed from me...

"It's all right now. Bella mommy is going to be okay. You didn't do anything wrong! Look..." Again, I held her up to see Bella as she was now – whole. "She's...sleeping now, but soon she'll be awake. And when she wakes up, seeing you will make her so happy. She loves you very much."

The scene in her mind changed and suddenly I was looking at myself. Orienting to her point of view, I realized it was her memory of me pulling her from Bella's womb. My face held a look of awe as I hummed her name for the first time.

_Love_

"Yes, Renesmee. That is love. That is what it looks like."

I heard a giggle and my eyes flew up towards the door.

"Quite the gifted little baby, isn't she?" Alice snickered.

"What does she show you?" I blurted out.

Alice sauntered into the room. "Oh, she shows us everything she is thinking. And feelings seem to come with it at times, when they are strong feelings. But she needs to touch the person first, it appears."

Alice's voice caught Renesmee's attention immediately; an image of Alice's smiling face filled my thoughts.

"She feels very fondly about you, _Aunt_ Alice," I relayed Renesmee's emotions to Alice.

"Oh, I know." She smiled before her eyes tracked to Bella and her tone sobered. "Bella's so quiet, Edward."

Pushing Renesmee's desire to be held by Alice to the side of my mind, I sought Alice's mind for some glimpse of Bella's future. But apparently, Alice was expecting that, and promptly evaded my search.

"Uh-uh. No cheating. It's a surprise," she quipped and shook her finger at me.

"Alice, please. I need to know. Does she suffer?" I pleaded.

"I don't think so."

I scowled. "You don't _think_ so? Is that as specific as you can get?"

"I can't see her in transition. Only as a vampire. And she's glorious!" Alice exclaimed in excitement.

Unrelieved, I looked over to Bella, incredibly still and lacking any expression on her smooth face. "Maybe the morphine will be enough..."

"Edward, you are killing the buzz downstairs. I've come up to babysit your wife so you can join the celebration. Now take your daughter and join them," she insisted.

Renesmee was squiggling impatiently in my arms. One hand was pushing images of Alice into my head, while the other was grasping in Alice's direction.

"It doesn't seem right to 'celebrate' when Bella is..." Then censoring my words for Renesmee's sensitive emotional state, I continued cautiously, "...going through _the change_."

"I'll leave my thoughts and eyes open. You'll know right away if there is any reason to be concerned," she reasoned. "Now go."

"Renesmee, do you want to go see your family downstairs?" I asked, testing her obviously advanced ability to understand.

The image abruptly changed to a face I didn't expect to see anytime soon...

"Jacob is still here? _Why_?"

"Yep." Alice confirmed quickly as her mind began to recite through the seven natural and man-made wonders of the world.

"What are you and Esme hiding from me?"

"Don't worry. It won't be a mystery for long. But I better let Jacob explain as I don't think I could _possibly_ explain it..."

Frustrated, I inhaled deeply, but I knew I wasn't getting past Alice's rigid mental guard. "Okay, Renesmee, let's go see Jacob."

But then I hesitated.

"Alice, could you hold her for a moment?"

Alice willingly took Renesmee, and I went to Bella, bending to whisper in her ear.

"My love, I am going to share our joy with our family downstairs. I promise I will be back soon. Alice will be here with you. We won't _ever_ leave you alone." I kissed her cooling forehead, and listened to my daughter continued to ponder _love_.

"Thank you, Alice." I retrieved Renesmee and we headed downstairs, my footfalls on the stairs and Renesmee's nearing heartbeat sent the thoughts of my family into anticipation overdrive.

As soon as I reached the landing, a flood of voices soaked me in well wishes and hands provided congratulatory pats on my back. Renesmee was scooped quickly out of my arms by cooing Esme and Rose.

However, I was already searching for one mind in particular. Jacob stood apart from the others, anxiously gazing over Rose's shoulder to get a glimpse of Renesmee. Why was he so interested and concerned about my child when moments ago he wished her dead? I thrust my mind in his direction, pushing all the others aside...

_Mine._

"What!" I recoiled physically and emotionally at his thoughts toward _my_ child. _There was no way in hell..._

"Oh, shit. The dog's out of the bag," Emmett groaned as all the voices immediately ceased. Everyone parted from my path as I stalked toward Jacob. His eyes widened and his hands flew out in front of him.

"Take it easy, dad. Let me explain!"

"You...you..." my fists clenched at my side and I my feet moved faster. "How dare you _imprint_ on my daughter!"

"Run, Spot, run!" Emmett shouted in Jacob's direction.

And Jacob did - right out the front door.

With me hot on his heels...

* * *

_Update: _**Honeymoon Suite (chapter 8 to be exact) is among the nominees at the Golden Lemon Awards! Category: Best Use of Music in a Lemon.**_Voting has started and continues through Feb. 7, 2011. The site to link to voting is www(dot)goldenlemonawards(dot)com. A direct link to the ballot is on my profile page. As this story comes to an end, it would be great to catch more readers attention thru a GLA award - so your vote would be most apprecitated! Also, you can link directly to the hot chapters of the other nominees - yummy instant lemon gratification!_

_So, was that an emotional trip or what? Can't you just picture Daddyward holding his little baby and kissing her forehead *swoon* _

_I want to soak my prereader RosaBella75 in copious abouts of graditute for the help she gave me on this chapter. She made my emotions look pretty on 'paper'. In addition, my beta RowanMoon gave me a much-needed confidence boost. Thank you, beautiful ladies._

_And there was even a **canon **cliffie - difficult to pull those off, but don't you wonder about Edward's reaction to the imprint! I'd love to hear your thoughts, as I have not fully planned out the whole scene, only a few bites (LOL)._

_We are still having great fun on the Honeymoon Suite thread (aka Isle Esme), and you are invited to its warm beaches (in other words, stop by my profile for the link to the Twilighted forum for Honeymoon Suite). _

_Please consider a leaving a review or comment..._


	25. Blessings

_Disclaimer: Alas, after almost two years of writing this story, I still don't own any rights to Twilight!_

_**Honeymoon Suite**_

**Chapter 25: Blessings**

Jacob bolted through the door, but I was never more than a step behind him, anticipating his shape-shift. However, it didn't happen. Frustration set in and I sprinted ahead of him before turning and coming to a complete stop. Jacob slammed into me at full speed. The collision sent him reeling backwards until he fell hard onto his back.

"Phase!" I shouted over him as he lay splayed out on the ground. It should at least be a _fair_ fight. Monster to monster.

"No!"

_No? _"Stand up and phase, Jacob Black, or so help me, I will destroy you where you lay!"

"I won't phase, and I won't fight you, Edward."

_Damn him! _I was tired of his passive-aggressive games. Bella had pushed me to "make peace" with Jacob for her sake, but this…_coveting my newborn daughter_! It was more than I could handle. And Bella wasn't here to be his defender… It was going to end _here_ and _now_!

I hovered over him as my teeth locked and alarms of warning blared in my head. Rage was rattling against my bones like iron bars of a jail cell. I wouldn't resist its demand to be freed. My eyes locked with his before mine narrowed in threat. Raising my fist, I brought it down toward his head with all the furious force I had boiling within me. It drilled it into the ground – not even one inch from the right side of Jacob's face.

His eyes widened and his breath caught, but he made no move. I crouched closer to him, my fist still buried eight inches into the soil, and hissed, "Phase and fight...or cower and die."

Jacob quickly rolled to his left and sprang to his feet – rather swiftly for human form.

"I won't phase. They can't know…" _Edward, no one is more freaked out by this than me! I can't handle having to explain it to Leah and Seth yet. _

I stormed straight at him, hoping my physical aggression would challenge his control and he'd shift… "I don't care. It's got to end now, Jacob! You need to go find you own life. You're not taking any more from _mine_!"

We stood as close as I could get without suffering the demeaning act of him looking down at me…

"You know this wasn't my choice!"

Jacob determinedly held his ground.

"You can choose to leave."

"You know I can't do that. It's not something I can choose."

Jacob opened his mind completely and let the full force of the imprint wash out of him. I turned my head away, not wanting to acknowledge its significance and the undeniable binding ties that come with imprinting. His rationality had been stripped away. Nothing else mattered now. Not even his own life.

I staggered back several steps.

"You _know_ how this feels, Edward. I _can't_ leave," Jacob pleaded, his voice edged on panic. "You tried to leave Bella and deny what you knew to be true, and how did that work for _you_?"

"Stop!" I spun from him, taking several long strides to put distance between us. I didn't want to hear his side; I wanted him to hear mine.

"Just tell me why, Jacob? Why must you stake a claim on _everything_? All I ever really wanted in this existence was Bella. And you did everything-" Again my rage erupted to the surface and I turned abruptly to face him—"_everything _you could to take her from me! And now I have been blessed by the miracle of Renesmee's birth and -"

My tirade was rudely interrupted by the blissful buzzing in his mind at the very sound of my child's name.

"_Stop that_! This will not happen, Jacob! Renesmee belongs with me and Bella!"

"For now, yes, but not forever."

My hands curled into hard fists at my sides. He continued his defense, but it took on a more diplomatic, compromising tone...

"I only ask to be some part of her life." _Just_ _think about it, Edward. It all makes sense – why I had to be near Bella, why I couldn't let her go. She was the key to unlocking my future. I have actually been set free. I don't feel the pull to Bella anymore! I thought it was because she was…well, dead, but that wasn't it. It was the promise of Renesmee holding me near Bella the whole time! Don't you see? _

"Jacob, that's the biggest line of crap I have ever heard."

"Fine, you see me as a threat to your family, then finish me." He threw his arms open wide and looked me square in the eyes.

"Don't tempt me," I growled.

But I knew my fire was gone.

He knew it too.

We stood in silence, except for the grinding of my teeth, until I turned in defeat toward the house.

Em, Jazz, and Carlisle stood motionless on the porch, poised to intervene if necessary. Behind me, Jacob breathed a sigh of relief. Before me, Jasper, sensing my resignation, shifted to a more relaxed posture.

"I'll go for now. Be with Bella and your daughter. I'll stop by later." I heard strained resignation in his voice. It was his peace offering.

Without another word, Jacob jogged into the woods.

The tension drained out of my body as the distance between us grew. I hung my head as I carried my burdens back to the house.

You're a better man than me, Edward," Emmett said as I passed him. He still appeared ready to pounce. "I would have ripped him apart."

"We are all victims of our nature, brother."

Feeling their gazes upon me, I passed them and entered the house.

Before I could register another thought, the sudden siren of Renesmee's high-pitched cry sent me in a frantic search for her. However, as quickly as it had started, it stopped. I found her wearing only a diaper, clutched in Esme's arms in the dining room. Tears streaked her flawless alabaster skin.

"What happened?"

Rose approached from behind me. "You'll need to get tougher skin than that, dad. Don't you expect your baby to cry sometimes?"

"She sounded like she was stressed - in pain!" I wasn't sure how I knew this to be true, but I did.

Esme answered my question, "She started fussing, so we fed her and, well, now it appears she has _outgrown_ her sleeper. She was really squished in it, even though I swear it fit her only minutes ago!"

"Full of surprises," Carlisle whispered as he approached. "Let's get another set of measurements. Come to papa, Renesmee."

Tears and trauma forgotten, Renesmee turned excitedly in Esme's arms and reached for Carlisle, immediately placing her small hand on his cheek once he held her. He laughed, "Yes, daddy can come with you this time."

I followed the two of them into the kitchen where Carlisle had an infant scale and measuring tape on the center island. He laid Renesmee on the scale and she cooperated by lying very still. She had already learned what was expected of her and for reassurance her eyes searched ours for approval.

The digital scale gave her weight in grams and then Carlisle stretched her out to mark on the tissue covering the scale.

"All done! You are such a good girl." He picked her up and I gladly reached for her, but Alice intercepted.

"You are going to freeze her!" she berated me. "Come to Aunt Alice, sweetie. I have a new outfit for you. Let's try a 3 month outfit. Such a big girl! Yes, you are..."

"Alice, what about –"

"Don't worry - Jasper is with Bella."

"Alice…the room…Jasper!" I hadn't had the chance to clean Bella's blood from the rest of the room!

A chorus of minds in the room screamed "Wait!"

I froze as Alice spoke quickly, "I cleaned the room quite well…with bleach."

My muscles uncoiled. Of course, all that blood would have made it unbearable for Jasper to even be in the house, and Alice would not want him to be away for long. Regardless, I marveled Alice had the strength to deal with the blood and keep vigil over Bella.

Alice held her arms out and I relinquished Renesmee to her. She wrapped Renesmee in a blanket before pulling her close and bouncing out of the room. Immediately I searched for Jasper's mind. He was very close to Bella, staring at her face. It still held no emotion, but Jasper thought he could see changes showing already...

_I'll deal with that later_ I tried to convince myself feeling the mental strain from two forces pulling me in opposite directions – one to Bella side, the other to make sense of the extreme situation facing my child.

I turned to Carlisle, and he read the question on my face.

"She's growing very rapidly. She's already added 900 grams to her weight and 2.5 centimeters to her length since she was born. Were we foolish enough to believe her rapid growth would stop once she was delivered?"

Actually, my thoughts never had the chance to get that far...

"So...what now?" Was I to be the father of the world's largest baby? Her growth has got to stop at some point, right? I was quickly spiraling into panic. At this rapid growth rate, how much could her body withstand? She was already so entwined in my heart, the thought of harm coming to her caught me in a crippling grip of anxiety.

"She isn't just growing larger, Edward, she is maturing. I can already see reductions in her brown adipose tissue. She's actually aging at an accelerated pace."

"How accelerated?"

"I can't tell just yet. Hopefully, if I keep measuring her at regular intervals, a rate will immerge and I can make some predictions. I'm going to start plugging the values into my computer. That should help us get a better picture of her growth..."

He blurred out of the room, determined to get answers.

Shoving back my concern, I also locked onto my determination. I was going to enjoy my baby for as long as she was just that - a _baby_. I needed one more thing though...

Running upstairs, I rummaged through Bella's luggage. "It's got to be here!" Finally, I found it: the digital camera. Racing back down the stairs, I practically plowed into Alice.

"Great idea! Give it to me." Of course, she was already on the same page as me.

Without hesitation, I handed the camera to Alice and took Renesmee from her arms. I had expected Alice to have dressed Renesmee up like a fine porcelain doll, in frills and lace, but was amused to find her wearing a white onesie inscribed with the words _Daddy's Little Angel_ in pink, matching pink pants and pink and white polka-dotted booties. Despite Bella's certainty she was pregnant with a boy, Alice still managed to produce a perfectly pink ensemble. With her penchant for shopping, I shouldn't have doubted the existence of a complete wardrobe composed of blue _and_ pink.

"Okay, daddy, give us a great big smile!" Alice took several steps back and held the camera up. I looked into Renesmee's wide, inquisitive eyes. Everything was so new to her! Exciting and fun with every second providing a new discovery. And she took it all in, processing and making use of the information, almost like connecting the dots.

"Aunt Alice is going to take our picture," I explained. "Papa Carlisle said you are growing very fast. Does that hurt, my angel?"

_Renesmee no hurt, daddy_

"Daddy _never_ wants you to hurt, Renesmee. Daddy will _always_ protect you."

Her hand reached up to touch me, and I saw the intense look of concern on my face reflected in her mind. In juxtaposition she again displayed my awe-filled face from when I first gazed upon her.

"They are both love, Renesmee. I'm just worried about you. I want to be sure you are…happy."

_Love you, daddy_

Her pure thought melted me like ice-cream on a hot August afternoon. My expression must have softened and I felt the echo of joyfulness in Renesmee's growing spectrum of emotions.

"As I love you."

The flash of the camera caught me off guard. I had forgotten we were supposed to be posing.

Alice held the camera up to view the picture she had just taken.

"Oh, Edward! It's perfect!"

She turned it for me to look at and in an unexpected show of strength, Renesmee craned her neck to see it also.

To my surprise, she laughed! A squeal of unbridled delight came pouring out of her revealing a pair of deeply dimpled cheeks before she sobered at the sight of our shocked faces.

"Looks like somebody found her happy voice!" Alice said, rewarding Renesmee with a smile, and we both joined in relieved laughter. "Oh, Edward, wait until Bella sees her. She is just going to be so overjoyed!"

_Mommy Bella_

Renesmee's hand had not strayed very far from my cheek, and again she made contact.

She showed me each of my family members, one by one. All the images were of them smiling or laughing. I even saw myself and felt her reflecting the emotion of happiness and love. She then showed me every image she had of Bella.

_Mommy Bella no happy_

Her overwhelming distress at this fact cut into me. I removed her hand from my face and kissed her tiny palm reassuringly.

"Alice, she doesn't understand what's happening. Why Bella is not with us to celebrate. She can't understand why she has not seen Bella _smile_."

"Then show her Bella's smile," Alice shrugged.

I shot her a sharp disapproving look as Renesmee thoughts screamed in exhilaration: _show Renesmee - show Mommy Bella smile!_

"How do you suggest I do that?" I asked, irritated that Alice had gotten Renesmee's hopes up.

Alice crossed her arms over her chest and donned a smug smile. "I just knew that Scrap Book would come in handy..."

My wedding gift! Of course! "Alice, you are a precognitive genius." I turned to make my way upstairs to the wonderful book I knew still remained on our bed - just waiting.

"Edward!"

I stopped half way up the stairs at the sound of Alice's voice. She appeared next to me. "You may want to add to it. It could be your gift to Bella." She handed me the camera and winked.

"Yes, definitely. Thank you, Alice."

Finishing the flight of stairs at a human pace, I held Renesmee close to me as I slowly passed the room where Bella lie suspended between the life she had lived and would regrettably mostly forget, and the one that held so much longing for her return.

I picked up my pace toward our room struggling to keep focus on my goal. Renesmee would not solidify another image of Bella in her mind that didn't involve joy.

"Renesmee, I want to show you some more pictures - like the one you saw in here." I held up the camera.

_Pictures Mommy Bella_

"You can call her just 'mommy'. Like you call me just 'daddy'."

Renesmee crinkled her nose like she smelled something pungent.

"What?" I asked.

_No like just mommy…Renesmee like mommy Bella…like momm-ah_

"You want to call her momma?"

_Momma_!

"Clever, girl. Okay, momma it is. We'll look at pictures of momma."

As predicted the collection of our shared memories sat in the center of our large, empty bed. I froze as the recollection of the last time Bella and I lay in the bed replayed in ghostly detail before my eyes. How she had wanted intimacy that night we were alone…the night I proposed marriage and she granted my wish.

_Daddy_?

I swallowed the large lump in my throat before looking down at Renesmee with a smile I struggled to make look genuine. I missed Bella so much and not knowing what she was going through - to not be sharing it with her…. Maybe the pictures were exactly the distraction we both needed.

I climbed onto the bed, but sat uncertain as to how to manipulate the pages of the over-sized book and hold Renesmee at the same time. For all of my "life" experiences, having a newborn unexpectedly created a sense complete inadequateness and awkwardness.

Renesmee pushed against me in anticipation, almost turning in my arms to see the book. I decided to put her premature strength to the test. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, I nestled Renesmee into my lap with her back against me, wrapping one arm around her. With the other, I pulled the book closer and open the cover.

_Momma_!

She recognized Bella's image immediately and practically vibrated with excitement. Then she became very still and her thoughts were muted. I knew she was processing.

I turned past the page of Bella and me dancing at Prom.

The next page was a collage of pictures from graduation and the ensuing graduation party. Renesmee's thoughts hummed and I knew she was on information overload, so I skipped several pages ahead to the large picture of Bella and me taken for our engagement.

_Love_

"See momma smile, Renesmee."

She leaned against my arm, reaching toward the book. I loosened my grip around her enough so she could touch the book. While she gently patted Bella's face, my eyes strayed to the opposite page where our wedding invitation was secured above Bella's inscription:

_Edward, my eternal love,_

_I've learned that it isn't enough for you to live only in my dreams, memories and my heart._

_For dreams end, human memories fade, and hearts become still._

_To that end, this book serves two purposes:_

_First, to document our love and our journey together. There are many more pages left to fill and I look forward with anticipation to filling them with the special days we will spend together as husband and wife._

_Second, when we take that next step, and my memories leave me and my heart stills, I can again relive and cherish our days gone by._

_Yours yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever_

I saw a different meaning in the words this time around. I realized Bella had known, maybe even completely understood, the sacrifice she was going to make – and she had prepared for it. This book was not only the perfect gift of love, but also the perfect reminder for Bella of what she was to leave behind. And what she never wanted to forget: our journey of love.

Now I needed to continue that journey until Bella rejoined me. Glancing down at Renesmee, I ventured a guess at what she might look like by the time Bella reawakened…

"Do you want to put a picture of beautiful Renesmee in this book?"

_Beautiful momma_

Renesmee continued to stroke Bella's face in the photograph.

"I miss her, too. Let's put our picture in here as a surprise for momma when she wakes up."

I gathered her up and we crossed the room to my laptop. Connecting the camera to the computer, I loaded the picture. It appeared on the screen.

Renesmee bounced excitedly in my arms and thrust her hand toward me. I readily bowed my head so she could make contact, having quickly become addicted to the feel her emotions.

_Daddy beautiful…love…Renesmee and daddy _

Her thoughts chanted and her eyes were bright. She was pure light.

I moved the mouse and the printer responded with a whir. Renesmee's eyes grew wider at the sight of the picture emerging.

"Do you like it?"

_Like daddy_

Taking the picture from the printer, I returned with Renesmee cradled in my arms to the open scrap book. I turned the page to the next chapter and secured the photo.

On the page, Renesmee's image enraptured me. My, how she shined like Bella! Her glowing skin, her eyes - so deep – I knew she possessed her mother's infinite heart. Only the bronze hair that framed her cherub-like face spoke of my part in her creation.

I found myself rocking slowly to and fro as I struggled to believe what I in that book – proof. Renesmee made me believe in forever.

Even though my life was technically endless, I knew it would end someday. As would Bella's. But in Renesmee, there was hope for forever. More human than vampire, she could continue what Bella and I had started. Even if that plan did include Jacob…

_Jacob_.

My emotions flared and I possessively pulled Renesmee closer only to find she had fallen into peaceful sleep in my arms.

To sleep.

To dream.

Gently, I laid her between the mountains of pillows at the head of the bed and stretched out beside her as she drifted into her pastel colored dreams. The swirling hues occasionally gave way to glimpses of familiar joyful faces – even Bella's face appeared from the photographs.

I closed my eyes and drifted in her light musings for an unknown amount of time - until the dull ache in my heart started to swell painfully.

_My Bella_. Not floating in a cotton candy-colored heaven amidst our child's dreams, but enduring agony as her soul was being ripped from her body.

It was a disconcerting image I tried to push away, but no matter how I tried to reconcile it, no other explanation fit. Why else would the change bring about such violent and hellish pain? It was the soul unwillingly departing. Though it clung to its earthly vessel with all its might, the inevitable could not be denied. It was the payment for immortality.

But were the soulless necessarily forsaken and forgotten?

My eyes flew opened and took in the tranquil, angelic face of my sleeping newborn child. Conceived through the ultimate expression and sharing of love, she was nothing short of a true miracle. The answer was right there before me. I just needed to accept it - I had not been cursed by God. Indeed, I had many blessing bestowed upon me.

Warmth spread through my chest. Carlisle had been right all along. It was about choices and who we chose to be. Our sacrifices did have heavenly rewards that could be found on this Earth.

I reached slowly to stroke Renesmee's cheek with the back of my hand, touching her just lightly enough to feel her warmth without disturbing her slumber.

I could feel it was time.

The notes danced my head, ushering me forward and urging me to make them exist outside of the confines of my mind. Sitting down, I felt a twinge of guilt at seeing the fine covering of dust. Smoothing my hand over the polished wood I reconciled with the instrument I wasn't sure I'd ever be motivated to play again. The thought of losing Bella and stress of first denying then fearing for my child - music appeared to be a comfort I would never indulge in again as it would be unfair for my beautiful piano to only make sounds of mourning.

Music was my true reflection.

"For Bella."

I meant to only think the words, but they came out of my mouth in a resolved tone. The house fell silent as I laid my fingers on the keys. I played our song.

My throat constricted as relief flowed out my body, through my fingers and into the music. I never thought my family would be able to hear the tale of love I had documented in notes and given to Bella as a wedding gift. The song she and I had danced to in the moonlight on Isle Esme.

But as I came close to the climactic ending, new strains were spontaneously added to the continuing story.

Describing Renesmee in music came naturally and easily. The bounce of her curls, the dimples in her smile, and the swirl of her dreams coursed from my mind and fingers as if the melody was always there, just waiting to be played.

I hoped the sound filled Renesmee's ears and she would know how much she was loved. And I prayed the familiar love song would reach Bella where ever she was and guide her back to me quickly - safely.

My emotions poured into my instrument until I realized I had begun playing Bella's lullaby. I abruptly stopped. I needed to be with her - now.

I slipped from the bench, passing Esme, who appeared to be weeping as Carlisle stood behind her, his arms wrapped protectively around her shoulders. Up the stairs I flew, searching for Jasper's mind and some clue to Bella's current condition.

Instead, I saw Alice's face, her brow furrowed. Jasper's thoughts were conflicted and he was waiting for Alice's counsel. My feet sped up as my mind raced. What had Jasper so concerned?

They seemed surprised by my arrival.

"What's wrong? What's going on with Bella?"

Alice spoke first, "Edward, nothing is wrong. Your playing was exquisite."

I launched into Alice's mind, but found her focus on Renesmee. Jumping back to Jasper, I was amazed to find a totally blank mind! What was so dangerous for me to view that he had managed to blank his mind out completely?

"Jasper, brother, tell me! Is Bella okay?"

Alice rose from her chair, her arms out before her. "Edward, everything is fine. Jasper is just – focusing – Renesmee is – distracting. You know, heartbeat and all…"

"Yes," Jasper responded stoically as he stood. "Excuse me, Edward."

He left the room, his posture stiff.

"Alice, what aren't you telling me?"

"I was concerned. I still cannot see Renesmee. Her future is unknown." She shrugged. "I guess it's because I'm not familiar with her…unique existence. It's unsettling and Jasper was trying to help me and focus himself. Just overwhelming I guess. All these changes so quickly..."

I doubted her words, and stole a glance at Bella. Her face remained an emotionless mask.

"Do you know how long?" I asked the question I could no longer contain.

"She is changing quickly, but I can't say for certain yet."

The roller coaster of emotional highs and lows I had been experiencing in such a short span of time had me feeling drained. I fell into Jasper's empty chair next to Alice, my eyes stubbornly cast toward the floor. I was still feeling ambiguity about Bella's physical change. I had loved her the way she was and never had the desire to change her in anyway. I had no right to change her…

We sat for some time in silence before Alice attempted to reach me.

"It's okay, Edward," Alice reassured and took my hand in hers.

I raised my eyes to meet hers. _Don't wallow in guilt, Edward._ _This is the happy ending you both deserve. The beginning of forever. Go ahead... really look at her, look at your future._

Pulling my eyes from Alice's face, I stole a look at Bella - and instantly fell in love with her all over again.

She seemed at peace. Like in a deep sleep. Around her face, he dark hair had taken on a sheen much more brilliant than what it had ever possessed, even before her life-ending pregnancy stole the shine away. It looked darker, thicker. Or was it that her complexion appeared paler, more perfected?

As I gazed upon her face, I could see her lips had taken on a soft, warm pink color, resembling the petals of a pale rose. My observations traveled down her flowing, strong jaw line, smooth neck, and extended across her snowy shoulders. I had covered Bella after bathing her and now I longed to see how much of her was healed under the concealing sheet.

Alice cleared her throat, a totally unnecessary action. Abashed, my eyes shot back to the floor.

"I'll just leave the two of you alone now."

I opened my mouth to object and my fingers tightened around Alice's hand. I felt…nervous…to be alone with Bella. What if she awoke in excruciating pain or began to scream out inconsolably? What would I do? What _could_ I do?

Alice squeezed my hand. "Be her anchor, Edward. I don't know if she can hear you or feel you, but if she can, your presence will be a great comfort. We're all here to help if needed, you know that."

"Will you check on Renesmee for me?"

"Of course." Then she giggled, "Poor baby will be lucky to ever be set down again! You do know she is going to be the most spoiled child on this planet."

"I'm counting on it."

I released Alice's hand.

She stood and drifted over to Bella. "We love you, Bella. Hurry back." She leaned over and placed a light kiss on Bella's cheek, keeping her eyes on Bella's face. She had been hoping for a reaction of some sort…

I watched Alice move towards the door, then she paused and turned. "Can I ask one _tiny_ little favor, Edward?" She brought forefinger and thumb almost together indicating how "tiny" of a favor she meant, but I knew better…

"Yes, fine." I grudgingly granted Alice's unspoken request. "You can dress Bella for her reawakening, just make it appropriate. She's going to need to hunt immediately."

A variety of colors and styles flew through Alice's mind at breakneck speed as she rushed out of the room before I could change my mind. None of what I glimpsed seemed _remotely_ appropriate.

In the still room, Bella's heart beat faster than the ticks of Carlisle's desk clock. Why he found that endless ticking comforting, I'll never understand. Unless…it _did_ remind him of a beating heart.

I glanced behind me at the clock's hands and was amazed to find eighteen hours had passed since I effected Bella's change!

Feeling a need to reacquaint myself with my wife, I knelt on the floor before reaching under the sheet to remove Bella's hand. I closed my eyes and held her hand to my lips.

Her skin did not sear them with heat.

Instead, I was comforted.

I breathed in her flesh.

It did not cloud my mind.

It actually unburdened it.

She was the most wonderful bouquet of flavors and smells, even with the intrusive sting of cleaning products. Her scent defied definition, but at the same time it was still uniquely Bella and so suited to me. How I anticipated its final glory!

She had worried I would not continue be drawn to her – how wrong it was for her to fret. I pulled in her fragrance again, more deeply. It was still my drug, but now - now I didn't have to contain its effect on me. I could intoxicate myself with it forever and never fear the consequences.

"Bella?" My voice came out as a strained whisper, my longing for her almost painful. Containing my emotions, I tried again. "Bella, my love? Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand, Bella."

Nothing.

Maybe it was another blessing to count. Was God rewarding her kind nature by muting her pain? Did He answer my prayer?

The thought of blessings had my mind and ears searching the house. Renesmee continued to sleep with Rosalie and Alice watching over her. Carlisle tapped away on his keyboard in Esme's office. Emmett and Jasper debated imprinting, and Emmett announced he'd be taking bets on Bella's reaction to the news. He was certain the newborn in Bella would have Jacob's throat. Since Bella never actually did what was expected, I'd have to make sure I bet against Em's prediction. Although…if he was right…

A tender voice with thoughts to match caught my attention. Esme was talking to someone. Focusing on her alone, I listened to her words to discover who she was comforting…

"I know. _(quiet pause)_ Yes, I do understand your concern. As a parent, I can only imagine what you are going through. But Charlie, please believe that Carlisle is doing everything he can at the CDC to get answers for you and help Bella recover. You will be the first one I contact as soon as I get any word. I'm so sorry for what has happened and the effect it has had on you."

I knew sweet Esme would run over to Charlie's in a flash if she could. She would hold his hand and quell his fears as she had done for us on so many occasions. After all, he was family now.

Guilt pinched my chest – I was the cause of the pain he didn't deserve. I took Bella from him. And now he had a granddaughter he would never be able to dote over. It didn't feel right, it wasn't fair to him. Esme's words truly held more meaning than Charlie would ever know.

I heard Esme set the phone down. The conversation must have ended abruptly. She sighed and thanked Jasper.

I focused my attention back on Bella.

Selfishly, I spend the rest of the day and night in Bella's presence, only stepping out of the room briefly to hover in the hall while Alice dressed her. She kept her mind busy with assurances of how pleased I'd be with Bella's appearance, but I had to leave the sheet over her and not peek so I wouldn't ruin "the big reveal". It was all window dressing to me – Bella's beauty had always come from within her.

In a blind attempt to provide comfort, I lay next to Bella, holding her close to my side. When my anxiety would threaten to overwhelm me, I paced or sat at her bedside, counting her heart beats and respirations while I held her hand or soothingly stroked her forehead.

Her appearance continued to change slowly, almost imperceptibly, even to my eyes. As I watched her I listened to the sounds downstairs, the movements and the comings and goings of my family. Finally, Jacob's arrival…

I also kept a watchful eye over Renesmee through my family's eyes, being careful to steer clear of Jacob's mind. Everyone enjoyed her presence and she dazzled them with her intellect and natural charm. Though I longed to hold her, I knew no one would bring Renesmee here – it was deemed too risky should Bella suddenly awaken.

Renesmee continued to grow. I listened to Carlisle take his measurements and work to understand what was happening to her and what the consequences might be. His thoughts were worried.

I, too, worried about my child. And Bella….

Time seemed endless as my anxiety over Bella's stillness grew exponentially with each tick of Carlisle's clock.

Although her heart continued to pick up pace, she remained still. I became more dismayed when I compared her transformation to others I had witnessed. The scenes of Rosalie and Emmett's transformations played like horror movies in my mind. The way the wailed, writhed, and begged for death. Would I prefer seeing Bella like that if it provided me the reassurance I needed that her transformation was progressing "normally"? Maybe her injuries were just too severe. Maybe the venom couldn't reach some parts of her body to repair the damage. If that was true, what would be the end result for Bella?

Again, I began to pace the room.

Eventually Carlisle entered the room, apparently at Jasper's exasperated request.

He smiled reassuringly as he slid into vampire-doctor mode, immediately assessing Bella's condition.

"Still no change?"

"None."

"There's no scent of morphine left." _The venom must have consumed it._

"I know."

_But still she shows no signs of pain and remains unconscious. It's intriguing. _"Bella? Can you hear me?" Carlisle asked in a strong voice. Maybe he hoped to startle Bella and draw a reaction of some kind.

"Bella? Bella, love? Can you open your eyes? Can you squeeze my hand?"

I spoke softly before taking one of her hands in mine, and then the other. But still nothing. My concern was overwhelming me.

"Maybe…Carlisle, maybe I was too late."

"Listen to her heart, Edward. It's stronger than even Emmett's was. I've never heard anything so vital. She'll be perfect." _If you don't believe me, at least listen to Alice! She's seen her._

It wasn't Alice's cheery future visions I needed right now. It was Carlisle's past experience I wanted.

"And her—her spine?"

"Her injuries weren't so much worse than Esme's. The venom will heal her as it did Esme."

"But she's so still. I _must_ have done something wrong."

Even to my own ears I sounded like a child begging for the conviction of parental support. In response, Carlisle, ever the compassionate and patient man, placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Or something right, Edward. Son, you did everything I could have and more. I'm not sure I would have had the persistence, the faith it took to save her. Stop berating yourself. Bella is going to be fine."

I needed him to quell one more concern before I could relent…

"She must be in agony."

"We don't know that. She had so much morphine in her system. We don't know the effect that will have on her experience."

I ran my fingers through my hair roughly. I was too afraid to ask the last question that lingered in my mind: how much of Bella's memory would be erased by the venom? What if she didn't remember me…us…

I took Bella's hand and kissed the soft, warm inner crease of her elbow. My lips discerned the slightly raised scar.

"Bella, I love you."

But the words didn't adequately cover all I was feeling.

"Bella, I'm sorry."

Carlisle continued to sit with me as if he anticipated more questions, but I didn't have any I wished to voice. No one had the answers I sought except Bella, and she wasn't cooperating.

_Edward, you've been in this room too long. You need to hunt. I'll accompany you, if you'd like._

"No, I'm staying right here."

_Jacob is here, as you probably know. Jasper advised him to leave before Bella wakes, but he insists on staying with Renesmee – to say he's very concerned for her welfare would be an understatement. In fact, he insists on taking Renesmee away from the house, but Rose is naturally being a bit possessive of Renesmee and won't allow it. _

I had been listening to the quarrel for some time. The thought of Renesmee out of my sight was not agreeable. As Rose was winning the argument, I had done nothing to intervene. "They'll sort it out."

"An interesting situation. And I thought I'd seen just about everything." _I never saw _this_ turn of events coming…It presents some unique challenges, beyond the battles between Rose and Jacob... _

"I'll deal with it later." Alice's words from our conversation on Isle Esme came back to me. Her reminder that I wasn't an island anymore, and my understanding that Bella was no longer a fragile human in need of my constant protection. "_We'll_ deal with it later."

I placed a kiss into her silky palm.

"I'm sure between the five of us, we can keep it from turning into bloodshed," Carlisle lightly joked hoping to ease the tension in the room. I attempted to follow his lead.

"I don't know which side to take. I'd love to flog them both. Well, later."

"I wonder what Bella will think – whose side she'll take."

Reflecting on Em's wager, I let out a knowing laugh, "I'm sure she'll surprise me. She always does."

_Time for Renesmee's measurements. I have some preliminary thoughts on her growth. Maybe we could discuss it later?_

I nodded at Carlisle as he left the room.

I continued to count the ticks of the clock and Bella's accelerating heart, not to mark time, but to pass time. Alice's eventual arrival at my side with a look of barely restrained excitement gave me hope.

"How much longer?"

"It won't be long now. See how clear she'd becoming. I can see her so much better."

The vision of Bella in Alice's mind brought me immeasurable comfort. It wouldn't be much longer. Easing up a bit, I took a moment to taunt her about her lack of vision around Renesmee. Fortunately, the pain Alice had experienced was gone, but she was still frustrated. The visions of Bella disappeared from her mind to be replaced be Alice's determination to figure out a way around the wolves and Renesmee's disappearing act.

"Focus, Alice."

_Oh, sorry, Edward. _"Right. Bella's almost too easy to see now."

Bella was clear in Alice's mind. She was by my side…my arms around her waist as she smiled. "She's really going to be fine," I sighed.

"Of course she is." _Didn't I show you that from the very beginning? Never bet against me, Edward._

"You weren't so sanguine two days ago."

"I couldn't see right two days ago. But now that she's free of all the blind spots, it's a piece of cake."

Alice's mind drifted to the vision I resisted in her head when my feelings for Bella were first disclosed to the family.

"Could you concentrate for me? On the clock – give me an estimate." My anticipation was building.

"So impatient," she teased. Fine. Give me a sec –"

It all was so sharp.

"Thank you, Alice." She departed with a grin.

Within the hour Bella would return to me! My delight was only damped by the fact I knew what it meant. The sound of Bella's heart would soon be silenced forever. Each beat became precious.

Unexpectedly, Bella's heart thrummed in perfect time with Renesmee's downstairs. The sound filled every inch of the room with its urgency.

"Carlisle."

I needed him to be here.

He rushed in with Alice not far behind.

_Edward?_

"Listen."

"Ah, it's almost over," he acknowledged the implication.

I could tell he also had mixed feelings and I pushed back against his memories of hearing my, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett's last heart beats.

_Time for our plan. So very_ "soon. I'll get the others. Should I have Rosalie -"

I saw the plan the family had concocted to keep Renesmee and Jacob safe. It was rigid, but considering the unpredictability of newborn emotions and the very predictable driving thirst, I couldn't really disagree with their approach.

"Yes – keep the baby away."

What I saw next pulled the air from my lungs. Bella's right index and middle finger twitched. Flexed and released! "Bella?"

I took her hand in mine, straining to sense her squeezing me in return.

"Bella, love?" _Please_!

_It's time!_ "I'll bring them right up," Alice spoke from the background and sped from the room.

Carlisle faded back several steps.

I kneeled at Bella's side, holding her hand in both of mine and pressing it into my chest with an unrestrained grip. My now unbreakable Bella.

Her human heart raged, fighting to endure. But its work was done. The venom had been delivered and now it was completing the loop back to her heart. Her heart would rest now – forever more.

Its thunderous drumming drowned out the racing footsteps of my approaching siblings. Breathlessly we all anticipated the last moist thump. I was embraced by the excitement surrounding their presence and in their thoughts.

I felt my future balancing on this single moment.

Behind me, so much had changed since I first laid eyes on Bella, since I first took in the scent of my one singer.

My silent-minded Bella had irrevocably changed me in every conceivable way.

She removed my mask and loved me for who I was - all my flaws, mistakes, and inhumanness.

I was destructor turned protector, from nothing to a husband and father.

In complete faith, she had bound her existence to mine.

She had made me a believer. No longer could I wait for what I knew our future could be…

"I'm here, Bella. Come back to me, my eternal love," I whispered inaudibly above the loud erratic bounding of her dying heart.

A final shutter followed by dead silence.

There was a collective gasp as Bella's lavender lids fluttered…

And flew open.

* * *

_My last A/N: All good things must come to an end! Now don't moan! We all know what happens after she awakens as we are mercifully allowed back into Bella's mind._

_Thank you so much for reading! My heart is filled with emotion at the end of this (almost) two year journey of composing this fanfic (if you've stuck with this story that long, you deserve sainthood! I am not known for my rapid updating!). This is the story that started it all for me – my discovery of Twililght fanfiction. Little did I know, this emotional outlet and tinkering hobby would lead me to find some of the most wonderful women in the world. I have learned much and made some very true friends. My life has irrevocably changed by what I have found in this fandom. It has been a blessing. _

_F__inally, at the end of this journey, if you could share any thoughts and feelings in a review/comment (especially if I haven't heard from you yet - if you enjoyed the story, think of a comment as "payment" of sorts), it would be most appreciated and received._

_Want more Honeymoon Suite stuff? I made a video with pics and clips from Breaking Dawn, as well as quotes from my story. A great way to end the reading of this fanfic. You can find it on YouTube at www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=XfpXgqbz1Vo. And recently completed (10/27/11), a video Wedding Album! View it at www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=3KSDRAnlex8 (the direct links are also on my ffn profile). _

_I am considering some outtakes – behind the scenes of this behind the scenes story. And I would like your ideas! What would you like to peek into? The cottage scene (uh, yeah, that cottage scene!)? More grandma and papa Cullen? Or maybe you'd like to know what was going on with Jasper as Bella was transforming? I'm open to suggestions! And do keep this story on your alert list!_

_I'd also like to announce I am working on a NEW STORY. The title is __**Future Imperfect**__. It's a B&E-centric AU story that also introduces a new character and a new romance! Here's a teaser summary:_

_"But I do want to go. Well, it's not college as much as it's that I want – I want to be human a little while longer…" (Bella to Edward, Breaking Dawn). Bella does not become pregnant on Isle Esme, and after their honeymoon, she delays her change and moves with Edward to New Hampshire to attend Dartmouth. But one night several months later, Bella is killed in a fiery car accident. Or was she? Rated M. Weekly updates!_

_Interested? Link to it through my profile or at www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6735446/1/Future_Imperfect_

_Last, but definitely not least, I need to thank the h00rs from the DW for their friendship and love, in addition to the awesome reviewers who regularly cheered me on and shared their reactions to chapters – I hope you know I consider you my RL friends. I especially want to thank RosaBella75/IslandWoman221 – we met through this story and now have a wonderful transcontinental love affair! Finally, to my Mistress, RowanMoon, you've held my hand and raised me up – thank you!_

_Bless you all._


	26. Epilogue: Let's Start with Forever

I have promised this little wrap-up of Honeymoon Suite for so long, I motivated myself by setting the goal of posting it as a Christmas gift from me to Honeymoon Suite readers to thank you so much for the support and wonderful words you have given me. I wish you a very happy and healthy New Year. I hope you enjoy Bella's first hunt, reunion with Renesmee, and the romance of the "cottage scene" through Edward's point of view...

* * *

**Epilogue – Let's Start with Forever**

Bella stared speechless at her shimmering new vampire image in Rosalie's oversized mirror.

Of course, she was physically flawless, as we all were in this existence. The pale silk dress Alice had dressed her in accentuated the darkness of her longer, thicker hair, and complemented the fairness of her supernatural complexion.

I listened to my family members' thoughts centered on the glorious beauty of my born-again Bella. Yet, I was looking far beyond what they saw in the ornate mirror. I saw my future, my dreams come to fruition, the mother of my child, and my only desire. My sacrificed lamb resurrected.

It was a rebirth worth rejoicing.

_Could the Fates be smiling?_

I wanted to run to her, to hold her in my arms. I wanted to be alone with her to just stare into her eyes and absorb the truth that she had indeed had returned. Nevertheless, this moment couldn't be about me – not yet.

I opened my mind, focusing on Bella. She was more like me – could I hope to hear her mind? My optimism soon faded as there wasn't anything unexpected in the hum of thoughts around me. I had heard them all before, their minds as familiar to me as my own. I tried to hide my disappointment.

Never before had I so wanted to hear her thoughts. I needed to know if she held any regrets as she made her initial assessment in the looking glass, but even more than that, I felt it was my responsibility to anticipate her next action as everyone's thoughts had now turned from wonder to concern over unpredictability of newborn behavior.

I became aware of a new instinct bubbling to the surface. It demanded my attention. _Renesmee_. She was suddenly foremost in my thoughts. Jacob had insisted Renesmee be removed from our home, but I didn't trust what lurked on four legs beyond these walls. Even with Bella's potentially aggressive behavior, I still placed more trust in the strength my coven than in the good intentions of one imprinted wolf. Renesmee stayed.

I checked Jasper's mind for guidance. He was completely focused on Bella. Though we had all experienced the emotional volatility that comes with rebirth as our wild bewildered behavior was forever etched in our vast memories – the havoc Emmett wrought…what I had done to Carlisle…

I cut off the regretful train of thought, instead placing my complete attention on reading Bella. Even without feeling Bella's emotions or reading her thoughts, I could see the rapid shift of emotion flashing across her flawless face. Fascination appeared to be moving toward dismay.

Jasper's muscles tensed and everyone in the room mimicked his readiness. We all knew Jasper not only could sense her fluctuating emotions, but he had unprecedented experience with newborns. Logic dictated I defer to him, however, a low rumble vibrated in my chest, warning that she was mine and I would be the one to restrain her if necessary. Unfortunately, by now my family had discerned Bella's mind was still locked away by the uncertainly in my movements. They ignored my threat and watched Jasper for clues to her potential behavior.

Jasper was frowning.

Bella finally gave words to her distress. "The eyes?" her pitch-perfect voice quivered. "How long?"

What concerned me most was that she _knew_ this detail. Again, I reminded myself that at this point in her existence, emotion, not logic, directed her. Instinct ruled her.

I spoke calmly, "They'll darken up in a few months. Animal blood dilutes the color more quickly." I kept speaking, hoping to divert her attention toward me and not the wet heartbeats a floor below us. "They'll turn amber first, then gold."

"_Months_?" she stressed.

Jasper leaned forward and everyone shifted slightly in response. Carlisle toward Bella, Esme toward the door as if to block any exit Bella might consider. Esme's thought reflected her concerns: _Can't let her hurt Nessie or Jacob! She'll never forgive herself if she did._

Only Alice and I held our positions. Strangely, our lack of movement drew Bella's gaze and response. "No, I'm fine." She assured us, "It's just a lot to take in."

_Well, I'll be damned_. Jasper relaxed his posture slightly. _How's she doing it?_

Though I deserved none of the credit, I nevertheless, felt a twinge of pride. "I don't know," I answered him honestly, mildly amused. Bella always had a way of surprising me, and it appeared the "new" Bella would be no different. In this sense, she remained _unchanged_.

Jasper, however, couldn't comprehend her control. It defied all understanding he had of newborns. Though I couldn't comprehend how she handled the taunting beats of the two hearts below, I did know she had one distinct advantage over all of us at this stage: she know what had happened to her, and what she had become. The rest of us were unprepared for the onslaught of the gruesome reality we awoke to.

Still, I relented to Jasper's wisdom and experience, and led Bella to the window to venture on our first hunt – no sense in pushing our luck. Leaping would be the first test of her new abilities.

"The window?" she asked hesitantly.

"It's the most convenient exit. If you're scared, I can carry you."

"We have all eternity, and you're worried about the time it would take to walk to the back door?"

I didn't want to remind her since she was well distracted, but I couldn't lie either. "Renesmee and Jacob are downstairs."

She gave a slight nod in understanding, and sadness shadowed her face. Then she stiffened.

"Is Renesmee…okay…with Jacob there? He doesn't like her very much."

Bella had whispered her words, but my family heard, and many of them could resist diving into a bit of unspoken levity…

_Can't wait to see you explain that one. Make sure I'm there to experience it! _Jasper mused.

Emmett's comeback was just as quick, _I've got $500 down Bella throws him at least fifty feet – straight up!_

_I don't know if I could put Jacob back together again, Edward, _Carlisle thought, struggling between genuine concern and humor.

_Poor boy, he won't be able to outrun her… _Esme fretted.

I frowned, finding none of it humorous, and there was no way I was going to explain it now. Instead I was evasive, "Trust me, she is perfectly safe. I know exactly what Jacob is thinking."

She accepted my answer, which surprised me. Anxiously, she eyed the ground below.

Everyone's mind went quiet as they awaited Bella's next move…and then a thought popped into Emmett's head - the idea to give her a little shove.

"Watch me" I said, quickly intervening in Em's devious plan.

I jumped and looked up at her. Her expression softened, and I knew she'd follow. However, I wasn't prepared for the rush of panic that ensued. It appeared I needed to acclimate to the unbreakable Bella myself...

With a smile, I took her hand and we ran.

It was indescribable. I had always found pleasure in running, but with Bella grinning widely beside me, I was the king of the world.

Bella again hesitated at the edge of the river, but proved her newborn strength by clearing it by twice the distance I had – that is after she made a slight but practical alteration in her dress. I burst forward to catch up with her.

Once I did, she grinned in my direction. "Was that good?"

As if she had to ask….

"Very good."

"Can we do it again?"

Her wide-eyed excitement reminded me of a child who had just experienced a fantastic new amusement park ride. I so wanted to share in her newfound fun…but first things first.

"Focus, Bella – we're on a hunting trip."

Her face fell, and I half expected a full-on pout.

I relented. Maybe a little fun wouldn't hurt.

"Follow me…if you can."

I broke into a full run, leading the chase. Bella's laughter rang out, echoing between the trees that I first ran among decades ago. I could listen to her joy forever…and actually, now I could.

As she passed me, I soaked in her peal of triumphant laughter and scent of sunshine, until it was tainted by a musky smell. Elk.

"Bella," I called to her in a low voice and stopped my pursuit.

She danced back to me like a wood nymph, hair wild from the breeze. My eyes were inexplicitly drawn to her porcelain thighs, exposed by her newly shorted hemline. Now I was the one distracted…

I instructed her on how to listen for and smell out our prey, and how to let instinct take over.

Her eyes glistened, and when I spoke to her, they roamed my face, investigating every nuance with her keener sight. The breeze shifted and the scent of the beast became stronger. Bella drifted toward it, having decided on the bearing of our target.

Again the wind suddenly shifted, and it was then I realize my careless mistake. Horrified I could be so foolish, I tore after her as she flew past the scattering elk.

I pressed myself to my top speed, but I knew my chances of catching her were slim to none between her newborn speed and her head start. Guilt weighed so heavily on me that my feet dug deeper into the ground as I ran. But it wasn't the innocent blood that would be spilled that I feared as much as the trauma their deaths would cause Bella. She'd never forgive herself…or me. Carlisle and Rosalie's disappointed faces blinked in my mind's eye, as well as Jacob's sickened expression.

Calling out to her would serve no purpose. Thirst controlled her now.

I had failed her already. And my family. Anger at my stupidity fueled my steps and blurred my senses. So much so, that I didn't her Bella's footfalls had ceased. Only her feral growl stopped me in my tracks. Her crazed glare and crouched posture alerted me to another error on my part – her need to defend her prey.

"Bella! Stop! It's me. Think, Bella! They're human. Don't do it!" my strained voice pleaded with her rational mind, but in her blood-obsessed state, I doubted her ability to hear my logic. I threw up my hands in surrender and braced for her full-bore attack, better that it be directed at me than the nearby humans.

Instead, her expression mirrored mine.

She popped out of her crouch and her eyes focused. "I have to get away from here," her strained voice asserted.

"_Can_ you leave?" I asked, surprised to see reason in her ruby-red eyes.

She spun and ran in the precise opposite direction of the human scent.

I followed, taking deep breaths through my nose – not just to track her as she streaked ahead of me, but also to be certain she wasn't running headlong into another potential human target. She was a blur of color against a background of greens and browns.

After some time, she unexpectedly stopped, and I ran past her. Tracking back, fear ebbed away, and I couldn't hide my shock. "How did you do that?"

Our banter flew from our lips at supernatural speed, yet I doubted Bella noticed she was engaged in another vampire skill. She explained her action, though admirable, were very inappropriate to her "condition".

All I could do was laugh. She was amazing!

And, as I learned immediately, amazing yet still emotionally volatile…

"Why are you laughing at me?" she hissed, her body stiffening.

"I'm not laughing _at_ you, Bella. I'm laughing because I'm in shock and completely amazed."

I explained how untypical her reaction had been and though I could tell part of her was listening, another part was drifting somewhere else… and by her expression, it looked like… _desire_.

I hesitated. I needed to know, and I sensed I was close to getting the answer to the question I was too afraid to ask anyone.

I had known from my first exposure to her scent, that she was my singer. As such, her pull was undeniable. Before that, however, her silent mind captured my attention and curiosity. I truly believed I had fallen in love, yet _mating_ happened between vampires. With Bella's change, how would our relationship-– the way we felt about each other-– change?

The way I felt now about her blazing eyes staring at me, I had half that answer. She was truly my mate. I knew her, and I felt her within me. More than love, I embraced an undeniable completeness and joy beyond description. She was more than my brand of heroin, she was my soul and entwined in my very existence. But what of Bella's instincts? What did they tell her about me? Was it possible that while I felt her as my mate, she did not have the same feelings for me? Would _she_ choose _me_?

I gently laid my hands on her smooth face. "What I wouldn't give to be able to see into your mind for just this one moment."

She touched me in kind, her eyes reflecting the wonder in mine. Her touch was still electric.

"I thought I wouldn't feel this way for a long time."

_Feel like what? In control? Not crazed? What?_

"But I still _want_ you."

A thrill shot through my body at the speed of light. _She wanted me! _My Bella, full of surprises.

I wanted to take her into my arms and spin her around. Instead, I gave her a crooked smile and asked, "How can you concentrate on that? Aren't you unbearable thirsty?"

Bella refocused and I watched her switch back into hunting mode. I follow suit, but longed for the time when we would reaffirm our bond.

By the reaction of Bella's body, I could tell she caught the scent two tenths of a second before me. A predator was not far from our position. Bella darted toward it; I followed, but at a greater distance so as to not distract her from her hunt. She needed to drink.

Pride filled me as I watched Bella move through the forest, focused, agile and sure. I even caught a glimpse of her smiling as she leapt from branch to branch in pursuit.

Could it be true? Was she really destined for this life? The face of fate changed in my mind. Bella was so beautiful as my sleek, sure-footed mate, it almost seemed plausible.

Just as Bella landed next to the doomed mountain lion, I froze. My need to protect her screamed in my head, but interfering in her first kill would be insanity-– on my part. I swallowed back the panic, digging my fingers into the nearest tree trunk for added stability.

And I watched.

This time, the thrill I felt was focused in just a _single_ area of my body.

Though Bella, being a parched newborn, couldn't appreciate it yet, nothing was more arousing and sensual than hunting. Somehow, in releasing who we were, and in meeting our most basic and only need, it fed the fire of sexuality.

Bella had voiced wanting to see me hunt, I had discouraged it. I still wasn't sure if that was because I feared her seeing the killer in me or because I worried about the consequences of my possible arousal. I had seen it play over and over between the mates in my family. Much to my chagrin, I have even experienced the arousal and desire in myself while accompanying them. This was the probable reason I was rarely allowed to hunt alone with any of the woman in my family. Nature took its course, and this was our nature.

Bella drank in long pulls, her eyes wide. My body twitched.

When she finished and rose to a stand, I almost lost the casual demeanor I was trying to exude for her benefit. Her dress had several vertical rips from the cat's attacking claws. Her pale, glorious skin was on display and her scent washed over me. Blood was smeared across her face and lips.

My knees buckled slightly and I stored the visual for later. She would still be thirsty. In fact, my thirst seemed to grow exponentially in the last few minutes.

We hunted deer. Bella's nose wrinkled at their scent.

She hunted and also observed my hunt and kill. When her demeanor seemed calmer, I asked, "are you done for today or do you want to continue?'

Her posture shifted and her eyes changed. And although her words spoke about being full, her eyes hinted at another desire. Finally she gave it words, "I want to see Renesmee."

Of course, I would give her what we both longed for-– a family reunion-– but I also felt a shiver of resistance snake up my spine. Our child was flesh and blood.

The thought of Renesmee send me into a tailspin. _Our_ daughter. For the first time, I was part of creation... not destruction. I found Bella staring into my eyes, a dreamy look on her face as if seeing me in a new light. We both had been reborn.

She reached around my neck and for the first time in this life, I didn't hold back my passion. I kissed her with all I had, knowing I was probably the only one at risk for harm.

Her grip tightened, actually resulting in more force against our lips. I licked and nipped at her lips, a wonderful mix of Bella's taste and the taste of fresh kill. We pulled each other closer, as if we could become one. Instead, physics toppled us over.

"Ooops. I didn't mean to tackle you like that. Are you okay?" she asked.

Looking up at my angel, I caressed her face.

"Slightly better than okay."

I didn't want to hold back. I wanted to consummate our new life, our new love, right here and now, but I needed to clarify what it was she wanted at this moment. "Renesmee?"

"Renesmee," she nodded, her eyes cooling and drifting in the direction of her longing-– toward home.

We took off, hand in hand, our excitement to see our daughter propelling us home as urgently as the hunt had taken us away. "Going home" had a new and thrilling meaning now.

On the way, Bella assaulted me with questions about Renesmee. I answered them in short responses, not wanting to give away too much – selfishly, I wanted to see the incredible surprise on her face when she laid eyes on perfect Renesmee for the first time with her new eyes. Unfortunately, I still let too much slip…

"She doesn't speak _yet_? What do you mean, she communicates effectively?"

I could tell my shortened answers were playing havoc on her newborn emotions, so I tried to back off.

"I think it will be easier for you to see for yourself. It's rather difficult to describe."

That seemed to appease her, but unfortunately, I soon found the questions just merely changed subject.

"Why is Jacob still here? How can he stand it? Why should he... Why should he have to suffer more?"

This was harder to deflect as _my_ emotions came to the surface. Baby made a happy family of three-– Jacob made a crowded, smelly four.

"Jacob isn't suffering, though I might be willing to change his condition."

However, this _still_ wasn't about me, it was about a family reunion, so I silently endured a chiding from Bella. It made me begin to hope Emmett would win the bet.

_Emmett!_ We were nearing home, and I quickly covered Bella with my shirt to avoid most of Em's lewd thoughts and comments.

"I'll race you! No throwing the game this time!" Bella said, and we took off. I struggled to stay ahead of her, to reach home first in order to protect her and our child, but she bounded early over the river, leaving me to play catch-up. To my surprise, she had stopped short of the property line.

Jacob's thoughts greeted me.

_Alright, bloodsucker, this is a test. If she can keep from mauling me, I may let her pass. _

"Careful, Jacob. Maybe this isn't the best way-," I cautioned him.

"You think it would be better to let her near the baby first?" Jacob challenged me. "It's safer to see how Bella does with me. I heal fast."

I shrugged. It was his hide to risk.

I could tell all this was confusing to Bella, and confusion was probably trying her patience, which newborns are _definitely_ not known to have. Quickly enough though, Bella and Jacob fell into their old banter, reviving that connection I never could understand. The tension eased a bit as I could feel Bella sensed she had not lost her friend- yet.

Then as if he had a peek into my thoughts, he said, "Thanks. I didn't know if you'd be able to keep it from her, promise or not. Usually, you just give her everything she wants."

A wicked grin formed on my lips. "Maybe I'm hoping she'll get irritated and rip you head off."

Then to my surprise, he damn well put his words to the test. He closed the distance between us and goaded her, "C'mon, Bells. Do your worst."

The Bella delivered the funniest line I had ever heard come from her mouth: "Huh, I can see what everyone's been going on about. You stink, Jacob."

There was plenty of laughter all around, but what set me most at ease during the whole exchanged was the lack of response from Jacob when I wrapped my arms around Bella. I had been conditioned to hear his snide, jealous, and determined remarks in his head since the beginning of our relationship, but this time, nothing. I pushed the envelope, whispering "I love you" into Bella's ear. Still, nothing from Jacob.

Bella stiffened. "Renesmee."

It was then I realized I could hear our child's heart fluttering.

"Come and see. I know you can handle this," I spoke softly.

It took some reassuring, but she began to move forward. When Jacob started resisting, I laid down the law in a tone I knew he'd understand. He and his pack were outnumbered, and my family reunion had been delayed long enough! Jacob spun and sprinted for the house.

"Shall we?"

I took her hand and knowingly, determinedly, stepped toward the next chapter of our lives. As we walked, so much flashed though my memory as it retraced the bittersweet journey leading up to the moment that was about to be. Anticipation filled my thoughts, as everyone I loved would be together in one room, as one family.

It was a love story that more than rivaled Romeo and Juliet. Our story went something like this: Lost boy meets quiet girl. Boy wishes to devour girl, but instead, finds himself hopelessly enraptured by her silent mind and gentle heart. Despite his heart's growing desire for her, boy leaves girl for her own good, unknowingly creating the perfect storm that nearly replicated the tragic ending of Romeo and Juliet. If it had not been for the strength of a fragile human, all would have been lost before it could reach the perfect storybook happily-ever-after climax. Found boy gets beautiful girl, marries her, and in a twist of fate that almost costs them everything, they are blessed with a miracle of pure love. I was certain no one could have ever thought up _this_ epic love story...

My family was assembled. Smiles graced their faces, but their thoughts ran a full gamut. Tension filled the air, and I wondered what Bella's new senses told her about the scene before her.

Then I heard her gasp. Renesmee had caught her eye. I wished with every fiber I possessed Jasper's gift. What a high…

"I was out just two days?" Bella struggled, unbelievingly.

Her words asked for answers, but her eyes, locked with Renesmee's, told the rest of us that the answer really didn't matter. She knew Renesmee was her child.

And Renesmee recognized her mother. She smiled brilliantly. My heart silently leapt.

My family was at the ready, I knew that. However, no warnings were sounding. I soaked up the moment like a dried-out sponge. It was the moment I felt complete. I had all anyone could ever ask for. I longed to rush them both, and pull them into a hug. I wanted to drown in the laughter I had always dismissed in others, seeing it as false and a mere pretense.

But it was real. As real as the happy ending I was living.

Bella moved toward Renesmee and everyone moved with her- except Alice.

"Oh, give her some credit. She wasn't going to do anything. You'd want a closer look, too."

We knew to never bet against Alice, and the tension eased a bit.

Renesmee began to squirm in earnest. At this point, there was no keeping them apart. Now the tension was building in a different way- the anticipation of the physical reunion between mother and child. To ease the anxiety still tainting the air, I explained how Bella had handled the "situation" during our hunt, risking the admonishment I knew I'd receive from Carlisle.

All those present were in awe of Bella's ability to resist. They parted like the Red Sea before Moses, and Bella faced a clear path to Renesmee.

Our child cried out in anticipation.

Almost everyone in the room, especially Jacob, who rushed to take her into his arms, promptly misread Renesmee's reaction. But I knew her mind. She so wanted to touch her mother her frustration was voiced. Renesmee knew Bella in her mind. She needed to show her mother everything she had missed. Even more so, Renesmee ached to know her mother remembered her. And forgave her. It was time for emotional healing and bonding for both of them.

"She's been waiting for you for three days," I added.

But Jacob did not relent in his protests, both in his mind and his body language. I understood all too well that he had found his forever and the thought of risking that was overwhelming, however, he was not family... yet.

"Jake- I'm fine," Bella assured him.

I felt a grin forming on my lips as I saw him give Bella what she wanted. _Were we that different after all?_

As they touched, electricity shot through my body as if a shockwave emanated from them. Bliss exploded from Renesmee's mind. I glanced in Jasper's direction to catch his smile. I felt sorry for those around us who couldn't share in the magical moment- all but Alice, Jasper, and I took a protective stance. They didn't understand.

Renesmee was already feeding Bella information through her gifted touch. I waited with baited breath for Bella's reaction.

"What...was..._that_?"

Everyone's thoughts diverged on the wonder of my daughter's gift; each thought had a positive tone. I beamed with pride, and the thought my child had already won the whole family over.

"What did you see?" Rosalie asked excitedly.

"_She_ showed me that?" Bella exclaimed with wide eyes.

I leaned toward her and whispered, I told you it was hard to explain, but effective as means of communications go."

Jacob asked again what Renesmee had showed her, and that was when I saw pain in Bella's eyes. I had seen Renesmee's last memories of Bella, and they were indeed painful. More than what a child should have to bear. I thought I had mended some of her hurt, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe she needed more intervention. I tried to catch Carlisle's eyes to see what his assessment might be. However, he looked more fascinated than pensive. He was already trying to come up with theories on Renesmee's half vampire/half human gift- that actually shouldn't have occurred as she was not full vampire.

Torn between theorizing with Carlisle, and comforting Bella's distress, I tried to explain gently, "It was the only memory she had of you. She's letting you know that she's made the connection, that she knows who you are."

"But _how_ did she do that?"

"How do I hear thoughts? How does Alice see the future? She's gifted," was my simplified response to my wife's question.

But Carlisle was at his bursting point, and blurted, "It's an interesting twist. Like she's doing the exact opposite of what you can."

I hadn't thought of that, and exploring this theory was worth investigating. Besides, Bella and Renesmee deserved some time alone to be reacquainted. I hoped others would follow my lead as I stepped several feet away from Bella to dive further into speculation with Carlisle, but I did keep my mind open to Jasper's.

That was when I picked up the first signs of trouble- Jacob had pushed the envelope with his over protectiveness, and Bella wanted to know _why_.

"What is your problem, Jacob?" she inquired with narrowed eyes.

I felt instantly guilty because everyone knew Jacob's problem except for Bella. I suddenly realized how wrong was to keep Bella in the dark. We'd probably all pay for that mistake once she found out.

Jacob moved in to take Renesmee from Bella, and we all responded afraid a confrontation was inevitable. We were all bunched into one huddle in the middle of the room with tension so thick it was palpable.

"Just because I understand, it doesn't mean I won't throw you out, Jacob. Bella's doing extraordinarily well. Don't ruin the moment for her."

No one breathed or moved, save Jacob and Renesmee. Then Jasper took a sharp inhalation, and I knew the wolf was just about to hit the fan. Bella had figured it out.

"_No_!" Bella exhaled with a venom-laced breath. She trembled, and I knew fury when I saw it. Emmett couldn't hold back, and all vampires heard him warn under his breath, "Look out, she's about to blow!"

While everyone heeded his warning once Rosalie was in possession of Renesmee, I moved to secure Bella. Although seeing the boy get a trouncing by Bella would have been quite welcome, I knew it was not ultimately what she would have wanted on her joyous rebirth-day.

"Edward, I don't want to hurt you, so please let go of me."

Did she _mean_ that? Perplexed, I didn't move.

"Go stand in front of Renesmee," she added.

Well, given the option of protecting my daughter or protecting the dog, my fatherly obligation gave me no choice, _really_. I released Bella. Immediately Emmett did the mental version of a fist-pump. _Sweet money, come to papa!_

It was as if I was watching myself from just a few days ago, only this time, in Bella-form. Jacob again backed out of our front door begging for reason with Bella on his heels. No doubt, she felt the same way about Jacob's imprint as I did. He was robbing the cradle, and after Bella and I had been to hell and back for our child, we were not about to give her up so easily.

Their banter was heated, but Jacob was confident in his mind he could reason with his best friend… and future mother-in-law. Emmett was calling for pay up while Esme pleaded for intervention. Carlisle was still analyzing Bella's incredible control.

It looked as if Jacob might have been making a bit of headway with Bella, and then he made a major mistake-– he called Renesmee, "Nessie".

It was the last straw. Bella sprang.

I heard Seth's decision just a second too late. Being a compassionate soul as well as too young to understand the dynamics of the situation before him, he lunged between Bella and his alpha. The resulting crunch of Bella colliding with Seth upset everyone immediately.

Carlisle rushed to his side as Seth curled in his human form on the ground. Leah appeared at his side a moment later, placing one hand on Seth while she shouted expletives at Bella. Bella froze, staring at Seth on the ground while she chewed on her lower lip-– I guess some habits don't change. I gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

The imprinting was completely forgotten for the moment.

"Seth, why did you do that?" Jacob blurted.

"Gotta protect my fearless leader- even if he is stupid by baiting his baby-vamp mama." Seth managed to get out between clenched teeth.

"Actually, a good ass-kicking may be just what he needed to get his head on straight," Leah remarked to her brother.

Seth smiled. "Didn't think Nessie should have to see either Jacob or Bella get hurt, so I took one for the team…for our _family_."

Leah rolled her eyes. "Oh, brother. What a sap!"

"Well, looks like I'll be able to put that x-ray to more use," Carlisle stated as he scooped up Seth and took him into the house. Everyone else followed and assembled in the living room to await the results.

In the time we worked closely preparing for the newborn army, and realizing Seth was the first to join Jacob in defending Bella and our daughter, I had become quite fond of Seth. Though he was young, he showed incredible maturity and conviction, and had a good heart. His father would be proud. For what it was worth, I made a promise to his father's spirit to protect Seth, and try to be a good role model or father figure for him.

My first step in the direction was to offer apologizes to Jacob and Leah. I should not have let things go as far as they did between Jacob and Bella. Bella was relying on me to help her make level-headed decisions, and I failed to do so-– even though Leah had a good point about the ass-kicking.

For some reason, though, my apologies annoyed Bella.

Luckily, all that had been broken was a collarbone and shoulder-– most of which had been healed by the time Carlisle finished the x-rays. Carlisle applied a little manual manipulation and tight wrapping to keep the bones in place as they mended.

Seth was gracious and forgiving, taking the whole incident in stride. In fact, he took the opportunity to explain quite animatedly how Sam's pack could not cause harm to Renesmee because of Jacob's imprint. I could see the relief in Bella's worried face. I _definitely_ owed Seth one.

Renesmee seemed to be in hyper-mode, catching Bella up on everything she had missed, the flashing of images passing through Bella's mind reflected in her emotions. I could read her expressions and almost could guess what our daughter was showing her. It was taking a toll on Renesmee as much as it was on Bella. The both began to look worn.

We had been over the crisis of Bella's control with Renesmee, Jasper's soul-searching departure, imprinting, first hunt, and the questions about our daughter's growth, that Carlisle and I were as of yet, unable to answer. The excitement and anxiety were actually wearing everyone down. I was glad when I read in Alice's mind, "_I think it's time_."

(*~*)

"Happy Birthday!" Alice squealed as she dropped the key into Bella's hand.

"No. No way! No, this doesn't count. I stopped aging three days ago. I am eighteen forever," Bella insisted.

Alice blew off her protests; nothing was going to spoil this moment for her.

"Are you ready to open your present?"

"Presents," I corrected her, pulling out the key to her "after" car, just as I had promised. That was not the surprise. She knew that gift was coming.

My family made preparations for Bella and I to be reunited in a proper husband and wife manner. Despite the lewd thoughts I had to endure from Emmett and Jasper, this was so going to be worth it.

My thoughts swirled around her. My happiness indefinable.

Fortunately, my brain could process both trains of thought - the one that enjoyed the excitement of showing her our new home, relishing the glee and appreciation I saw on her face and heard in her words, and providing a tour of our snug cottage. The other part watched every subtle, graceful move of her body, the lines of her face as she smiled, the glances in my direction that left no question she was in my life, part of my world forever. And we would be together in a way that I could show her the complete depth of my love, everything I had been holding back could be shared.

When we made it to our room, I did intend to follow through with my promise to Alice to make certain Bella's closet was on the initial tour, but Bella, as usual, surprised me.

"We're going to tell Alice that I ran right to the clothes. We are going to tell her I spent hours in there playing dress-up. We are going to _lie_," she hummed, breathing sweet breath across my face as she pulled me close.

I swallowed- hard.

The feeling started from somewhere in my middle, and radiated outward to envelop my whole body. I could see in the dim moonlight the spark in Bella's ruby eyes. I had seen that spark before in her brown ones. I knew what she was thinking, what she wanted. I was _more_ than willing to oblige. And she thought she'd have to wait her whole newborn year for this- as did I. Now, I was confident we'd put Rosalie and Emmett to shame on this night.

No holding back. Not anymore.

No longer did I have to put my emotions, physical reactions and needs in separate silos hidden away from Bella's constant vigilance. Holding back from her was difficult; she always knew there was more. The pained looks she saw on my face were the barely concealed evidence of the things I had to hide.

This night, I would unlock the doors that kept parts of me divided. I would love her wholly.

This revelation alone filled me with such joy. The thought of what I could now give to her! I pulled her to me with fierceness and low moan emanated from my throat and chest.

Now.

_Now_.

I would give her what she wanted.

I don't know whose clothes began ripping first, but it was a frenzied blizzard of shreds and tatters. She was warm to the touch, perfect. Soft, but not breakable. The same, but different.

Unclothed, we sunk to our knees in an embrace. Nightmares over. Eternity ahead.

I had the advantage of knowing through the thoughts of others that sexual contact as a vampire was much more intense than the sensations experienced as human. I couldn't wait to give her that pleasure.

_No caution, no restraint. No fear- especially not that. _

Free of shackles, I breathed her in— allowing the most primal side of me to go where it willed. The want, the need, the unburdened passion rushing to the surface, flooding my body and brain, and all mindful thought flew away.

I did not pursue it.

Bella, until now, the model-perfect newborn, raked her nails across the skin of my back, clutching and pulling me to her. Pain and pleasure. The mixture permeated my being and drove me mad. I wanted to dominate her, show her the man I was. Not the seemingly timid boy who repeated rebuffed her sexual advances. I was no longer the virgin who knew nothing about the art of lovemaking. I was the man who could take her in the way she wanted the night I proposed, the way she wanted her new husband to consummate their union - with unhindered passion and abandoned logic.

What tore at the frayed edges of my sanity was the concealed desire to be rendered helpless beneath her. I wanted her to _take_...be the wild newborn I knew was pacing beneath her calm demeanor. No matter how controlled, she was a _vampire_. She was more than capable of the raw emotion and animalistic behavior at the core of all of us. I desired to see it, feel it, and experience it.

With a roar, I grabbed her hips and rose to a stand. Bella clung to me, wrapping her legs around my hips - and squeezed.

Again, I roared as I stumbled forward , her silky thighs gripped and threatened to crush me. She responded with a feral growl, rising to my challenge. She humbled me with her teeth locked around my throat as the predator subdues its prey.

With a loud crack, her back slammed into a wood pillar. Sandwiched between the pillar and my body, she pressed her apex into my pelvis, her resounding moan filled all the empty spaces of our room.

"Never...not like this before..." she panted. "So different...more...more. I love you."

"Pleasure, Bella. I will give it to you every day, my love," I promised her breathlessly. "All of me I give to you, and I will have all of you..."

My hands slid from her bottom to her ribcage and I pushed her further up the smooth wood, covering her breasts in fervent kisses, taking them with my mouth, nipping and pulling in response to her panting cries of "more".

"All of me... all of me," I responding, knowing she would understand my passionate surrender to her and her wishes.

"_Mine_!" Bella growled, accepting my offering.

With the strength of a metal spring under pounds of pressure, Bella unlocked her legs from my body and pressed them into the pillar, catapulting us across the room. The wood groaned and creaked in response. I let our momentum carry us in a freefall. The stone floor absorbed our crash landing, and Bella let out a peal of laughter. However, her mirth was short lived as she took my face in her hands and devoured my mouth with hers firm lips.

For the first time, our tongues danced together unimpeded by cautious restrictions. My hands roamed her curves and caressed her skin as we kissed, and time flew away. Her taste was exquisite, her movements upon my body slow and seductive. The sweetest torture imaginable.

Bella began to pull away, dragging her teeth along my tongue, before kissing my lips. She looked silently down at me, her garnet eyes shined; they beautifully reflected the nectar that her body still consumed.

"You drank me, Edward," she stated brazenly, her eyes locked on the scars of her arms and wrists.

"Yeeessss," I hissed, somehow not surprised she mentioned the blood I was currently longing for.

"Is there more? Does it still exist?"

"Mixed with the venom that courses through you, my love. It still moves within you. It's there in your radiant eyes," I crooned to her, aroused by the thought of having my singer the way I always wanted her - eternal.

"Bite me. Bite me, Edward," she commanded, lowering her body and extending her neck over my mouth. Her skin grazed my lips, so fragrant and smooth. "Do it."

My breathing sped, useless to my lungs, but her scent fed my temptation. It felt wrong, it felt right.

"Bite me!"

I pulled her neck to my mouth and teased her, running my teeth over her carotid and jugular. Over the scar I had left during my desperate attempt to bring her back to me. This time the scar that would take its place would reflect undenied desire. I sank my teeth into her flesh and took in the fluid that escaped her.

Bella moaned and I echoed hers with my own. Though the taste was diluted with venom, there still remained the blood that sang to me. It energized and fed me.

"Edward, Edward..." she called out my name in pleasure, and her body trembled over me. I drank in deep pulls until she stilled beneath me. In slow, dragging licks, I sealed her wound.

"That may be your first release of the night, but not your last," I whispered into her ear.

I nuzzled her neck, before placing open-mouthed kisses up her neck, jaw, and chin until her body responded. In one swift motion, I moved her onto her back and straddled her hips. She looked up at me with heavily-hooded eyes.

"I heard vampire women do not need recovery time between orgasms," I informed her.

"_Oh!_" Her fiery eyes lit up the darkness.

"Mrs. Cullen, you will want for _nothing_. I promise you."

We made love over and over again that night. The only words shared were words of thanksgiving, devotion, and joy. The road to our bliss was difficult, but anything worth having was worth sacrifice. No doubt, struggles lie ahead of us, but together we were strong, and for our daughter, we would give it all. Life now had meaning and purpose.

Our bond strengthens us, and never will either of us stand alone.

I kissed the ring I had placed on Bella's right hand, bearing the Cullen coat of arms. The lion representing courage, bravery, ferocity, and valor. The hand, a pledge of sincerity and justice. The shamrocks to indicate time without end; perpetuity. Finally, the banner- protection.

I no longer doubted Carlisle's teachings and Esme's faith. It wasn't what we were that defined us, but the choices we make.

Loyalty.

Family.

Love.

I held my wife close as the morning light filtered into our home.

A new dawn.

I looked forward to what it would bring.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I have not ruled out outtakes for this story, but at this time I have none in production. If you have not viewed the video representation of Honeymoon Suite, please check it out on YouTube at http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=XfpXgqbz1Vo (direct link available on my profile). It's so close to half a millions views!_

_In addition, I invite you to check out my new AU story, **Future Imperfect**. Updates are posted weekly. Honeymoon Suite has such wonderful readers, I'd love to have you back again with a new story!_

_Finally, thank you to Gasaway Alley for helping me get this to you in time for Christmas. Her beta skillz rock!_

_Best wishes for the new year!_


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